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Original poster

URGENT they're here in 10m how do I not act mad?

160 replies

simpletickets · 30/12/2022 11:57

Really excited for DP and his siblings to meet my sister and her husband and also see my brother who they've met. My sister let the siblings stay in her house over Christmas for free. DP hasn't seen my sister in a long while. It was going to be a lot of my favourite people in one place. We had organized a breakfast for today. DP and siblings took a four day trip and were meant to be here by 10 max 11. My sister, her husband, and my brother were happy to be flexible and start anywhere between 10 and 11.

Well DP and siblings all left 2 hours late. DP is blaming his siblings for not being ready. They are due to arrive in 10m. My brother couldn't do past 12.15pm. My sister had an appointment at 12.30pm. I am fuming. Mostly because they haven't once apologized, just informed us.

They will arrive here in 10m. They know im very disappointed. But I don't want to ruin whats now a lunch for 4 by being so angry.

please knock some sense into me.

OP posts:
nilsmousehammer · 30/12/2022 14:17

If I knew my SiL had gone to the trouble of preparing a meal and expecting us, and agreed to this, then I'd set a bloody alarm and be there. If they were not bothered and didn't want to then they had no business accepting the invitation. Incredibly rude OP, I'm sorry. And very disappointing for you, as this mattered to you but obviously not enough to your DH and his siblings enough to get their arses in gear and not leave you waiting around on their convenience like a lemon.

Yes, at this point I'd have gone out and done my own thing too. If it's every man for himself and do what you want when you feel like it and get around to it, then that includes you too.

LittleDisaster · 30/12/2022 14:26

Does no one else think it's odd the OP's own siblings didn't bother because the others guests were late? Wouldn't you go anyway and eat the breakfast she'd prepared with your sister?

Why were they waiting for a call rather than just arriving at the alloted time?

Motelschmotel · 30/12/2022 14:27

I would file this under bridezilla wedding planning.

Siblings of bride and groom meeting each other before the wedding, over breakfast, for max 1 hr 15 mins, around Christmas, when one half has been away for four days, and has traveled from the other side of the world - INSANELY unnecessary pressured non-event that inevitably totally backfires.

LittleDisaster · 30/12/2022 14:29

Motelschmotel · 30/12/2022 14:27

I would file this under bridezilla wedding planning.

Siblings of bride and groom meeting each other before the wedding, over breakfast, for max 1 hr 15 mins, around Christmas, when one half has been away for four days, and has traveled from the other side of the world - INSANELY unnecessary pressured non-event that inevitably totally backfires.

Yes, I think you're right.

zingally · 30/12/2022 14:37

To be honest, it was a very narrow window of time for something that you seem to have built up in your head as a Big Deal. Perhaps the other parties simply didn't see it as that much of a Thing?

I'd be annoyed with the lot of them personally! DP and his sibs for playing so fast and loose with timings, when they knew they were working with a small window.
As for sister, what appointment was so important?

liverpoolgal82 · 30/12/2022 14:39

I thought they’d all stayed at your sister’s for Christmas so they’ve already met? V confused!

declutteringmymind · 30/12/2022 14:40

Ok so it's happened. Either you express your disappointment or you suck it up and serve breakfast for lunch. Enjoy them and their company but drop it in that you are a bit upset. Basically they are just not as excited as you are about the meet up and you'll likely come across as controlling and bossy if you berate them too much.

My family are like this and used to be like you. Now I just text them and say let me know when you're leaving and I'll start cooking.

NerrSnerr · 30/12/2022 14:43

LittleDisaster · 30/12/2022 14:26

Does no one else think it's odd the OP's own siblings didn't bother because the others guests were late? Wouldn't you go anyway and eat the breakfast she'd prepared with your sister?

Why were they waiting for a call rather than just arriving at the alloted time?

I was just thinking that. It's really odd that they didn't just come to breakfast and see the OP.

FurAndFeathers · 30/12/2022 14:44

simpletickets · 30/12/2022 12:01

Yes the whole point was for siblings to meet sister and to have a lovely breakfast for us all. DP knew sister couldn't do later.

Sounds like your DP’s siblings aren’t that bothered about meeting their brother’s fiancé’s siblings.

can’t really blame them. I wouldn’t be that fussed either. They live in a different country and will barely see you. I’m sure they’d rather spend their limited time here just with their actual sibling.

you sound unnecessarily angry Confused

bellac11 · 30/12/2022 14:47

Motelschmotel · 30/12/2022 14:27

I would file this under bridezilla wedding planning.

Siblings of bride and groom meeting each other before the wedding, over breakfast, for max 1 hr 15 mins, around Christmas, when one half has been away for four days, and has traveled from the other side of the world - INSANELY unnecessary pressured non-event that inevitably totally backfires.

Yep, hence why people didnt turn up in the way she expected.

PineCone74 · 30/12/2022 14:51

FurAndFeathers · 30/12/2022 14:44

Sounds like your DP’s siblings aren’t that bothered about meeting their brother’s fiancé’s siblings.

can’t really blame them. I wouldn’t be that fussed either. They live in a different country and will barely see you. I’m sure they’d rather spend their limited time here just with their actual sibling.

you sound unnecessarily angry Confused

Show quote history

So many people here seem to be saying that the OP was unreasonable in wanting to see them at all, even before we get to the question of whether the OP is reasonable to feel annoyed about the broken appointment! I for one am sorry this has happened OP, and think it is rude, but I hope you’re able to enjoy the rest of your day regardless.

Schnooze · 30/12/2022 15:06

It was rude and I’d be mad too, but you’ve got to remember that whilst it’s important to you that they all meet, it’s far less important to them. Whether they meet strangers now or at the wedding is no difference to them. In fact they might prefer not to now, as making small talk with strangers isn’t particularly an appealing prospect for many people.

VahineNuiWentHome · 30/12/2022 15:15

PineCone74 · 30/12/2022 14:51

So many people here seem to be saying that the OP was unreasonable in wanting to see them at all, even before we get to the question of whether the OP is reasonable to feel annoyed about the broken appointment! I for one am sorry this has happened OP, and think it is rude, but I hope you’re able to enjoy the rest of your day regardless.

Show quote history

Yep.
Also @FurAndFeathers is also a beautiful demonstration on how the English have perfected being PA to excess and unable to own their feelings.

I don’t care about so and so but I’m not saying so. I just won’t make an effort, arrive late and expect the utter person to not show anger ‘because that’s not ok either’.

Being polite and respectful for the other person doesn’t seem to matter at all.

Seriously, you don’t want to see someone, you say so. Own it. Say it
’i dont really want to see strangers that I won’t see again for years’
Dont expect your future SIL to organise everything, plan a meal etc… and then let her down.
Dont expect 3 other people to make an effort fir you and then let them down.
And certainly don’t expect her to go all out to accommodate you next time you see her - which I’m sure they will because you know they’ve come such a long way

VahineNuiWentHome · 30/12/2022 15:18

Schnooze · 30/12/2022 15:06

It was rude and I’d be mad too, but you’ve got to remember that whilst it’s important to you that they all meet, it’s far less important to them. Whether they meet strangers now or at the wedding is no difference to them. In fact they might prefer not to now, as making small talk with strangers isn’t particularly an appealing prospect for many people.

Except that not being rude towards their future SIL should have been top of the list really.
It’s not just the OP’s siblings. It was rude towards the OP who did all the organising.

And then people expect the OP to be polite and nice towards them. WHY! They haven’t been polite and nice towards her so why should she but not them?
Respect and politeness goes both ways.

LittleDisaster · 30/12/2022 15:19

VahineNuiWentHome · 30/12/2022 15:15

Yep.
Also @FurAndFeathers is also a beautiful demonstration on how the English have perfected being PA to excess and unable to own their feelings.

I don’t care about so and so but I’m not saying so. I just won’t make an effort, arrive late and expect the utter person to not show anger ‘because that’s not ok either’.

Being polite and respectful for the other person doesn’t seem to matter at all.

Seriously, you don’t want to see someone, you say so. Own it. Say it
’i dont really want to see strangers that I won’t see again for years’
Dont expect your future SIL to organise everything, plan a meal etc… and then let her down.
Dont expect 3 other people to make an effort fir you and then let them down.
And certainly don’t expect her to go all out to accommodate you next time you see her - which I’m sure they will because you know they’ve come such a long way

Show quote history

Isn't the assumption here that the siblings aren't English, as all the siblings live on the other side of the world? 😆

Snowflake2 · 30/12/2022 15:20

LittleDisaster · 30/12/2022 14:26

Does no one else think it's odd the OP's own siblings didn't bother because the others guests were late? Wouldn't you go anyway and eat the breakfast she'd prepared with your sister?

Why were they waiting for a call rather than just arriving at the alloted time?

I'd think the OP brother and sister didn't really want this meeting either. Only OP seems bothered about it. It was meant to start at 10 or 11am. Brother had to leave at 12.15pm and sister had to be elsewhere at 12.30pm. It would have been a bit of a rush for both of them. If they really wanted a breakfast with OP they'd have arrived at 10am and everyone would have started eating at 11am through necessity regardless of the others not having arrived yet.

A combination of modern flakiness and bad planning IMO. If people are on holiday with siblings from the other side of the world, getting up early to meet with total strangers on the last day of the trip isn't going to be top priority. They should have recognised this and not accepted the invitation though.

aloris · 30/12/2022 15:21

I'm sorry it didn't work out and it was rude that they were so late but if they live on the other side of the world to their brother then their spending time with him is the priority, not meeting your siblings who will be only distant relatives to them and they'll likely never see again after the wedding. If they are in the UK so rarely that they will never meet your siblings again until the wedding, then this is a big holiday for them and they should be allowed to enjoy it without having extra social events shoehorned in. If you really want them to get to know each other then it's probably better to just skype each other on major holidays every year, that will be more reliable.

AreOttersJustWetCats · 30/12/2022 15:22

Motelschmotel · 30/12/2022 14:27

I would file this under bridezilla wedding planning.

Siblings of bride and groom meeting each other before the wedding, over breakfast, for max 1 hr 15 mins, around Christmas, when one half has been away for four days, and has traveled from the other side of the world - INSANELY unnecessary pressured non-event that inevitably totally backfires.

Yeah, this. Arriving late was rude, but the meet-up that was planned was incredibly brief! I can't blame them for assuming it wasn't particularly important.

DreamingOfAGreenChristmas · 30/12/2022 15:28

The OP’s sister let DP’s siblings stay in her house over Christmas.

And they couldn’t be arsed to stick to the perfectly reasonable timetable that would have enabled them to meet the woman who was so kind as to let them use her house.

That, to me, is the issue.

I would not be impressed.

OhChristmasTreeOhChristmasTreeFaLaLa · 30/12/2022 15:35

All just sounds hard work, I've never met my sil's siblings, not once (truth be known i dont know how many she has!), my brother has been married 10 years. I think my brother had met my husband's siblings once, twice including the wedding, my sister I think is on about 4 (we've been together 18 years). We all live close but I don't expect my siblings to have anything to do with my inlaws, it'd matter even less if they lived on the other side of the world. Maybe you hyped this up in your head like everyone will be best friends forever, reality is theyll probably cross paths a handful of times. So what if they were late, I'm sure it wasn't intentional, they are probably squeezing lots into a short visit.

MzHz · 30/12/2022 15:37

So your dp doesn’t live with you? How long have you been with him?

id be reconsidering this relationship if he can’t make any effort for you

latetothefisting · 30/12/2022 15:37

It's not clear - were you supposed to be going out somewhere for food or eating at your house?

If the first that's more rude but also I can see the point of the posters saying its a bit of a vague invite "we will meet some time between 10 and 11 and then go somewhere...."

If its the second I have no idea why you didn't just tell your siblings to arrive by 11 and you ate then. At least you would have had a chance to catch up with your siblings and there may have been some overlap where they could have at least briefly met dp's siblings. If there wasn't much food left for dp siblings by the time they eventually turned up, tough luck that's a problem for him to sort out.

Agree his siblings are very rude but were they definitely aware your siblings could only stay until 12.30? And were they definitely aware that the plan was to arrive by 11 at the absolute latest or was it a case of your dp saying something like "come round late morning"?

chevvyroo · 30/12/2022 15:39

TiredandLate · 30/12/2022 12:06

It sounds like a lot of effort for a 1 hour ish meet up - 11am till 12? Did they know how important it was, with everyone being so busy today with other plans maybe it wasn't seen as a big thing?

I must admit I thought the same. It's not easy getting a diverse group committed to a breakfast meet during a short time slot, over holiday weekend.

Hopeyoursproutsarealreadyon · 30/12/2022 15:44

Bet it ended up Mc Muffins all round..

DogInATent · 30/12/2022 15:46

So DP's siblings have travelled halfway around the world for this trip, and unsurprisingly a tightly scheduled arrangement hasn't worked because no one communicated to everyone else involved how tight the timings were.