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Original poster

URGENT they're here in 10m how do I not act mad?

160 replies

simpletickets · 30/12/2022 11:57

Really excited for DP and his siblings to meet my sister and her husband and also see my brother who they've met. My sister let the siblings stay in her house over Christmas for free. DP hasn't seen my sister in a long while. It was going to be a lot of my favourite people in one place. We had organized a breakfast for today. DP and siblings took a four day trip and were meant to be here by 10 max 11. My sister, her husband, and my brother were happy to be flexible and start anywhere between 10 and 11.

Well DP and siblings all left 2 hours late. DP is blaming his siblings for not being ready. They are due to arrive in 10m. My brother couldn't do past 12.15pm. My sister had an appointment at 12.30pm. I am fuming. Mostly because they haven't once apologized, just informed us.

They will arrive here in 10m. They know im very disappointed. But I don't want to ruin whats now a lunch for 4 by being so angry.

please knock some sense into me.

OP posts:
fancyacuppatea · 30/12/2022 12:29

I'd have done breakfast for the time you'd specified for the people there.
Any latecomers (DP - LOOKING AT YOU) can sort their own food out.
I hate lateness, to the point I'd probably go out myself now and leave them to it.

Jennybeans401 · 30/12/2022 12:30

I find it difficult to have such rigid plans over the holidays. Sometimes it's better to just say let's meet in the afternoon at a house and have cakes. Save the stress of everyone having to be on schedule.

FlounderingFruitcake · 30/12/2022 12:31

It sounds like no one other than you cares that much! I’m sure they all want to see you, but meeting your ILs siblings, probably not fussed. Hence why one group are late and the other side have given an excuse of a hard stop. Plus 11-12 was always going to be very tight. Just stick the croissants out, let people eat as/when they arrive and forget about trying to stage manage it.

Sonyrecording · 30/12/2022 12:32

Timing wasn't tight - they are 2 hours late!
Your mistake Op was that you didn't just get on with breakfast without them.

I don't know why you don't want to act mad. You are mad. They have been unbelievably rude and I can't fathom why people are making excuses for them. I'd have had my nice breakfast with my family and left.

TellMeWhere · 30/12/2022 12:32

This all sounds miserably prescriptive. I don't think I could get myself into an urgent flap about seeing my sister's husband's siblings. I'd be quite happy to just meet them at the wedding.

Sonyrecording · 30/12/2022 12:33

Why are people making excuses for them and trying to imply that Op was unreasonable? They're adults. Everyone is capable of arriving for a meal at an agreed time FFS.

TellMeWhere · 30/12/2022 12:33

Agree you should've cracked on and had breakfast rather than waste time fuming.

RedPost · 30/12/2022 12:33

Sonyrecording · 30/12/2022 12:32

Timing wasn't tight - they are 2 hours late!
Your mistake Op was that you didn't just get on with breakfast without them.

I don't know why you don't want to act mad. You are mad. They have been unbelievably rude and I can't fathom why people are making excuses for them. I'd have had my nice breakfast with my family and left.

The timing was tight, even if they'd arrived on time, OP's siblings could only give them c. an hour and they'd been "on a trip" so arriving by 10am was never going to be likely.

Theblacksheepandme · 30/12/2022 12:34

I think it's very rude of them. My family can be like this, especially my brother and his family. They arrive late for everything and not a word of apology. I think they like to show how important they are and they arrive when they feel like it. No point in saying anything as it will probably end up making you look like the baddy.

YouTarzan · 30/12/2022 12:35

How is it going now they’re there?

Sonyrecording · 30/12/2022 12:39

RedPost · 30/12/2022 12:33

The timing was tight, even if they'd arrived on time, OP's siblings could only give them c. an hour and they'd been "on a trip" so arriving by 10am was never going to be likely.

Show quote history

Then they shouldn't have accepted the invitation surely? Or just got out of bed a bit earlier?
They arranged to meet up by 10, but 11 latest. So they had over an hour even if they arrived at 11. But anyone with manners would have been there at 10 or close to, plenty of time for a meet up.

crisscrosscringle · 30/12/2022 12:40

I've been married nearly 15 years and I think my BILs have met my brother once- at our wedding. Maybe a few times in between but not formally arranged.

J think you are being a bit precious. Your DP doesn't get to spend much time with his siblings so I can see how meeting your brother and sister might not be a priority for them.

Climbles · 30/12/2022 12:42

Presumably you’ve bought nice things to eat? Planned a meal? For this reason alone it’s incredibly rude to just not bother.

PineCone74 · 30/12/2022 12:44

TellMeWhere · 30/12/2022 12:32

This all sounds miserably prescriptive. I don't think I could get myself into an urgent flap about seeing my sister's husband's siblings. I'd be quite happy to just meet them at the wedding.

But if an arrangement has already been made, and accepted, then it is incredibly rude not to honour it.

Wonnle · 30/12/2022 12:45

Ever thought they don't really want to meet up and they did this on purpose ?

RedPost · 30/12/2022 12:45

Sonyrecording · 30/12/2022 12:39

Then they shouldn't have accepted the invitation surely? Or just got out of bed a bit earlier?
They arranged to meet up by 10, but 11 latest. So they had over an hour even if they arrived at 11. But anyone with manners would have been there at 10 or close to, plenty of time for a meet up.

Show quote history

I wonder how much they did "accept" the invitation and how much of their time has been planned by OP and DH?

knittingaddict · 30/12/2022 12:46

I would be annoyed about messing up the plans, but not about the siblings not meeting each other. My siblings have only met my husband's siblings at our wedding 38 years ago. I don't think it's an expectation that families mix much, if at all. Perhaps it is and I've missed the memo.

FlissyPaps · 30/12/2022 12:46

A bunch of men being 2 hours late for not being ready?

Sounds like the had a drink last night and overslept.

Im not surprised you’re mad OP. Especially if you’ve gone to some effort and was looking forward to a nice meet up.

But unfortunately it’s just one of those things. You’ll all have to get over it and not go to so much effort next time.

Eddielizzard · 30/12/2022 12:46

Very rude. 2 hours late with no apology. They clearly aren't bothered, but enjoy the time with them even though you're upset, since you've said you get on well. They don't realise how important this was to you.

TakeYourFinalPosition · 30/12/2022 12:46

You can’t really do “message us when you’re ready” as a way of meeting up, if there’s tight time constraints. Even if DP knew of them. It makes it seem really casual. To be honest, that’s probably why they’re not apologetic. It’s been organised as if you’d do breakfast IF the times aligned; and they didn’t.

If it had been arranged as breakfast at 11am, most people would have made an effort to be on time, and been apologetic if they couldn’t make it. It gives a target, if not a deadline.

I don’t think they’re entirely to blame. The organisation is odd, they haven’t prioritised it but neither has your sister.

Enjoy lunch, anyway. There’s no point raging over this, it’s done.

maddy68 · 30/12/2022 12:47

Just say you had prepared breakfast and they had eaten that. You can make them a sandwich.

Lighten up or it will spoil things further

QueefQueen80s · 30/12/2022 12:48

Rude to be that late!
But not a big deal for siblings not to meet, mine and ex DPs siblings never met in 14 years.

PineCone74 · 30/12/2022 12:48

crisscrosscringle · 30/12/2022 12:40

I've been married nearly 15 years and I think my BILs have met my brother once- at our wedding. Maybe a few times in between but not formally arranged.

J think you are being a bit precious. Your DP doesn't get to spend much time with his siblings so I can see how meeting your brother and sister might not be a priority for them.

If it wasn’t a priority for them, then they should not have agreed to the arrangement in the first place. I can’t believe how many people are excusing them on the basis it ‘isn’t a priority’.

Wonnle · 30/12/2022 12:48

maddy68 · 30/12/2022 12:47

Just say you had prepared breakfast and they had eaten that. You can make them a sandwich.

Lighten up or it will spoil things further

Well 2 of them left before 12.30 apparently

HangerLaneGyratorySystem · 30/12/2022 12:49

There was a thread on here yesterday where the OP was treated shamefully by her parents as she was 10 minutes late to a restaurant. Posters ripped her a new one - which I knew would happen as soon as I saw the title, because she thought the parents were over-reacting (which of course they were!)

The OP in this instance started the thread with a lot of hand wringing and saying she needed to have sense knocked into her, so posters here are saying yeah well if you say you deserve it then why not eh?

These guests are hours late, THAT is fucking rude, posters literally saying that as the meet up probably wasn't important to them, they shouldn't have been expected to attend on time if at all. Madness.

Hope you managed to salvage some of the day OP; sometimes people are rude and thoughtless and you just have to live with it. You'll think twice next time, don't go to any trouble for these people. I'd be interested to hear what your DP has to say for himself.