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Original poster

URGENT they're here in 10m how do I not act mad?

160 replies

simpletickets · 30/12/2022 11:57

Really excited for DP and his siblings to meet my sister and her husband and also see my brother who they've met. My sister let the siblings stay in her house over Christmas for free. DP hasn't seen my sister in a long while. It was going to be a lot of my favourite people in one place. We had organized a breakfast for today. DP and siblings took a four day trip and were meant to be here by 10 max 11. My sister, her husband, and my brother were happy to be flexible and start anywhere between 10 and 11.

Well DP and siblings all left 2 hours late. DP is blaming his siblings for not being ready. They are due to arrive in 10m. My brother couldn't do past 12.15pm. My sister had an appointment at 12.30pm. I am fuming. Mostly because they haven't once apologized, just informed us.

They will arrive here in 10m. They know im very disappointed. But I don't want to ruin whats now a lunch for 4 by being so angry.

please knock some sense into me.

OP posts:
LaDamaDeElche · 01/01/2023 17:38

*two hours late to the wedding

sue20 · 01/01/2023 17:39

Worse things happen at sea

sue20 · 01/01/2023 18:22

Floralnomad · 30/12/2022 12:20

Blimey what a load of drama over nothing , who cares if your siblings haven’t met his siblings , apparently it’s only important to you @simpletickets as your family can’t change their plans to wait and his family can’t get their arses in gear to arrive in the prescribed window .

Yes this is what I think. OP seems the only one that bothered. If sister put guests up for night it’s down to the guests to show appreciation not OP. I’m sure sister has met rude people before and doesn’t need protecting by a false thank you card. OPs reasonable eagerness for all to meet is undermined by the desperate level of need towards this. One meet up isn’t going to make a bond between anyone even for 2.5 hours as opposed to 1 hour. All the people OP loves coming together is about OP not the various others! I also think attributing behaviour to “cultural differences “ a bit dodgy.

sue20 · 01/01/2023 18:27

crisscrosscringle · 30/12/2022 12:40

I've been married nearly 15 years and I think my BILs have met my brother once- at our wedding. Maybe a few times in between but not formally arranged.

J think you are being a bit precious. Your DP doesn't get to spend much time with his siblings so I can see how meeting your brother and sister might not be a priority for them.

Good point

sue20 · 01/01/2023 18:36

RedPost · 30/12/2022 13:29

I don't think OP's siblings were bothered either, as they could only offer such a short window on the morning DH and his siblings were travelling back from a trip.

Show quote history

Sorry it’s all about OPs eagerness to get “the people I love the most” together. The people not so bothered really. Why would you be? Especially if all quite an effort for a short meeting

sue20 · 01/01/2023 18:38

Motelschmotel · 30/12/2022 14:27

I would file this under bridezilla wedding planning.

Siblings of bride and groom meeting each other before the wedding, over breakfast, for max 1 hr 15 mins, around Christmas, when one half has been away for four days, and has traveled from the other side of the world - INSANELY unnecessary pressured non-event that inevitably totally backfires.

Yep

LoisLane66 · 02/01/2023 03:21

You wrote on 30th that your partner and his relatives were returning after 4 days away, supposedly for a breakfast meet-up at another location.
You also wrote that the rellies were staying at your sisters house over Christmas as she was away, yet that means they were only in the house for two days. It would have made more sense to eat at home. It doesn't take much to organise a help yourself breakfast rather than traipse around to yet another destination to eat.
It all sounds very disorganised. Sister not well, breakfast venue booked (I presume) but not visited and rellies who are not Western in their outlook. We can discount Japanese and Chinese as they are EXTREMELY polite and would be beyond mortified at being late, so that means your partner wasn't too bothered either.
I'd have to sack him off, too much trouble. You also say that they live on the other side of the world and you won't see them for years YET you mention then coming to your wedding. Is the wedding in several years time?
I think it's a right mess.

InsomniacVampire · 02/01/2023 07:35

LaDamaDeElche · 01/01/2023 15:18

Yes, but if someone points out you did a rude thing and they are upset, you should apologise. We're not saying groveling and begging for forgiveness on your knees. Just, sorry for not arriving on time. Especially after using fee accomodation of one of the siblings. It is not a cultural thing to be an a-hole. People who use culture (especially as I think someone said one of the siblings used to live in the UK) as ax excuse to be idiots are just that OP was telling them to apologise to her siblings, I think that's weird to tell another adult that they must apologise. Her DP needs to manage things better here with his siblings and make sure they're on time. I'm just giving my perspective from someone who lives in a different culture where the social niceties that are the norms in the U.K. are not the norms here. What seems like being an arsehole/rude to you may seem like someone is completely overreacting to them. As I said, to many cultures, staying at an extended family members house wouldn't be viewed as using free accommodation, it would be something that was the norm in their culture so not something that would be viewed as a big deal. I think they're rude btw, but just saying it's probably not intentional and they probably don't consider themselves so. Cultural differences can be a lot bigger than people think. Maybe they are rude arseholes even in their own culture, but I assume not as the OP seems to know them well and like them apart from this situation.

OP only asked them to apologise as they clearly were not about to- they had plenty of chance, instead they kept on behaving like a pair of spoiled brats, staring blankly and refusing to acknowledge they were a-holes about the whole thing.
There are adults out there that need to be treated like kids, and this may be one of the cases :)
I have seen many child-adults who behave like 5yo at the age of 50, this seems like one of the cases.
A few years ago I went to Japan, there were things we didnt know or were not familiar with, when pointed out, we apologised on the spot, not said- well, in my culture it's ok, so bugger off all of you Japanese people.

LaDamaDeElche · 02/01/2023 08:10

A few years ago I went to Japan, there were things we didnt know or were not familiar with, when pointed out, we apologised on the spot, not said- well, in my culture it's ok, so bugger off all of you Japanese people You are British, of course you did 😂 I'm going to give up trying to explain as I think the concept of other people being completely different to Brits is not something you can get your head around. People who have lived, rather than just holidayed, in other cultures will understand my point.

InsomniacVampire · 02/01/2023 11:45

LaDamaDeElche · 02/01/2023 08:10

A few years ago I went to Japan, there were things we didnt know or were not familiar with, when pointed out, we apologised on the spot, not said- well, in my culture it's ok, so bugger off all of you Japanese people You are British, of course you did 😂 I'm going to give up trying to explain as I think the concept of other people being completely different to Brits is not something you can get your head around. People who have lived, rather than just holidayed, in other cultures will understand my point.

Wrong, I'm not British :) Living and working in a very international setting as well. Just not happy to excuse bad manners and disguise them as 'culture'.

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