DH told us all to fuck ourselves over dinner

[mourndayclub]

Thought we could make it through the holidays but that crashed and burned today in spectacular style. DH wanted to have the dog in the dining room and I said I'd her her away as she'd been retching and being sick (MIL unintentionally let her eat a whole load of sheep poo) plus she's a puppy which harasses the kids if there's food.

Because I said no and just complained about it he started shouting and telling me to get out of the kitchen but again I said no because I was trying to dish up potato's and veg, bent to pick up some stuffing from the floor so MIL didn't step on it and he went absolutely crazy told me MIL my DF DSis and all DC to fuck ourselves, fuck off, flipped the double finger at us all and took the dog to the pub. Had dinner without him and now he's returned and pretending it never happened in the living room loving on the dog when all he's done is snapped at the children and me today and then blown up.

Happy Christmas everyone!!!

Absolutely!!

It’s not the first time he’s been abusive is it op? And it’s not the first time the kids witnessed it either is it?

if It was you’d have said such a shock he’s never done this. But you write in a resigned manner.

so you need to decide if you want to stay in an abusive marriage and allow your kids to live like this. It takes two to live like this. Both of you have a responsibility.

He sounds nasty. I couldn't live with someone like that. I'm sorry OP he has ruined your Christmas. Unfortunately, he most likely will keep on disappointing and embarrassing you.

meg, it’s not another woman.

some of us are just married to dickheads. And it’s a shame, because we’re nice, decent women.

MC, disappointing & embarrassing is right. My DH is not welcome at my Dad’s or sister’s home, after the way he behaved at her wedding.

Why are any of you acting as if it's ok?
presume because he's a large and intimidating angry man and they are all scared of what he might do.
To be fair I am also very nervous of large and intimidating angry men and would placate rather than confront for fear of getting hurt😶

Why are you putting up with this shit? I really hope this is your last Christmas this twat. Start 2023 by seeing a lawyer..

Soothsayer1 is right. It’s sad.

Ask him to take something out to bin then lock him out

An ex of mine used to act like this because he wasn’t centre of attention so he used to kick off to make sure we all knew he was still there.
christmas, birthdays, the kids birthdays, family meals, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, New Year’s Day …

honestly op get rid. You and your dc will breathe a sigh of relief when you realise he won’t be able to wreck days like this anymore

I want my own Christmas next year.

I hope you can find a way out of your situation @HelloBunny 🙏

And he can put himself in it whilst he's there.

I thought the same thing!

Ewwww OP I just can’t tell you how unattractive and just plain ugly he sounds. I bet his raging face and those middle fingers flying will be images that will NEVER leave your head. Likely sputtering and red faced having his little teeny bopper punk rebellion, only to come home and nap in the living room.

Easier said than fine about leaving him but he’s gone way to far for most women to let back into their beds. Ick!!!!!!!

yeah, I'd want to, but she knows she'll be punished, after the way he kicked off in front of everyone, can you imagine what he'll do when no-one is watching?

You come across as very detached from this.
How do you feel? Angry? Upset? Humiliated? Unloved? Or has he got you to the point you feel nothing any more?

How do you think your children feel?

Lots of people raising concerns about the impact on the children. Some sharing their experience of this as children.

OP just ignoring it . Not sure the point of her posting .

I’m so sorry, OP.

Leave it for today, but if I were you, I’d sit down with him next week and tell him in no uncertain terms that his behavior is unacceptable and if he doesn’t start controlling his temper, he’ll no longer be part of your family.

Make it clear that today was the last time this will happen-one more instance and he’s out. I honestly think that if you don’t lay it on the line, he’ll just continue behaving this way and modeling this appalling behavior to your children.

So sorry this was your childhood. I hope the OP really reads your words carefully and leaves him as soon as she can. The children will be scarred by this for the rest of their lives.

Which is fine as a tactic on that moment. But if nothing is done after; then this is a lifestyle.

this happened 12 months ago too. this isnt placating an angry man in the moment. It is choosing this as the norm to raise children.

Just no to this. Unacceptable. It's not doing anyone any good.

Take some time out to think about the future you want for you and your kids.

Why are you with him? Id rather be alone with my children and my dad having a fun, peaceful Christmas than have a manchild husband ruin Christmas for my children.

Lots of people offering good advice and sympathy OP but what do you actually want to happen? Is this your life going forward?

Please think of your poor kids.

Just as there is a script for abusive men, their victimized wives tend to behave in similar ways too. Cherry picking comments, avoiding any asking what they want to do to protect themselves and their kids, and disappearing once they've vented enough into their interactive online diary that it will get them through the rest of the day.

You deserve better. So do your children.

agree totally!
however the victim tends to follow the impulse to placate, then he acts like nothing happened and it feels harder to raise the subject so the victim deals with it by distancing mentally, going numb and not feeling it.
Of course this is all counterproductive but it can be very hard not to fall into those grooves unless you have support & intervention....he will tend to have gradually scared off those who might support & intervene