DH told us all to fuck ourselves over dinner

[mourndayclub]

Thought we could make it through the holidays but that crashed and burned today in spectacular style. DH wanted to have the dog in the dining room and I said I'd her her away as she'd been retching and being sick (MIL unintentionally let her eat a whole load of sheep poo) plus she's a puppy which harasses the kids if there's food.

Because I said no and just complained about it he started shouting and telling me to get out of the kitchen but again I said no because I was trying to dish up potato's and veg, bent to pick up some stuffing from the floor so MIL didn't step on it and he went absolutely crazy told me MIL my DF DSis and all DC to fuck ourselves, fuck off, flipped the double finger at us all and took the dog to the pub. Had dinner without him and now he's returned and pretending it never happened in the living room loving on the dog when all he's done is snapped at the children and me today and then blown up.

Happy Christmas everyone!!!

Sounds like he's having a breakdown? Has he been stressed in the run up to Christmas? Maybe you could sit him down for a talk and see if he'd consider counselling or try and work out what led up to this blow out- needs a new job maybe?
Failing that bin him, or at least tell him that's what'll happen if he doesn't sort himself out!

Leave. Completely unacceptable.

Think of how amazing your day would have been without him.

I’m so sorry OP, he sounds like a total arsehole.

I'd have locked all the doors, left the keys in the back, and he could have "fucked off" back to the pub, or somewhere else to stay.

My FIL used to pick fights over Christmas dinner and storm out "to the pub"

Turns out there was an OW ....

Is he a complete delight the rest of the year?

pretending it never happened
for me this is the biggest red flag

Okay so this doesn’t sound like surprising behaviour from him. What do you intend to do about it?

Absolute wanker...sorry this has happened.

Get him gone.

Just imagining him doing double middle fingers like some sort of 2000s 19 year old punk rocker is giving me the second hand cringe

What kind of twat does that to his kids over christmas dinner?

And yes, the worst part is the pretence it never happened. Thinks he is entitled to behave that way...will most likely kick off if you dare confront him.
What on earth are the fam thinking about this?

My heart goes out to you.
I escaped my (now ex) but it was so hard.

I still have it all playing in my head. I don't think it ever goes the way.
The way he used to put me down in public. Laugh at me. Speak to me as though I was worthless and stupid.
He would snarl in my ears that I was dog shit on the ground and should have been stoned at birth.
I told myself it was normal and that I deserved it.

Ten years on I still hear his voice inside my head.
I still struggle to look in the mirror, and what is worse, I still believe that everything he said to me was true.
I don't feel worthy of breathing fresh air.

What did your Dad say? I can just imagine my dad's response if DH told us all to fuck off. In fact, by the time he got back from the pub, we'd all have probably decanted with the food to my parents.

I honestly think that now is the time to deal with him. Ask your sister to keep the children entertained while you and your dad ask him to leave. You can speak to MIL to ask if she'd prefer to stay or go with him. They all saw how he behaved so I'd hope you'll have their back up and support.

You feel awful for the adults, but don’t mention the children ?

Leave. This was my dad on Christmas Day. We’ve just had to go to a resturant for Christmas dinner as at nearly 40 years old I still can’t stand Christmas at home as I feel on edge all day.

When my dad exploded we carried on as normal as it was normal. It felt like absolute shit though and has left me traumatised.

Great advice

So last Christmas you could sweep it under the carpet because ‘just’ the kids saw it.

I suspect it’s not just Christmas this happens.

Why do you stay? Why do you want your kids to see and experience this?

Did you experience similar Christmases as a child, op? Does this seem normal to you?

I experienced this sort of Christmas. My dad had another woman, it turned out.

I understand you might not want to deal with it today but please start to put things in motion very soon and vow to not be in the same position next year. I'm now nearly 40 and absolutely hate being around my DPs as they have huge blow up really nasty arguments and then 10 minutes later pretend like it never happened its honestly very traumatic and I'm a fully grown adult who doesn't live at home. Your children must be constantly on edge it is no way to live.

You have made the grave error of playing along to the pretend game of his of "like it never happened"
I'd have flipped when he came back. How fucking dare he.

No last year the younger kids didn't witness it, this year it was the entire family just sat down for dinner

It’s not the dogs fault ..DH sounds like a lunatic! Get rid.