Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Husband hasn't come home

576 replies

blackandwhitecat123 · 22/12/2022 07:17

I need advice please- my husband went out for his work night out last night and just hasn't come back. He told me the arrangement was that work would pay for a taxi home, then I would drive him back to collect his car today.

I last heard from him at around 6pm yesterday evening and not a dicky bird since. Sent him a message asking if he was having a good time at around 11pm, he hasn't read it. I thought that was odd as he would usually message me once or twice during the evening or at least let me know if he was planning on being late, and I would do the same. But I wasn't too worried and just went to sleep- assumed he was having a dance and a drink and a nice time. Got a sick toddler and I have the lurgy too so I was knackered.

I've just woken up and he isn't home, his phone rings when I call. WhatsApp messages are on one tick.

I'm absolutely frantic, this is really, REALLY unusual behaviour. He's a real home bird, not a big drinker normally (although has his moments) and likes his colleagues very much but isn't particularly close friends with them. He's just not someone who would stay out all night unexpectedly without saying ANYTHING, and I know he has battery because his phone rings. What do I do???

OP posts:
Finewine76 · 22/12/2022 07:19

Do you have any names of colleagues you could search on social media for?

dinoprincesses · 22/12/2022 07:19

Try not to worry too much, he's probably had too much to drink and decided to stay at a colleagues. I would be annoyed if my dh did this though as it just causes unnecessary worry, especially when you've got a poorly little one!

Original poster
blackandwhitecat123 · 22/12/2022 07:20

When I say he has his moments, I mean he gets blotto drunk about once every two years. But I haven't known him to drink more than a couple of small cans of IPA since our son was born. So I'd be surprised if he just got really drunk and fell asleep on someone's sofa, but I suppose it's possible as he is quite a lightweight.

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Relationship problems
Yippitydoodah · 22/12/2022 07:20

How worrying. Do you have any colleagues numbers you could call? Failing that I would call the police if I’m honest.

RebeccaCloud9 · 22/12/2022 07:23

I would try social media first, then is it the kind of workplace where someone would be there now?

How worrying. Hope he turns up soon.

Sunflowersinthewind · 22/12/2022 07:23

His phone rings but whatsapps are only one tick? I think that means his phone is on but he has no mobile data so they aren't delivering. How weird. Definitely try and see if you can contact a colleague of his

pottyproblems87 · 22/12/2022 07:23

Are you able to make contact with anyone he was with? I think this is acceptable in this situation...

You could call the local hospital to see if he's there, if he's not then you can presume he's crashed out at a colleagues and will be in touch shortly.

He's probably just gone a bit OTT and will be back with his tail between his legs shortly!

He needs to apologise for his lack of communication though because being left to worry is horrid. I'd be frantic too.

ShadowPuppets · 22/12/2022 07:24

I wonder if he’s lost his phone if it’s ringing but he’s not picking up messages. I’m sure he’s fine but what a worry for you. DH did this once but rocked up at 5am so at least I only had a couple of hours’ worry. And for full disclosure I’ve done it to him a couple of times pre kids! I know you immediately go to the worst case scenarios but honestly, I don’t know many people who haven’t had one or two instances of getting carried away/losing their phone etc - I’m sure it’s that.

Original poster
blackandwhitecat123 · 22/12/2022 07:24

dinoprincesses · 22/12/2022 07:19

Try not to worry too much, he's probably had too much to drink and decided to stay at a colleagues. I would be annoyed if my dh did this though as it just causes unnecessary worry, especially when you've got a poorly little one!

Thanks, it would just be so out of character. My DH isn't a particularly social person, he literally never goes out with friends. I was quite relieved when he said he was going to this because I was worried for him not really having any mates. Hopefully you're right and he's just had a fantastic time! I have a doctor's appointment (online) at 8:10 and he promised he'd be back to look after the toddler.

OP posts:
DeliberatelyObtuse · 22/12/2022 07:26

I agree with the suggestion that he's probably passed out on someone's sofa. Hopefully he'll be back soon.

TiredA · 22/12/2022 07:26

Can you go to his place of work today to find out where he is?

frostymoon · 22/12/2022 07:26

I guess you don’t have any ‘find my friends’ or apps to check location?

can you find him on Facebook messenger and see when he was last online Fb? Could just give you an idea of when he last had looked at his phone. I know this isn’t massively helpful.

dinoprincesses · 22/12/2022 07:27

@blackandwhitecat123 my DH is the same, he hardly ever goes out and on the very rare occasion that he does he is a lightweight and gets too drunk. Hopefully that is the case here. Do you know any of his colleagues numbers or have them as friends on social media?

DeliberatelyObtuse · 22/12/2022 07:27

'I have a doctor's appointment (online) at 8:10 and he promised he'd be back to look after the toddler.'

That suggests there was always a possibility in his mind he'd be out all night. I know it's hard but try not to worry.

frostymoon · 22/12/2022 07:28

Can you find any of the work colleagues on Facebook and send a message?

Original poster
blackandwhitecat123 · 22/12/2022 07:28

Thanks for the messages everyone, I am really frightened. Work was meant to be arranging a taxi for him directly from the booked venue, so unless they all decided to go on somewhere else then I just can't understand what the fuck is going on.

Im going to try and get in touch with his boss. No one will be in the office (small business) but I'm just panicking

OP posts:
MyBooksAndMyCats · 22/12/2022 07:29

If he promised to be back for 8.10 then that says to me he was planning to stay out most/all of the night. He's probably sleeping on someone's sofa, if anything bad had happened I'm sure one of his collegues would of been in touch.

Whatifthegrassisblue · 22/12/2022 07:29

Try not to worry OP, he probably had a blow out and he's passed out a friend's place

Original poster
blackandwhitecat123 · 22/12/2022 07:29

TiredA · 22/12/2022 07:26

Can you go to his place of work today to find out where he is?

No they're all remote at the moment, they had to leave their old premises and are still trying to find somewhere else suitable. He's meant to be starting work (from home) in about half an hour

OP posts:
TimeForMeToF1y · 22/12/2022 07:30

Maybe my workplaces are different but if work was laying on taxis to take people home no one would end up sleeping on tbsaga of someone they weren't friends with. Are the other people who work there young student house share types that would have persuaded him to go on to a club?

Do you have a joint bank account you could check to see if he went on anywhere?

ACynicalDad · 22/12/2022 07:30

Some iPhones won’t actually ring over night but if you do two calls within a minute or something they will. Can you use find my phone to track his phone?

Original poster
blackandwhitecat123 · 22/12/2022 07:31

DeliberatelyObtuse · 22/12/2022 07:27

'I have a doctor's appointment (online) at 8:10 and he promised he'd be back to look after the toddler.'

That suggests there was always a possibility in his mind he'd be out all night. I know it's hard but try not to worry.

Sorry, what I meant to say is he promised he'd be UP 😖 never in a million years would he plan to stay out and not tell me. I don't think!

OP posts:
TimeForMeToF1y · 22/12/2022 07:33

ACynicalDad · 22/12/2022 07:30

Some iPhones won’t actually ring over night but if you do two calls within a minute or something they will. Can you use find my phone to track his phone?

My Android phone does that but not by default, you have to switch it on, you'd surely have your wife's number on override wouldn't you?

dinoprincesses · 22/12/2022 07:33

If he's not back in half an hour and that's when he's due to start work I would be ringing his place of work as soon as they open and checking if anyone knows where he is.

PlaitBilledDuckyPuss · 22/12/2022 07:34

I second the idea of trying to contact one of his colleagues.