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Original poster

Husband hasn't come home

576 replies

blackandwhitecat123 · 22/12/2022 07:17

I need advice please- my husband went out for his work night out last night and just hasn't come back. He told me the arrangement was that work would pay for a taxi home, then I would drive him back to collect his car today.

I last heard from him at around 6pm yesterday evening and not a dicky bird since. Sent him a message asking if he was having a good time at around 11pm, he hasn't read it. I thought that was odd as he would usually message me once or twice during the evening or at least let me know if he was planning on being late, and I would do the same. But I wasn't too worried and just went to sleep- assumed he was having a dance and a drink and a nice time. Got a sick toddler and I have the lurgy too so I was knackered.

I've just woken up and he isn't home, his phone rings when I call. WhatsApp messages are on one tick.

I'm absolutely frantic, this is really, REALLY unusual behaviour. He's a real home bird, not a big drinker normally (although has his moments) and likes his colleagues very much but isn't particularly close friends with them. He's just not someone who would stay out all night unexpectedly without saying ANYTHING, and I know he has battery because his phone rings. What do I do???

OP posts:
Therapee · 22/12/2022 07:57

Glad he's safe, but the choices he made in this situation are pretty weird (especially if stone cold sober). I'd be very pissed off that he hadn't made it an absolute priority to let you know he was okay.

somethingdifferenttoday · 22/12/2022 07:58

Do not log into his work computer unless you think they'll be fine with you having all of his passwords! If my husband did that, I'd be fired!

PurpleBananas22 · 22/12/2022 07:58

He managed to walk to the car park, realised it was locked.

Why didn't he then walk back from where he came from? Back to his colleagues and back to the taxi they had already been booked for him?!
Even if he had cancelled the taxi, he could have walked back to his colleagues or the venue to ask for a as phone charger.

No one would stay out overnight just waiting for a car park to open.

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Relationship problems
Herejustforthisone · 22/12/2022 07:58

Sorry, what? He’d rather walk the streets for six hours all night ‘looking sad’ than walk the 45 minutes it would have taken him to get home?

That's his story?

Original poster
blackandwhitecat123 · 22/12/2022 07:59

clpsmum · 22/12/2022 07:56

And if the car park was locked it still doesn't make sense as the plan was to get a taxi home and go back for the car today so why didn't he. Don't fall for the lies OP

The reason he was planning to get a taxi was so that he could drink. But in the end he decided he would rather not drink, left his colleagues to get taxis and walked to the car park. On arrival he discovered the car park was locked and the whole ridiculous saga began (apparently)

OP posts:
Original poster
blackandwhitecat123 · 22/12/2022 07:59

Herejustforthisone · 22/12/2022 07:58

Sorry, what? He’d rather walk the streets for six hours all night ‘looking sad’ than walk the 45 minutes it would have taken him to get home?

That's his story?

45 minute drive I meant sorry. The walk would be impossible

OP posts:
AnnoyTheBobbin · 22/12/2022 07:59

Herejustforthisone · 22/12/2022 07:58

Sorry, what? He’d rather walk the streets for six hours all night ‘looking sad’ than walk the 45 minutes it would have taken him to get home?

That's his story?

It was a 45 minute drive home

Fleabigg · 22/12/2022 07:59

I’m glad he’s ok. This is a story I’d be very suspicious of coming from my DH, but would totally expect of my brother. Only you know what your DH is like and whether you should believe it and trust him; others will be bringing their own experience to their views.

Yippitydoodah · 22/12/2022 08:00

Not sure I buy that explanation tbh, I’ve never heard of a car park that locks and there are so many means of getting in touch now but ok 🤷🏼‍♀️ glad he’s safe.

SunnySideUp1234 · 22/12/2022 08:00

But in your OP work were paying for a taxi home and he was going to collect his car the next day?

Notyetacatlady · 22/12/2022 08:01

This is rubbish I’m sorry op but it is.
glad he’s ok but he’s lying. It’s very cold out at night at the moment, no one would suffer walking around all night, he had options no matter how anxious he is.

lifeinthehills · 22/12/2022 08:02

You could walk a 45 minute drive in 6 hours (unless it's open road all the way). But regardless, he needs to make sure his phone is charged before he goes out. My husband isn't the most practical person either but he'd have found a way home.

AnnoyTheBobbin · 22/12/2022 08:02

If his anxiety is so bad he couldn’t walk into a hotel and ask to use their phone he really needs to get help with it. He’d have known you were worried but couldn’t bring himself to do anything about it other than sit in the cold for 6 hours and wait

Therapee · 22/12/2022 08:02

Just to add, if he was actually shagging someone, he'd surely have given you some flannel about being too drunk and crashing with a friend, rather than opting for radio silence.

Original poster
blackandwhitecat123 · 22/12/2022 08:03

BigsyMalone · 22/12/2022 07:57

Sorry OP but your DH sounds so odd. I am sure he is lovely. But who just waits outside a car park?!?!? ALL night!!??

He's an odd person, obviously I love him but our entire marriage has comprised of me looking on in bafflement as he makes strange decision after strange decision. He has zero problem solving skills.

I know it sounds suss but this would be in character. Much more in character than getting drunk and sleeping on someone's sofa

OP posts:
BakedTattie · 22/12/2022 08:03

Even if his story is true, I’d be annoyed he didn’t contact you. Find any way to contact you, to let you know he’s safe and won’t be home. Anxiety or not, that’s inexcusable. especially when you are ill, and your child is too.

he should have contacted you,

7eleven · 22/12/2022 08:04

Sorry OP, but that sounds ridiculous and I think his pants are on fire.

He was promised a taxi home so didn’t need to drive.
His phone can’t have died if it was ringing.
He could have started the engine for five minutes and charged his phone.
He could have left the car and gone and got a taxi/shared a colleagues.

At least check out the opening hours of the car park.

Original poster
blackandwhitecat123 · 22/12/2022 08:04

SunnySideUp1234 · 22/12/2022 08:00

But in your OP work were paying for a taxi home and he was going to collect his car the next day?

Yes but he thought in the end he'd drive and save the bother of going back the next day.

OP posts:
7eleven · 22/12/2022 08:04

PS I’m really glad he’s ok

ethelredonagoodday · 22/12/2022 08:04

Not meaning to be critical OP, but is he normally this inept? Could he not have flagged a taxi down and paid them when he got back home?

hellycat · 22/12/2022 08:04

Why did he go out in the first place?

Sounds like he needs to find some new friends doing stuff that he actually enjoys. You both had an abjectly miserable, panic-stricken night while he forced himself to 'socialise' merely because it is three days before Christmas. That's insane.

Yippitydoodah · 22/12/2022 08:05

blackandwhitecat123 · 22/12/2022 08:03

He's an odd person, obviously I love him but our entire marriage has comprised of me looking on in bafflement as he makes strange decision after strange decision. He has zero problem solving skills.

I know it sounds suss but this would be in character. Much more in character than getting drunk and sleeping on someone's sofa

Show quote history

If he couldn’t ‘problem solve’ his way out of this one then I’m genuinely surprised he has a wife, child and job to start with!

Sparklfairy · 22/12/2022 08:06

blackandwhitecat123 · 22/12/2022 08:03

He's an odd person, obviously I love him but our entire marriage has comprised of me looking on in bafflement as he makes strange decision after strange decision. He has zero problem solving skills.

I know it sounds suss but this would be in character. Much more in character than getting drunk and sleeping on someone's sofa

Show quote history

Based on this and everything else you've said, I believe him. Please don't blow up your marriage or even let doubts creep in based on poster suspicions here and projecting their own baggage/issues. Especially ones that state 'facts' that are completely untrue re whatsapp ringing and car parks not being locked!

diddl · 22/12/2022 08:06

Yes but he thought in the end he'd drive and save the bother of going back the next day.

But that surely doesn't mean he couldn't have changed his mind & got a taxi when he realised he needed to?

Mummyboy1 · 22/12/2022 08:06

I haven't read all thr thread but I noticed something. If you called him on WhatsApp and his phone was off it can still ring. My friend tried to facetime me on WhatsApp and my phone was off but it was still ringing.

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