When people (men) insist on walking you home

[Checkedtowel]

I was out at a social thing last night and ended up being last there with 2 men, primarily because we're the ones who've finished work for Christmas so the only ones who didn't need to be up this morning.

Anyway it was about 11pm and a 15 minute walk home. Similar for them (they live close to each other) but in a different direction.

I'd planned to walk home alone anyway. O walked there on my own, I told them I was fine walking home on my own. I know there is a small risk but it's a risk I'm prepared to take and refuse to restrict my life out of fear. I'm not uncomfortable doing this walk which I've done many times before. I don't know these men particularly well so could have been at risk from them as much as anyone else.

Anyway, they insisted and both accompanied me to my door then set off to walk back in the other direction.

It's happened to me before too. Often when out in a group close to home someone will insist on seeing me home. Some female friends even instruct their husband's to take me!

Is this lovely or chauvinistic and a little controlling?

I have never heard anyone say "why didn't she let a man she hardly knows walk her home" or even "why didn't she let a man walk her home" - and trust me, I would picked up that kind of victim blaming.

Men should take responsibility for male behaviour. Controlling and dictating women's behaviour is not taking responsibility - its controlling women's behaviour.

Perhaps these men would like to engage with their male friends telling sexist jokes and "banter", argue with against porn, campaign for women's rights and safety or do a million other little things with other men to consider male behaviour.

But no, its always about controlling women's behaviour for own good of course, whilst burnishing their own image as the good guys.

The very fact that these men (plural) refused to take "no" for an answer is a bloody good reason not to walk home with them.

Guess not everyone wants this but if they didn’t and left a lone woman to walk home they would be absolutely flamed by most

Maybe I’m of a generation past but I think it’s a lovely thing to do. My DH always would and we have raised DS to do do this too, not just with women but any more vulnerable person. DH has a job where he has overall responsibility for a lot of people’s safety and it wouldn’t occur to him to behave otherwise.

I know of men to whom it wouldn’t occur and tbh it makes me think slightly less of them. It has nothing to do with control, it has everything to do with consideration.

Some people are offended by the strangest things

Male colleagues always offer to walk me back to my hotel when we are out at a work thing if I'm on my own, if they don't, I specifically ask one (well wouldn't have to be a man, but just someone), I'm not walking on my own late at night. I just won't do it.

By Jove! I wish the Taliban were running this country - they could mandate that no women could ever walk unattended by a man and any woman who refused would be locked up for her own safety.

It's not living in fear. It's being realistic! The life we live in I'm afraid

It might be the life you choose to live in. It's not mine

I've never heard anyone criticise a man for letting a woman walk home alone after an attack. I have heard plenty of people mutter "what was she doing in that situation with someone she barely knows?"

It is interesting because you'd hope, the vast majority do have everyone's best interests at heart, but we know some don't (or the whole walking alone wouldn't be an issue) and yet women are still supposed to be grateful for "help" offered by any man and what about his poor feelings if she should be uncomfortable about it.

Yes, they, on the whole, believe they're doing the decent thing, but they've been conditioned to think women should be grateful to be "looked after" by random men, just as much as the women have and actually, as we know women are far more likely to be attacked by someone they know than a complete stranger, this puts women at risk.

What would your Dh/Ds do if the woman declined the offer? That's the problem here. The OP declined, and the Men wouldn't take No for an answer.

Do people not think that these circumstances, the way the op has described them, sound terrifying??

Two men that she barely knows basically followed her home after she asked them not to. They told her they were walking her home and now, as it turns out, they were. So I do concede that they were actually trying to do a nice thing. But men who are going to attack you don't say 'I'm going to attack you now' - do they! In the Ellie Flynn documentary mentioned above, the men who followed her home both said things like, 'you're not ok, I'll help you, I'll get you into a taxi'.

OP, I think if this had happened to me the way you've described it I would be shitting myself the entire journey and then running into the house and locking the door behind me as quickly as possible. I certainly wouldn't be feeling grateful!

Presumably that pp has raised her sons not to take no for an answer when a woman says it, as well. Whatever the circumstances.

I popped out to the supermarket after reading this thread early yesterday evening. Presumably I should have had a male escort for that, as well, what with it being dark and me being female. Can't be too careful.

Realistic not chauvinistic. Had this once, friend at uni insisted on walking me back to my house. Found out the next morning that a woman had been raped by a stranger who had attacked multiple women in the area, on the path to the her door, a little bit further down my street and around the time I would have been walking alone.

I am very glad he insisted. I felt more social embarrassment as it was out of his way but since then I have always been cautious.

I remember one New Year, many many years ago (the 1990s) I went to London for the NY celebrations and got the last train home. Walked on my own up the big hill to my house. I was half way up and a police car stopped, the police officer was alone and said he would take me home. I refused I was v suspicious of police (still am) for various reasons. I felt much safer not getting in a car with a strange man. I always go with my instincts. I have walked home alone many times as I don't drive and use public transport. I have never had issues really.

There was a debate about this on LBC radio last week after the conviction of Jordon McSweeny . The CCTV footage showed him follow 4 women , one of whom actually hid from him in a supermarket before he murdered Zara Aleena.The general opinion was that women felt more comfortable being walked home.

I think it probably depends where you live but that CCTV is terrifying.

And if they'd been attacked on their way home back from OP's (statistically more likely that a lone woman being attacked in my area) OP would equally have to live with this for the rest of her life.

If they'd walked her home and she'd been attacked by a family member/partner would that haunt them as well?

If they'd offered a lift home rather than walking and they'd had a car accident, would that haunt them?

You can put any amount of what ifs in there. OP has risked assessed and decided she is safe and happy to walk home. Maybe she got it wrong, but that was her choice.

I hope you didn’t drive yourself. Don’t you know that it’s much safer if a man drives you? At the very least, you must have a man with you when you’re driving to look after you. And I really hope that you’re not considering getting a mortgage by yourself, young lady. You’re only permitted one with a male guarantor.

All the posters on this thread insisting that the men have done nothing wrong by overriding a woman’s clearly expressed wishes have NO idea of the history of women’s rights, do they? Or of the way some women are still compelled to live elsewhere in the world.

It’s unbelievably depressing. Especially those posters boasting about how they’ve brought their sons up to not take no for an answer.

And I really hope that you’re not considering getting a mortgage by yourself, young lady. You’re only permitted one with a male guarantor

You get a ❤and a ⭐for the 'young lady' (68 and incidentally, mortgage paid off without a man in sight).

Awful, isn't it. We're on the slope to being told not to go out at all after dark if we don't have a male escort and if we do go out, we have to have one whether we want it or not.

Wow I would be so disappointed if my DH or even my 16 yo son did not walk home a lone female, esp if there were 2 of them. I would be massively grateful if people offered to walk me home if I was alone.

Some of the posters are being massively over the top. Presumably OP is talking about a walk home late at night so comparing to popping to the shops in the car at night is totally irrelevant.

Did the OP actually say no though? Sounds like she said 'it's fine, I'll be ok' rather than no idont want you to, I want to walk alone.

What if the woman politely declined? What would you think then?

It's staggering how determined some women are not to understand the issue here. Why can't people see that by creating a social norm where women are expected to accept help from men they barely know, that it's rude to refuse and please consider how they'd feel if something awful happened to you , they actually create a situation where women are at increased risk? In the balance of probabilities, a woman is far more likely to be attacked by someone she chatted to in the pub than a random on the street.

If course all your husbands and sons are wonderful, but you know not all men are (or this wouldn't be a discussion at all) and yet you want women to automatically assume they'll be safe with your (all) men and please don't hurt their feelings

I walked to the supermarket. But I have no problem with walking home late at night, either.

If they actually said no i don't want you to that's different. The OP saying she's fine to me reads very differently.