When people (men) insist on walking you home

[Checkedtowel]

I was out at a social thing last night and ended up being last there with 2 men, primarily because we're the ones who've finished work for Christmas so the only ones who didn't need to be up this morning.

Anyway it was about 11pm and a 15 minute walk home. Similar for them (they live close to each other) but in a different direction.

I'd planned to walk home alone anyway. O walked there on my own, I told them I was fine walking home on my own. I know there is a small risk but it's a risk I'm prepared to take and refuse to restrict my life out of fear. I'm not uncomfortable doing this walk which I've done many times before. I don't know these men particularly well so could have been at risk from them as much as anyone else.

Anyway, they insisted and both accompanied me to my door then set off to walk back in the other direction.

It's happened to me before too. Often when out in a group close to home someone will insist on seeing me home. Some female friends even instruct their husband's to take me!

Is this lovely or chauvinistic and a little controlling?

It’s drummed into my older teens that they don’t let anyone walk home alone, male or female friends. They were doing a good thing.

Why do we bother telling girls and young women that they have the right to say no to a man and no man has the right to override their wishes, and to trust their instincts, when we’re then willing to change it about and say “oh well, if he was nice, and said that he was only doing it for your benefit, then you shouldn’t mind him ignoring you saying no. Give him the benefit of the doubt. Be kind.”

I’ve been ambulating myself around London, after dark and often inebriated, among many strangers, perfectly successfully, for many years. I’d feel far more intimidated by men I vaguely knew socially wanting to take me home and not accepting that I didn’t want them to by refusing to leave me alone.

^This

I don’t understand this argument. Are you saying the OP has to take care of the men’s feelings just because they might feel guilty in the event of something happening to her? Why does a woman have to look after a man’s feelings, especially a man she’s not close to and hasn’t entered into any sort of commitment with?

Men can't win. But I think this is perfectly acceptable and imagine how they would of felt if not walked you home and something had happened to you all for the sake of a 30 min walk.

I would judge a man letting a woman walk alone in honesty.
Yes, women should be able to walk anytime they choose. The reality is that is not safe to do so. I think of all the chances I have taken with my safety when younger. It was just luck that nothing happened. The more I did it, the less afraid I became.
If you felt they pressured you into their company and that made you feel unsafe, that is a very different reason and you would be reasonable to make alternative arrangements.

This just feeds into the picture of women being vulnerable creatures who need protected by men and who shouldnt be listened to because the men know best. I certainly wouldn't have wanted them to do that and in fact their chances of being attacked are higher than a women's. And if they have evil intent they now know her address.

Men can win really easily by listening to women and what they want, and respecting what they say. If they offer to accompany a woman home and she says “oh thank-you, that’s really kind” then they can do so and feel good about themselves. If she says “no, I’d really rather you didn’t” (and says so several times) then that doesn’t mean a man gets to try to make himself feel good by making her feel uncomfortable doing what he wants to do anyway.

’I’d feel far more intimidated by men I vaguely knew socially wanting to take me home and not accepting that I didn’t want them to by refusing to leave me alone’

This ^

This would be my DH and I love him even more for it. It’s nice to be surrounded by kind, well intentioned people. I agree though, that if you really don’t want them to, they need to respect that. I do think you need to be clear and say “I don’t want you to walk with me” rather than a vague “oh no, I’ll be fine by myself” which could potentially be interpreted as “I want the company but don’t want to ask you to put yourself out”.

Really ? Christ on a bike

No-one should walk alone men or women

I went for drinks with my male work partner. I got all feminist and indignant when he insisted on waiting with me for my taxi before getting his own. I asked why it was ok for him to be alone and not me.
His reply?
"More people want to rape and murder you than me"
I had and still have no answer to that. He was right.

This isn’t actually true. Statistically, men are far more likely to be attacked by strangers in muggings or just unprovoked assaults than women are to be attacked or raped by strangers. Women are in far greater danger from men they know.

I do this. I'm often one of the last ones out on a work night out, and am a big bloke so often a fair bit less pissed than other people. I end up putting a lot of people in taxis or walking them back to their hotel /home.

If someone was truly insistent that they didn't want the company then I'd leave them to it, but I'd feel horrible if I didn't offer and then something happened to them. It's not just women either, I'll happily go out of my way to make sure a pissed up man makes it home safely too.

They were being considerate, you were being polite. Neither is a bad thing, but you need to say: “Thank you, but I want to walk
home by myself. I prefer to walk alone.” If they take offence, so what?

@Iwritethissittinginthekitchensink It's not about protecting the mens feelings, I'm just acknowledging that they might be protecting their own. I know that I would feel fucking awful if a friend had been attacked and I hadn't seen them home when I could have.

It is a good thing imo, unless they themselves are predators.

This. The fact is most women are raped by someone they trust. I can appreciate that the men were being considerate, but some men would use this as an opportunity to attack a friend or acquaintance.

Some people who walk drunk girls home are rapists.

How do you know which they are though?

If I had an adult son I hope he would have done this.

Similar happened to me. I was walked home by 2 colleagues whom I knew well, at their instigation, for a walk I routinely did alone and at that hour. I probably did need someone to keep an eye on me as I was more drunk than I'd normally be (aged 19). I said goodbye to them at the door of my shared house. One of them snuck back in and raped me. In retrospect I think that individual had spiked me all evening, hence me being so drunk.

There's no one right answer here. People are understandably saying the men were nice and how kind of them. But sadly we don't always know which ones aren't nice until it's too late.

I'd prefer male acquaintances to not know where I live until I know them well.

In fairness, if you had declined their offer it was really patronising of them to act as if they knew better.

This.

If you're forcing someone to accept you doing something that they've specifically, repeatedly asked you not to do, then you're doing wrong. There's no confusion about it.