When people (men) insist on walking you home

[Checkedtowel]

I was out at a social thing last night and ended up being last there with 2 men, primarily because we're the ones who've finished work for Christmas so the only ones who didn't need to be up this morning.

Anyway it was about 11pm and a 15 minute walk home. Similar for them (they live close to each other) but in a different direction.

I'd planned to walk home alone anyway. O walked there on my own, I told them I was fine walking home on my own. I know there is a small risk but it's a risk I'm prepared to take and refuse to restrict my life out of fear. I'm not uncomfortable doing this walk which I've done many times before. I don't know these men particularly well so could have been at risk from them as much as anyone else.

Anyway, they insisted and both accompanied me to my door then set off to walk back in the other direction.

It's happened to me before too. Often when out in a group close to home someone will insist on seeing me home. Some female friends even instruct their husband's to take me!

Is this lovely or chauvinistic and a little controlling?

But how is she supposed to know that it comes from concern not intent to harm?

And how was I supposed to know they are nice guys?

You don't, and they don't know if you are a nice person or if you're vulnerable.

Because it's a tiny minority of men who are bastards. The majority actually care, believe it or not, and in your case you were with two men who you knew. I'd wager a guess that they were concerned about you, not thinking about sodding raping you.

I think it's great that adults look out for adults. At this time of year people who don't usually go into town late at night are finding their own way home from works christmas dos etc. Women and Men in their 50s and 60s etc as well as those who just generally don't go out-out that are younger. It's important to be aware that predators are experienced and know exactly who they can target easily and also how quickly accidents happen (tripping on way home and phone battery low etc) I would be very grateful if all adults were offered company for walking home, not just women.

This is a tough one.

On the one hand, maybe the guys were very well intentioned, and maybe they were concerned the OP was declining their offer out of politeness.

On the other hand, "off you go!" sounds liked a very clear request from the OP, however well-intentioned they were. Maybe the OP did not want these guys to know where she lives! They appear to have run roughshod over that one.

If I were myself in a similar situation in the future, I think what I might do is say that I feel better if I have a walk after being out drinking, and that I would really prefer to at least walk the woman to somewhere fairly close to her home if she did not mind, and then I could go on my way at whatever point she said was close enough. Then if she still said no, I would wish her well. Does that sound like a good balance?

Not all men are paedophiles. On that basis, surely it’s fine to give men benefit of the doubt and tell your children it’s okay if men they don’t know well offer them a lift or to show them a quicker route home from school because they’re probably just being nice men trying to help.

But we don’t tell children that because, even if 95% of men are just nice men looking out for a child’s well-being, we can’t tell who the 5% who want to hurt them are. And it’s exactly the same with rapists.

Pretty aghast that people think the OP should be fine with 2 men she doesn’t know well walking her home.

if she wanted them too, fine - but she didn’t and they wouldn’t take no for an answer

men who won’t take no for an answer are generally a problem…

Except its not a tiny minority and the OP has said more than once that she doesn't know these men well at all - they are pub acquaintances.

What we do know is that in a country which has almost entirely decriminalised sexual assault and rape of women, the chances of getting any redress when everyone saw you go off with that nice bloke Bill who you know and who offered to walk you home is less than zero.

It would be nice if predators came with handy tattoos on their heads, until that time women should not be forced to accept the company of any man when they have declined the offer.

But as numerous PPs have said. If they weren't good guys this is a common form of attack.

If the vast majority are good guys (which they are) the risk from me walking home alone is minute too.

But mostly, shouldn't it be my choice?

She didn't want the concern; and these aren't even men she knows that well.

Yes it should be your choice. NO means NO. Even to being walked home...

Because it's a tiny minority of men who are bastards. The majority actually care, believe it or not

Tell me how women tell the difference. I'd like to know, and I bet millions of women would as well.

I think they've been lovely!

not thinking about sodding raping you

OK, you outed yourself a bit there. Probably the kindest interpretation of that is that you think rape isn't that big a deal compared to men having hurty feelz.

Someone declines your company, you go. It is that simple between two adults. You do not have the right to impose yourself on someone else, ever, whoever you are, whether you think it's for "their own good" or not, and we have a word for following someone home after they've told you not to.

Especially when it's to make you feel better regardless of what the other person wants.

I had similar. A casual male friend who insisted on walking me home. I accepted because it really wasn't a safe area. He then invited himself in and tried very persistently (and phyically) to get me to sleep with him. I had female housemates who would probably have woken if he'd got properly nasty so wasn't particularly scared, but I've never accepted a walk home from another bloke. I'd given him no encouragement whatsoever.

I'm so sorry to the women who've posted here about being raped after being walked home.

💯

I agree!

Just take it. Personally I think it's kind and well meaning of them and actually very sensible.
Bad men are lurking everywhere, even in nice areas, and waking home alone at night makes you an easy target.
Id rather take a 15 minute walk home with 2 'chauvinistic' men than being raped or murdered.
Please don't walk alone late at night in future.

@maryberryslayers indeed lurking everywhere - including as friends and acquaintances who don’t respect when a woman says no

@Wanderingoff I think I'd take my chances with 2 men I have a social connection to and feel comfortable enough staying out with socially, alone, until 11pm vs waking home alone, at the mercy of compete strangers.
Most people, men or women, would insist that a female friend/acquaintance didn't walk home alone at night, it's just common sense really.
Women should be able to walk alone wherever they want, whenever they want. But that's just not realistic if they are to be safe.

@maryberryslayers most rapists are men women know

This thread is actually making me extremely angry now. I can hardly believe the horrendous attitudes on here, which are presumably quite common. You realise people think these things but it's stark to see it written down.

Even in discussion of the theoretical case where OP walks home alone and is attacked - the point of concern is HOW IT WOULD MAKE THE MEN FEEL!

Anyone who has criticised the OP - fuck you.

The problem is THEY know they're not going to rape OP, but the bloke you'd offer to walk you home and then try to rape you isn't going to admit it. Two of them could have man handled op into her flat and raped her. Two words against one. All consensual your honour, said if we walked her home she'd make it worth our time. No your honour, we left her in the front step and then walked each other home.

Yes they were trying to be nice, but they aren't the only grown up in this scenario and op has a right to say no.