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Original poster

I have every right to un-invite them, don’t I?

212 replies

asblindasabat · 21/12/2022 14:14

I’m hosting Christmas Day this year for my family and my in laws. My DH’s brother and his OH have both caught a really bad head cold / borderline flu.

They say they are coughing and spluttering, BIL has a chesty cough, sore throat, temperature etc.

We have been in contact, I’ve been wishing them to get better, as you do when someone is unwell, and they still think they can come to my house on Christmas Day!

BIL said that they will come if they feel up to it and that if they’re slightly better than what they are now, they’ll just take some lemsip and will come down and try to enjoy it as best they can.

I haven’t yet replied, I hate confrontation, but I feel a bit uneasy with them coming down here when they could be potentially still spreading an infection! Should I tell them that they shouldn’t come? At the same time, I feel a bit mean because it’s Christmas Day, we could leave the food round to their house so they can eat at home, if needs be but I don’t want myself or anyone else getting their germs.

DH says that if they’re feeling a bit better, even if not totally better, that there is no reason why they can’t come!

OP posts:
Original poster
asblindasabat · 21/12/2022 19:48

ShillyShallySherbet · 21/12/2022 19:41

There’s no right or wrong way to handle this, depends what your priorities are. Unfortunately you and your husband clearly have different priorities. For what it’s worth I think there’s a compromise which is to just be open minded and decide at the weekend. I’d say if they need to dose themselves up with lemsip to get through the day then they’re best off staying at home and if you can take food around to them then that’s very kind of you. If they’re coming out the other side of it by the weekend then go ahead as planned. You are totally in your rights to not want ill people in your house on Christmas Day.

yes, I’m going to review the situation Friday night/Saturday morning. If they’re free of vomiting/high temps by Sunday morning, then they can come as normal. If not, they will have their dinner brought to them.

I have even suggested to DH that we can set up Skype on the big TV in our lounge so we can video call them after we have all had our dinner so that we can talk to them and have some sort of interaction, if they’re up to it!

OP posts:
saraclara · 21/12/2022 19:52

Not excluding them at all, they would still be included given I’d be still cooking for them and they wouldn’t be leftovers, they’d be getting a proper meal just like the rest of us.

Since when has Christmas Day only been about the meal?

The Christmas when I (living alone) could only bubble with one of my daughters and not the other, was really upsetting on this regard. The fact that the daughter and son in law who were present delivered her meal to the absent one on their way home, did not remotely compensate for the excluded DD missing out on family time, gift giving, fun and affection on Christmas Day.

Msloverlover · 21/12/2022 19:59

God after the few years we’ve had (our previous two christmases were cancelled), there is no way I would disinvite people who had already been suffering from an cold for a while to an event that was still 4 days away! Where does it end? It’s winter, 50% of people have some kind of lurgy and you will probably get this one sooner or later.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

General health
Msloverlover · 21/12/2022 20:00

asblindasabat · 21/12/2022 19:48

yes, I’m going to review the situation Friday night/Saturday morning. If they’re free of vomiting/high temps by Sunday morning, then they can come as normal. If not, they will have their dinner brought to them.

I have even suggested to DH that we can set up Skype on the big TV in our lounge so we can video call them after we have all had our dinner so that we can talk to them and have some sort of interaction, if they’re up to it!

Show quote history

This is totally sensible and very different to what you said in your initial post.

Lilgamesh2 · 21/12/2022 20:00

saraclara · 21/12/2022 19:52

Not excluding them at all, they would still be included given I’d be still cooking for them and they wouldn’t be leftovers, they’d be getting a proper meal just like the rest of us.

Since when has Christmas Day only been about the meal?

The Christmas when I (living alone) could only bubble with one of my daughters and not the other, was really upsetting on this regard. The fact that the daughter and son in law who were present delivered her meal to the absent one on their way home, did not remotely compensate for the excluded DD missing out on family time, gift giving, fun and affection on Christmas Day.

So you would have infected her, given the choice?

Lovely mother you are.

Barbudura · 21/12/2022 20:07

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Dragonskin · 21/12/2022 20:07

Truthfully OP, I would be saying to them now that you'd love for them to still come if they are fully better, but if they still have symptoms then for the sake of them and everyone else you'd rather they stayed at home and rested (but you'll drop dinner round) - you'll speak on Saturday morning and make a call

Original poster
asblindasabat · 21/12/2022 20:09

saraclara · 21/12/2022 19:52

Not excluding them at all, they would still be included given I’d be still cooking for them and they wouldn’t be leftovers, they’d be getting a proper meal just like the rest of us.

Since when has Christmas Day only been about the meal?

The Christmas when I (living alone) could only bubble with one of my daughters and not the other, was really upsetting on this regard. The fact that the daughter and son in law who were present delivered her meal to the absent one on their way home, did not remotely compensate for the excluded DD missing out on family time, gift giving, fun and affection on Christmas Day.

if they’re infectious, they can’t attend another persons house. It disappointing as it’s Christmas but it’s not ok to make others sick just because its Christmas

OP posts:
Lndnmummy · 21/12/2022 20:11

@asblindasabat I'm typing this from bed, having been down with this bug myself for the last 10 days. For the love of god, tell them not to come. I haven't felt this sick in years, covid was a walk in the park in comparison. I was meant to see my inlaws this weekend but there is no way on earth I'd risk my MIL health like that. It would be so selfish. I stayed home, like any decent person would. Trust me. You don't want this bug

CovertImage · 21/12/2022 20:14

I love the way that we're all scared of fucking colds now in the UK

Computersaysno123 · 21/12/2022 20:19

Personally I don't really care about colds etc as we're in and out of them all the bloody time at the min. but I think if you do care you're more than within your rights to do what you're comfortable with so if you want to uninvite them do so

BanjoVio · 21/12/2022 20:19

Nope, absolutely would not allow them over the threshold. Why people feel the need to spread their germs is beyond me. I’d he telling them I think it’d be better for them and for you to stay at home, but you’ll be round with some Christmas dinner for them at X time.

saraclara · 21/12/2022 20:19

Lilgamesh2 · 21/12/2022 20:00

So you would have infected her, given the choice?

Lovely mother you are.

Show quote history

What are you on about? I wasnt ill. It was the Covid rules that separated people frm their family members that Christmas.

If my either of my DDs or their partners (or more likely my DGDs) had a cold right now, not in a million years would I tell them not to come for Christmas.

HyggeandTea · 21/12/2022 20:24

@CovertImage Yup. It's not great, is it.

Computersaysno123 · 21/12/2022 20:33

CovertImage · 21/12/2022 20:14

I love the way that we're all scared of fucking colds now in the UK

Wouldn't ever have been a thing in 2019. It's sad isn't it , I don't mean sad like pathetic, I mean sad sad 😢

BananaSpanner · 21/12/2022 20:34

TwentysixV · 21/12/2022 19:25

In our family, Christmas is about spending time together, having fun, making memories (and not getting uptight if someone is coughing a bit in the middle of winter). It couldn’t be replaced by delivering a plate of food. But if it’s just about the food/eating a meal is all it is to you guys then I guess delivering the food to them would suffice. I imagine if they’re still vomiting/feeling ill then they won’t want to come and if they’re better then they won’t be infectious. But sounds like you’ve already decided they’re not invited so not sure why you started the thread.

Show quote history

Agree with this. The focus on plating up the food for them as if that is the main thing is coming across as a bit odd. Surely it’s about the sitting down with family not the actual food that’s the important part.

You can do what you want but the way you write about them is cold. Like you’re talking about strangers not family.

If you’re cooking for them anyway, just relax about it. Speak to them on Xmas morning and make a judgement call between you all then. Cancelling 4 days before is a bit OTT and rude.

toomuchlaundry · 21/12/2022 20:38

@Computersaysno123 pre 2019 we wouldn’t go to see my parents if we had colds. DF had cancer, a cold might not have killed him but it would make his life harder than it already was.

Still try and avoid passing on germs to my elderly DM.

Computersaysno123 · 21/12/2022 20:39

@toomuchlaundry totally get that and honestly it trying to diminish it, I just think you're in the minority there

Computersaysno123 · 21/12/2022 20:39

#not

Original poster
asblindasabat · 21/12/2022 20:58

CovertImage · 21/12/2022 20:14

I love the way that we're all scared of fucking colds now in the UK

I think it’s become very clear that this isn’t a cold. BIL is now vomiting as well as the other symptoms such as a chesty cough and temperature etc.

if they had a slight sniffle or bunged up nose I wouldn’t be too bothered but it’s clearly a bit more than that.

OP posts:
Original poster
asblindasabat · 21/12/2022 21:01

BananaSpanner · 21/12/2022 20:34

Agree with this. The focus on plating up the food for them as if that is the main thing is coming across as a bit odd. Surely it’s about the sitting down with family not the actual food that’s the important part.

You can do what you want but the way you write about them is cold. Like you’re talking about strangers not family.

If you’re cooking for them anyway, just relax about it. Speak to them on Xmas morning and make a judgement call between you all then. Cancelling 4 days before is a bit OTT and rude.

Show quote history

i have since acknowledged that it is too early to cancel so In my thread, I have said I will wait until the weekend to make a decision based on their symptoms then.

Im not sure how I’m being cold. I want them to be here and I will be disappointed if they can’t be, but I’m not going to let them come and spread their germs just because their family and for the sake of eating dinner!

it would be better for them and everyone else if they stayed at home if they are so ill- it’s not cold to not want their germs! I will still provide them with a dinner!

OP posts:
Original poster
asblindasabat · 21/12/2022 21:08

If they are off work sick and he has even said themselves they would take lemsip to help perk him up to enjoy the dinner then that says it all really - if they still feel that way at the weekend I think it’s just a very bad idea for them to come.

It’s a shame they didn’t get this bug a month ago, it’s just typical that it’s at Christmas but not a lot anyone can do. I would like them to come but it’s not worth making everyone else sick.

OP posts:
Noonesperfect · 21/12/2022 21:29

I'm totally in agreement with you OP, why should you have to,have their disgusting virus spread all over your house! You sound very kind offering to take them a meal round. People saying you should have them round, let them entertain them instead and have plenty of sick buckets to hand . 😜

autienotnaughty · 21/12/2022 21:39

I'd message back and say. "See how you feel over next couple of days. If your still poorly probably best not to come. But don't worry we will send your food round so you don't miss out. "

Noonesperfect · 21/12/2022 21:44

By the way , I don't think you sound cold at all. Take no notice of people saying otherwise and expecting you to be prepared to catch a horrible sick bug. It's ridiculous.