I have every right to un-invite them, don’t I?

[asblindasabat]

I’m hosting Christmas Day this year for my family and my in laws. My DH’s brother and his OH have both caught a really bad head cold / borderline flu.

They say they are coughing and spluttering, BIL has a chesty cough, sore throat, temperature etc.

We have been in contact, I’ve been wishing them to get better, as you do when someone is unwell, and they still think they can come to my house on Christmas Day!

BIL said that they will come if they feel up to it and that if they’re slightly better than what they are now, they’ll just take some lemsip and will come down and try to enjoy it as best they can.

I haven’t yet replied, I hate confrontation, but I feel a bit uneasy with them coming down here when they could be potentially still spreading an infection! Should I tell them that they shouldn’t come? At the same time, I feel a bit mean because it’s Christmas Day, we could leave the food round to their house so they can eat at home, if needs be but I don’t want myself or anyone else getting their germs.

DH says that if they’re feeling a bit better, even if not totally better, that there is no reason why they can’t come!

This is manky AF even before covid. We went to MIL's for christmas, years ago. BIL's GF had a mega cold and had absolutely no worries about splattering us all with the germs. Me and DH were ill for a fortnight afterwards, all of the time we had off work together. We both had stressful, long hours jobs and really wanted the break. Fucking selfish and filthy IMO to spread germs.

Nope not a chance . I’ve got the bug and i expect to have it for days yet to come. No way would I go to anyone’s house and spread it. Beyond selfish.

cross posted with you OP. I think your proposal re Sat sounds good.

Tell them NOW that if they're not feeling ok by then, you'll have them round later because you don't want to catch what they've got!

They said they would come (if) they felt better. I would understand if they are coughing and spluttering. But if its just a slight stuffy nose I personally would not worry. But at the end of the day its what you feel comfortable with.

When I have a friend come over if I have a cough/cold I let them know. I always just say I have a cough type bug your welcome to come if you want . But just letting you know incase you don't want to come . And same if I was popping to her place

If un a couple of days they are still not well could you just ring them.amd take the lead before they get the chance just say . I know you have not been well so I have made you a lovely Xmas meal. I will be there in an hour to drop it off.

But on the other hand it would be horrible to have Xmas alone . I know they aren't totally alone . But I would feel bad

What’s a head cold and a borderline flu?

Why don’t you call them on Friday to discuss. Be sympathetic etc. if it were me I’d be apologetic but firm and say if they’re ill on Christmas Day we’d be really disappointed to miss them and what a shame etc etc but would deliver them Christmas dinner rather than risk your own family getting sick. And if you’re feeling extra kind offer to pick up a few treats for them on the Saturday if they don’t think they’ll be well enough to come over. I think being clear about what works for you while also being very sympathetic is the best way forward

No yanbu: I’ve been unwell since sun, it’s showing no sign of going ( not Covid) already cancelled seeing fam this week!

OP, I would not wait until Friday to tell them. If you are this anxious about them not being well enough then you're going to worry the whole time. Being 'well' is subjective. Some people feel ok but they're spluttering everywhere.

In all seriousness, if this is a deal-breaker for you then tell your husband that what you'll be doing is offering to deliver dinner to them with a firm promise of future plans when they're better.

Don't leave it until the last minute.

I am an expert at uninviting sick people. You have to reframe the conversation away from "hope you feel better so you can come" towards "hope you're not still contagious so you can come".

Then when you check in with them be sure to ask "are you still symptomatic/ coughing/ sneezing?" NOT "how are you feeling?" So it's clear what the barometer is for being too sick to attend.

Also include helpful phrases like "oh poor you! We have recently recovered from a nasty cold, it took weeks and has been such a pain." So they know that reinfecting you would be a great sin.

You have to also be very kind and sympathetic to their ailment so you don't come across like a bitch but main thing is to shift the convo away from how they're feeling and towards their symptoms.

There's time for them to get better and be uninfectious, but it is cutting it close and the conversation should start now. A few days ago one of our guests said in casual chat that he'd been off sick with a bug. It was clear that he wasn't informing me he may be unable to attend, so i offered lots of sympathy and said i hoped he'd be uninfectious in time. No one wants to pick up a bug during the holidays and we can only manage what we know.

I completely agree with you, for what it's worth. There are some very nasty bugs going around and the last thing you need is to catch whatever they've got, which you probably would if they came. You have every right not to want to be poorly for the rest of the festive period.

Honestly in four days even if they're not totally better, they're incredibly unlikely to be infectious at that stage.
I think you're being a bit mean and wonder if it was you family would you be so quick to un-invite then

If I thought someone was infectious, I would I uninvite someone regardless of who they are. I don’t think it’s something that should be taken personally. Any decent person should know it’s just common sense to limit your contacts when you’re sick to avoid passing it on to other people.

@asblindasabat I completely agree with you. You wouldn't be expected to let them in if they were going to punch you in the face, and yet a nasty cold is much more miserable than a bruise.

I'm glad there's some common sense on this thread......

on another thread when I said people shouldn't needlessly mix with others when they are knowingly sick I was jumped on, the opposite of this thread seemed to be the consensus on that one!

I'm with you OP, they shouldn't be coming if they are sick, especially as you've still offered to take their lunch round for them.

I’d word it as you can’t possibly travel still unwell, a bug from one of the children on top of this would make you really ill. Let’s wait until next week/ the week after and get together then.

Why don’t you say
‘Hi I know you won’t want to exhaust yourself and spread any germs - we won’t want to be Ill either - why don’t I plate you up a Christmas dinner and deliver it and then you can relax and watch Netflix at yours without the stress of cooking ‘

As others suggested, I would also try to kindly encourage them not to come. If they had any common sense they wouldn't impose it on you, but maybe they need a few hints 😅
Try and get your DH onboard with this decision or you'll just end up arguing over it

I could be 'symptomatic' weeks after a good, due to sinus issues. You can't just dictate that sometime not attend because they're still sniffling or have s headache.

Seriously, anyone in a public/children/patient facing job is dealing with far more risk of getting ill from flu, colds or Covid than you are by having a couple of close family members round for Christmas dinner.

They're highly unlikely to be infectious in four days, and no, you simply cannot ban them from their planned Christmas day because one of them is still coughing/bunged up/ headachey.

I've been coughing for two weeks. I'm not remotely ill. I felt off colour for maybe 36 hours at the beginning. Fortunately my adult daughters are not treating me like a leper and continue to see me and hug me. Because I'm not ill or infectious.

@saraclara you can ban them when it’s your own home! You can’t dictate who visits someone else’s home ill, but you can lay down the rules when it’s your own home like the OP.

I think I'd tell them today that they need to be 'fever free' for the 48 hours before Xmas Day to be sure they aren't still infectious. I'd be less concerned about symptoms hanging on as long as they weren't still running a temp.

DS1 and DiL are currently Covid+. We're hoping they'll be Covid- by Xmas Day.

Your home, your rules.

Personally, I could never uninvite someone over something like this, but we're all different.

I think it sounds ridiculous to uninvite them actually. It would totally ruin their Christmas. Surely if these are people you are close to, then Christmas with family is a really important thing. You never know what’s in store for the future/whether this could be the last Christmas you all have together so why make your family miss out on a precious special celebration just because you might get a cold from them, which you could pick up anywhere? They’re unlikely to be infectious by then and even if they are, if you’re not immunosuppressed is it really that bad if you have a winter bug for a bit after having a family gathering? To me that sounds better than excluding family and making them sit and watch Netflix alone on Christmas with some leftovers.

I can ban or uninvite anyone as I please, given I own my house!

This clearly is more than a sniffly nose - they have chesty coughs, persistent sneezing, sore throat, muscle aches and a high temperature. They’ve been off work all week.

I think I’m quite within my rights to politely tell them I don’t want them attending my house when they could spread it to others. I don’t want to end up with the same symptoms they have!