I have every right to un-invite them, don’t I?

[asblindasabat]

I’m hosting Christmas Day this year for my family and my in laws. My DH’s brother and his OH have both caught a really bad head cold / borderline flu.

They say they are coughing and spluttering, BIL has a chesty cough, sore throat, temperature etc.

We have been in contact, I’ve been wishing them to get better, as you do when someone is unwell, and they still think they can come to my house on Christmas Day!

BIL said that they will come if they feel up to it and that if they’re slightly better than what they are now, they’ll just take some lemsip and will come down and try to enjoy it as best they can.

I haven’t yet replied, I hate confrontation, but I feel a bit uneasy with them coming down here when they could be potentially still spreading an infection! Should I tell them that they shouldn’t come? At the same time, I feel a bit mean because it’s Christmas Day, we could leave the food round to their house so they can eat at home, if needs be but I don’t want myself or anyone else getting their germs.

DH says that if they’re feeling a bit better, even if not totally better, that there is no reason why they can’t come!

I would reassess the situation on Friday evening - still unwell, then fair enough to say you will drop off food. Given they have been off work all week they may feel much better by day 5/6.

In 4 days time I'd doubt that they'd still be infectious.

I wouldn't be bothered about a cold. I'd rather they tested for Covid, because if I got that I couldn't work and I'm self-employed so dint get sick pay. An ordinary cold is just a winter nuisance.

Is this day one for them? If it is I might suggest they shouldn't come, if they've had it for a couple of day I think they would probably be OK to come.

Bloody hell there's no way I'd be having them over! I would totally be suggesting someone drops them a dinner round. I wouldn't go to someone's house if I was ill either.

If they've been off work all week I would think they'd be OK by Sunday. They might still have a cough or runny nose but the infectious stage would be gone. Even covid is OK after 7 days isn't it?

No, it really won’t ruin their Christmas. It’s not my fault they got ill.

It would ruin their Christmas if I told them they can’t come and didn’t even leave dinner round for them - but I am going to make them their dinner, just as I would be if they were to attend in person, but instead of them eating it at my dining room table, they will be eating it in their own house. They can’t have it all!

I could get a cold/flu anywhere, but I’m not quite sure why you think it’s sensible to just blatantly increase the risk of myself getting their bug and that of my guests? It’s double the risk as the two of them are sick, two unwell people in my house in close proximity to other people will just mean that they will spread it to other people. So yes, I don’t want to get their bug for the sake of having Christmas dinner together, they can eat at home and we will see them in the New Year!

To me that sounds better than excluding family and making them sit and watch Netflix alone on Christmas with some leftovers.

Not excluding them at all, they would still be included given I’d be still cooking for them and they wouldn’t be leftovers, they’d be getting a proper meal just like the rest of us. Not sure if you’re joking or not by suggesting I should risk making myself or my guests ill just so they don’t have to eat their dinner at home!

BIL just off phone with DH saying he has been throwing up all day and doesn’t feel good at all.

I mean if they really are still like this by Friday night I’m sure you can all see why I don’t want them at my house. I want them to be clear of vomiting and high temperatures by at least 48 hrs.

What's your husband saying OP?
Does he also agree?

No he doesn’t. He thinks they should be coming here. I think he’s just encouraging them to come anyway which is really pissing me off as they really should not be coming if they are still as sick as they say they are on Friday.

Sometimes it feels like I’m the only one with common sense in this family !

It’s sounds like you are going to uninvited them no matter what. You can definitely do that, but as you’ve seen here not everyone thinks that is the right thing to do. You do have to be prepared for people to get upset. They wouldn’t be wrong either.

Yeah I feel you, must be really frustrating...

It is the right thing to do if they aren’t well. I don’t want their germs and I’m certain my other guests won’t either. This isn’t a personal vendetta against them, it’s simply because they could make everyone else come down with a bug.

Look, you have decided what you're going to do, so just get on with it!
Why are you arguing with and justifying yourself to strangers when you've made your mind up and you're confident in your decision?

You're quite right that it's your house, your rules, but that doesn't mean everyone else should feel or do the same as you in their own houses.

Of course they would be wrong. They don't have a right to make someone else sick.

It's her body and her choice if she doesn't want their lurgy.

When did I tell anyone else what to do in their own houses??

In our family, Christmas is about spending time together, having fun, making memories (and not getting uptight if someone is coughing a bit in the middle of winter). It couldn’t be replaced by delivering a plate of food. But if it’s just about the food/eating a meal is all it is to you guys then I guess delivering the food to them would suffice. I imagine if they’re still vomiting/feeling ill then they won’t want to come and if they’re better then they won’t be infectious. But sounds like you’ve already decided they’re not invited so not sure why you started the thread.

Id be letting them know its fine for them to come if fully recovered but if not you'd rather they keep germs to themselves! If you do it now they have time to get stuff in just in case, when we just to go to family I always had food in freezer in case plans went to pot.
Tell them if they can't make they day you will plan something for a few days later instead.

It's four days away!
But also, colds and virus' are just part of normal life.

Well you didn't but you're clearly on a mission to convince everyone else YOUR way is the best way! And maybe it is, for you.

I don't know why you're keeping this thread going now... Seems to me like you should be talking to or arguing with your DH about it now instead of justifying yourself and arguing with strangers on here.
And on that note, I'm taking my own advice.

the only alternative to them not coming is to just allow them to come and let them spread their chesty cough, sore throat, high temperature and vomiting. Sure it doesn’t matter if anyone else gets sick as long as we all get our Christmas dinner.

It is a bit more than a cough though. They seem to think that it is still a good idea to come even though it’s now come to light one of them is throwing up. I don’t want them spewing their Turkey all over my lovely carpet never mind anything else!

There’s no right or wrong way to handle this, depends what your priorities are. Unfortunately you and your husband clearly have different priorities. For what it’s worth I think there’s a compromise which is to just be open minded and decide at the weekend. I’d say if they need to dose themselves up with lemsip to get through the day then they’re best off staying at home and if you can take food around to them then that’s very kind of you. If they’re coming out the other side of it by the weekend then go ahead as planned. You are totally in your rights to not want ill people in your house on Christmas Day.

People who are genuinely unwell will want to stay at home.
See what Saturday brings.