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Original poster

I have every right to un-invite them, don’t I?

212 replies

asblindasabat · 21/12/2022 14:14

I’m hosting Christmas Day this year for my family and my in laws. My DH’s brother and his OH have both caught a really bad head cold / borderline flu.

They say they are coughing and spluttering, BIL has a chesty cough, sore throat, temperature etc.

We have been in contact, I’ve been wishing them to get better, as you do when someone is unwell, and they still think they can come to my house on Christmas Day!

BIL said that they will come if they feel up to it and that if they’re slightly better than what they are now, they’ll just take some lemsip and will come down and try to enjoy it as best they can.

I haven’t yet replied, I hate confrontation, but I feel a bit uneasy with them coming down here when they could be potentially still spreading an infection! Should I tell them that they shouldn’t come? At the same time, I feel a bit mean because it’s Christmas Day, we could leave the food round to their house so they can eat at home, if needs be but I don’t want myself or anyone else getting their germs.

DH says that if they’re feeling a bit better, even if not totally better, that there is no reason why they can’t come!

OP posts:
Original poster
asblindasabat · 21/12/2022 15:07

Swalewhale · 21/12/2022 15:00

Bugs are normally most infectious before you even have signs of it, not 4 days after. It sounds like you want a little reason not to have them round

Not true. I’m just uncomfortable with being in close proximity with not only one, but two people with an infection. I don’t particularly want it and I’m sure none of my other guests do either.

I thought after covid it was just common sense to stay away from gatherings if you have any respiratory infection.

OP posts:
Anewhoo · 21/12/2022 15:09

The poor people are ill, surely they don’t deserve the added indignity of schloer!! I’d prefer to have the flu than that!!

Original poster
asblindasabat · 21/12/2022 15:10

to clarify, if they haven’t had a temperature in 48 hrs by Christmas Day and they’re feeling totally better, I am happy for them to attend as normal.

I don’t want them here if they still have a temperature or any other symptoms. They have been off work sick this week and will be the rest of the week so if they are too ill to go to work, they are too ill to go to another person’s house.

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

General health
nomcachange · 21/12/2022 15:11

Gosh. Were all you germphobes this bad pre-pandemic?

toomuchlaundry · 21/12/2022 15:12

I’m on week 4 of the lurgy that seems to be doing the rounds at the moment. It seems to be the bug that keeps on giving, get rid of one symptom and another appears. If they are still in the midst of it I wouldn’t want them anywhere near anyone else especially if you are hosting elderly relatives

Original poster
asblindasabat · 21/12/2022 15:12

nomcachange · 21/12/2022 15:11

Gosh. Were all you germphobes this bad pre-pandemic?

I don’t think there’s anything strange about not wanting someone with possible flu in your house. To answer your question, yes my stance would be exactly the same as it is now if this situation occurred at Christmas 2019.

OP posts:
Ihatethenewlook · 21/12/2022 15:13

Have you had a proper conversation with them over this? There’s every chance they don’t want to attend feeling like this, but don’t want to mess you around or let you down

TolkiensFallow · 21/12/2022 15:13

I wouldn’t want ill people in my house either. Just speak to them Xmas eve, see how they are and if necessary say “were really sorry you’re so unwell, we’ll bring your dinner to you as we don’t want to catch it and you probably just want to stay in your pjs all day”

SuKnackered · 21/12/2022 15:14

If they had flu, they'd feel too ill to get out of bed, never mind go to someone's house for a Christmas dinner.

As for That coldy bug lasts for weeks! - so it's just one coldy bug doing the rounds, is it? Hmm

If they're well enough to enjoy a Christmas dinner at someone else's house, I'd say they were ok to come.

Original poster
asblindasabat · 21/12/2022 15:15

Ihatethenewlook · 21/12/2022 15:13

Have you had a proper conversation with them over this? There’s every chance they don’t want to attend feeling like this, but don’t want to mess you around or let you down

No we haven’t to be fair but if it were me, I’d just text and say “I’m so sorry for any inconvenience this may cause, but I am feeling extremely under the weather with flu at the minute and I don’t think I’m going to be able to make it on Christmas Day”

OP posts:
dogtheted · 21/12/2022 15:19

It could well just be a cold. They might be fine in 4 days time.

Original poster
asblindasabat · 21/12/2022 15:20

SuKnackered · 21/12/2022 15:14

If they had flu, they'd feel too ill to get out of bed, never mind go to someone's house for a Christmas dinner.

As for That coldy bug lasts for weeks! - so it's just one coldy bug doing the rounds, is it? Hmm

If they're well enough to enjoy a Christmas dinner at someone else's house, I'd say they were ok to come.

Even with a cold, I still feel somewhat uncomfortable sitting at the dinner table with 2 people with colds. I don’t want to be in the same room as someone who is coughing and spluttering all over the place. They need to consider the other people who will be in their presence.

I don’t want them to miss it either, but if they are infectious that’s just the way it is . Like I said, I will still deliver the dinner to them.

OP posts:
Quweenie · 21/12/2022 15:23

Anewhoo · 21/12/2022 15:09

The poor people are ill, surely they don’t deserve the added indignity of schloer!! I’d prefer to have the flu than that!!

🤣 This was my first thought.

magicstar1 · 21/12/2022 15:23

You'd be well within your rights to do that. I had a relative turn up a few years ago...she'd been in hospital with Australian flu, and we thought she was better. After coughing and spluttering all evening, I ended up in bed for a week with the worst flu I've ever had. She didn't do it on purpose, but it was horrible.

Original poster
asblindasabat · 21/12/2022 15:25

magicstar1 · 21/12/2022 15:23

You'd be well within your rights to do that. I had a relative turn up a few years ago...she'd been in hospital with Australian flu, and we thought she was better. After coughing and spluttering all evening, I ended up in bed for a week with the worst flu I've ever had. She didn't do it on purpose, but it was horrible.

Exactly. I don’t want to be spending the rest of the festive period in bed with cold/flu.

OP posts:
gogohmm · 21/12/2022 15:30

It's 4 days away. Every chance they will be much better by then. I certainly wouldn't refuse to just someone because they had a cold the previous week

Nimbostratus100 · 21/12/2022 15:33

sorry, but there is no such thing as "Borderline flu" They have flu, or they dont.

If they have flu, a) they wont be able to come unless they are better, becasue you haven't got the strength to socialise with proper flu! b) you will presumably have had your flu jab, so wont be vulnerable

Nordix · 21/12/2022 15:34

asblindasabat · 21/12/2022 15:15

No we haven’t to be fair but if it were me, I’d just text and say “I’m so sorry for any inconvenience this may cause, but I am feeling extremely under the weather with flu at the minute and I don’t think I’m going to be able to make it on Christmas Day”

Show quote history

Four days out, I wouldn’t be texting anyone anything.

DH and I both had terrible flu/chesty thing recently, it was all over in four days. If they’ve already had it a couple of days for you to be checking on them, it’s very unlikely they’ll still have it on Christmas day or still be infectious.

You seem very over the top, or have just
forgotten how long illnesses usually last.

Original poster
asblindasabat · 21/12/2022 15:36

Nordix · 21/12/2022 15:34

Four days out, I wouldn’t be texting anyone anything.

DH and I both had terrible flu/chesty thing recently, it was all over in four days. If they’ve already had it a couple of days for you to be checking on them, it’s very unlikely they’ll still have it on Christmas day or still be infectious.

You seem very over the top, or have just
forgotten how long illnesses usually last.

Show quote history

If you read my PP, you will see I said that I am happy for them to attend if they are clear of all symptoms

OP posts:
VioletLemon · 21/12/2022 15:39

Absolutely!
Inform DH he can make an alternative arrangement for his family after NY. Its unacceptable to think it's fine to spread germs.

Just breezily say, oh no its a real dissapointment but obviously they can't visit when unwell & likely to spread it. And big up the exciting restaurants or activities he can arrange for you all.... Hmmm where will you all go?!

It's not about if they 'feel okay' or not!!!!

Original poster
asblindasabat · 21/12/2022 15:40

My proposal is that they if they are still symptomatic / have a high temp on Saturday, that they don’t attend. We will still cook dinner and deliver it to them and drop their gifts off at their front door.

Then in the new year, we can meet with them to substitute for not meeting on Christmas Day.

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 21/12/2022 15:42

Just tell them that you are feeling ill and that you'll see them sometime afterwards.

I don't understand why you can't be truthful and straightforward with friends/family but it seems that you and many others prefer to go all around the houses, never saying what you mean. It's pathetic but there it is.

Tell a lie and make it a good one. And maybe considering stopping having people to your home? That would fix the problem.

PingPongMerrilyWithPie · 21/12/2022 15:44

"DH says that if they’re feeling a bit better, even if not totally better, that there is no reason why they can’t come!"

Trouble is they're unlikely to be just a tiny bit better, and also unlikely to be 100% well. Chances are they'll be somewhere in between, and it'll be a judgement call whether they are "improved enough". I think it's a bit early to call it for Sunday.

If they are determined to come, I don't think you can uninvite them without looking rude. I totally take your point that it is polite to decline if you're unwell, but I think it would be OTT to decline on Weds for a meal on Sunday.

Original poster
asblindasabat · 21/12/2022 15:47

Ok well maybe I was being a bit premature to consider telling them not to come 4 days prior, but I will review it on Saturday

OP posts:
Crunchingleaf · 21/12/2022 15:50

Normally this wouldn’t be something that would bother me too much. Even before COVID I wouldn’t visit certain people if I had the sniffles but others I wouldn’t of worried about. If your too sick for work then your definitely too sick to visit others though.
this year I have a toddler who has had one illness after another since early November and I am pregnant so I am picking up most of his illnesses too. I can’t deal with anymore sickness.. even just a cold.
I honestly won’t be welcoming anyone inside our door with even minor symptoms. I know he is building up his immune system and it will get better but I am too heavily pregnant to cope with any more tears or the lack of sleep a sick toddler brings.