Christmas ruined

[Pushingdaisys]

me and my partner and also my dd dad have been in a rocky relationship for a while he moved out and we continued with the relationship, the plan was him stay at mine Christmas Eve as he wanted to spend it with her and watch her open her presents. We booked a light show to take dd he phoned last night and said he’s decided against it he’s taking his son Instead because he thinks dd is too young. I got upset and told him I don’t think it’s fair to cut a long story short we went half’s on presents which he kept in his and now he’s saying I’m a spoilt brat to be upset and refusing to give dd presents back and said he hates me etc I’m at a loss on how i will get them back, he’s a control freak who runs the show

@Pushingdaisys I'm a spiritualist and am involved in allsorts to do with spirituality. Dh isn't really but doesn't judge and let's me do what I want without ridicule. We're all different and need to accept that.
He sounds worse the more you write.

It used to make me feel better I was free then I met him he was fine at first i recall telling my sister he was the one bring me flowers, open car doors for me and held my hand made me feel safe like I was the only women there, the red flags was there I worked admin in a recycling unit he made me leave the job as there was men working so I got a job in a school I thought he was being insecure but in a nice way

Then my baby was born it was little things the bath water wasn’t the right temp, the baby crying was my fault I thought he’s probably right this was my first time with a baby he asked me to marry him give me a ring then a man moved in next door he said I made eye contact and bent all my new ring

@Pushingdaisys 😳 bloody hell I hope you have learned from this. I wonder why you allowed him to have such control over you? Maybe some therapy might help? You need to take back your power which it sounds like you're trying to do.

I ask my self this all the time when I with him I feel like a weak kitten he’s 6ft3 he’s domineering. It was like I was trying to do things right or he would start it’s been a anxious time

@Pushingdaisys you need to get the police involved if you ever feel threatened.

I'm off to bed. Sleep well pet and try not to worry. You're doing well.

Love, PLEASE don't beat yourself up or do the 'if I did/didn't do this, then he would/wouldn't do that' thing we do to ourselves. You did things the way you felt was right (baby's bath, baby crying etc) and he used your perfectly normal actions and twisted them so he could use them as weapons to tear you down.

The very wise Dr Maya Angelou once said "You did then what you knew how to do. Now that you know better, you'll do better". Those of us who have been in abusive relationships were doing then what we knew how to do. We coped the best we could. Once we got out of those relationships we learned to do better. And you are already learning, aren't you? At the beginning of this thread you didn't know what do to. Now you do. You know you don't want to be with him anymore and you are taking steps to keep him away from you and DD. See? You're already doing better.

@babyjellyfish theft, knife crime, fraud, drug dealing...
you actually believe these crimes more impressive than coercive control.

Thank god domestic abuse units of the police force don't agree with you. Your posts are a disgrace. Please stop 🛑

His mum phoned me and said he has said he’ll drop presents off on your door as long as you let him come Christmas morning and watch her open them and hel leave after. I’ve told her no i do not want him in my home this is my safe and I no longer want hom
in here

Don’t want him

Er, well some police forces think that misgendering people on Twitter and putting up feminist stickers are crimes more worthy of their time than actually going out and catching rapists, so I'm not sure that's a particularly compelling argument.

I am in no way minimising domestic abuse and coercive control. The people suggesting the OP calls the police and takes up their time with a complaint about withheld Christmas presents are doing that though.

Obviously if the OP believes she might be in danger then she should flag it up. But otherwise, the police should be encouraged to get on with protecting people who actually are in danger. They don't have unlimited resources.

And even if you limit this to purely the OP's situation, if she contacts the police today about Christmas presents, and then maybe again in three weeks' time because her ex posted something upsetting on Facebook, then if she calls them two months from now and says she thinks he might kill her, they'll be less likely to take her seriously.

Well done @Pushingdaisys stay strong. Your daughter doesn't need those presents.

I think it's highly likely that he will show up on your doorstep on Christmas morning, so if at all possible I would suggest you sleep somewhere else on Christmas Eve.

I can’t my sister said I can go to hers but she has 3 children her and her partner. I really should not have to leave my home because of it. I will just have to ignore the door or hope he doesn’t

I’m not my mum has lent me money to go and get her some toys and dolly’s. I’m going make Christmas Eve special go on a walk to see all the houses lit up and home to relax and early night

I hope you have a lovely and peaceful Christmas @Pushingdaisys.
Everyone here has given you some excellent advice. Don't be afraid to post again for support

Thankyou I’m looking forward to my new year with my little girl, have a lovely Christmas x

Wishing everyone a lovely Christmas ❤️

He'll be fuming. Please phone the police when/if he gets nasty. Don't let him intimidate you any more.

All the best to you and your dad ❤️🎄

Dad 🤣 dd of course

😂was going to say if you know where my dad is but that’s for another time. He’s still for me blocked and getting his mum to do his work she’s just as bad as him I’m starting to see

It’s my no 1 job now to make our lives easier

Apple doesn't fall far from the tree then with regards to his mum.

Just remember, the moment of breaking away from an abusive relationship is the most risky time for you and your daughter.

You need to be on alert and super strong! If you are concerned about your safety at all call 101 and tell them you are leaving an abusive relationship and what your worries are so that it is logged.

If you rent through the council or a housing association call them and tell them. Most have domestic abuse teams within them and they can help add additional security to the home.

Do not back down to him or his mum they will try every trick in the book.

I won’t be I’ve had enough of years of this his mum doesn’t know the half of it because she doesn’t want to listen to how her son makes me walk with my head to the ground so I can’t look around, list in endless