Christmas ruined

[Pushingdaisys]

me and my partner and also my dd dad have been in a rocky relationship for a while he moved out and we continued with the relationship, the plan was him stay at mine Christmas Eve as he wanted to spend it with her and watch her open her presents. We booked a light show to take dd he phoned last night and said he’s decided against it he’s taking his son Instead because he thinks dd is too young. I got upset and told him I don’t think it’s fair to cut a long story short we went half’s on presents which he kept in his and now he’s saying I’m a spoilt brat to be upset and refusing to give dd presents back and said he hates me etc I’m at a loss on how i will get them back, he’s a control freak who runs the show

LTB means “Leave the bastard”.
And it’s sound advice

If you haven’t seen these presents, they may not exist, or he may have got refunds on them.
It would explain his reluctance to let you have them.

It’s not often that I comment on threads like this but it’s triggered such a strong reaction in me I feel I must. Your ‘partner’ is abusive. You know this and it seems from your response that your family have reaffirmed this on numerous occasions. You need to work on your self-esteem now or else your life will continue to be dominated by abusive men (be it your current partner or another man) and you will never achieve a happiness or peace that we all deserve in life. But worse of all your DD will grow up to believe that such treatment of women is acceptable and a normal part of a healthy relationship – perpetuating the abuse. You owe it to her more than anyone not to allow that to happen. You can’t control the behaviour of your current partner, but you can certainly control how you respond to it. Make that change now – for your sake and for your daughter.

They will probably be really relieved to hear that you have chosen to move on from this toxic relationship. You sound very young, I think it is time to focus on yourself and your daughter, building a strong life with each other rather than relying on someone who you know is going to let you both down.

Hundreds and hundreds of women bring up happy, healthy and well adjusted children on their own. If you can gain confidence in yourself then when it comes to making a relationship with someone else you will have higher standards and won’t believe that you have to put up with being treated badly. Narcissistic men who treat children and partners badly often seek out vunerable women, the best way to protect your self and your daughter from inadequate self centred men is to value yourself and make this clear in any relationship from the start.

For you and your daughters wellbeing, you need this man out of your lives.

You are strong & can do this.

ok, your daughter’s 3, she will be happy spending the time with you. Can you do some festive baking on the day maybe?
Also I know you said you can’t afford to buy more presents at this stage but there are great toys and books in the charity shops that don’t cost a fortune.

Stay strong.

DO NOT LET HIM SEE YOUR CHILD ON CHRISTMAS EVE OR CHRISTMAS DAY!!!!

Ignore any unsupportive comments. I hope you can keep strong. He's an abusive bastard.

Have a look in charity shops. Shame you're not on Facebook there's always local groups that help people.

OP he's an absolute jingling bell end.

Sulking because you got your nails done and he didn't like it? Threatening to throw your daughter's presents away and leave her with nothing?

You really need to remember how this feels and never let him (or anyone else) have the chance to do it to you again. From this point on, through the Freedom programme or whatever, you don't accept this shit and you don't let your daughter think this is an ok way to be treated.

Don't just step away from DD dad, take the time to work on understanding abuse and how pond slime like your ex feed on vulnerability and low self-esteem.

Have a lovely Christmas with your DD, she won't care about presents. The best gift she can have is a strong and happy mum.

I’m not his mum has phoned to ask can she bring the present she bought for her up and I’ve told her no

Is there court ordered contact?

If so, comply with that.

If not ... ignore him. Look up grey rock

Accept that you will never get his, or his mum's or anyone else's approval. You are the parent now. It's up to you to parent your lovely DD as you see fit.

He doesn't need to be given any part of that.

My DDs face lit up too until about age 8 where she realised he was a horrible person and had a horrible time getting him to leave her alone. She still has bad dreams about it at twice the age.

Get her out now, she’ll remember nothing.

That’s sad i hope she’s ok ❤️I’m getting out

You are a victim of domestic abuse. Please contact womens aid, they're amazing.

The best christmas present you can give her (truly, to help her in the world) is walking away from his controlling abuse. Focus on that. 3 year olds will open a Tesco cat toy and be super happy with it - the gifts don't matter.

Show her a better life than putting up with this shit.

RampantIvy
You don't love him. You love what you want him to be.

Holy shit DING DING DING. Every woman putting up with poor behaviour, control, neglect, infidelity, idleness, addiction, abuse, living off you etc should be told this - it is so spot on.

Christmas wisdom ^^

Get rid of him! Don't beat yourself up over someone who's gonna be like that.

I don't believe you love him.

I think you're conditioned, trauma bonded gaslit and keen for a proper family set up for your daughter but none of that is love.

What do you love about him? I bet you can't answer.

What you said is right

It’s important to remember that the courts will award his contact with his dd (if he can be arsed fighting for it), but that contact doesn’t have to include you, it doesn’t have to be in your home. He doesn’t get to have contact with you.

does this prince pay maintenance? If not, this evenings job is to apply for that.

Don’t understand why you’d stay in a relationship with someone abusive when it affects your child…. Do better.

You tell him to get it sorted in Court.
Is his name on DD birth certificate? Does she have his surname. Hopefully no to both, then he has no rights.
He's using your previous child to control you and satisfy his own feelings of power. Luckily at 3 she won’t notice but she will when she’s 5. He will be her role model for men.
Cut him out, move away if you can and build a life for you and your daughter. She deserves much better and so do you.

@Pushingdaisys

May I suggest that you block him just from now until the evening of Boxing Day? I know you say he won't unblock you, but you don't know what he'll do, especially if his parent(s) work on him because they want to see DD. If you block him, you'll have a peaceful Xmas with no fears hanging over your head that he'll call and upset you and DD or demand contact. If he pitches a hissy later on, you can always just say innocently "I don't know why your calls didn't go through". If you do this, don't answer calls from unknown numbers. If it's important, whoever it is will leave a message.

Your family sounds lovely. Abusers work hard at alienating their victims from their families and at alienating their families from them. You can see from your sister's response that is what happened.

They'll all welcome you back, I'm sure. Yes, you may have to hear a few 'we told you sos' but it will be well worth it! And the same for your friends who've slipped away. Call them, text them, tell them that you now see him for what he is. Tell them you'd love to see them again. You'll get a few more 'I told you sos' and you may even experience someone saying 'no, it's too late'. But it will still be worth it because when those we've lost invite us back it is such a validation of the fact that we have made the right decision and that we are a person worthy of their love and trust.

Thank you everyone for your support and kind words i appreciate it

Oh sorry. I did wonder .