Christmas ruined

[Pushingdaisys]

me and my partner and also my dd dad have been in a rocky relationship for a while he moved out and we continued with the relationship, the plan was him stay at mine Christmas Eve as he wanted to spend it with her and watch her open her presents. We booked a light show to take dd he phoned last night and said he’s decided against it he’s taking his son Instead because he thinks dd is too young. I got upset and told him I don’t think it’s fair to cut a long story short we went half’s on presents which he kept in his and now he’s saying I’m a spoilt brat to be upset and refusing to give dd presents back and said he hates me etc I’m at a loss on how i will get them back, he’s a control freak who runs the show

Block his mum, then. You have no true need to speak with her, do you? Nope. She's just acting as a Flying Monkey to help him draw you back into being his victim. In fact, block anyone from 'his side', because you don't need any of their shit. You are his victim no more. Don't let her help him to put you back in that box.

I know it's too late to do this before Xmas Day, but do think about getting a Ring doorbell as soon as you can. The battery ones are easy to install and easy to set up, no hardwiring needed and the app instructions are pretty simple and easy to follow. Once set up you'll get an alert when there's motion on and/or near your front door, then you can turn on the camera and see who's there AND communicate with them without opening the door. It also captures video and a friend used hers to see who had knocked over a pot plant while she was sleeping. It was a bear.

en-uk.ring.com/collections/video-doorbells/products/video-doorbell-gen-2

Looks like a good discount AND free shipping.

Ring also has motion alarms and contact sensors for doors and windows, all wireless. If someone walks in a room or opens a door or window a loud alarm goes off. AND you can get monitoring (extra charge). They're also completely portable. You can shut down and reinstall the whole system if you move house.

They're not cheap, but a sense of security is priceless.

I have blocked her before I did when I told her not to come to mine she told me I ruined her sons Christmas, have I? He ruined my life and any form of relationship i could have in years to come. I’m going to get a ring cam after Christmas womans aid have written everything down there’s more to the story than just this incident and I’ve got all messages backed up

Pushing, hat off to you, for listening & acting... Please please do not listen to his poisoned tongue, when he promises to change, it's all a mistake, he will take you on holiday, yada yada. he won't, it's not. This is the person he is an abusive manipulative bastard, he will not be able to change, but he may well promise to to get you back in your box.
He WILL start threatening, saying he is going to get custody of DD, that you have done X Y Z, that you have done drugs, that you have neglected child, that you are on meds & are unfit... He WILL tell you has has rights, he is going to go to the police, call on SS.
But, you Grey Rock the fuck out of him, say "OK", then ignore.
He may well try to get a rise, but if you are ready for it, he can't.
here are few grey rock responses:
"Doesn't work for me"
"That's a shame"
"I'll think about it"
"Hmmm"
"No
"See you in court"....

You can do this.

My phones been going off no caller I.d I’ve not answered if it was anything important they would leave a voicemail

Stay strong. We are here for you.

I’m ignoring him I’m never going back I’m done I’ve never felt this sure about anything I really never want to be near him again. I’ve got the mite of my family behind me and now I’m feeling better knowing they are a phone call away

When I was having a rough patch reestablising contact with DDs dad (before we used a contact centre) the police were called because he broke my parents door because DD wasn't there. He normally had contact at their house as I didn't want him knowing where I lived but she was ill and I had text him in the morning to let him know so that we could rearrange.

When the Police came they spoke to me and said that if and when I felt comfortable telling him where I lived I never needed to open the door to him and that if, once I had told him through the door to leave if he refused and/or he kicked off to ring them and they would come out they put put a note on my address too which I believe means if a neighbour etc rings concerned for me they get there sharpish.

In the end we went to court, contact was reestablished through a contact centre so he and DD could build a bond and then it went unsupervised. I use the CMS for finance as it puts a middle man between us and removes both the emotion and power of maintenance. I never did need to ring the police and everything has been settled for over a decade the first few years were stressful but it was good having that reassurance.

How strong you sound, and ARE!! Glad WA gave you the info on the Ring cam.

"He ruined my life and any form of relationship i could have in years to come."

Maybe he's ruined a few years of it, but he hasn't ruined your entire life, you have years ahead of you in which to learn about yourself, to be happy and to live your best life.

And as far as future relationships, well obviously it's way too soon to think about that, but we don't know what life has in store for us. Just be true to yourself and life will unfold for you in ways you didn't realize were possible.

I'm so glad to read that your family is so united behind you. Family is so important and I'm glad you have yours by your side. Now, if you have friends you want to reconnect with, once you've truly caught your breath, seek them out.

Let’s hope you’re never in a coercive, abusive relationship then …

I won’t be going into another relationship ever it’s just the two of us now ❤️

Il be buying one after new year the phone calls have stopped now. I had a pamper night sone my nails my hair looking forward to Sunday with my family. I worried about new year you know with people and drinks (I’m not a drinker) and I’m staying in with my daughter incase he has one and gets angry

Sounds like a you had a lovely evening. I've never been a big NYE person, even though I do drink (rarely). A series of really awful NYEs completely soured me on them when I was in my 20s. I'd rather stay in and enjoy a quiet evening playing Poker and watching NYE unfold round the globe on CNN. Luckily, DH feels the same, he's never been a big 'party guy' either.

Are you getting just the Ring Cam or the doorbell too? We love our doorbell (and the rest of the security system). We actually 'answered' the door from 2000 miles away once via the Ring app!

That's good you had a pamper. I hope you have a peaceful Christmas 🎄

everything has been quiet since the calls have stopped I’m going to get us ready and go out for day x

Hope you've had a happy day with your girl, OP.

We really have she came to work with me we ate chocolate got back and watched a film Il be watching motherland soon

I've just got in from work watching Motherland now.

There is such beauty in a 'simple' day, is there? And such peace in 'solitude'.

Yikes! That should say ISN'T there.

How did Xmas go ?

Hi sorry I’ve kept off my phone I didn’t cave I’m going to see a solicitor I’m the new year about contact so I don’t need to deal with him. I want to be happy and not scared no more I’ve done the right thing we had a lovely Christmas thank you

@Pushingdaisys excellent 👌

Great news. I'm glad you were able to enjoy your Christmas.

I’m really not going back nothing he can say or do will ever change my mind

New Year: new start. You deserve so much better than him.