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Original poster

Christmas ruined

254 replies

Pushingdaisys · 21/12/2022 09:34

me and my partner and also my dd dad have been in a rocky relationship for a while he moved out and we continued with the relationship, the plan was him stay at mine Christmas Eve as he wanted to spend it with her and watch her open her presents. We booked a light show to take dd he phoned last night and said he’s decided against it he’s taking his son Instead because he thinks dd is too young. I got upset and told him I don’t think it’s fair to cut a long story short we went half’s on presents which he kept in his and now he’s saying I’m a spoilt brat to be upset and refusing to give dd presents back and said he hates me etc I’m at a loss on how i will get them back, he’s a control freak who runs the show

OP posts:
babyjellyfish · 21/12/2022 10:39

Choconut · 21/12/2022 10:37

Goodness this all sounds extremely childish. I assume he's planning on giving dd her presents, she is after all his dd too. Instead of demanding he return all the presents when he paid half for them ask him how you can arrange this fairly so she has half with him and half with you. Start communicating like adults and stop expecting everything your own way. You both sound far too immature to have a child.

You don't love him by the way, why would you love someone who you describe as a control freak that runs the show? You're emotionally dependent on him, it's not the same thing.

Do you really think that sort of approach will work with a man like this?

He isn't interested in making things fair.

babyjellyfish · 21/12/2022 10:40

Pushingdaisys · 21/12/2022 10:39

He is unfortunately

Show quote history

That's a shame.

How often does he see your daughter currently?

Alici · 21/12/2022 10:41

Every situation can be turned into a positive, even if it doesn't feel like it right now. The positive from this is that your daughter is so young she wont remember the lack of gifts. Play with the gifts she does get (I assume your family will send her some) and play games with her all day. She wont notice. And you can make sure he never gets the opportunity to treat you like this again. Flowers

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Relationship problems
Headabovetheparakeet · 21/12/2022 10:41

I don't think all the calls for op to report him to the police are that helpful. What do you honestly think the police will do in response?

VahineNuiWentHome · 21/12/2022 10:41

Choconut · 21/12/2022 10:37

Goodness this all sounds extremely childish. I assume he's planning on giving dd her presents, she is after all his dd too. Instead of demanding he return all the presents when he paid half for them ask him how you can arrange this fairly so she has half with him and half with you. Start communicating like adults and stop expecting everything your own way. You both sound far too immature to have a child.

You don't love him by the way, why would you love someone who you describe as a control freak that runs the show? You're emotionally dependent on him, it's not the same thing.

Childish?!?

Its childish to have some issues with an abuser and find it impossible to communicate with them?

You are living in a very strange world if you do think that.

(btw the OP has never asked fir ALL the tips back. Only half. And HE is planning to give them away rather than still giving them to his dd. Aka hurting his own child to have a go at the OP. You might want actually RTFT)

User359472111111 · 21/12/2022 10:41

Please, re-read what you have just written and tell us what you would advise your best friend.

He isn’t your partner, he is your abuser. If you don’t want your daughter to live with abuse then you need to find the strength to leave.

Original poster
Pushingdaisys · 21/12/2022 10:44

babyjellyfish · 21/12/2022 10:40

That's a shame.

How often does he see your daughter currently?

Show quote history

Once a week on a Sunday even though the past two weeks he hasn’t

OP posts:
Original poster
Pushingdaisys · 21/12/2022 10:45

I’ve phoned my sister and she did say I told you she’s asked me and my daughter to go and see Santa this afternoon with my nephews

OP posts:
NoAlexa · 21/12/2022 10:45

Pushingdaisys · 21/12/2022 10:31

i was all set for leaving them in mine but he said he doesn’t want her finding them. Should of been firm

Show quote history

You have paid half,. phone the police and go and get your property

MrsRinaDecker · 21/12/2022 10:46

Tell him where he can stick the presents! Tell him it’s over and you will sort out contact / maintenance through the proper channels in the new year.
Prepare for the fact that either the abuse will ramp up (so make sure you’re safe) or he will try to lovebomb you into taking him back (don’t fall for it).
If you even have £5 you can get some sweet treats and small toys from Poundland to fill her stocking.
You might also consider contacting women’s aid for support.

babyjellyfish · 21/12/2022 10:48

Don't call the Police, ffs. They have better things to do.

Just live and learn.

ArabellaScott · 21/12/2022 10:48

OP I suspect you're scared to be on your own because you're in an abusive relationship. The fear is because of that. You are far stronger than you know.

Flowers
Original poster
Pushingdaisys · 21/12/2022 10:48

MrsRinaDecker · 21/12/2022 10:46

Tell him where he can stick the presents! Tell him it’s over and you will sort out contact / maintenance through the proper channels in the new year.
Prepare for the fact that either the abuse will ramp up (so make sure you’re safe) or he will try to lovebomb you into taking him back (don’t fall for it).
If you even have £5 you can get some sweet treats and small toys from Poundland to fill her stocking.
You might also consider contacting women’s aid for support.

I’ve got some money thanks and my family buy her bits and bobs

OP posts:
Original poster
Pushingdaisys · 21/12/2022 10:49

babyjellyfish · 21/12/2022 10:48

Don't call the Police, ffs. They have better things to do.

Just live and learn.

I wouldn’t call the police

OP posts:
Original poster
Pushingdaisys · 21/12/2022 10:50

ArabellaScott · 21/12/2022 10:48

OP I suspect you're scared to be on your own because you're in an abusive relationship. The fear is because of that. You are far stronger than you know.

Flowers

some days I feel strong and sone I don’t

OP posts:
birder · 21/12/2022 10:51

Promise yourself one thing OP, that next Christmas he will not be getting the chance to ruin anything. Your DD will understand a lot more by then.

You need to turn this around for her, if not yourself. Are your family reasonable, or are they difficult too?

Climbles · 21/12/2022 10:51

You need to grey rock him. Don’t give him any emotional reaction. If he wants to see your daughter allow it in a way that involves you having the least contact with him as possible. It won’t be easy but once you are used to being out of this relationship you will be so much happier. Most importantly you will be able to protect your daughter from future emotional abuse so much better.

babyjellyfish · 21/12/2022 10:51

Pushingdaisys · 21/12/2022 10:44

Once a week on a Sunday even though the past two weeks he hasn’t

Show quote history

In that case I would send him a message making it clear that your relationship is over and from now on you will not be communicating with him other than to facilitate contact with your daughter.

Tell him that you will be keeping her for Christmas Day, for which you have now made other plans, but he can see her on Boxing Day if he wants to.

Then go somewhere else on Christmas Day so he can't come round to your house.

Moving forward, make your daughter available to see her dad on Sundays, but nothing more.

babyjellyfish · 21/12/2022 10:52

Pushingdaisys · 21/12/2022 10:45

I’ve phoned my sister and she did say I told you she’s asked me and my daughter to go and see Santa this afternoon with my nephews

That sounds great. Can you go to hers for Christmas Day?

LimeCheesecake · 21/12/2022 10:53

Right go with your sister and let your dd have a fabulous time with her cousins.

when there see if you can talk to your sister about how you move on. Can you spend Christmas Day with her? That way you aren’t even in if he turns up to “save the day” (which I expect him to do, the idea being that you are so hysterical by Christmas Eve you’ll be overcome with gratitude for him turning up and then walk on eggshells to avoid upsetting him again - remove the power from him).

Zebracat · 21/12/2022 10:54

@babyjellyfish @Headabovetheparakeet .Coercive Control and Theft are serious criminal offences. That is why I suggested the Police. Do you seriously think that causing the op so much upset and pain in what is clearly a pattern of abusive behaviour is ok?

babyjellyfish · 21/12/2022 10:57

Zebracat · 21/12/2022 10:54

@babyjellyfish @Headabovetheparakeet .Coercive Control and Theft are serious criminal offences. That is why I suggested the Police. Do you seriously think that causing the op so much upset and pain in what is clearly a pattern of abusive behaviour is ok?

No, it's not OK, but I also don't think taking up police time on what is essentially a petty argument between the OP and her boyfriend is a reasonable thing to do, when the police will be receiving much more serious call outs from people whose safety is actually in danger.

Original poster
Pushingdaisys · 21/12/2022 10:57

LimeCheesecake · 21/12/2022 10:53

Right go with your sister and let your dd have a fabulous time with her cousins.

when there see if you can talk to your sister about how you move on. Can you spend Christmas Day with her? That way you aren’t even in if he turns up to “save the day” (which I expect him to do, the idea being that you are so hysterical by Christmas Eve you’ll be overcome with gratitude for him turning up and then walk on eggshells to avoid upsetting him again - remove the power from him).

I just want my daughter to have a nice time il just let him keep me blocked. Il sort something Christmas it’s only one day…

OP posts:
BaconMassive · 21/12/2022 10:58

He's messing up your daughter as well and you as a parent need to protect her.

Original poster
Pushingdaisys · 21/12/2022 11:01

BaconMassive · 21/12/2022 10:58

He's messing up your daughter as well and you as a parent need to protect her.

I start today me keeping away is good but my daughter will be in contact because it’s her dad and I don’t want to come between that. It does worry me him seeing her with his mind games quite worrying

OP posts:
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