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Original poster

Christmas ruined

254 replies

Pushingdaisys · 21/12/2022 09:34

me and my partner and also my dd dad have been in a rocky relationship for a while he moved out and we continued with the relationship, the plan was him stay at mine Christmas Eve as he wanted to spend it with her and watch her open her presents. We booked a light show to take dd he phoned last night and said he’s decided against it he’s taking his son Instead because he thinks dd is too young. I got upset and told him I don’t think it’s fair to cut a long story short we went half’s on presents which he kept in his and now he’s saying I’m a spoilt brat to be upset and refusing to give dd presents back and said he hates me etc I’m at a loss on how i will get them back, he’s a control freak who runs the show

OP posts:
Hopeyoursproutsarealreadyon · 21/12/2022 10:26

Can you contact a charity and explain your dd hasn't got any gifts? The Salvation Army were great for my friend. She got a food hamper and the dc got gifts.

Singleandproud · 21/12/2022 10:27

@Pushingdaisys him blocking you is all part of his abuse, hell start texting you im a day or two either being nice or vile. I would turn your phone off and block him on all social media until after the Christmas period so he can't ruin it anymore. I would also decamp to my parents or siblings after explai ING the situation if they had the room to take me so he couldn't turn up banging on the door.

Men like him will start talking about being suicidal if you don't let him see DD or don't get back with him, it's all rubbish and part of the script. If he says he feels suicidal dont give him any sympathy and tell him you'll ring the police for a welfare check. You are not responsible for him!

SamphiretheTervosaurReturneth · 21/12/2022 10:27

Smallonesaremorejuicy · 21/12/2022 10:22

What about the boyfriend you mentioned originally?

You've misread the OP! BF/partner = father of daughter. Same person!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Relationship problems
Original poster
Pushingdaisys · 21/12/2022 10:27

I hate saying it because I don’t want to come across as that person and love his but his son has been poisoned by mum she doesn’t like that we do things on are own but it’s allowed isn’t it?

OP posts:
VahineNuiWentHome · 21/12/2022 10:27

Pushingdaisys · 21/12/2022 10:03

No it’s not what I want I need to get past the feeling of being on my own. I know my daughter won’t understand I’ve filled a stocking with little bits for her he said he’s giving the presents to a toy appeal

Er…. He can’t give away the toys YOU bought.
They are yours and that would be theft.

Original poster
Pushingdaisys · 21/12/2022 10:29

Singleandproud · 21/12/2022 10:27

@Pushingdaisys him blocking you is all part of his abuse, hell start texting you im a day or two either being nice or vile. I would turn your phone off and block him on all social media until after the Christmas period so he can't ruin it anymore. I would also decamp to my parents or siblings after explai ING the situation if they had the room to take me so he couldn't turn up banging on the door.

Men like him will start talking about being suicidal if you don't let him see DD or don't get back with him, it's all rubbish and part of the script. If he says he feels suicidal dont give him any sympathy and tell him you'll ring the police for a welfare check. You are not responsible for him!

i don’t use any other form of social media apart from this, I’m worried if I turn my phone off hel say I’m using her as a weapon and make me feel like a crap mum

OP posts:
Zebracat · 21/12/2022 10:30

So he is breaking 2 laws. You paid Half for those presents, but his intention is to permanently deprive you. That is theft. He is doing this in order to punish you for disagreeing with him. He knows he can hurt you most by withholding a 3 year olds gifts. That is Coercive Control. I hope he’s been stupid enough to write all this in messages. Report him to the Police. What an absolute arse he is. How can you possibly love someone who would behave like this?
Both you and your little girl deserve so much better. Please don’t ever let him in again. Please tell your family what is happening. They probably will say they told you so, but I’m sure they will help.

RampantIvy · 21/12/2022 10:30

thanks for the advice I can’t talk to my family they have told me what he is like and no longer want to hear it

Just tell them that you now realise that they were right, that he is now an ex and you want to get your life back together with their support. Don't be too proud to ask for help. You might have to put up with a few "I told you sos", so ask them not to say it.

He really has done a number on you by isolating you from your family.

Original poster
Pushingdaisys · 21/12/2022 10:31

VahineNuiWentHome · 21/12/2022 10:27

Er…. He can’t give away the toys YOU bought.
They are yours and that would be theft.

Show quote history

i was all set for leaving them in mine but he said he doesn’t want her finding them. Should of been firm

OP posts:
babyjellyfish · 21/12/2022 10:31

Pushingdaisys · 21/12/2022 10:29

i don’t use any other form of social media apart from this, I’m worried if I turn my phone off hel say I’m using her as a weapon and make me feel like a crap mum

Show quote history

Who cares what he says?

He has committed theft.

RampantIvy · 21/12/2022 10:32

I’m worried if I turn my phone off hel say I’m using her as a weapon and make me feel like a crap mum

So, he is manipulative as well as an abusive gaslighting waste of space..

I hope you are beginning to realise that you are far better off without him.

Original poster
Pushingdaisys · 21/12/2022 10:32

should I block him?

OP posts:
babyjellyfish · 21/12/2022 10:34

Dump him first, OP.

Make it very clear that your relationship is over.

Is he on your daughter's birth certificate?

VahineNuiWentHome · 21/12/2022 10:34

Singleandproud · 21/12/2022 10:27

@Pushingdaisys him blocking you is all part of his abuse, hell start texting you im a day or two either being nice or vile. I would turn your phone off and block him on all social media until after the Christmas period so he can't ruin it anymore. I would also decamp to my parents or siblings after explai ING the situation if they had the room to take me so he couldn't turn up banging on the door.

Men like him will start talking about being suicidal if you don't let him see DD or don't get back with him, it's all rubbish and part of the script. If he says he feels suicidal dont give him any sympathy and tell him you'll ring the police for a welfare check. You are not responsible for him!

I agree.

By pleading for the toys, answering to him etc… you are playing in his hands.

You need to start by protecting yourself and your dd.

He has decided to soil Christmas? Fine. Organise YOUR Christmas Wo him. Go and see family. If you can’t, Prepare something special, even if it’s small fir you and your dd.
Believe me, my dcs are older teens. They do NOT remember what they got for Christmas aged 3yo. But they are more likely to remember the atmosphere.
So maybe that Christmas fun and enjoyable for your dd. Play with her. Do some art and crafts, Go to the park. It doesn’t matter. But have fun with her.
And you’ll make it the best Christmas she could have for her.

LimeCheesecake · 21/12/2022 10:34

Yes, call your family and tell them what’s happened. If he’s got you blocked but not them, they might be prepared to calmly call him and point out if you paid for the gifts he needs to return them or your money or you are going to the police.

tell them it’s over (because frankly this has to be it!) and I’m sure they’ll understand and help you sort things out for your dd.

oh and you know how he’s told you his ex has poisoned his son against him and you - he’ll be saying that to the next woman about you/your dd.

Original poster
Pushingdaisys · 21/12/2022 10:34

RampantIvy · 21/12/2022 10:32

I’m worried if I turn my phone off hel say I’m using her as a weapon and make me feel like a crap mum

So, he is manipulative as well as an abusive gaslighting waste of space..

I hope you are beginning to realise that you are far better off without him.

I think I’ve always knew this deep down but I end up going back thinking things will change and they do but my happiness is very short lived

OP posts:
nettie434 · 21/12/2022 10:35

Pushingdaisys · 21/12/2022 09:53

That’s the thing though she loves her dad obviously she’s too young to know what’s going on, her face lights up when she sees him it’s me who he’s bad with

It's not you who he's bad with, it's just that at 3 your daughter is still young enough for him to feel he can control her. He even tries to control his mother. Otherwise she would have put her granddaughter first and asked him to hand over the presents. He has already tried to control her happiness by cancelling the visit to the light show and refusing to hand over her presents.

I am so sorry you have had to put up with this. I agree with other posters that no matter how hard it is on your own, your life would be better without him. It's really sad about the presents but you and your daughter will have a better time without him.

Singleandproud · 21/12/2022 10:35

@Pushingdaisys you aren't using her as a weapon if you turn your phone off for a few days it's not permanent. Your phone could just as easily be broken and need to be repaired. I bet you are sat right now waiting for him to text, I bet he is taking up tons of mental space which means your aren't focusing on your DD. It's bound to it's very natural. Taking a break for your mental health is a good thing and turn it back on in a week.

Bunce1 · 21/12/2022 10:36

You sound very dependent on him and you’re not making good decisions.

this is your life and it sounds like it’s all confused and you’re struggling to see what’s important.

your mental health and your Dd. That’s what is important. This man is not your partner your friend or your love interest and if being with him is only because you don’t want to be alone…well that’s a very low bar to set for yourself.

leave him and twisted controlling ways behind. He is a loser.

have you don’t the freedom program with women’s aid?

Hopeyoursproutsarealreadyon · 21/12/2022 10:36

Block him op. You are allowed to. He isn't allowed to abuse you via your phone.
He isn't a great df. His dd should have a dm with good mh. That is what is best for her. Not a df like your ex. Let him seek contact through a court. Let him prove to a judge he is good enough for unsupervised access. . You need to realise at 3 sadly your dd doesn't really know good people from the bad ones.

LimeCheesecake · 21/12/2022 10:36

And yes, your job now is to go crazy with stress, contact his mum, beg him to return the gifts and save Christmas.

contact your family and tell them what he’s done and accept they were right about him. Take the power away. Don’t let him in your house for a special Christmas he has done fuck all for.

Choconut · 21/12/2022 10:37

Goodness this all sounds extremely childish. I assume he's planning on giving dd her presents, she is after all his dd too. Instead of demanding he return all the presents when he paid half for them ask him how you can arrange this fairly so she has half with him and half with you. Start communicating like adults and stop expecting everything your own way. You both sound far too immature to have a child.

You don't love him by the way, why would you love someone who you describe as a control freak that runs the show? You're emotionally dependent on him, it's not the same thing.

VahineNuiWentHome · 21/12/2022 10:37

Pushingdaisys · 21/12/2022 10:34

I think I’ve always knew this deep down but I end up going back thinking things will change and they do but my happiness is very short lived

Show quote history

He won’t change.

Not because I don’t believe people can’t change but because HE has shown no intention to change in any shape or form.
Hope won’t change him.
Nor will all your efforts, goodwill etc…

You need to act in the face of who he is NOW, what he is showing you with his actions (NOT his words!).

NoAlexa · 21/12/2022 10:38

Pushingdaisys · 21/12/2022 10:03

No it’s not what I want I need to get past the feeling of being on my own. I know my daughter won’t understand I’ve filled a stocking with little bits for her he said he’s giving the presents to a toy appeal

He's clearly an abusive cunt - you and your dd deserve SO MUCH BETTER!!

Dump him, have a lovely quiet christmas with your DD - dont put up with it. Keep everything on text / email

Let him bluster and be a twat, he is the one who will lose out in the long run, he is the one who will be a bitter lonely old man

Original poster
Pushingdaisys · 21/12/2022 10:39

babyjellyfish · 21/12/2022 10:34

Dump him first, OP.

Make it very clear that your relationship is over.

Is he on your daughter's birth certificate?

He is unfortunately

OP posts:
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