I cannot believe the conversation I just had with my dickhead ex about his Xmas plans. I need impartial views on what I should do.

[Rantaboutmytwatofanex]

Ex and I have 2 daughters, both under 7, we split when they were a newborn and 2 and have been attempting to co-parent since.

There is a long and colourful history of him being a mediocre father, and he has only had them for Christmas one half day (his choice) but has insisted on Christmas this year as it falls on his weekend. I'm obviously gutted to miss out for myself, but I'm excited the girls will spend the day with their dad.

Knowing what he is like I asked what he had bought them and if he has a stocking sorted etc.

He has bought them both 1 inappropriate gift each (stuff that he wants, and the girls have no interest in and are far too young for) and he said he isn't pissing about doing a stocking for them as he never had when he was a kid. He has no extra food in because they can have leftovers when I pick them up and he will just do pizza.

They won't miss out because I have stuff they need/have asked for/will like, and I know they will be really grateful for what they recieve at his house, but the things he has aren't even toys and are totally unusable for the girls.

So my choices are:

Leave them to have a no effort Christmas with their dad.

Provide the stockings they have here which will include treat food and small toys and books and give him all the santa key, reindeer food etc that make Xmas magic for little ones.

Tell him to fuck off and I just do Xmas as normal here and keep them.

I think I'm swaying towards the second option as they do love him, but I also resent the fact I have to put in the effort because he can't be arsed.

I've already spoken to him and he will not be making any additional effort at all, so that's not an option.

Any advice about what I should do?

Hugs to OP read your updates pity about the bf and the drink but you are very wise if 9t makes him like that well rid. Into 2023vall the best for your operation and glad you’ve got support in place for that time after.

So glad you kept your girls at home and had a good day @Rantaboutmytwatofanex . I'm glad you got sorted for care for your op. All the very best for your future going forward xx

Thank you.I've never seen him like that before, I'm just glad he hadn't moved in yet, maybe it was the thought of that, I don't know, but its definitely over, no second chances at all.I'll contact my other delightful ex after new year to arrange for him to see the girls before I have my op.3 men in 20 years all turn out to be utter twats (to various levels) can't believe it, I cant half pick them. I think I'll just remain happily single for the rest of my days.

Honestly Op, please don’t consider letting anyone move until your DD’s are adults, you’ve had two bad experience, don’t risk another one.

Have to comment here as this is close to my experience- when I checked with my ex that he was okay doing the stockings for our kids when he had them the first year after splitting up (I’d always done all the Xmas effort) he snapped at me and said ‘yes OF COURSE!’ So angrily I shut up. It wasn’t until I dropped them off on Xmas eve I realised that he thought I would still buy wrap and hand over the stockings and his only effort in it would be to put them on the beds.