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Original poster

Reasonable punishment for a 6 & 4 year old?

152 replies

Isitt2023yet · 18/12/2022 17:14

Both went to stay at mums and absolutely traumatised her. They don’t act like this for me or their dad but they know how kind she is and have seen it as a weakness.

They spat on her tv and when she wiped it off they did it again! Tipped both their drinks over the dinner table.

im absolutely furious with them can’t believe they have treated my poor mum like this!

DS has gone to his room as he is the main instigator and DD is in the living room with me. Both feeling very sorry for themselves..

OP posts:
Dacadactyl · 18/12/2022 17:16

Your mum should have given them the punishment. Do you allow her to punish your kids?

I would ban them for screens for a week.

Dacadactyl · 18/12/2022 17:16

And they need to write a card apologising to your mum.

SnarkyBag · 18/12/2022 17:19

I like natural consequences so I think saying “you spat on nanny’s TV so no TV or screens for X amount of days” I would also be saying only water at the dinner table for drinks.

inthecitylateatnight · 18/12/2022 17:20

how disgusting

mrsbitaly · 18/12/2022 17:21

Wow that is so disrespectful I wouldn't even know where to start to be honest. Like another poster said really she should have punished them rather than you doing it. But have you sat them down to ask why they have done it and why they think it's OK to behave like that there?

Rogue1001MNer · 18/12/2022 17:23

I would be having a conversation about how they think your mum felt.

And asking them if they think they'll be welcome there again

EskSmith · 18/12/2022 17:23

They're 6 & 4. Consequences need to be close to the incident & suitable for their age. If you are to send them to your mum again (if she'd want it) then agree similar concequences to home that she will use there and then.

However as they can't use drinks properly I'd be back to a 'younger' style cup as a natural consequence.
Use this to ensure that they know that spitting is never ok.

If this is out of character for them I'd be looking at why it happened, are they fully supervised, bored?

SirChenjins · 18/12/2022 17:24

An apology to your mum from them and no screens for a week (or a few days if you can’t face a week without TV in the lead up to Christmas when they’ll be on the ceiling with excitement).

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 18/12/2022 17:25

Cancel Christmas.

Their behaviour was appalling.

CeeceeBloomingdale · 18/12/2022 17:25

Is being sent to his room a punishment as most kids like being there? My mum used to make us sit with her, that was horrific punishment when you were in disgrace.

It’s probably too late now as it’s after the event so you’ll need to remind them by gong over old ground and speaking to them about what they did and how that made her feel and I’d expect them to apologise properly to her. Ask the, what they think is a suitable punishment, kids can be quite hard on themselves and may volunteer to give up something significant in recognition of their behaviour. You really need to reiterate how disgusting spitting is too.

BringOnAutumn · 18/12/2022 17:26

EskSmith · 18/12/2022 17:23

They're 6 & 4. Consequences need to be close to the incident & suitable for their age. If you are to send them to your mum again (if she'd want it) then agree similar concequences to home that she will use there and then.

However as they can't use drinks properly I'd be back to a 'younger' style cup as a natural consequence.
Use this to ensure that they know that spitting is never ok.

If this is out of character for them I'd be looking at why it happened, are they fully supervised, bored?

I’m sorry but not being 'fully supervised or bored' is no excuse for that sort of behaviour at that age.

A letter of apology an early bed and water only at the table (or baby cups) could be a start.

DeliberatelyObtuse · 18/12/2022 17:32

That's appalling, absolutely terrible behaviour

Your poor poor mum

I would get them to write a letter to her apologising

Do they get pocket money? Stop that for a start

Do they enjoy going to see her?

viques · 18/12/2022 17:32

SnarkyBag · 18/12/2022 17:19

I like natural consequences so I think saying “you spat on nanny’s TV so no TV or screens for X amount of days” I would also be saying only water at the dinner table for drinks.

Excellent idea. Appalling behaviour, but I think OP needs to get her act together with her mother and work out what granny is going to do if it ever happens again.

converseandjeans · 18/12/2022 17:33

A handmade card/picture saying sorry & some flowers. Then go to apologise to her.

I wouldn't leave them with her again.

Spitting isn't really nice so that needs nipping in the bud.

I don't however think a punishment lasting a week is needed.

Original poster
Isitt2023yet · 18/12/2022 17:34

They are writing her a sorry card now and tomorrow they can use their money from their piggy banks to get her flowers. I’ve also banned them from the laptop and iPad for 2 days.

really can’t believe they have behaved this way I feel so bad for my mum.

OP posts:
Ramble0n · 18/12/2022 17:36

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 18/12/2022 17:25

Cancel Christmas.

Their behaviour was appalling.

Don't be so ridiculous.

SnarkyBag · 18/12/2022 17:39

Isitt2023yet · 18/12/2022 17:34

They are writing her a sorry card now and tomorrow they can use their money from their piggy banks to get her flowers. I’ve also banned them from the laptop and iPad for 2 days.

really can’t believe they have behaved this way I feel so bad for my mum.

That’s good. I don’t think you need to write them off as social deviants just yet sometimes kids just let themselves down in spectacular fashion!

you’re right to come down hard on them though. I would chat with your mum and ask her to be quite stern with them when they apologise about how much their behaviour was unacceptable and disappointing to her.

if they’ve never behaved this way with her before and they face stern consequences all round this time I suspect you won’t see a repeat.

C1N1C · 18/12/2022 17:41

Direct apology, written card, no screens, extra chores, more veg, less sweets, christmas present deduction, public humiliation with a sign walking down the street saying they abused your mum, litter picking, donation of pocket money to mum's present, Christmas present destruction (drive your car over one in front of them)... I'm not a parent, you can tell :)

Twizbe · 18/12/2022 17:41

Father Christmas would be getting a phone call as well. They have 6 days to make it up.

SnarkyBag · 18/12/2022 17:42

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 18/12/2022 17:25

Cancel Christmas.

Their behaviour was appalling.

They didn’t spit on granny ffs don’t be ridiculous.

The behaviour needs a firm response for sure but let’s not get carried away. I say that as the most authoritarian parent among my family and friends!

BlueForgetMeNot · 18/12/2022 17:44

Only banned from the laptop and iPad for 2 days?! Needs to be at least a week!

Suedomin · 18/12/2022 17:47

I'm a grandmother, I look after my grandchildren sometimes they are little angels often they are not, I(I can't imagine them ever spitting at the TV though,) but I would never expect my DD to punish them for how they behaved when they are with me. 4 and 6 is very young and at that age they often have no impulse control and yet don't think about the consequences of their actions. I honestly don't think punishment is the answer natural consequences are much better is you can' go to Grandma's again for a while etc

But more importantly you do need to understand why they behaved as they did it's very odd behaviour. You say she is kind so they take advantage I don't understand this why would they? Surely they are used to kindness.
Of course they need to understand that such behaviour is unacceptable but you need to talk to both your mother and the children to find out why it happened.

Octo5 · 18/12/2022 17:48

Did you pick them up straight after it happened?

If I was her I would have told them how naughty it was, made them clean it off and then told them that if they do it again she’ll be phoning you to take them home.

I think being removed from their granny’s house is a punishment in itself.

I think you’ve done well with the punishments you’ve given them.
They acted appallingly but they are very young.

Original poster
Isitt2023yet · 18/12/2022 17:49

@BlueForgetMeNot ideally I’d like to but I think I’d want to hang myself at the end of the week. I have baby DS here at home too and it’s going to be a long 2 weeks as it is.

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 18/12/2022 17:50

That is vile behaviour. Your poor mum. A phone call to Father Christmas would definitely be going in now and let them earn back their Christmas over the next week.