Reasonable punishment for a 6 & 4 year old?

[Isitt2023yet]

Both went to stay at mums and absolutely traumatised her. They don’t act like this for me or their dad but they know how kind she is and have seen it as a weakness.

They spat on her tv and when she wiped it off they did it again! Tipped both their drinks over the dinner table.

im absolutely furious with them can’t believe they have treated my poor mum like this!

DS has gone to his room as he is the main instigator and DD is in the living room with me. Both feeling very sorry for themselves..

I think I would be coming down harder on the 6 year old if you say he often eggs his little sister on. I can see young children getting over silly and hyped though and I personally wouldn't go crazy on prolonged punishment.
Perhaps also have a talk with your mum about what she can do to discipline perhaps a time out spot or she could have a little reward chart that they can choose a sweet or little treat if they have well behaved visit.
I am horrified by spitting but I think children don't always have the same associations with it as we do as adults and think they are being funny.
I would also explain how horrible an action it is and would they want anyone spitting on their toys.

I would suspect that Dd was playing up for her big brothers approval and laughs.
They won’t be able to verbalise ‘why’ they did this. Even if they knew why at the point it happened. They won’t know now. Asking small children why they did anything is rarely helpful.
I think written apologies, flowers they’ve paid for and the loss of something they value is fine as punishment. Hopefully your disappointment and you mums sadness will stop such nonsense happening again.

Agree with PP re natural consequences at that age. Spat at screen so can't have screens for 4 days, tipped drinks so only allowed drink sitting at kitchen table for rest of the week.

Maybe one at a time visits for now. If your dm wants them back at all.
What about a toy bought for charity from each of them? Some dc won't be having a Christmas..

I think that’s sufficient.
The important thing is they get the message that they behaved badly.
Any idea why they did it?

And I hope you never are

New baby DS at home with you while they are a Grandmas’s? Could they be jealous or feel pushed out?

Op , you said they see your mum's kindness as a weakness and that's why they did it . That's beyond awful .

They are 4 and 6yo.
This should have been dealt with by your mum at the time. Now is too late, esp for the 4yo imo.

im surprised by their behaviour though. This is pretty bad and I’d expect that from a child who isn’t that well behaved when with their parents.
How are they at home?

I think your sanction is adequate. The behaviour was unpleasant.

However it's the end of term and children are exhausted and over excited for Christmas, many children find the transition from Autumn term to Christmas break challenging.

All behaviour is communication, it sounds like the younger one was coping the older one but why did the older one do it? Did they think if they were naughty you would come and pick them up? Maybe a jealousy thing as baby DS was with you (is he a very new addition?) although he loves Grandma would prefer to be with you. In future I'd keep sleepovers to further in the holidays once they've decompressed a bit

In my opinion,it isn't assault. It is classed as assault today. When I was bringing up my children it wasn't. They wouldn't have spat anywhere ever again! Punishment done, remembered, learned from, and dealt with. None of this no screens etc which would seem to drag on and on, bothering the parents almost as much. Especially as it's probably the first week of the school holidays, not only that, the week before Chrstmas.

DS is always telling DD to do naughty things. He has been nasty to his other nanny aswell a couple of weeks ago but by time I was told it a whole day had pass so this has been an eye opener for me.

This is your issue btw.
Time to get much stricter with your ds re ‘telling his dsis to do bad things’.
Time to cut down on the ‘cheekiness’ too. Because it’s not a one off anymore.

Did you make your ds apologise to the nanny too? Write a card, but flowers etc… it nearly sounds like you took actions because it was your mum rather than the nanny.

No, it’s always been assault. Hitting someone is always assault.

Also you must have hit them very hard for them to be able to override their instincts. Did they bruise?

How much time do a 6 and 4 year old have on the laptop and ipad that you are withholding it for two days as a punishment?

Your poor mother. Horrendous behaviour.. spitting especially. I don't have the answer but I'd probably hold back their 'big' Christmas present and say Father Christmas is not happy with their recent behaviour.

Thats abusive too. They’re four and six for gods sake.

Then you would be cruel and abusive.

That’s crap lazy parenting. Using an imaginary person to do your job(badly) for you instead of dealing with the actual behaviour yourself.

Fingers crossed you don't have kids.

What's that got to do with you?

wondering if too much screen time is contributing to bad behaviour

what's me asking a question got to do with you?

Do they enjoy visiting your mother? If so I'd take that away from them for a short amount of time.

Even if it's ten minutes a day on tablets that's ten minutes that will be exciting to them when they have it. Probably the less they have it the more disappointed they will be to lose it

Knew it would be a little judgy dig.