Reasonable punishment for a 6 & 4 year old?

[Isitt2023yet]

Both went to stay at mums and absolutely traumatised her. They don’t act like this for me or their dad but they know how kind she is and have seen it as a weakness.

They spat on her tv and when she wiped it off they did it again! Tipped both their drinks over the dinner table.

im absolutely furious with them can’t believe they have treated my poor mum like this!

DS has gone to his room as he is the main instigator and DD is in the living room with me. Both feeling very sorry for themselves..

At that age they shouldn’t be spitting anywhere , your punishment sounds about right .

Congratulations on your wee baby. Yes that makes total sense then. I hope the 2 days pass quickly for you and the kids are being well behaved.

They are very young. I wouldn't be using Father Christmas as a punishment. Your punishment sounds ok to me.

I have an almost 6 and 4 year old. They know that spitting is disrespectful and disgusting.

They are old enough to know when they've done something very very wrong.

They are old enough to say sorry and understand they mustn't do such things

Goodness. I would want to know why they were acting out of character like that?

I think for me the punishment would have been them coming home right away, they can’t stay at nanny’s if they aren’t behaving nicely and a sorry card like you are doing. At those ages it needs to be an instant punishment really rather than a dragged out one.

This is the right league and closest to the point.

Two days screen ban is also fair. There's no point in dragging out longer, especially with younger children when it becomes too detached from the incident.

They are 6 and 4 . It's a week before Christmas and they are with granny. They are probably over excited and their impulse control is more "off" than usual. I' m sure we've all seen small children encouraging each other to be really silly!
As a grandparent I would have dealt with it myself , but your punishments sound great.
I would be more concerned however if it happened again and would be thinking whethe a lovely day with grandma might have to be suspended for a while.

Perhaps grandparents are wary about the sanctions they use. You aren’t the parent and it can be difficult to know where to draw the line. People’s expectations of how they raise their children are all different. I was always very careful not to correct the grandchildren when their parents were there. It’s not my job. If I was on my own with them, I would have expectations, based on the way their parents raised them.

Having said that, the behaviour they exhibited was unacceptable and they need to understand how upset your mum is. Does she feel they don’t care about her?

This is the right aporoach.
They were copying this behqviour from somewhere, where? Why ?
They are 4 znd 6
Not 14 and 16

Two days screen ban is also fair. There's no point in dragging out longer, especially with younger children when it becomes too detached from the incident.

I agree.

I think this is a reasonable level of punishment, although I would say no screen time at all - no TV, nothing.
An apology to Granny and a discussion with her, in front of them about how this is never to happen again. Or else they will be in big trouble and Granny is not going to want them to come and stay if they can't behave better. Lay it on thick!

They are very loving to my mum and love going to stay. But I think they probably get a bit bored there as she is in a flat. DS is always telling DD to do naughty things. He has been nasty to his other nanny aswell a couple of weeks ago but by time I was told it a whole day had pass so this has been an eye opener for me.

But I definitely feel I need to monitor his behaviour. i asked his teacher about his behaviour at the last parents evening and she said he is amazing and is over achieving in English and maths she had no concerns at all. So I was surprised as at home he can be a bit cheeky and loves winding his sister up.

When you say spitting at the screen. Was it blowing raspberries (easily gets out of hand, grim, but isn't as inherently disrespectful as spitting) or actual footballer-type spitting?

Nope mum said they full on spat, she wiped it off and DD went back and got loads of spit in her mouth and done it again. DD is normally really well behaved to but as I said her older brother is always telling her to do things.

I agree, 2 days is nowhere near enough. And also, it sounds like you are relying on screens to keep them entertained. Get them wrapped up and go outside for walks every day. Show them that there is more to life than screens. It will save your sanity in the long run, and help the children.

OP wasn't asking for a lecture on using screens.

@Ramble0n and I didn't give one.

But she did ask for advice, and I gave mine.

Have they been able to explain why?

I've seen really nice kids behave like complete tits when they're over excited, or tired, etc. But there is usually a reason, even if it doesn't make sense to use as adults.

Note: I wholly agree with punishing them, and making them understand how naughty their behaviour was.

You must be gutted, if you're anything like me there's also a layer of "what must my mum think of my parenting?"

But as I say, good kids, with good parents, do shitty things sometimes.

Punishments won’t work. Do you know why they did it?

But I definitely feel I need to monitor his behaviour. i asked his teacher about his behaviour at the last parents evening and she said he is amazing and is over achieving in English and maths she had no concerns at all. So I was surprised as at home he can be a bit cheeky and loves winding his sister up.

I would definitely try and get him into some clubs.

No excuses for his bad behaviour but it sounds like he’s behaving so well during school that he’s storing all of his bad behaviour up and goes max when he gets a bit of freedom.

I think you need to tell his nanny’s that it’s ok to be strict/punish them if they need to (something that grandparents often struggle with as they just want to spoil them) and tell them what you do at home so they can carry this on when he’s at theirs.

They could even have a behaviour sticker chart, so they’re not actually telling him off but putting different colour stickers on it and then giving him a chance to redeem himself throughout the day.

Although how your children behaved is appalling, your mum is the adult and didn’t respond appropriately to their behaviour. It sounds like she was very passive when faced with very bad behaviour which then escalated.
I think the punishments mentioned by PP posters sound a good start (minus the cancelling Christmas) but I would seriously reconsider your mum having them unsupervised in future.
When I had my third baby last year, my MIL had my older two for a day.
I came home to children who had not had their teeth or hair brushed and a 3 year old who had been allowed to eat a full tin of celebrations over the course of 8 hours.
She’s not had them since because I could see how bad behaviour could easily escalate when not properly challenged.

2 days without screens is plenty long enough. An hour at that age is a long time.

Where the hell did they pick up such awful behaviour?!? I'd be horrified too. An apology letter and no screens for a few days sounds appropriate.

Thats assault.