Reasonable punishment for a 6 & 4 year old?

[Isitt2023yet]

Both went to stay at mums and absolutely traumatised her. They don’t act like this for me or their dad but they know how kind she is and have seen it as a weakness.

They spat on her tv and when she wiped it off they did it again! Tipped both their drinks over the dinner table.

im absolutely furious with them can’t believe they have treated my poor mum like this!

DS has gone to his room as he is the main instigator and DD is in the living room with me. Both feeling very sorry for themselves..

Can’t be many of us who can’t think of a time even the very best behaved of our children did something awful or out of character.
Punish appropriately, talk about why it’s unacceptable and move on.

They spat on her tv

That is absolutely disgusting. What did they even learn to do that? It's not normal behaviour, is it? They must have seen someone do it, somewhere. That's worrying.

*Where

I would suggest that, for one day, they forego screens and use the time to write a letter saying sorry instead. Extending the punishment over many days doesn't add anything- it's already too far away from the incident really (hence my suggestion that they miss out on screens in order to write the letters rather than as stand-alone punishment). Also extending it too far when the original incidents are long-forgotten is likely to make them resent your mum rather than examining their behaviour.

Cancelling Christmas, phoning Santa etc- what a load of mad, manipulative bollocks.

I would suggest that, for one day, they forego screens

Seriously? If my dc spat on tv or anything, he won't be watching tv for at least for a month. I think it's that serious.

This all sounds reasonable. It's very odd if they have never behaved in this way before for anyone. What led to it happening?

Seriously? If my dc spat on tv or anything, he won't be watching tv for at least for a month. I think it's that serious.

They’re 4 and 6.

They don’t associate a long punishment with what they did wrong.

It has to be something much more immediate and an apology.

Long punishments also don’t work as what if they are naughty in that time.
It means you’ll soon run out of things you can take away and then there are no consequences left.

I read the title then waded on here to say fgs they're 4 and 6, just tell them off then move on, they don't need a 'punishment' then I read the OP and was pretty shocked!

That is not normal behaviour ,OP. I'd be worried about the 6 year old tbh. I can see how a 4 year old can be egged on to do something like that.

I can't read anymore. Some real draconian nonsense here. Very worrying. Some of you are in for a real shock when your children are older.

There is no point giving a 4yo a month-long punishment.

I remember my ds realising he could spit out even when not brushing by his teeth when he was about 3. It was bubbles really but I, sleep deprived with a newborn, totally overreacted, as if he knew how socially unacceptable it was. Guess what he loved doing anytime he wanted my attention for a while after that? I knew my overreaction played a big role! I wonder what happened before this incident OP, and how your mum reacted. I agree with others that at this age, even most ages, dealing with it on the spot is best but your consequences are more than fair also. Spitting turns most of our stomachs, but small children don't understand that.. we need to remind ourselves of that.

Well it wasn't about changing the make of Brandy I use on my Christmas pudding! You numpty.I assume you are reading the thread properly.

So yes then 🤣🤣 Bad luck people aren’t congratulating you for physically punishing your children. Hope they don’t decide you deserve the same in your old age.

There is no point giving a 4yo a month-long punishment.

Maybe not. But if the child is intelligent enough to understand the consequence, maybe.
I just can't understand how spitting is acceptable. That's not normal. Not like something like hitting, biting, that normal children may do, because it's more natural reaction.

No one has said spitting is acceptable (eyeroll)

Nobody is saying that spitting is acceptable- it's completely unacceptable (just as hitting and biting are- I'm surprised you see those as less serious). But punishments for small children need to take place very soon after the incident- it's not a question of intelligence so much as their stage of cognitive development.

Giving a child a punishment they can't understand or connect with what they did wrong won't stop them misbehaving- I honestly think it's the reverse if anything.

OP don't try and beat yourself up about it. The fact that you've posted about it here shows how shocked and horrified you are. It's very obvious it's not a normal occurrence. I know now my own mum isn't great at looking after mine by herself. So it's fine for an hour in my house on the rare occasion if we have to to run to a meeting in the school or whatever but anything more than that and it's chaos so I just avoid it now. It was possibly a combination of sheer boredom and them possibly not wanting to be there.

@MoggyMittens23 you are not going mad. Often people who dare to mention ANYTHING to do with screen time here are insulted by people who cannot bear to face the fact that screens are generally bad for children, especially younger children. It's an inconvenient truth, and I don't understand why it is hard for people to admit to themselves. I am a parent to 4DC and a primary school teacher, and I am always amazed at the incredible untruths that parents will tell themselves, in order to make themselves feel better about their choices. And heaven forbid anyone who dares to point out the obvious.

But I digress.

The DC are 4&6. They will remember it, they do know fundamentally right from wrong (and there is zero question that this behaviour was wrong). I would absolutely explain to them that their behaviour has a consequence (rather than a punishment). And that consequence (for me) would be no screens at all until Christmas Eve, at which point we would all watch a Christmas film together.

But that's just my opinion, with absolutely no judgement at all, because I don't know these little darlings and the OP, or the PP.

Your poor poor mum!
They should make her a lovely card each to say sorry, and give it to her, saying sorry. Also if you had a special treat booked this week (pantomime, trip to Santa, playdate etc), this should be cancelled. If you use screens (you shouldn't), no screens for a week.
Once this is over, and they are really remorseful and your mum has had a real apology, let it be forgiven and move on.

Also, could you mum find them some age appropriate chores for them to do as a sort of 'community service'? Folding washing, cleaning etc?

Agree no screens and baby cups of water only for a couple of weeks. Also a nice card and apology for your mum is required! X

An hour first thing in the morning, and then a film (90-120 mins?) after school. Every day?

Wow. That is a lot. That's between 8,5-11 hours a week.
How much at weekends?

To compare, my kids get 1 hour per day on a weekend, plus a family film (if we feel like it and are at home.) No screens at all during the week. My teenagers have mobiles, but they tend to use them to play music when they get home and are switched off once we have dinner (about 7pm). They have time limits set on games, WhatsApp etc.

Wow. Perfect parenting. We’re all in awe.

Slow clap.

🤭

@GrinAndVomit why the sarcasm?
We are all (clearly) different. I never claimed to be a perfect parent (such a thing doesn't exist).