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Original poster

What are ways to help my unborn boy to sorta get out there and try new things?

207 replies

brynna · 18/12/2022 06:07

Hi. My son, whose name will be Archer, is due in February and my husband and I really want to set up the best life for him. That’s already involved us moving into a nice neighborhood, looking into preschools, yada yada yada. The thing we’re having trouble with is that we want him to sorta ‘get out there’ and have skills and hobbies and stuff.

we’ve already thought of having him join the boys choir (if he wants ofc) for the city we live in because it’s great, you travel around the world, you make friends, and yk it’s just good. but what other things are there that we could have him try that could allow for independence? here are some things we’ve thought of:

- required to try out
**- we recommend but not required
-only if you want

-boys choir (offers plenty of opportunities and the program is relatively isolated so he’d be making friends)**
-ballet/aerobics/dance (shows him that he can do what girls do too plus he might enjoy it)
-karate (it’s always good to have those skills plus it builds a good work ethic)**
-piano lessons (not social but gives him an outlet)
-horseback riding (good outlet plus experience with animals)*

we can’t think of anymore though and we’d start enrolling him in stuff like this at age ~4 and we want things with other benefits too so we wouldn’t do piano and horseback riding ag the same time because they’re both outlets and we only need one yk we need to maximize stuff

anyways we just want to set him up with a good future but we need advice!!

OP posts:
Huckleberries73 · 18/12/2022 06:12

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

tealandteal · 18/12/2022 06:12

I would wait and see what he is in to and how much time he has with school etc. When he’s little there are baby sensory classes, and swimming is lovely with babies. If you carry it in it’s an important life skill as well. I took DS when he was a baby and now he has a swimming lesson on a Saturday morning, and taekwondo on a Sunday. With a music lesson in school this is more than enough for him.

ClaryFairchild · 18/12/2022 06:17

I think you're over thinking it. You don't know what your DS will be like until they are here.

Generally they develop interests in things from other people. So if there are things you or your DH love doing, they can get inspired. Also what friends are doing, which is the advantage of clubs as they make friends in that hobby which maintains interest.

But please remember, they need time to just be... to play imaginatively on their own, to play in the woods, building dens, playing "pretend games". They might be an artist, a sportsman, a scientist, or they might be happy just spending time with friends and doing an "ordinary" job. Don't define them too early and don't be disappointed if they don't become "special". Just them being your DS should be enough for them to be special to you.

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Buttonmoon45 · 18/12/2022 06:17

Archery?

mynameisnotkate · 18/12/2022 06:17

Horseback riding?! What other part of the horse is he likely to be riding?

Also, wait several years and then see what he wants to do.

countvoncount · 18/12/2022 06:21

Is this real?
For gods sake allow the child to just be born before organising his life

Temporaryname158 · 18/12/2022 06:24

You are being ridiculous! This must be a joke. People don’t plan their future child who isn’t even born into a rounded person. All people are rounded by those around them. They will find their own interests and passions and don’t need to be told what they will be by you.

stop being an obsessive pushy parent

upfucked · 18/12/2022 06:25

countvoncount · 18/12/2022 06:21

Is this real?
For gods sake allow the child to just be born before organising his life

That’s a probably the right question to be asking.

@Buttonmoon45 love it 😂

feathermucker · 18/12/2022 06:28

Woah, slow down!!

I'm sure you have the best intentions but working our a ratings system for future hobbies is beyond unnecessary.

Wait and see what character and personality your child has. The more you focus on this, the less likely you are to eventually let him choose.

Just enjoy your son first once he's born!

TinFoilHatty · 18/12/2022 06:29

Have you got your B.A.G.A badge for forward roll? That's the most important thing a parent can bring to childrearing, imo.

feathermucker · 18/12/2022 06:30

The only if you want should apply to everything by the way.

UnclearNuclear · 18/12/2022 06:30

mynameisnotkate · 18/12/2022 06:17

Horseback riding?! What other part of the horse is he likely to be riding?

Also, wait several years and then see what he wants to do.

This is the term used in the US. Along with the phrasing of the rest of the OP, I think it's likely that's where they are based.

OP, things like riding and piano are long term things, not easy to dip in and out - just try things and see how they go in a few years. FWIW, our teens hobbies are mostly based on the sports we do too, so they have joined in as they grew, plus a bit of falling in love with a style of dance they saw at a summer event. They also did other sports/activities/music along the way as opportunities arose. My top tip for having kids who don't sit at home doing nothing is not to sit at home doing nothing yourself. (But it's not guaranteed!)

girlmom21 · 18/12/2022 06:32

You really need to calm down and dial it back.

However swimming is a life skill all children should have IMO. Much more important than playing an instrument.

Please also get the idea of dancing being for girls out of your head

Zonder · 18/12/2022 06:34

My biggest advice would be to find a nice local baby group and make some friends. Then you will have people in the same boat as you and your boy will have social contact from early on.

Then take time to see what he likes. One of mine was more into creative stuff and the other into physical stuff.

RedLem0nade · 18/12/2022 06:35

Birth is an amazing way to get out there and try new things. Get him to do that first and see how he goes😁

fridacakehole · 18/12/2022 06:35

I think you are focusing too much on HIS skills and development.

You really should have applied for these course in your second trimester.

Now in your third, you ought to be considering how he will contribute to society at large. His charitable acts etc. You should be arranging for him to be on programmes that help the elderly or train guide dog puppies.

Don't worry! It's your first time. You'll learn!

PomBearWithoutHerOFRS · 18/12/2022 06:40

On your due date, get in the bath, hang one leg over the edge, and shout "swim Archer! Swim towards the light"

AWaferThinMint · 18/12/2022 06:43

Definitely get him him in something creative, but I'd mostly recommend theatre. If he's not quoting Hamlet by the age of 3 then tbh you really aren't trying and he'll never be cultured.

I hear the royal ballet takes unborn babies assuming they pass the audition.

Deffo get him some hiking boots so he can start training to climb Everest asap.

Good luck!

Duplocrocs · 18/12/2022 06:45

wait to meet him, let him grow and find out what he likes. Take a look at the EYFS if you are that worried about nurturing development 0-5.

cherriegarcia · 18/12/2022 06:48

Way too much pressure to be putting on your unborn child.

Meet him first, and see what he likes.

You're going to give him some kind of complex having all these plans and expectations before he's even born.

hashbrownsandwich · 18/12/2022 06:51

Trolls are out in force tonight!

EasterIsland · 18/12/2022 06:52

boys choir (offers plenty of opportunities and the program is relatively isolated so he’d be making friends)
-ballet/aerobics/dance (shows him that he can do what girls do too plus he might enjoy it)*
-karate (it’s always good to have those skills plus it builds a good work ethic)
-piano lessons (not social but gives him an outlet)
-horseback riding (good outlet plus experience with animals)

Do you do any of these things @brynna What are yours and your husband’s hobbies, activities, and talents?

Because children will pick up on their family’s values and activities and interests. At the moment, your ambitions and list just appear rather aspirational and a bit social-climbing.

Also, where are the books?

Ocrumbs · 18/12/2022 06:52

So you are requiring your son to try horse riding? And he's not even born yet?

I'd hold on and see what he is able to do. What he likes and doesn't like. Your role is to nurture the child you have not force them into the child you want.

If you want something to focus on focus on the first year - find a baby club you might want to join, a swimming pool for lessons, some books to read. But even that can wait until you've safely delivered your baby.

Sunset6 · 18/12/2022 06:54

I agree that you shouldn’t let him do horseback riding and piano playing at the same time. He’ll never really develop an aptitude for both, plus it might damage the piano and hurt the horse.

curiouslycinnamon · 18/12/2022 06:56

If he's not musical, then 3 out of the 5 things on your list are redundant.

I also don't understand why you are putting horseback riding and piano in the same category as 'outlets' - they are completely different things.

I think you should let your son grow a bit and see what he likes, try not to be so prescriptive. He will be influenced by all the people around him and will become who he becomes.

He might have a terrible singing voice and decide that the only thing he wants to do in life is ultimate frisbee.

I get what you are trying to do, but you simply can't plan this much for an unborn child. Sometimes you just have to go with the flow.