What are ways to help my unborn boy to sorta get out there and try new things?

[brynna]

Hi. My son, whose name will be Archer, is due in February and my husband and I really want to set up the best life for him. That’s already involved us moving into a nice neighborhood, looking into preschools, yada yada yada. The thing we’re having trouble with is that we want him to sorta ‘get out there’ and have skills and hobbies and stuff.

we’ve already thought of having him join the boys choir (if he wants ofc) for the city we live in because it’s great, you travel around the world, you make friends, and yk it’s just good. but what other things are there that we could have him try that could allow for independence? here are some things we’ve thought of:

- required to try out
**- we recommend but not required
-only if you want

-boys choir (offers plenty of opportunities and the program is relatively isolated so he’d be making friends)**
-ballet/aerobics/dance (shows him that he can do what girls do too plus he might enjoy it)
-karate (it’s always good to have those skills plus it builds a good work ethic)**
-piano lessons (not social but gives him an outlet)
-horseback riding (good outlet plus experience with animals)*

we can’t think of anymore though and we’d start enrolling him in stuff like this at age ~4 and we want things with other benefits too so we wouldn’t do piano and horseback riding ag the same time because they’re both outlets and we only need one yk we need to maximize stuff

anyways we just want to set him up with a good future but we need advice!!

At risk of sounding fucking trite as an arse, hug him. Show him love and be calm and cool. Work on you first. Breathe well, learn to meditate, be the example, because life throws you some seriously tragic and difficult curveballs, OP, and you need to parent through a lot of ups and downs. So how are YOU doing, first and foremost? How you are is how he will be.
He is not an extension of you. He is entirely his own entity.
Accept him for who he is and help him to be calm and serene in this crazy world. And remember, swim early, learn to cycle, and remember, water and electricity aren’t friends.

Yes, I was assuming this is a wind-up 😁!

Surely no one would put so much effort into planning the hobbies of their unborn child!!!

This cannot be real. 😂

No, OP… just no.

It is pretty vital if you don't want to drown!

@Minniem2020 thank you he's completely feral and has some mad ideas but he's great fun.

Great idea. He'll come out fairly well equipped for making a racket for hours straight away. So he can get used to the echo effect before he's ever been to the Alps, you could put his crib in the bathroom - of course, he can't be left alone, so you'll need to change your sleeping arrangements by taking a sleeping bag into the bath.

Then he'll need to undertake lessons in the appropriate languages. And mountaineering lessons. And the activity specific clothing - I don't think Next do Lederhosen in size 0-3 months, but I'm sure you'll be able to find some online if you look really hard.

Or you could go slightly more aspirational and enrol him into joiking lessons for that Scandi vibe (we won't mention the historical oppression and attempted obliteration of the Sami culture and way of life, because he'll look just so cute in his little red outfit). A small herd of around 1,000 Reindeer would be a good start, albeit a trifle awkward to explain to the bloke from Pets At Home when you're ordering their year's food for delivery to the back garden of a two bed semi somewhere near Staines. Then he could compete in the Áillohaš Music Award and I'm sure there would be no suggestions of cultural appropriation.

Maybe let him take his first breath before anything else.

🤣🤣🤣 @NeverDropYourMooncup

Are you American?

Honestly go with the flow so many things can happen that changes your outlook.

This thread is obviously a wind up. Can't believe some people are falling for it!

I thought this was going to be about getting an overdue baby out.

For a while the only getting out there and trying new things are going to be things with you. Find things you enjoy doing that you can bring a baby along.

With the moving, look into areas with plenty of green space and children playing outside -- that'll get a kid out and trying new things way more and for cheaper than any organized activities and more likely to develop important social skills. Share your knowledge and interests and connect with the community before getting into this type of thing.

It's pretty vital if you fall into a river, which is why it's on the national curriculum. Obviously if a child can't swim due to disability that's a different matter.

I think 3 is a great age for him to trek on a pony round the Andalusian mountains. Solo preferably. Make that one ** because he should try it but no need to force him.

Other than that, take a relaxed approach - perhaps learning to swim across a lake at 2 and giving a public address at 3.5.

I took this approach with my kids and all three are Oxbridge grads earning 500k+ a year.

It's the only way to avoid having a disappointing child imo.

While I do agree with pp that the first things to do are to get him safely born and then to master skills like sitting up, walking, self-feeding and toileting, it can be helpful to have a long term view for him. But not etched in stone, OP, as your boy may well have other idea, so don't get too invested in your list.

It's so much easier to learn stuff when we're young. I learnt a musical instrument in adulthood and I could never catch up in terms of speed of playing with youngsters.

Encourage your son with outside activities as much as you can. Children now have inside lives, glued to computers etc, and this will likely get more so. This has serious consequences for their mental and physical health.

Good luck.

You are both very controlling (if real).

Being controlling is the worst thing to do if you want your child to be outgoing.

I’d like to this this is a joke but tbh I’ve read many PFB threads that aren’t too different from this

In case this is real, my advice is to stop. Stop thinking ahead. You do not know how your son will be. What abilities he will have. What abilities he won't have. You will only set you both up for disappointment by having these expectations now. Just enjoy your baby, and love your baby, then figure this stuff out when the time comes.

This is such a beautiful way of putting it.

@ichundich did you miss where I said my now adult child had disabilities?

@inappropriateraspberry my child (now adult) has disabilities. They're never going to be able to swim.

What would you suggest I do? They do?

I didn't miss it; you were claiming that swimming is 'not a vital skill'.

Oh boy. This has got to be a wind up. Aren't these the sort of thoughts that randomly flit through your brain before you have children, but you don't say them out loud because you'd sound like an arsehole?

All great ideas! I would also start saving now for the therapy he’s going to need when he’s completely fucked up.

Swimming is not a vital skill.

You can live a perfectly fine life without being able to swim.

By definition it is not vital.

we want him to sorta ‘get out there’ and have skills and hobbies and stuff

Really? Do you not want him to be his own person? Do you not want to watch him develop his own interests and his own preferences? This sounds like competitive parenting to me. What if Archer wants to just spend time in his room reading and thinking or designing Lego structures? What if he wants to sit for hours and draw.

You’re his parents not a school. He doesn’t need a whole curriculum planned out for him. You love him, you nurture him into the person he is not try to squeeze him into some mould you’ve got in your head. You’re way too focussed on all this. You’ll be putting enormous pressure on your son. Chill and back off.

Therapy, for the complex you’ll give him with all these crazy expectations before the poor kid’s even born.