What are ways to help my unborn boy to sorta get out there and try new things?

[brynna]

Hi. My son, whose name will be Archer, is due in February and my husband and I really want to set up the best life for him. That’s already involved us moving into a nice neighborhood, looking into preschools, yada yada yada. The thing we’re having trouble with is that we want him to sorta ‘get out there’ and have skills and hobbies and stuff.

we’ve already thought of having him join the boys choir (if he wants ofc) for the city we live in because it’s great, you travel around the world, you make friends, and yk it’s just good. but what other things are there that we could have him try that could allow for independence? here are some things we’ve thought of:

- required to try out
**- we recommend but not required
-only if you want

-boys choir (offers plenty of opportunities and the program is relatively isolated so he’d be making friends)**
-ballet/aerobics/dance (shows him that he can do what girls do too plus he might enjoy it)
-karate (it’s always good to have those skills plus it builds a good work ethic)**
-piano lessons (not social but gives him an outlet)
-horseback riding (good outlet plus experience with animals)*

we can’t think of anymore though and we’d start enrolling him in stuff like this at age ~4 and we want things with other benefits too so we wouldn’t do piano and horseback riding ag the same time because they’re both outlets and we only need one yk we need to maximize stuff

anyways we just want to set him up with a good future but we need advice!!

-ballet/aerobics/dance (shows him that he can do what girls do too plus he might enjoy it)

That's a whopping gender stereotype you have there.

Swimming

Self defence

Money awareness and confidence

Outdoors stuff like camping, fire making, respect for knives

It's lovely that you want the best for him. You sound like you'll be very supportive parents. I would just wait and see what he's in to though.
I had visions of my son going to cubs and scouts, doing all sorts of extra curricular sports, learning musical instruments etc. The fact is he's just not in to it! He's painfully shy, he's not sporty and he's a real home body. We kind of made him go to some activities for a couple of years (tennis, netball, Woodcraft Folk) but he was so utterly miserable. It was clear it was just for us, not him! We had enough of all the tears and let him leave these groups in the end. The only thing he does is swimming and that's because his friend goes! To make sure he has a rich life we do lots of activities as a family instead.
My daughter's the opposite. She's in to everything and signs up to every extra curricular club she hears about. This is fantastic but also pretty exhausting for us as our weekends and evenings are dominated by her activities, driving her around etc. This is all led by her though. We couldn't have made her be interested in those things.
We expected both our children to be musical (I come from a very musical family. My parents are particularly talented). We spent a fortune on a fancy keyboard but neither of them have any interest or musical talent!
Let him show what he's in to.

Oh. My. God.

I really hope this is a joke. If it’s not, you are going to have one very unhappy little boy.

This is the correct order.
Born safely and love him to bits.
Make sure he is fed well and taken out and about.
Talk to him, play with him, laugh with him.
Cuddle him and share books with him - ones with pictures in!!!!!
Find out what he loves to do.
Let him play, play, play
and laugh, laugh, laugh.
when opportunities arrive then follow his interests.
Also factor in the times that you may well feel like strangling them
but let us hope that doesn’t arrive too soon - maybe teens!!!!!
Good luck, read a good book and enjoy you last moments of peace.

Our only must do activity is swimming lessons as its an important life skill. You have no idea what his likes and interests will be. I took my boys to baby massage, baby swimming and a baby music group just to get us out the house, stimulate them and socialise. The music group has been the best one for making mum friends. Our 5 year old goes to the local football club as its a cheap team activity and most boys seem to like football, he tried gymnastics and enjoys it, he's requested to try piano so will have a trial lesson soon to see if he likes it. All the children do violin in his school but he doesnt like it as it makes his arm ache. He's under no pressure to stick to anything other than swimming until he can swim a length, he can stop then if he wants. He's on the waiting list for beavers but that's immensely popular so I don't know if he will get to ever try it. Our baby boy is taken to the pool once per week to get him used to water, he will probably go to preschool gymnastics and football club then we will see where his interests take him when he's older.

You need to wait and see his personality!! He will be interested in certain things and you can't control that. In the nicest possible way, you have baby stage and toddler stage first, you really don't need to worry or even think about this yet but it is lovely that you are obviously so excited and wanting the best for Archer.

Your child will lead you on interests! I have two sons.

One is geeky so loves coding club and science club as after school activities at school. He is not a physical, sporty demonstrative type, he would hate karate. He does like acting so that might be something for him in future.

The other is sports mad (but not that athletic but that doesn't matter at all). He does football club and science club (because he loves learning) at school.

They both have swimming lessons and belong to scouts (beavers age 6 to 8, cubs age 8 to 10.5) which has been amazing for both of them as through that they get to try all sorts of sports, orienteering, pioneering, cooking, sewing. Etc.).

In the summer they both go to a community sports club on a Friday night but not so much for the sport involved, more because everyone from our village goes and it's a lovely sociable activity in the sun with a bbq.

They both started piano lessons, the older one first at his request, the younger one a lot later as I think he felt left out. I think ultimately enthusiasm for that is waning and can't see them carrying on long term but that is ok as at least they've had the exposure.

I need to add here, they are older. There is no way a 4 year old could do all the activities on your list. One or two a week is plenty. You'll exhaust them and they need time to go to soft play, run about outside, learn to ride a bike, go swimming with you, etc.

At that age mine only went to tumble tots (kids mini athletics type thing) as an organised class. They both gave that up when they started school at 4.5yrs as they found reception class exhausting. They didn't take up anything then until they were 6 ish which was swimming lessons. Other activities were added after that when they expressed an interest (we gave them options/encouraged but never made them try things).

You haven't even given birth to your child yet. You cannot possibly know them and what their likes or dislikes will be. Nor do you know their physical abilities or disabilities.

Chill out. One step at a time. Give birth first. Then survive the newborn, baby and toddler years. Then the preschool phase. Then you might be starting to suss out what your child is like.

Whatever you do, don't force them into things that they are not keen on because YOU think that they should do it. You do sound as though you just might do that.

Best way to create real inner strength in your son is to respond to his interests and support him going where their interests and personality take them.

If you have a parent who is deeply interested in who you REALLY are - rather than in their idea of you, you've hit the jackpot as a child.

You can't turn a quiet introverted introspective boy into a go getting outgoing one no matter how many choirs he joins or karate belts he obtains.

He will do all these things to please you, and because you seem to require it, but it won't be anything to do with him, deep down.

He won't have a sense that he is wonderful as he is but rather that he should be different to what he is.

okay i know I’m probably overthinking this but my family grew up below the poverty line and so when I was younger I never had the opportunity to try out new hobbies or have a good outlet growing up

and yeah I know he’s not gonna want to do all of these things so that’s why I’m not making him do all of it- just have at least one club at a time

im sorry I’m just an overthinker 😭

i don’t really know how to explain this in a short way but I’ll try my best. I was born below the poverty line so I never got to try new hobbies and stuff. on the other hand, my husband was born into a wealthy family. their family has time old traditions of performing piano at the governors event, doing equestrian races with kids their age, and so on. I don’t want to force him into all of this stuff that my husband was forced into, but I also think that when he’s old enough and he likes it it’s something that would really influence his future.

If by 'trying out new things' you mean 'developing an anxiety complex' then keep on fretting like this.

Bin your list. Keep a bucket of cold water handy to splash over your face when you find yourself getting worked up on the topic of your son's activities.

There's a song you might like to have a listen to - 'Making Plans for Nigel' by XTC.

horseback riding, piano, and archery are all time old traditions in my husbands family and we’re very close friends with the director of the choir

it’s recommended to join choir and the other things but we’d need him to at least try out piano and horseback riding at some point in his life

I think you need to remember that Archer will be a real person, not a character in a fiction novel that you’re trying to write.
Also, as much as people tell you ‘it goes by so fast’ - it doesn’t go by that fast. You’ve got a baby and toddler to deal with first. Focus on the tasks at hand. Thinking about clubs he will do when he’s five or six is bonkers.

You keep saying ‘if he wants to’ but I’m not buying it. You clearly have a strong view on what you want this child to be like - your version of perfect it sounds - but he’s a human being not a piece of clay. You’re putting a lot of thought into what kind of child he will be, but maybe put a little more thought into what kind of parent he will want.

Good god what have I read. Let him do whatever clubs he wants.

I thought this was a thread about how to induce labour. Way too premature to be booking him into classes 7 years before the time. Just relax OP.

Best thing you could do for the poor imaginary child is not call him Archer TBH.

God help your child before yes even born you’ve stuff lined up for him he may not want to do half this stuff. He’s his own person let him enjoy being him not your dreams. Sorry if harsh.

I was desperate for both my Dd and Ds to be cathedral choristers.

They weren't having any of it 🤣

I was desperate for them to read all the classic kids books eg cS Lewis Tolkien Arthur Ransome. They weren't having any of it.

I think as a new parent you think that your input produces an output in terms of your child's personality.

It doesn't quite work like that.

Honestly, just concentrate on hoping for a safe birth, healthy baby and establishing feeding. You have no idea what his personality will be. Let him choose, we all like different things. All the activities you suggested would be my worst nightmare!

You have no idea what his interests will be - with young children they change all the time. If he isn’t interested it doesn’t matter what you or DH’s family want. He may try lots of different clubs and give them all up after the first term - who knows.

Love this! 😂

Which part of him being an independent person involves you controlling his life and hobbies for him?

Calm down!
Every child is born with his own personality and that will decide what hobbies he will end up doing. You can encourage, but not decide for him. Apart from swimming which is a life skill.