I'm in shock.... work and schedule

[Tofuckwith2022]

I work as a nanny.
It's not a live in position.
My contract originally stated Monday to Friday work and some extrs will be required from time to time at weekends.
I will need to root through my files and dig it out and read the wording exactly because it's been a while since I read it.

I am in an awful position now.

I feel like the parents are doing a number on me. There's a special needs child in the family and over the past few years they started relying on me more and more and for stepping in and giving them respite so that they can take care.
The respite stuff was never in a contract. At first it used to be 5 or 7 days and it was a holiday locally within the country. The parents would organise other care too to give me time off. Over the past year they have increased the holidays but decreased the other care too. Or the team of people that they relied on so much stepped back a lot.

So they got a holiday last year. It was originally supposed to be for 10 days but then they turned it into 14 days. I did have people come and go to help me.

Then they got another break away during the mid term break in October. I felt a lot of people who helped previously stepped back. There was only one other lady who hardly turned up.
I would be up from 5 or 6 o clock in the morning with the child and the the other lady mightn't even come til late in the afternoon or the early evening. It was just too much of a long spell for me.

Usually these spells take a lot out of me. Usually it will be a regular work week and then I come into a weekend and then the the stint might start and happen then and then it will often be another week or two by the time I get a day off and then it's back to another regular week and often it can be weeks by the time I sniff any sort of a weekend off. You know, like what many other workers are entitled to after working all week? Then there is the work itself too. Often I end up neglecting something as simple as my oral hygiene like going to bed at night time and just falling into bed without using my toothbrush. It depends on the day and I many hours I am expected to keep going for. A shower might be once or twice a week.

The real kicker was that I was never paid appropriately for that Halloween stint. I got paid my normal weekly wage but nothing extra. I was pretty much 24/7

They have other workers coming and going too.
They must be away nearly every single weekend.
There has been back to back Christmas parties this week with no break in their schedules and no break in mine either.

I never really signed up for work like this.

Basically I was told about next summers plans. One of the parents said it while their were rushing pass me.
They booked a 10 day holiday abroad.

They never even asked me or consulted with me. They just dumped it on me and feel entitled to 24/7 work out of me. The parent dressed it up very nice as a lively opportunity and they will organise extra cover for me during that time.i wasn't even asked. I was just told it and I have to accept it.
That's the situation.
I am actually in shock of what I was confronted with.
I know when the time comes, I will be lucky if I get any other help at all. Or help will be limited.

I have a few different issues with all of this.

1. I feel 10 days is too much. Whats wrong with 6 or 7 days?
2. I have my own plans for next summer. These are important plans. Does she expect me to literally piss on my family to serve her family?
3. other people who have helped her in the past have stepped back a lot. I think maybe they see a lot from them and they see their outings and holidays and breaks away as excessive. This brings me into another situation in that - the majority of those 10 days of work will be on my back. If I get a sleepless night, it doesn't matter I will be expected just to get up and continue work
4. payment - will I even get paid? Probably not. Or they will do a number. What's the point in working 24/7 if I will get better hours and pay working in Tesco or aldi.
5. I have a health condition now too. I don't want to write about it but it does cause sickness and flares. I already had three flares this year. The parents know about my health issue. What if I get sick? They won't care. They will be away on their holier for 10 days or more. If I get sick - what happens? Who do I fall back on? Or am I suspected to neglect my health and ignore a flare until I die in work.
6. back to point 1, 10 days is just too much.

They feel entitled to 10 days because its a milestone birthday. I think it's ridiculous. I have important plans next summer but they don't matter. Its so much more than a birth.

Step away from this thread, phone up Tinies or Abbeville or Linden tree or another nanny agency NOW and get added to their database

Our nanny gets approached about once a week by parents wanting to poach her because there is a massive shortage of experienced nannies in London. You would be clinically insane to spend another week with this abusive and awful family when you could be working for a nice normal family with boundaries

There is so much happening next summer for me.

• I have family coming home from abroad. I want to see them. I don't want to spend my time working evings and weekends and more time so others can go away on a birthday holiday. I want to see my family. I want to be able to afford to take them out for a meal too. Not the shit where I work and watch the pennies. I want to see my family when they come home. Not wave them hello in the airport and spend my time working and wave them goodbye again. If I got paid a beeter and proper wage I could probably fly away on my own holiday abroad and see my family.

• There's a medical trial happening that I want to join.

They haven't factored in me as a person or as an individual in their plans for next summer. They just think their are entitled to 24/7 care out of me without even running it by me first.

The only other minder left from a large group of people is a bitch. She turns up if and only if and when she wants. Like during the Halloween break, she was supposed to come at 2 but there was a day when she came at 3.30. I was up since 5 with the kid and all I needed was a shower and a sit down meal. I had 10 and half hours work done by the time she came to be to relieve. That's who I will be relying on next summer to give me a break here and there. That's if I go ahead with it and I won't.

So what are you going to do? @Tofuckwith2022?

I think maybe OP is going to use this as a guide to how much she should be getting paid.

You're being exploited. Please leave and get a normal nanny job with a normal family.

My nanny contract is 8am to 6pm Monday to Friday. Sometimes I leave early if the parents finish work early. I have been asked to stay late a few times but only 30mins or so extra when there's an issue with a late train or something, or to cover a special event which is planned in advance. I can say no to the extra hours, although I usually agree. My bosses pay for any overtime in my monthyl payslip. I'm on £14.50 an hour (not London).

You keep talking how much shit your putting up with, you now need to take action

What on earth is wrong with YOU allowing yourself to be used like this and not paid half the time?

Stop focusing on them and focus on why you would stay in this job and be abused like this?

That's the issue here.

Not them.

But YOU.

You allowing yourself to be used like this.🤷🏻‍♀️

You’re treated how you allow yourself to be treated. They’ve been increasing your workloads a little at a time pushing the boundaries to see how much they can get away with and now you’re realising the extent to which your original contract has changed. Largely in their favour. If you’re happy there apart from the extra work, I would confront them and tell them you are not available to do so much extra work. Any extra should be provided on the basis of extra in your salary, if you choose to do it. If they refuse, just get another job and walk.

These people sound horrific, any butthole can be a parent if they're gifted working parts 😡

You definitely need to get speaking to agencies now and looking for something new, but be firm with them that you need something with much more regularity otherwise you might end up in a similar situation.

You also need a good rest - please make sure you get your days off over Christmas and tell them you will not be available as you have other plans. Don't answer the phone to them. Look after yourself!

STOP thinking about their demands for next summer and how it clashes with your plans and needs. START thinking about what YOU are going to do about it.

You need to make your mind up. Do you really want to carry on working for such appalling people who take advantage of you, when you know full well that even if they sort out your wages they will still disappear off on holiday whenever it suits them and leave you with their dc 24/7, and with next to no cover?

To be honest I think you'd be absolutely crackers to stay in this job.

OP no amount of complaining about the situation is going to change it. You haven't answered the question as to why you put up with it? That's what's puzzling people. Do you secretly enjoy feeling put upon? Some people do, odd though it may seem.

I felt a lot of people who helped previously stepped back

I'm not at all surprised - they, too, probably saw what was coming

Anyway you're doing the right thing in planning to leave after Christmas; they'll moan, but finding a replacement is their problem not yours

I used to think they were a nice couple but a nice couple wouldn't book a 10 day holiday without a care in the world. If they paid someone a proper pay the wouldn't be able to get away so often.

They are not nice people. They are appalling. Please start saying 'No' to the extra time. Work your 9 to 5, and give them notice.

(I was brought up with staff & we were taught - very strictly - never to behave in this entitled way to the people who were there to look after us and the house).

People wonder how modern day slavery exists in the west in the 21st century. It’s like this - little by little your working conditions deteriorate but you feel obligated because they need you. If you presented your employers with this list of events they’ll probably start crying that they never realised and you should have told them. And why didn’t you tell them you weren’t paid??! They’re busy people with stressful lives and a child with additional needs…blah, blah.

Start the ball rolling. Email your employers and tell them you’ve been made aware of their future holiday plans. If these plans are correct then you won’t be available for cover. Keep it polite and civil. Remind them you have health problems and working through long hours without relief and proper notice is not what was on the original contract. Tell them you’ve not been paid for certain periods of work. Ask them if they’re intending to organise new cover staff as you can’t be expected to work long hours. This starts the ball rolling.

If they become unpleasant or difficult, get some legal advice.

By emailing them, all parties will be clear just how much they’ve taken advantage. It will also show you’ve tried to make them aware so they can put this right. This paves the way for your departure and hopefully they’ll be proactive in getting more staff cover asap.

This, and all the other ones.

I'd hand in my notice tomorrow, no kidding.

Quit tomorrow. Quit TONIGHT. Give yourself Christmas to decompress and process the whole bloody thing, and rise again in January, determined to find a new job where you are valued.

There is some advantages to the job. Sometimes there is a balance to the work and hours but then there's are other times and it's unreal and intense.
It's close to home and I don't have far to travel.
I like the children I mind too.
I am afraid going forward because I don't know what to do. I don't want to do this role ever again and help any other parent.
Then there's the whole entire encomnic climate and the troubles brewing. There are factories close to me now laying off people and have hiring freezes. It's scary looking for new work like this.

I can't do this any more. To think next summer I will have family come home that I haven't seen in a few years and work would like to party and celebrate. I can't do this anymore. I want to kill myself at the very thought of it all.

The advantages are very little in comparison to how your being treat.

No job is worth wanting to kill yourself.

Yes the country is a mess right now but there is still plenty of jobs out there.
Doesn't matter what it is as long as you get out.

I don't see how much more you can keep telling us how shit it is without doing anything about it tbh.

Leave

@Tofuckwith2022 it sounds like you've got hostage syndrome. You know your job is bad, but you've been in it so long that you're scared of leaving.

But take the steps anyway- write the CV, apply for the store role- what's the worst that can happen?

Maybe you need to visit your doctor if you're struggling with mental health.

We're all rooting for you to leave, because whatever the next job is , it has to be better.

OP I employ a nanny. She has set hours and I make sure she can leave on time or early. Twice in 3 years I haven’t been able to get home on time due to travel disruption and I have always paid her at least double for the inconvenience and apologised.

Where I ask her to work extra, I always ask her (not tell her!!) very far in advance and she is absolutely at liberty to say no.

I’m very mindful not to ask for too many long days at once and she gets an enhanced hourly rate for every hour, including the couple of times she’s done overnight (while I was in hospital having DD2!). As a result I rarely ask for extra hours (maybe 3x per year) as it’s too expensive for me otherwise! - which is as it should be, she should be remunerated appropriately.

I wouldn’t dream of asking her to do my laundry or non child related chores.

this is how a normal employer treats a nanny… yours sounds HORRIFIC. Leave and find an employer who appreciates what you do!

I think it's £10-£12 per hour. That's how much my council gives for parents to pay for respite for disabled children.

Is there really a need for a 10 day holiday for a birthday? They are not telling me the full schedule either. I feel there would be parties either side of that.

A holiday if you have no other responsibilities or priorities that's fine. I just think 10 days is too much to be away from the child.

There's also a sick child in the house this week and their priority is on christmas parties. Their priorities are wrong.

So as you yourself have proven, being British has nothing to do with it 🙄

They are taking the absolute piss please give yourself early Christmas present and walk away and find a family that appreciates you OP 💐 they are her children she needs to be a parent

OP, many have asked and you haven't answered: why do you think you can't leave?