I'm in shock.... work and schedule

[Tofuckwith2022]

I work as a nanny.
It's not a live in position.
My contract originally stated Monday to Friday work and some extrs will be required from time to time at weekends.
I will need to root through my files and dig it out and read the wording exactly because it's been a while since I read it.

I am in an awful position now.

I feel like the parents are doing a number on me. There's a special needs child in the family and over the past few years they started relying on me more and more and for stepping in and giving them respite so that they can take care.
The respite stuff was never in a contract. At first it used to be 5 or 7 days and it was a holiday locally within the country. The parents would organise other care too to give me time off. Over the past year they have increased the holidays but decreased the other care too. Or the team of people that they relied on so much stepped back a lot.

So they got a holiday last year. It was originally supposed to be for 10 days but then they turned it into 14 days. I did have people come and go to help me.

Then they got another break away during the mid term break in October. I felt a lot of people who helped previously stepped back. There was only one other lady who hardly turned up.
I would be up from 5 or 6 o clock in the morning with the child and the the other lady mightn't even come til late in the afternoon or the early evening. It was just too much of a long spell for me.

Usually these spells take a lot out of me. Usually it will be a regular work week and then I come into a weekend and then the the stint might start and happen then and then it will often be another week or two by the time I get a day off and then it's back to another regular week and often it can be weeks by the time I sniff any sort of a weekend off. You know, like what many other workers are entitled to after working all week? Then there is the work itself too. Often I end up neglecting something as simple as my oral hygiene like going to bed at night time and just falling into bed without using my toothbrush. It depends on the day and I many hours I am expected to keep going for. A shower might be once or twice a week.

The real kicker was that I was never paid appropriately for that Halloween stint. I got paid my normal weekly wage but nothing extra. I was pretty much 24/7

They have other workers coming and going too.
They must be away nearly every single weekend.
There has been back to back Christmas parties this week with no break in their schedules and no break in mine either.

I never really signed up for work like this.

Basically I was told about next summers plans. One of the parents said it while their were rushing pass me.
They booked a 10 day holiday abroad.

They never even asked me or consulted with me. They just dumped it on me and feel entitled to 24/7 work out of me. The parent dressed it up very nice as a lively opportunity and they will organise extra cover for me during that time.i wasn't even asked. I was just told it and I have to accept it.
That's the situation.
I am actually in shock of what I was confronted with.
I know when the time comes, I will be lucky if I get any other help at all. Or help will be limited.

I have a few different issues with all of this.

1. I feel 10 days is too much. Whats wrong with 6 or 7 days?
2. I have my own plans for next summer. These are important plans. Does she expect me to literally piss on my family to serve her family?
3. other people who have helped her in the past have stepped back a lot. I think maybe they see a lot from them and they see their outings and holidays and breaks away as excessive. This brings me into another situation in that - the majority of those 10 days of work will be on my back. If I get a sleepless night, it doesn't matter I will be expected just to get up and continue work
4. payment - will I even get paid? Probably not. Or they will do a number. What's the point in working 24/7 if I will get better hours and pay working in Tesco or aldi.
5. I have a health condition now too. I don't want to write about it but it does cause sickness and flares. I already had three flares this year. The parents know about my health issue. What if I get sick? They won't care. They will be away on their holier for 10 days or more. If I get sick - what happens? Who do I fall back on? Or am I suspected to neglect my health and ignore a flare until I die in work.
6. back to point 1, 10 days is just too much.

They feel entitled to 10 days because its a milestone birthday. I think it's ridiculous. I have important plans next summer but they don't matter. Its so much more than a birth.

Find a new job.

Also: what was agreed regarding extra pay during the holidays. Ideally that should have been done in advance but you should have spoken to them at the very latest when the pay during the holiday period was lower than expected.

I understand that at the moment it's difficult to find nannies so hopefully you find a job soon where you can work normal hours and can also go on the holiday in the summer. Don't stick around.

This is slavery.

These people have been allowed to abuse your good nature. You need to stand up for yourself or leave and stop whinging.

People will take the piss if you let them - look for another job - there are plenty - do it now xxx

I haven't read the full thread so apologies if you've already answered this but why, as a nanny, are you doing laundry and leaning kitchens and helping prepare for parties and being the respite solution???

Get your contract out.read it thorougly. Do some homework and get an idea of overtime rates, overnight rates, respite rates with absent parents etc. Then put together what you want - don't undersell because they will bargain hard, and then tell them what you want including time off, paid holiday etc.

Best of luck

I know that this situation could have crept up on you and that is why you haven't protested before....but I hope this thread is a wake up call as to just how badly you are being treated. They have been taking the fullest possible advantage of your good nature for too long. You sound vulnerable and ground down by them and your health condition must make it even tougher, so I hope you have rl support.

I think you should definitely leave and the sooner the better. Yes an option is to be firm with them about your working conditions/hours/pay; but tbh I don't think this will ever be fixable. They sound like truly appalling people.

Please do whatever it takes to leave and find a proper employer, if you need to sign off sick then do so. And make sure they pay you in full; it would be worth holding on to any evidence you have that you worked extra hours (eg emails/text messages etc) as they sound like the sort that may try to wriggle out of any payments for these.

You are not responsible for their DC. They sound like inadequate parents so you could consider reporting any concerns you have to social services - although of course it's for you to judge whether that is appropriate.

Get another job -one where people will appreciate you. Good luck. Xx

I hope you meant it when you said yesterday was your last day.

@CurlyhairedAssassin

I thought the same

Exactly this I would just leave

You sound quite young? What they are doing is taking advantage of you

OP realise this might sound a strange question and feel free not to answer if it's too outing but any chance you are based in North Yorks?
If you would prefer to PM me, please do.

I have a special needs child and we both work. But she is taking the absolute mick. You should be being consulted, additional help discussed in advance and be being paid handsomely. Please look for another role. I promise not all families are like this.

How much are you being paid?

This sounds slavery.
The job you do is very important and there are millions out there. They are exploiting you. You can be threaded better and paid appropriately if you move on.
Im sure you won’t be unemployed for even a week, so plan your time off before you even engage in starting a new job :)

good luck !
new year, new life !

what you are living is hell and not right.

I've read all your posts and I hope you have taken a day off today, OP.

I see you haven't answered anybody who has asked if you have ever said no to this family. If you come back to this thread please do elaborate on this.

Things that are totally reasonable to say:

"I won't be able to work 24 hours a day or 7 days a week for you while you are away. You will need to arrange weekend cover, and somebody else to come in from 2pm until Xpm/am."

"I won't be able to cover that holiday for you this time."

"It's 7pm and I've been working since 6am. I'm going to go home now."

"You still owe me for the additional work I did during your halloween Holiday. I require payment for that before the end of this year please. Here is the outstanding amount, and break down of hours I have worked."

You need to leave. I have worked as a nanny, this isn’t normal! It should be in your contract and they should be paying you much more for those days. I had an employer who decided not to pay my tax! Please look for something else and don’t let them lay down the rules you need to stand up for yourself. Please find your contract and discuss it with them. It’s really not ok.

Why do wonderful nannies work for horrible people. I've had a couple of fabulous au pairs, but the last au pair used to smack my youngest two and frightened them soooo much that they were too afraid to tell me. What I would have given to have you.

I agree with the sentiment in a sense @Fufumcgoo but it wouldn't be spiteful, it would be.the correct thing to do, even more correct OP would be to quit without notice this very week - or after Christmas as we all say (obviously it is easy for me to say, don't know about your financial situation), take a few days to build yourself and you could explain in writing why; as you have done so here. They won't learn a thing from it however, guaranteed, but you may feel better and they'll get someone else as a nanny who won't realise until they are in the job what kind of people they are. They are treating you like shit on their shoes. It is appalling. Even some responses on the thread are anaemic. Do not let any person do this to you. No-one is better than you, or better than anyone else no matter what house or money they have. Get some dignity back and walk out of there.

I took today off. I didn't even phone in sick. I just didn't show up. I slept all day. It was too cold to get out of bed. I will organise a doctors appointment to go out on sick leave to give me a breather.

You absolute star. There's a load of strangers here really proud of you, OP.

Get well soon, take good care of your self and speak with your GP x

Sit down and work out what they owe you. Don't wait for your next pay cheque. Insist on the money being paid at once, bank it and then quit. Be brave and good luck.

They are Scumbags. So many parents are worried about food, bills and fuel and all they care about is a 10 day child free holiday. If they paid me a proper wage they wouldn't be able to consider 10 days.

The crazy thing is, if it was 7 days, I would have accepted it and trundled along but I think 10 days is just too much. I also know everything from their mouths are lies. They are psychopaths and calculated which I never saw before in them. They will organise the bare minimum of cover just to say they gave me cover.

They never even consulted with me. My own family have plans next summer. I will kill myself if I can't get time with my family. Any other job and I would be allowed to clock out and go home and get weekends off. No way do I want to put so much of my time and energy into a job. I never signed up for this. Respite care was never in my contract.

You can clock out of this job and take your days off. You needn't work anything that isn't in your contract. If they come home late to get more time out of you, tell them you'll be coming in late the next day to make up for it. If that means they're late for work tough shit. They shouldn't be making you late home. Don't accept it if they offer you overtime pay, you need the hours off more than the money at the moment.

Although personally I wouldn't go back ever. I'd remain on sick leave until you've found something else. Take the first job that comes up then look for something more suitable, if that job isn't. Working for these people has made you ill. I'm glad something has happened to make you see the light.

Use your anger to change your life and find your assertiveness. Put all your energies into self care until you've recovered, which may take longer than you think. If you've been holding on whilst running on empty for a while then you may find things get worse when you have a chance to relax and you can let go, your physical or mental health could take a nose dive temporarily.

I suspect they're the type to give you serious grief for a no show. Don't forget a phone can be hung up and a person can be walked away from. Yes you should have told them you weren't coming in but if they're being excessive with the reprimand don't take it. At this point they don't know if you were capable of phoning in sick or too ill to do so (and not everyone has someone to phone in sick for them). I note you don't mention a voicemail from them asking where you are, if you're coming in today and expressing concern for your well-being. All normal reactions if a conscientious employee suddenly fails to turn up for work.

My experience of employers who short pay you is it's done deliberately to keep you hanging on for the next payday when it'll supposedly be sorted out, only it never is and in fact can get worse, with you being owed more and more as time goes on. It's a tactic to prevent you from leaving whilst often treating you so badly you want to leave. At some point you have to cut your losses, there's always the small claims court.

Hope things get better for you soon.

Well done for taking the day off. Did they contact you? I don't think you should go back at all.

Are there more children than just the special needs child? And do they get to go on all the holidays and trips or do you end up looking after all of them?