Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

I'm in shock.... work and schedule

268 replies

Tofuckwith2022 · 13/12/2022 09:48

I work as a nanny.
It's not a live in position.
My contract originally stated Monday to Friday work and some extrs will be required from time to time at weekends.
I will need to root through my files and dig it out and read the wording exactly because it's been a while since I read it.

I am in an awful position now.

I feel like the parents are doing a number on me. There's a special needs child in the family and over the past few years they started relying on me more and more and for stepping in and giving them respite so that they can take care.
The respite stuff was never in a contract. At first it used to be 5 or 7 days and it was a holiday locally within the country. The parents would organise other care too to give me time off. Over the past year they have increased the holidays but decreased the other care too. Or the team of people that they relied on so much stepped back a lot.

So they got a holiday last year. It was originally supposed to be for 10 days but then they turned it into 14 days. I did have people come and go to help me.

Then they got another break away during the mid term break in October. I felt a lot of people who helped previously stepped back. There was only one other lady who hardly turned up.
I would be up from 5 or 6 o clock in the morning with the child and the the other lady mightn't even come til late in the afternoon or the early evening. It was just too much of a long spell for me.

Usually these spells take a lot out of me. Usually it will be a regular work week and then I come into a weekend and then the the stint might start and happen then and then it will often be another week or two by the time I get a day off and then it's back to another regular week and often it can be weeks by the time I sniff any sort of a weekend off. You know, like what many other workers are entitled to after working all week? Then there is the work itself too. Often I end up neglecting something as simple as my oral hygiene like going to bed at night time and just falling into bed without using my toothbrush. It depends on the day and I many hours I am expected to keep going for. A shower might be once or twice a week.

The real kicker was that I was never paid appropriately for that Halloween stint. I got paid my normal weekly wage but nothing extra. I was pretty much 24/7

They have other workers coming and going too.
They must be away nearly every single weekend.
There has been back to back Christmas parties this week with no break in their schedules and no break in mine either.

I never really signed up for work like this.

Basically I was told about next summers plans. One of the parents said it while their were rushing pass me.
They booked a 10 day holiday abroad.

They never even asked me or consulted with me. They just dumped it on me and feel entitled to 24/7 work out of me. The parent dressed it up very nice as a lively opportunity and they will organise extra cover for me during that time.i wasn't even asked. I was just told it and I have to accept it.
That's the situation.
I am actually in shock of what I was confronted with.
I know when the time comes, I will be lucky if I get any other help at all. Or help will be limited.

I have a few different issues with all of this.

  1. I feel 10 days is too much. Whats wrong with 6 or 7 days?
  2. I have my own plans for next summer. These are important plans. Does she expect me to literally piss on my family to serve her family?
  3. other people who have helped her in the past have stepped back a lot. I think maybe they see a lot from them and they see their outings and holidays and breaks away as excessive. This brings me into another situation in that - the majority of those 10 days of work will be on my back. If I get a sleepless night, it doesn't matter I will be expected just to get up and continue work
  4. payment - will I even get paid? Probably not. Or they will do a number. What's the point in working 24/7 if I will get better hours and pay working in Tesco or aldi.
  5. I have a health condition now too. I don't want to write about it but it does cause sickness and flares. I already had three flares this year. The parents know about my health issue. What if I get sick? They won't care. They will be away on their holier for 10 days or more. If I get sick - what happens? Who do I fall back on? Or am I suspected to neglect my health and ignore a flare until I die in work.
  6. back to point 1, 10 days is just too much.

They feel entitled to 10 days because its a milestone birthday. I think it's ridiculous. I have important plans next summer but they don't matter. Its so much more than a birth.

OP posts:
somuchtolearnabout · 15/12/2022 07:00

Ummmmmmm SAY NO?????

SunshineClouds1 · 15/12/2022 07:16

Tofuckwith2022 · 15/12/2022 00:08

I took today off. I didn't even phone in sick. I just didn't show up. I slept all day. It was too cold to get out of bed. I will organise a doctors appointment to go out on sick leave to give me a breather.

Proud of you 💪🏽

Lapland123 · 15/12/2022 09:08

Well done!!! Now just focus on yourself, recovering from it all, and moving forward xxxx

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Alex71 · 15/12/2022 09:18

Tofuckwith2022 · 13/12/2022 15:06

There is so much happening next summer for me.

  • I have family coming home from abroad. I want to see them. I don't want to spend my time working evings and weekends and more time so others can go away on a birthday holiday. I want to see my family. I want to be able to afford to take them out for a meal too. Not the shit where I work and watch the pennies. I want to see my family when they come home. Not wave them hello in the airport and spend my time working and wave them goodbye again. If I got paid a beeter and proper wage I could probably fly away on my own holiday abroad and see my family.
  • There's a medical trial happening that I want to join.

They haven't factored in me as a person or as an individual in their plans for next summer. They just think their are entitled to 24/7 care out of me without even running it by me first.

The only other minder left from a large group of people is a bitch. She turns up if and only if and when she wants. Like during the Halloween break, she was supposed to come at 2 but there was a day when she came at 3.30. I was up since 5 with the kid and all I needed was a shower and a sit down meal. I had 10 and half hours work done by the time she came to be to relieve. That's who I will be relying on next summer to give me a break here and there. That's if I go ahead with it and I won't.

I don’t get this ?
lots of people have asked questions so they can help you and you don’t answer them ?
You state you are ill but still go on about the summer holiday after not even getting paid for the Halloween one ?
why would you think of even staying ?
what is stopping you from leaving ?

Darlingx · 15/12/2022 10:11

I was in a job like this and developed stomach ulcers from the stress from working with complete narcissists they have no empathy which is why they compete with your health problem rather than let u repair. They would drive you into the ground so I am glad you didn’t live in with them as it would be harder to untangle yourself from their hold.
Please remember their lies this will never change and look after your Health priority number 1 .
Anyone looking after someone’s children with as much care and conviction is an asset to be treasured. The children and their home are their treasures in this world to most people . I hope you know your worth not measured by this experience but in your own good nature which was been taken advantage of but is something to be protected thats all . It’s actually the best feature for a Nanny to have. Being a caring caregiver . I think because they don’t show great love for family time they are not loving caring people towards anyone in that home so do not believe ever that your the problem as some have said here. I think they know full well they had broken your spirit and so they could trample where they pleased . I think it is there tactic of abuse which is why you barely get a face to face conversation but were promised so much in the beginning because they are comfortable with lying to people probably even themselves. Can you imagine living with yourself treating others this way where it results in human suffering? so please don’t turn any destruction in on yourself you have suffered enough and deserve your own quiet healing time to get back to your true self . A human being not staff nobody owns your sense of wellbeing ever that is the boundary line so glad you are shutting them out and are free 🌿Enjoy making your plans for the summer and getting that holiday time with your family ❤️to heal . Your update made me cheer for your health to recover and for u to be free of them x

Pismascrescents · 15/12/2022 10:15

I would honestly Google modern slavery the penalty for which is jail.

If they are forcing you to work long hours, not paying you for those hours and withholding wages then you are being exploited. Why let them get away with it?

Other ops have given you some great advice on standing up for yourself. That doesn’t work for me sorry. So you want me to work twelve hour days for the same pay as an 8 hour day? That’s not acceptable. Etc

once you start standing up for yourself you will feel amazing. Confrontation is difficult but some things you can’t avoid your way out of.

The first few times I stood up for myself I was shaking. Then I married someone with an extremely strong personality (probably why I was attracted) and found myself having to stand up for myself. These days, it’s second nature. I am used to handling difficult and stressful situations without turning a hair. The point is, it is practice. Practice asking for what you want and not accepting second best. Get a book on boundary setting.

You actually have the power in this relationship because they need you and they are breaking multiple laws which you can get them in trouble for. So own your power.

Pismascrescents · 15/12/2022 10:18

I could be off track here, but if you feel bound to them for some reason- eg sponsoring a visa, taking your passport or your papers not being in order- don’t worry. There are still laws that stop them from mistreating you.

whynotwhatknot · 15/12/2022 11:46

just leave youre still ging on about next years holiday its irrelevant- just tell them you quit

Kellnic · 15/12/2022 13:48

Hello, I'm a mum to an older "special needs" teen that doesn't now go to school. I get you. It is exhausting some days when you realise you've forgotten yourself in amongst it. As that mum, what I would say is how much do the "children/young people" in your care mean to you? If still a lot, then try to work something out - for them and their ongoing stability. Tell the parents that you have now reached your own limits, that if they want to hold on to you in the best interests of the child/ren - for this is what it boils down to, them and you - something better, more organised and more two-way needs to be worked out, or you will walk away. This should be enough to send them into a panic and work things out. The support packages for such children out there are not too a penny at the moment, whether or not you've the money to pay for it. From what I read though, they've very much taken you for granted and it is time for them to take some responsibility over that. Good luck, and yes, absolutely you have that family time of your own next summer, after the few years we've all had such moments are important.

Boshi · 15/12/2022 14:01

Wow @Kellnic after everything OP posted you are suggesting she should to try to work things out with them. To what end? People like this have no empathy and won’t change… at best she might see a small change and then a slow descent back into the same old. Not sure why you think it’s OPs problem to solve. The parents need to be around for their kids.

No good deed goes unpunished. OP please don’t let anyone guilt trip you into going back into that shitshow.

MyBabyLaura · 15/12/2022 19:15

what I would say is how much do the "children/young people" in your care mean to you? If still a lot, then try to work something out - for them and their ongoing stability.

No. This is emotionally manipulative towards OP.

You're speaking as a mum putting the DC welfare first. As you should do as a mum to your own DC. OP isn't their mum she's the nanny. To her, her own welfare comes before that of the DC (and if it doesn't, it should do!). She can care about the DC without feeling responsible for them beyond the duties of her job.

If OPs emotional attachment to these DC prevents her doing what is right in her own life - including prioritising her own family over her employer's family, making career decisions that best benefit her, and taking care of her own health and wellbeing - then she should look at this situation with a view to working out why she's become overly attached to, and feels long term responsibility for, DC who aren't hers. So she can prevent it happening again, because it isn't healthy for her. Looking after these DC is a job for her, nothing more and she shouldn't let her heart rule her head.

pinneddownbytabbies · 15/12/2022 20:53

No employer can force you to do something against your will. You are not a slave or a servant, or being kept prisoner (I sincerely hope not anyway).

You are totally free to leave any time you want to, and find another job.

Look after yourself OP, and contact your doctor.

Greenshed · 15/12/2022 21:23

Time to go. They are using you and taking the proverbial. It makes you wonder why the others you mention didn’t stay the course, or as you say “stepped back”. I think you need to do the same - forget their emotional blackmail about it being for the children, (which I’m sure they’ll try), think of yourself.

Greenshed · 15/12/2022 21:26

After all, they are the parents, not you, so they are the ones ultimately responsible for their children, and their children’s welfare, not you.

Autumn61 · 16/12/2022 00:47

Erm… go and work in Aldis. Sorry if I’m coming across as uncaring but you’ve been doing this for a few years now and your situation is becoming increasingly unacceptable.I don’t know how much notice you have to give but I would fucking ensure it coincided with one of their holidays .

Dragonella · 16/12/2022 06:15

Look for another job NOW

sorrynotathome · 16/12/2022 07:07

For some reason the OP is not explaining why she persists in this “job” and refuses to answer questions about any circumstances that are keeping her tied to this family. I wonder why she is posting at all.

antelopevalley · 16/12/2022 12:31

She maybe does not understand herself shy she stays, She sounds very ground down.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page