I'm in shock.... work and schedule

[Tofuckwith2022]

I work as a nanny.
It's not a live in position.
My contract originally stated Monday to Friday work and some extrs will be required from time to time at weekends.
I will need to root through my files and dig it out and read the wording exactly because it's been a while since I read it.

I am in an awful position now.

I feel like the parents are doing a number on me. There's a special needs child in the family and over the past few years they started relying on me more and more and for stepping in and giving them respite so that they can take care.
The respite stuff was never in a contract. At first it used to be 5 or 7 days and it was a holiday locally within the country. The parents would organise other care too to give me time off. Over the past year they have increased the holidays but decreased the other care too. Or the team of people that they relied on so much stepped back a lot.

So they got a holiday last year. It was originally supposed to be for 10 days but then they turned it into 14 days. I did have people come and go to help me.

Then they got another break away during the mid term break in October. I felt a lot of people who helped previously stepped back. There was only one other lady who hardly turned up.
I would be up from 5 or 6 o clock in the morning with the child and the the other lady mightn't even come til late in the afternoon or the early evening. It was just too much of a long spell for me.

Usually these spells take a lot out of me. Usually it will be a regular work week and then I come into a weekend and then the the stint might start and happen then and then it will often be another week or two by the time I get a day off and then it's back to another regular week and often it can be weeks by the time I sniff any sort of a weekend off. You know, like what many other workers are entitled to after working all week? Then there is the work itself too. Often I end up neglecting something as simple as my oral hygiene like going to bed at night time and just falling into bed without using my toothbrush. It depends on the day and I many hours I am expected to keep going for. A shower might be once or twice a week.

The real kicker was that I was never paid appropriately for that Halloween stint. I got paid my normal weekly wage but nothing extra. I was pretty much 24/7

They have other workers coming and going too.
They must be away nearly every single weekend.
There has been back to back Christmas parties this week with no break in their schedules and no break in mine either.

I never really signed up for work like this.

Basically I was told about next summers plans. One of the parents said it while their were rushing pass me.
They booked a 10 day holiday abroad.

They never even asked me or consulted with me. They just dumped it on me and feel entitled to 24/7 work out of me. The parent dressed it up very nice as a lively opportunity and they will organise extra cover for me during that time.i wasn't even asked. I was just told it and I have to accept it.
That's the situation.
I am actually in shock of what I was confronted with.
I know when the time comes, I will be lucky if I get any other help at all. Or help will be limited.

I have a few different issues with all of this.

1. I feel 10 days is too much. Whats wrong with 6 or 7 days?
2. I have my own plans for next summer. These are important plans. Does she expect me to literally piss on my family to serve her family?
3. other people who have helped her in the past have stepped back a lot. I think maybe they see a lot from them and they see their outings and holidays and breaks away as excessive. This brings me into another situation in that - the majority of those 10 days of work will be on my back. If I get a sleepless night, it doesn't matter I will be expected just to get up and continue work
4. payment - will I even get paid? Probably not. Or they will do a number. What's the point in working 24/7 if I will get better hours and pay working in Tesco or aldi.
5. I have a health condition now too. I don't want to write about it but it does cause sickness and flares. I already had three flares this year. The parents know about my health issue. What if I get sick? They won't care. They will be away on their holier for 10 days or more. If I get sick - what happens? Who do I fall back on? Or am I suspected to neglect my health and ignore a flare until I die in work.
6. back to point 1, 10 days is just too much.

They feel entitled to 10 days because its a milestone birthday. I think it's ridiculous. I have important plans next summer but they don't matter. Its so much more than a birth.

Go to the GP and get signed off sick with stress. Just to give you some thinking space. Tell them via email and keep a trace of everything.

It’s good though because everyone’s in agreement you’ve had loads of advice and you can now just leave … can’t you? 🤔

I agree with the others that you're letting them walk all over you. You need to stand up for yourself & as a minimum, give them an invoice for how much they owe you & stop doing the adults washing.

Regardless of that, I'd be looking for a new job asap. If you get sick pay, or can afford SSP, then phone in sick as this sounds like you're very overworked, overwhelmed and stressed.

Do your CV now. It shouldn't take long and start looking for something else - even of temping-straight away.

I'm mum to an SN child (adult child now) and would have loved to find someone like you although it might not have been full time.

For the care you’ve been giving, it looks like they would have a bill of around 1.5k a week. A care home can be around this much so the figure doesn’t surprise me. I can imagine the family could probably find cheaper residential respite care. But they haven’t. They’ve exploited you and their actions are illegal, not to mention abusive to their child, which is why you should consider court action and an employment solicitor. www.nhs.uk/conditions/social-care-and-support-guide/support-and-benefits-for-carers/carer-breaks-and-respite-care/

phone in sick Good idea. Taking time off sick now would be a good idea. You could use that time to look into your rights. You’ll get a financial pay out and more money for less work.

They don't think they have a nanny. They think they have an expensive slave. Get what you're owed and get the fuck out of there.

They are manipulative and abusive.

You'll be snapped up immediately by another family if you wish to keep being a nanny.

Have you talked to any of your family or friends about your situation?

They are not happy with me working there any more.

Actually, I know the parents a lot now. I really don't think I have been provided with the full details just yet. I think there will be birth party weekends either side of that 10 day holiday. I just wasn't told about it just yet. It will be me and everyone else (that's if the other more casual minders haven't left) doing the job that they should be doing at least once in a while - parenting their child.

If I go ahead with it (and I won't) , my only bonus will be a hospital admission from the stress of a never ending stint and a high probability of a stoma bag.
Any other job would be clock in, get a lunch break, clock out and go home in the evening and have weekends off. You know a break between shifts and working weeks.

They never factored in my upgraded health status. I doubt they will get cover.

They tried to get cover for the Halloween break but no one came forward because they are all probably sick of it too.

Not remotely like your situation but quite a few years ago I was doing agency nursing in London. I went to a house where the parents had gone to Rio de Janeiro for six weeks. Nanny hadn't had a day off for seven weeks. She slipped a disc and had to lie flat on her mattress on the floor. I had to look after her and the six month old baby.
The house was just off Kings road, dad was a banker.
Nanny had a kettle and a tray of packet baby food to mix up in the baby's room. (Why no mashed bananas??? and homemade food???). When they were due back she said "you have got all the baby food out of the kitchen haven't you?" "G (dad) doesn't like to know there's a baby in the house".

When they arrived I was sat at the far side of the large room feeding the baby. G stuck his head round the door and said "Hello tiger" and disappeared upstairs.
Then Mum appeared, she briefly clutched the baby gave it a kiss and said "Mmm you're delicious". Then she said to me "Do you mind if I go up to rest, I've got dreadful jet lag and G has frightful diarrhoea ".

That was the last I saw of them.

I don't think seven weeks or hour a break was part of that nanny's contract either.

Good luck OP. There are plenty of jobs out there, especially with your special needs experience. Find a new job and go.

Honestly you need to walk away.
A pp worded a letter brilliantly, use that.

I’m sorry your clearly generous nature has been taken advantage of so much. They’ve ruined it for themselves because clearly if they had treated you even half decently they would have had an excellent nanny.

This reminds me of another weekend. The father went away recently on a Sunday and the mother needed me to help for Sunday evening and into Monday and for Monday morning. I agreed to help. I mentioned to her that I think I am flaring but I am not too sure just yet. There's something niggling me. Not long after that, she went to the sitting room to sit down for the evening and allowed me to jot only look after the special needs child but to also clean up the kitchen. By about 11 ó clock she was complaining about not feeling very right. Like coming down with a virus and she needs to go to bed. I was up late making lunches and cleaning and putting the kids to while I was also not well myself. I really felt like she was trying to make light of my own condition. She looked after herself. It was well after midnight by the time I went to bed and I was required to get up again by early morning.

OP, I copied this from an article about the stages of leaving a job. You're in stage 1 and if - as I suspect- you posted about the same situation some months ago, you've been there for a while.

At this stage you need to step back and take the actions you need to move forward.Dig out your contract and make some attempt to ask for extra hours, write up your CV and start applying. If you genuinely believe you would earn more at Aldi or Tesco - and I'm sure that's probably true - what are the barriers stopping you from applying?

1	Precontemplation - In this stage, people do not intend to take action in the foreseeable future (defined as within the next 6 months). People are often unaware that their behavior/situation is problematic or produces negative consequences. People in this stage often underestimate the pros of changing behavior/situation and place too much emphasis on the cons of changing behavior/situation. In this stage, employees are regularly frustrated at their job. They feel stuck and don't see a way out.
2	Contemplation - In this stage, people are intending to start the change in the foreseeable future (defined as within the next 6 months). People recognize that their behavior/situation may be problematic, and a more thoughtful and practical consideration of the pros and cons of changing the behavior/situation takes place, with equal emphasis placed on both. Even with this recognition, people may still feel ambivalent toward changing their behavior. In this stage, employees begin to see that getting another job IS an option. They're still deciding whether or not to make such a big change, but it's become more of a possible reality to them.
3	Preparation (Determination) - In this stage, people are ready to take action within the next 30 days. People start to take small steps toward the behavior change, and they believe changing their behavior can lead to a healthier life. In this stage, employees begin updating their resumes and talking with friends and family about what they're thinking about and planning to do. They vacillate from feeling excitement about their possible new future and growing frustrations with their current position.
4	Action - In this stage, people have recently changed their behavior (defined as within the last 6 months) and intend to keep moving forward with that behavior change. People may exhibit this by modifying their problem behavior or acquiring new healthy behaviors. In this stage, employees are actively sending out resumes, interviewing, and once they've found a new job, resigning.

For an elderly person in a nursing home, you would be looking at circa £2,000 a week. So it is likely that respite care for a child with additional needs would be similar, or more.

This is very strange. Is this in the UK because it sounds like it's breaking UK employment laws. Are they from the UK? Are you? I ask because it seems there is maybe something culturally going on here - it's unacceptable behaviour on their part yet you keep putting up with it.

Oh please hand in your notice, they are taking the piss!!

Honestly, I'd email them and ask about the overtime pay in October. No harm in asking. I'd also look for another job ASAP and leave.

I'm quoting this long post because it really hits the nail on the head and you need to read it thoroughly OP.

What are the set hours a week?

Do you get paid weekly or is it an annual salary paid monthly?

Do you get payslips? Do those payslips show your income tax and national insurance deductions, and are they paying employer's national insurance?

Do you get paid if you are off sick, and do you get paid holidays and bank holidays?

Oh OP. I wish you would just leave them to it and leave before Christmas. You'll be so glad you did.

Find another job, as the longer you stay the more they will exploit you and this is what is happening here. You have skills very much in demand, so find another role and leave them to deal with their family!

I too think you should just down tools and walk out before Christmas.

They depend on you. That means YOU can call the shots.

Tell them " You've been placing more and more sole-responsibility on my shoulders, (list examples) and my pay doesn't reflect that huge commitment of my time and energy. I feel you've taken advantage of me.

So before the end of this year I'd like a serious discussion about my working scedule, my basic salary, and additional -responsibility payments whenever you leave your disabled child in my care for more than one night.

If you want me to continue here, it will take a significant improvement in my working conditions, hours and pay. Otherwise I'll be looking for a new post in the New Year. "