I'm in shock.... work and schedule

[Tofuckwith2022]

I work as a nanny.
It's not a live in position.
My contract originally stated Monday to Friday work and some extrs will be required from time to time at weekends.
I will need to root through my files and dig it out and read the wording exactly because it's been a while since I read it.

I am in an awful position now.

I feel like the parents are doing a number on me. There's a special needs child in the family and over the past few years they started relying on me more and more and for stepping in and giving them respite so that they can take care.
The respite stuff was never in a contract. At first it used to be 5 or 7 days and it was a holiday locally within the country. The parents would organise other care too to give me time off. Over the past year they have increased the holidays but decreased the other care too. Or the team of people that they relied on so much stepped back a lot.

So they got a holiday last year. It was originally supposed to be for 10 days but then they turned it into 14 days. I did have people come and go to help me.

Then they got another break away during the mid term break in October. I felt a lot of people who helped previously stepped back. There was only one other lady who hardly turned up.
I would be up from 5 or 6 o clock in the morning with the child and the the other lady mightn't even come til late in the afternoon or the early evening. It was just too much of a long spell for me.

Usually these spells take a lot out of me. Usually it will be a regular work week and then I come into a weekend and then the the stint might start and happen then and then it will often be another week or two by the time I get a day off and then it's back to another regular week and often it can be weeks by the time I sniff any sort of a weekend off. You know, like what many other workers are entitled to after working all week? Then there is the work itself too. Often I end up neglecting something as simple as my oral hygiene like going to bed at night time and just falling into bed without using my toothbrush. It depends on the day and I many hours I am expected to keep going for. A shower might be once or twice a week.

The real kicker was that I was never paid appropriately for that Halloween stint. I got paid my normal weekly wage but nothing extra. I was pretty much 24/7

They have other workers coming and going too.
They must be away nearly every single weekend.
There has been back to back Christmas parties this week with no break in their schedules and no break in mine either.

I never really signed up for work like this.

Basically I was told about next summers plans. One of the parents said it while their were rushing pass me.
They booked a 10 day holiday abroad.

They never even asked me or consulted with me. They just dumped it on me and feel entitled to 24/7 work out of me. The parent dressed it up very nice as a lively opportunity and they will organise extra cover for me during that time.i wasn't even asked. I was just told it and I have to accept it.
That's the situation.
I am actually in shock of what I was confronted with.
I know when the time comes, I will be lucky if I get any other help at all. Or help will be limited.

I have a few different issues with all of this.

1. I feel 10 days is too much. Whats wrong with 6 or 7 days?
2. I have my own plans for next summer. These are important plans. Does she expect me to literally piss on my family to serve her family?
3. other people who have helped her in the past have stepped back a lot. I think maybe they see a lot from them and they see their outings and holidays and breaks away as excessive. This brings me into another situation in that - the majority of those 10 days of work will be on my back. If I get a sleepless night, it doesn't matter I will be expected just to get up and continue work
4. payment - will I even get paid? Probably not. Or they will do a number. What's the point in working 24/7 if I will get better hours and pay working in Tesco or aldi.
5. I have a health condition now too. I don't want to write about it but it does cause sickness and flares. I already had three flares this year. The parents know about my health issue. What if I get sick? They won't care. They will be away on their holier for 10 days or more. If I get sick - what happens? Who do I fall back on? Or am I suspected to neglect my health and ignore a flare until I die in work.
6. back to point 1, 10 days is just too much.

They feel entitled to 10 days because its a milestone birthday. I think it's ridiculous. I have important plans next summer but they don't matter. Its so much more than a birth.

I am so sorry you are in this situation and that you have been exploited in this way. I hope you find a way to get out of this and find a family that appreciates you.

I would suggest that you find a mentor or friend who will help you through this situation. Not easy - but do reach out for help. Nannies who have experience with special needs are sought after and hard to find. You could charge a premium for your services and be very clear what your boundaries are.

As for your current employer - could you, with help, work out how many hours you have worked this year, without pay, on top of your regular hours - prepare a schedule of all of the times that you were away with them or covering weekends. Point out to them that you have gone way above and beyond all reasonable expectations of what could have been meant by the terms in your contract and as a result of the hours that you have worked, you have been working for less than minimum wage and that this is illegal and point out the number of times that they have breeched the working time directive. Put it all in writing and then tell them what you want:
a) Compensation for hours worked without pay
b) Agreement going forward on reasonable hours, overtime and unsociable hours pay
c) Clarification on roles and responsibilities
d) Clarification on working on weekends and going away with the family on holiday, responsibilities during this time and agreed time when you are not working.

e) Clarification of your own holidays and personal commitments, how these should be agreed and flexibility required in return for your flexibility.

If you put it all down in writing and deliver it, give them time to read and absorb it and maybe even include the fact that based on your working patterns to date, this may come as a surprise to them but that you are no longer able to continue working in this manner and that if you cannot come to a swift agreement on all of these items, you will resign.

Have a look on here for some comparison on what is available.. www.sennies.co.uk/current-vacancies?page=2. As these are through an experienced agency who also provide some free on line training - it is more likely that your contract with be specific and clear. While the family will be paying the agency, their first priority will be to them, they are unlikely to continue to work with families who exploit the people they place.

www.nannyjob.co.uk/childcare/Nanny_(Special_needs)/AnyRegion?results=15. More evidence about how valuable your experience will be.

I'm really concerned OP why you've been putting up with these conditions.

Didn’t you post about this earlier on the year? Did any of the extensive advice you got then make a difference?

to add.... I would also speak to ACAS and ask their advice on what to do.. you may be supported to take your employer to arbitration / tribunal and may receive a settlement payment for unfair treatment.

Are they British? I ask because I have known two families like this, who treated their nanny as a slave, because apparently that was how they did it back home. That said, I have a British colleague, who left her five year old daughter who had chicken pox in the care of a 17 year old au pair while she went ski-ing.

They’ll be so fucked if you quit, so use that leverage to negotiate much, much better pay or terms. Or better still, just find a better post. Who would want to work for these jokers?

Op so much of this is illegal. Please speak to acas and make sure you get what you're owed. You are not a slave!

You just need to threaten legal action to recoup lost wages. They are also breaking a number of laws- have a look at modern slavery laws although you aren’t being held against your will (except you are because you don’t want to do the hours) . Contact ACAS. Take it seriously and don’t let yourself be browbeaten

I would make a log of all the extras you've done on top of your contract and show them in black and white. I presume you're not even getting the minimum wage I'd they are getting lots of extra free hours.

Find another job, and leave right before they are supposed to go on holiday, so they don't have time to find someone else.

Drop them in the shit. Force them into parenting their own child.

Poor kid.

I don't understand why you haven't asked for overtime payment before now.

I would respond to the question about summer holidays to say that over Halloween you worked x number of extra hours and you need payment for this before you commit to another solo care period.

Meanwhile tidy your cv and apply for another job.

Your employers sound absolutely awful, but like others I'm surprised you've let it go on for so long.

Tell them from now on you will only work your hours you agreed to originally, also inform them they still owe you money and unless that is paid you won't work any weekend dont be a door mat

You're contracted for M-F with 'some extras'. They're pushing and pushing to increase those extras, and they're succeeding because you aren't pushing back.

You need to think about what you are and aren't prepared to do. You could:

• Set an overtime rate (double time pay?)
• Require the following days off in lieu
• Decline to do any overnight shifts
• Simply decline to do the additional requests

...and you always, always have the option of finding new work. I suspect special needs childcare will be in demand.

Rereading your messages, I would give them notice though. They seem exactly the types to get Legal if you don't follow your side of the contract. Plus you might need a reference.

So you're expected to be a housekeeper as well? Sod that.

Keep a detailed record of the times you work. Keep all your payslips. Work out if you are receiving the minimum wage and, if you aren't, report them to the government. I imagine you'd enjoy seeing their names published alongside the many other disgusting 'employers' out there. I know I would in your shoes. People like that sicken me.

You need to get angry at how you've been treated. Stand up for yourself, your rights, your health. Good luck in your job search. You'll find something much, much better.

Definitely this. With assistance from ACAS or an employment solicitor. I’d you really don’t want to, resign and send the letter posted at 12.06.

Please, please stop allowing this family to walk all over you. You are not their respite care or a carer.

What are your actual contracted hours? They are taking her the piss because you are allowing them to.

I used to think they were a nice couple but a nice couple wouldn't book a 10 day holiday without a care in the world. If they paid someone a proper pay the wouldn't be able to get away so often.

Theres back to back Christmas parties this week. I am living out from bags like a fucking homelesels tramp using my own home like a drop in and drop off service.

Get a new job. This wont improve, people like this just wont hear it no matter how you spell it out to them.

It sounds like you're doing the whole family's laundry as well? You're a nanny. You only wash the children's clothes. You shouldn't be washing her stuff at all. That's just the tip of the iceberg in your treatment though and it will not get better.

Look for a new job.

Out of interest, if they were to look into respite care, how much would that cost for them? Proper respite care?

Is she stayed in once in a while over a weekend she would be able to do her own laundry.

But why are you doing it? It is not your job. You wash the children's clothes and leave the adult's stuff for them. Just remind them that you are a nanny and you dont wash their clothes.

Why do you just do it? You're letting them walk all over you.

Why are you taking the overtime as if you have no choice? When they dumped all these extra hours this week for their xmas parties, you just tell them that it isnt possible for you to do overtime anymore as you've done so much and have not been paid for it.

You dont need to do overtime. You dont need to wash their clothes. Why are you just doing it without saying anything?

There is an element of personal responsibility to take here. You are a professional. Behave like on. You're just being very wet.

Have you posted about them before, it sounds identical and you were advised to leave then and they are miserly users.

To be blunt - who cares?
Your focus needs to be 100% on getting a new job, not stewing about this one.

OP there is some excellent advice here and I get you're probably posting while working and taking everything in but at some point you need to focus on what your plan of action is.

What are your thoughts on what that might look like?

It makes me so angry that parents like this are so shit at actual parenting and take such liberties with people like yourself.

You do not have to put up with this