I'm in shock.... work and schedule

[Tofuckwith2022]

I work as a nanny.
It's not a live in position.
My contract originally stated Monday to Friday work and some extrs will be required from time to time at weekends.
I will need to root through my files and dig it out and read the wording exactly because it's been a while since I read it.

I am in an awful position now.

I feel like the parents are doing a number on me. There's a special needs child in the family and over the past few years they started relying on me more and more and for stepping in and giving them respite so that they can take care.
The respite stuff was never in a contract. At first it used to be 5 or 7 days and it was a holiday locally within the country. The parents would organise other care too to give me time off. Over the past year they have increased the holidays but decreased the other care too. Or the team of people that they relied on so much stepped back a lot.

So they got a holiday last year. It was originally supposed to be for 10 days but then they turned it into 14 days. I did have people come and go to help me.

Then they got another break away during the mid term break in October. I felt a lot of people who helped previously stepped back. There was only one other lady who hardly turned up.
I would be up from 5 or 6 o clock in the morning with the child and the the other lady mightn't even come til late in the afternoon or the early evening. It was just too much of a long spell for me.

Usually these spells take a lot out of me. Usually it will be a regular work week and then I come into a weekend and then the the stint might start and happen then and then it will often be another week or two by the time I get a day off and then it's back to another regular week and often it can be weeks by the time I sniff any sort of a weekend off. You know, like what many other workers are entitled to after working all week? Then there is the work itself too. Often I end up neglecting something as simple as my oral hygiene like going to bed at night time and just falling into bed without using my toothbrush. It depends on the day and I many hours I am expected to keep going for. A shower might be once or twice a week.

The real kicker was that I was never paid appropriately for that Halloween stint. I got paid my normal weekly wage but nothing extra. I was pretty much 24/7

They have other workers coming and going too.
They must be away nearly every single weekend.
There has been back to back Christmas parties this week with no break in their schedules and no break in mine either.

I never really signed up for work like this.

Basically I was told about next summers plans. One of the parents said it while their were rushing pass me.
They booked a 10 day holiday abroad.

They never even asked me or consulted with me. They just dumped it on me and feel entitled to 24/7 work out of me. The parent dressed it up very nice as a lively opportunity and they will organise extra cover for me during that time.i wasn't even asked. I was just told it and I have to accept it.
That's the situation.
I am actually in shock of what I was confronted with.
I know when the time comes, I will be lucky if I get any other help at all. Or help will be limited.

I have a few different issues with all of this.

1. I feel 10 days is too much. Whats wrong with 6 or 7 days?
2. I have my own plans for next summer. These are important plans. Does she expect me to literally piss on my family to serve her family?
3. other people who have helped her in the past have stepped back a lot. I think maybe they see a lot from them and they see their outings and holidays and breaks away as excessive. This brings me into another situation in that - the majority of those 10 days of work will be on my back. If I get a sleepless night, it doesn't matter I will be expected just to get up and continue work
4. payment - will I even get paid? Probably not. Or they will do a number. What's the point in working 24/7 if I will get better hours and pay working in Tesco or aldi.
5. I have a health condition now too. I don't want to write about it but it does cause sickness and flares. I already had three flares this year. The parents know about my health issue. What if I get sick? They won't care. They will be away on their holier for 10 days or more. If I get sick - what happens? Who do I fall back on? Or am I suspected to neglect my health and ignore a flare until I die in work.
6. back to point 1, 10 days is just too much.

They feel entitled to 10 days because its a milestone birthday. I think it's ridiculous. I have important plans next summer but they don't matter. Its so much more than a birth.

Dear ex employers

I am writing to advise you of my decision to resign from the position of Nanny to your DC. As per my contract, I am required to give x weeks notice. My official leave date is therefore 12/1/2023 (or whatever)

While writing, I wish to raise the issue of the overtime you have asked me to carry out, and then not paid for. According to my calculations, I worked x extra hours over the Halloween weekend, x hours on the London trip weekend and x hours over the x week when you had evening commitments every day.

In summary, I am owed x hours which I will take as TOIL, making my last day with you 13/12/2022. Please arrange for all salary to be paid up to 12/1/23.

I have enjoyed working with Billy who is a lovely child. However I feel that my good nature and commitment to the family has been exploited with no regard to my personal life and no appreciation of the amount and quality of work I have provided.

With best wishes

They are absolutely taking the piss out of you.

No way should you do that amount of hours.

Equally as they didn't say anything- I'd of handed them a timesheet quoting days / hours and stating you wanted to be paid x amount. Including over night rate as you were still looking after the child

Good nannies are like gold dust - just don't let people walk over your kind nature 🤞🤞🤞 I'd of never of treated my previous nannies like that .....

Xmas bonus - will they be kind to you? Worth hanging out for it?

X

The majority of parents treat nannies like this. Start off nice and then start to take advantage. You either have to be strict, or keep taking new jobs.

I didn't book time off for next summer. I have other plans for next summer but not holidays. VIP visitors for a few weeks. I was going to book time off when I got their dates in and then I was hoping you know for a regular working time and regular work schedule - like morning til evening and spend evenings at home.

Are you an illegal immigrant, OP? I can’t see any other reason why you would work for someone who is ignoring every employment law imaginable!

Why don't you just quit or say no when the present plans outside of your regular work agreement.? You are blaming them,but it is not their job to speak out for you.

They are not forcing you to work overtime; you are choosing not to say anything. That is on you rather than them.I'm

This is horrendous. Of course you need to leave this post immediately. They sound like terrible employers and terrible parents also.

No one is forcing you to work for them, find a new family and leave and make your conditions clear - you will work one weekend per month etc ask about holidays etc so you know in advance and have it all in writing, clear and concise so there is no grey areas if they ask for something you can’t do or don’t pay you correctly.

current family know you will help them so they are seeing how far they can go without paying you correctly and just taking the piss tbh if you let them they’ll keep doing it. Say no, ask for your contract to be checked and say you need more time off. If you just go along with it and say nothing you can’t really complain.

To be honest, I'd contact social services and raising safeguarding concerns.

You will be working for less than minimum wage. Plus they are neglecting their special needs child.

Do you mind me asking what age you are?

You are so ground down, it looks like you can't see the woods for the trees.

You are being completely exploited by this family. You need to leave. There are plenty of jobs for nanny's. They have treated you so badly and have no appreciation for all you have done. Don't put up with this a day longer.

Leave, you will feel such a weight lift off your shoulders. They will be furious and will pled and beg you to stay, but I would walk, this is no way to treat a human being. I am very sorry for their child, but you need to look after yourself.

@Mari9999 Only shitty people exploit someone and put the blame on those they are exploiting.

Fantastic letter 👏

@Tofuckwith2022 This will not change. They are shitty people. You need to leave as soon as you can get something else.

With your experience you'll get a new placement very quickly.

Start to document your skill set. It will be vast given you are managing SEN child with nannying and housework.

Know your worth. It's time to move on now. You'll be more aware of your boundaries with your next employer this is a positive thing.

Are you nannying in the Middle East or something ? This is a joke and breaking contract surely. Please tell me you have a contract and agreed hours of work etc ?

So just to check, they are asking you to 'live in' during these frequent breaks and aren't paying you extra? That's insane and yes, they are definitely taking advantage.

If you want to stay then I think you need a proper sit down with them and explain none of this is in your contract. Tell them you're prepared to do X amount of overnights per year and you will expect to be paid for the overnight time too.

You're a nanny not a 24/7 carer. Two totally different jobs!

I remember that thread too. I'm wondering if it is the same family, but their latest nanny down the line given they probably go through one every 6 months or so due to their awful treatment.

Look for another job, even another nannying job not everyone is as awful as this family sound. Look after yourself first!

I'm a nanny and I know many who find themselves in this position unfortunately. Sometimes the power dynamic is such that nannies feel they have no choice but to put up and shut up, many are scared they won't find another job or will get a bad reference.

I stopped reading half way through
You need to quit.

This job might work if you could put boundaries in but saying you're working so hard you're so exhausted you don't shower for weeks on end is frankly ridiculous. And on top of that you're not even challenging them on the underpayment - at worst I'd be working to contracted hours until the back pay was sorted.

Honestly, you need to leave whilst you have a shred of self worth left. They're absolutely abusing your "kindness"

It is very very common for nannies to be exploited.

I would've walked after the autumn break. Hand in your notice. They are taking the piss.

This is absolutely appalling. They are treating you like a slave. And I feel horribly sorry for the child with additional needs, getting so little attention from their parents.

This.

I'm a nanny and I know many who find themselves in this position unfortunately. Sometimes the power dynamic is such that nannies feel they have no choice but to put up and shut up, many are scared they won't find another job or will get a bad reference.

That's shocking. I assumed OP must be here illegally too, or have some very vulnerable status.

I think in a case like this, I wouldn't worry about a reference. OP (and other nannies in this situation) probably need a bit of time off before getting back into another family. Take a temp job anywhere else to cover costs. Then come back to nannying. Even if it means starting at a lower salary, as long as the working hours are respected it'll be a) higher hourly rate than this situation and b) give time for a weekend job (if absolutely necessary).

I'd like to see OP's employers in front of a judge. But totally understand why she may not have the energy for that.