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I'm in shock.... work and schedule

268 replies

Tofuckwith2022 · 13/12/2022 09:48

I work as a nanny.
It's not a live in position.
My contract originally stated Monday to Friday work and some extrs will be required from time to time at weekends.
I will need to root through my files and dig it out and read the wording exactly because it's been a while since I read it.

I am in an awful position now.

I feel like the parents are doing a number on me. There's a special needs child in the family and over the past few years they started relying on me more and more and for stepping in and giving them respite so that they can take care.
The respite stuff was never in a contract. At first it used to be 5 or 7 days and it was a holiday locally within the country. The parents would organise other care too to give me time off. Over the past year they have increased the holidays but decreased the other care too. Or the team of people that they relied on so much stepped back a lot.

So they got a holiday last year. It was originally supposed to be for 10 days but then they turned it into 14 days. I did have people come and go to help me.

Then they got another break away during the mid term break in October. I felt a lot of people who helped previously stepped back. There was only one other lady who hardly turned up.
I would be up from 5 or 6 o clock in the morning with the child and the the other lady mightn't even come til late in the afternoon or the early evening. It was just too much of a long spell for me.

Usually these spells take a lot out of me. Usually it will be a regular work week and then I come into a weekend and then the the stint might start and happen then and then it will often be another week or two by the time I get a day off and then it's back to another regular week and often it can be weeks by the time I sniff any sort of a weekend off. You know, like what many other workers are entitled to after working all week? Then there is the work itself too. Often I end up neglecting something as simple as my oral hygiene like going to bed at night time and just falling into bed without using my toothbrush. It depends on the day and I many hours I am expected to keep going for. A shower might be once or twice a week.

The real kicker was that I was never paid appropriately for that Halloween stint. I got paid my normal weekly wage but nothing extra. I was pretty much 24/7

They have other workers coming and going too.
They must be away nearly every single weekend.
There has been back to back Christmas parties this week with no break in their schedules and no break in mine either.

I never really signed up for work like this.

Basically I was told about next summers plans. One of the parents said it while their were rushing pass me.
They booked a 10 day holiday abroad.

They never even asked me or consulted with me. They just dumped it on me and feel entitled to 24/7 work out of me. The parent dressed it up very nice as a lively opportunity and they will organise extra cover for me during that time.i wasn't even asked. I was just told it and I have to accept it.
That's the situation.
I am actually in shock of what I was confronted with.
I know when the time comes, I will be lucky if I get any other help at all. Or help will be limited.

I have a few different issues with all of this.

  1. I feel 10 days is too much. Whats wrong with 6 or 7 days?
  2. I have my own plans for next summer. These are important plans. Does she expect me to literally piss on my family to serve her family?
  3. other people who have helped her in the past have stepped back a lot. I think maybe they see a lot from them and they see their outings and holidays and breaks away as excessive. This brings me into another situation in that - the majority of those 10 days of work will be on my back. If I get a sleepless night, it doesn't matter I will be expected just to get up and continue work
  4. payment - will I even get paid? Probably not. Or they will do a number. What's the point in working 24/7 if I will get better hours and pay working in Tesco or aldi.
  5. I have a health condition now too. I don't want to write about it but it does cause sickness and flares. I already had three flares this year. The parents know about my health issue. What if I get sick? They won't care. They will be away on their holier for 10 days or more. If I get sick - what happens? Who do I fall back on? Or am I suspected to neglect my health and ignore a flare until I die in work.
  6. back to point 1, 10 days is just too much.

They feel entitled to 10 days because its a milestone birthday. I think it's ridiculous. I have important plans next summer but they don't matter. Its so much more than a birth.

OP posts:
Tofuckwith2022 · 13/12/2022 11:27

I am just looking at the dates the parent threw at me for next summer. There's no way in hell that's going to be a 10 day stint. Just so by other summers. There are a lot of birthdays in the summer. They are going to extend it or come back and go away again.

I feel bad for the special needs child as well because they are not very bad and they can be good. There can be some challenging times too but it's manageable. I don't understand why the parents want to get away so many times.

OP posts:
Caterina99 · 13/12/2022 11:27

Invoice them for what you’re owed for the holiday. And keep a track now of all the extra hours you do. As soon as you get that payment, put your notice in.

Start looking for new jobs now! Nannie’s are in high demand, especially ones with experience in special needs

This family will never improve, leave asap!

ProserpinaProserpina · 13/12/2022 11:33

Get a new job and then take legal action for the financial compensation you are owed for additional hours.

Do they actually spend any time with their child?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Tofuckwith2022 · 13/12/2022 11:33

narkyspirit · 13/12/2022 11:10

Are you paid weekly? if so give them a run down of what they owe you for extras and ask for it to be added to your next wages. if it isn't then just walk out. smalls claims court if they don't pay.

Maybe when they don't have anyone, they'll realise how much you are doing for them.

I would also tell them you are not working over Christmas as you need the time off

At this stage I feel this is absolutely the case. I feel like they don't appreciate me.

I remember last Christmas getting a few days off - Christmas day and boxing day and then going back to work after that before getting new year's day off. The week after New year's the mother came to me ranting and raving because there was a backlog of laundry. Even though when I was in work I did as much as what my time and what the machines and hanging space would allow my to do. It was clear she never operated the washing machine over the Christmas and she was blaming me for the back log and how it wasn't cleared away. Even though I did as much as I could when I was there. She didn't see that. I never felt so low before in my life. How she was so nasty to me about her laundry while she saw herself as above her own laundry over the Christmas. I do feel like I am in a place where she only sees what she wants to see.

OP posts:
Caterina99 · 13/12/2022 11:38

Definitely look for another position. You are not their slave!

Tofuckwith2022 · 13/12/2022 11:38

ProserpinaProserpina · 13/12/2022 11:33

Get a new job and then take legal action for the financial compensation you are owed for additional hours.

Do they actually spend any time with their child?

They rarely have time for the special needs child. They have plans nearly every single weekend to get away from the child and its everyone else looking after them.

OP posts:
JRHartley72 · 13/12/2022 11:39

This is horrendous to read – it's like domestic slavery. Quit now, today. Tell them you won't be back after Xmas. Then sign up this evening for an agency – you'll walk into a new position.

RudsyFarmer · 13/12/2022 11:40

They’ve groomed you to accept this. Leave.

LovelyLovelyWarmCoffee · 13/12/2022 11:41

Be strong and remember that the parents are responsible for their children, don’t let them bully you into thinking that without you the children will suffer, they will just look after them themselves until they find someone else to hire.
Really, if they tell you « we have noone else » keep telling them they can do it themselves. They can use time off from work, not your problem if they’d rather save it for a holiday.

Beckyboo123 · 13/12/2022 11:45

I feel so sorry for this child, but op you have to do what’s right for you and I think you definitely need to leave these people sound awful.

SnowlayRoundabout · 13/12/2022 11:45

Tofuckwith2022 · 13/12/2022 10:45

Yeah, I am going to look for new work and leave. I won't bother with a notice and do what they are doing to me and to others and leave them high and dry. It's scary times ahead especially with everything that's going on. I never want to ever work as a nanny again or help another parent/s.

There was a weekend recently where they asked me for a Saturday night. I presumed it would be a few hours on Saturday evening for dinner and a show but when the weekend came they had me in for Saturday afternoon and then they decided to get a last minute hotel deal and stay into Sunday too. The majority of my weekend was just gobbled. I was sick and rushing out to an emergency doctor and they never even paid me.

Why on earth did you accept that? Anyone else in that position would be raising hell, including refusing to do any more overtime until (a) they were paid and (b) they had a solemn undertaking from the family never to do that again.

Fundays12 · 13/12/2022 11:49

OP find yourself another job. Honestly they are totally taking the piss out of you. As a mum on a child with additional complex support needs I have had 1 night of in 5 years. I am quite appalled at them as I know how exhausting it is caring for my own child and he does sleep. This is not sustainable and they do not care that you signed a contract or about your welfare. You deserve an employer who treats you with respect and there kids deserve a nanny who isn't burnt out by there parents demands. Your raising there kids not being a nanny and you didn't sign up for that. If there child's needs are quite complex they need extra carers for that child.

TheLittlestLightOnTheXmasTree · 13/12/2022 11:52

Working for 2 families?

Do the Sen family pay you extra? Or do they pay some to your employer....who then does not pass any on to you?

Cherryblossoms85 · 13/12/2022 11:52

I'm rather confused about exactly what has happened, but it seems fairly obvious they're taking the piss if they're not paying you. Find another job and quit, it shouldn't be hard. Also explain in writing why you are quitting so that at least they might treat your replacement a bit better.

TheMamaYo · 13/12/2022 11:53

You absolutely need to address the issue of the money they owe you. And very soon. Put some boundaries in place until you are ready to leave.

whynotwhatknot · 13/12/2022 11:55

have you had all your holiday leave ?if not use that a notice and leave-theyre treating you like a slave

Gemma987 · 13/12/2022 11:56

If you would like to stay with them be up front with your concerns and be clear what you would like to see moving forward. If you don’t then find another role and be prepared to negotiate your terms in your contract. Our nanny asked for the section about expectations for travelling to be taken out and we were comfortable with that.

Mosaic123 · 13/12/2022 12:00

Check your minimum notice period and go.

Try and make sure you have been paid just before you go.

I bet they will be financially tricky with you when you leave.

It almost sounds like you are being abused.

Good luck.

kittensinthekitchen · 13/12/2022 12:01

What did they say when you reminded them you have already booked the time off next summer?

Emotionalsupportviper · 13/12/2022 12:02

Flossiemoss · 13/12/2022 10:06

I would inform them that they need to arrange covid for the summer holiday.
mid also tell them you are actively seeking another job.
i would get in touch with Acas. They are breaking working time directives at the very least. I would check you are covered under your indemnity arrangements- what happens if there is an incident when child is in your care but you have been surviving on little sleep. They are cf . I doubt they would be understanding - more like litigious.
I would also check your hourly rate when divided for actual hours worked. Have they broken minimum wage law.

finally - if your health is suffering - I would go sick. They are taking advantage of your goodwill and sense of duty. They are treating you as an indentured servant. They do not deserve your loyalty or consideration. Get angry and good luck.

Good advice here.

ICanHideButICantRun · 13/12/2022 12:02

I really feel for their child.

Honestly, I would leave before Christmas. You know they are off work then, so they will have time to sort something out.

Can you go to stay at your mum's?

MrsSkylerWhite · 13/12/2022 12:02

Terrible employers. Are you in the UK?

Nightynightnight · 13/12/2022 12:05

Leave. If you have concerns that the children, especially the child with special needs will not be cared for properly in your absence call social services. You have painted a very grim picture of their ability to parent.

Emotionalsupportviper · 13/12/2022 12:05

Tofuckwith2022 · 13/12/2022 10:40

This is what I have been doing over the past number rof weeks. When I realised that I wasn't getting paid properly for the week in October I started taking time off in the mornings and afternoons when the children are in school.m and doing less housework and laundry.

You ought not to have to grab a few hours here and there by stealth, though.

You are entitled to your own designated time off - so that you don't even need to go to their home that day at all. it is YOUR free time to do what you want with.

skyeisthelimit · 13/12/2022 12:06

There are so many issues here. Firstly look at your contract and see what it says. Then list all of the unpaid hours, as they will be breaking NMW law if you have been underpaid.

See what the contract details about the things you are supposed to do as part of your role.

Are they giving you payslips and paying your tax and NIC to HMRC? If not then report them for that after you have left, and for the underpayment of NMW if they don't pay you the extra hours.

Contact ACAS for advice and then give them 1 months notice.

Don't be guilted into anything, they are shocking parents. They are responsible for their DC.