Does anyone remember my thread where I was upset about being accused of smelling of alcohol at work?

[TheLightSideOfTheMoon]

I can’t find it.

I followed everyone’s advice. I documented everything, I raised a grievance where I had a meeting with my manager and HR, I left the meeting feeling hopeful that things might be resolved.

They did nothing. They asked me to name any witnesses which I did. The witnesses haven’t been asked anything (they’d have told me if they had). Nothing has changed. I still feel uncomfortable AF at work.

Last week it was the birthday of one of the men I look after. I made him a birthday cake and brought it up to work.

I’ve since found out that I’ve been accused of lacing it with alcohol (which reacts negatively with his medication). Apparently she could taste it.

I’m gutted. I’m really worried about my reputation at work. I have no idea what I’ve done to deserve this.

I’ve written a letter to my boss and another staff member wrote a statement saying she ate the cake and it just tasted of cake.

I’ve sent the woman who said this a cease and desist letter, but posted it on Sunday and with the postal strikes I have no idea when she’ll get it.

I love the people I look after and cannot leave.

Going to speak to my boss today and ask for emergency annual leave. If he says no I’ll get a GP’s note.

I’ve been tossing and turning all night. My anxiety is through the roof. I have no idea where to go from here.

What do I do?

I would get this thread moved to the employment board.

Contact ACA.

Get yourself to the doctor and see if they'll sign you off.

Sorry OP, the situation sounds appalling and your manager obviously couldn't manage their way out of a paper bag.

ACAS

This is bullshit OP, you know this is bullshit don't you? They have a duty to prevent and deal with bullying and harassment in the workplace. They don't get to shrug their shoulders and go 'meh'. Speak to your union and escalate this. The law is on your side.

That's awful.

Just a thought: Does your house insurance include legal cover? If it does, you should be able to access some legal advice on this

Wtf? He's letting a bully get away with destroying you?!

Get onto ACAS asap.

I'd be fuming if I was you.

Did she want to borrow money at some point? This sounds like revenge /blackmail

He’s maintaining that it’s my fault for letting her get to me.

@TheLightSideOfTheMoon this is horrible. I realise this is incredibly stressful, but please, if you haven't done already, make it a priority to join a union. Careworker DH is in the GMB. He doesn't think membership is dependent on how many workers in home etc. He just joined. It has been useful.

Yes, she wanted to borrow money.

To be honest in this climate carers are very thin on the ground I would seek employment elsewhere - the whole outfit seems really odd

Sending a huge hug.....

@TheLightSideOfTheMoon these seems like extortion /blackmail. Can you speak to the police?

Honestly, OP, the union is your friend here. The world is crying out for carers. Don't let your loyalty to the clients damage your mental health.

Oh god, OP, this is appalling. I'm so sorry this is happening and that your manager id joining in the bullying of you.

For everyone else: join. A. Union.

Don't buy into this nonsense that they do nothing, if nothing else it will get you free legal advice. If your workplace doesn't have one - you can still join a union

"Last week it was the birthday of one of the men I look after. I made him a birthday cake and brought it up to work.

I’ve since found out that I’ve been accused of lacing it with alcohol (which reacts negatively with his medication). Apparently she could taste it."

But what about the man? If alcohol reacts negatively with his medication, did he have any problems? Surely the immediate issue should be more about him than you or her?

He should be the priority and your employer should have recognised this and dealt with it.

Victim blaming at its very best there

She tried to get money from you and now she is making vexatious complaints and her slander is actually libellous

@TheLightSideOfTheMoon I know this is easier said than done, but you are playing right into her hands by letting it consume you like this. I worked with an idiot a few years ago who, to create a role for herself where there was none (temporary contract) critiqued and complained about alot of procedures and practises I put in place in a very successful area. Every complaint was dealt with by myself, HR and H&S quickly and professionally, and all found to be false or not an issue, and I never ever let her see that I found her behaviour incredibly frustrating and stressful. I gave her far too much head space in my own time and I regret that now, but I'm pleased that she never knew it. My composure also meant my managers had faith in me, and the more composed I was the more nettled she became, and virtually hysterical in some emails written to other people. I'd never experienced this before in my life, professional or private, as I'm an easy going person who gets along with pretty much everyone, I'd never had a colleague behave like this in any job I'd ever done, it feels so personal so I understand your feelings.

You've really got to show your managers that you can rise above and in doing so will throw light on just how unreasonable this woman is being. Your managers are incorrect in that they're saying she can make accusations and free speech etc. Once is enough, they should formally investigate and when they find no evidence against you, make this known to the woman and effectively close the case. If she continues her machinations then they can deal with her. Her accusations, particularly if she is speaking to other colleagues, if not dealt with my management is effectively bullying and not free speech. It'd a serious accusation, you could be arrested for tampering with food deliberately so her remarks are incredibly serious.

Good luck with it all but please, control the elements you can in this, which is yourself and how you behave. You can't control this woman's behaviour, you can only be composed and ensure your managers take proper action.

Fucking hell! Has he not got the balls to tell her off then? (Obviously not).

She's a bully and you get blamed. Has she got something on the boss?

Sorry to read your update OP.

Sounds like your manager is an incompetent lazy shit and doesn’t want any hassle. Sadly, that’s all too common these days as too many staff are promoted to manager without any proper training or support. That’s why they’re shifting the problem onto you so that you go quietly away and take ‘the problem’ with you.

Pretending the problem doesn’t exist isn’t a long term solution though and it’s likely from your posts that your bullying colleague has reverted to using illegal substances again and is trying to deflect attention away from themselves. She will cock up eventually and possibly cause someone else serious harm. All functioning addicts lose it eventually, it’s just a matter of time. Although, that’s no consolation to you now.

You do need to speak to an employment lawyer now though. You can’t deal with this matter on your own. You need someone else to act on your behalf.
Hoping that your manager steps up and investigates all these allegations thoroughly, clearly isn’t going to happen unless their hand is forced.

Don't give this person any opportunity to complain about you, no cakes or making drinks for them or anyone else.You need to protect yourself.

Sounds like you are building a good case for constructive dismissal. Talk to ACAS/the Union you’ve been in touch with. Then put in writing to your manager, copied to any other managers further up the chain/any HR people that you are dissatisfied with their response to your complaint thus far and that you will be contacting an employment solicitor if they do not escalate the complaint/deal with it appropriately within the next 14 days.

Witnesses to what? You “smelling of alcohol”?

Wow! I didn't see your first thread but this is shocking. Im worried that someone (manager) with such a lack of understanding is responsible for ensuring vulnerable people get care tbh.
If free speech is all the rage in the workplace are you allowed to tell everyone he is having an affair, or a pedo, or anything else repeatedly regardless of truth. Im with PPs this needs escalating, the manager is clearly beyond incompetent.

Sorry this is so stressful for you TheLightSideOfTheMoon. There are lots of unions for care workers - GMB, Unison and the Care Workers Union. Maybe even Unite I think. I think the point about the size of the home may be about being a recognised trade union. It's a bit complicated and not worth worrying about at this moment. The main thing is getting someone like a union rep who will be on your side.

Your manager's point about freedom of speech is really weird. Freedom of speech doesn't apply to telling lies about a colleague. The manager really needs to make it clear that it's not acceptable. Hope this gets sorted soon.