Does anyone remember my thread where I was upset about being accused of smelling of alcohol at work?

[TheLightSideOfTheMoon]

I can’t find it.

I followed everyone’s advice. I documented everything, I raised a grievance where I had a meeting with my manager and HR, I left the meeting feeling hopeful that things might be resolved.

They did nothing. They asked me to name any witnesses which I did. The witnesses haven’t been asked anything (they’d have told me if they had). Nothing has changed. I still feel uncomfortable AF at work.

Last week it was the birthday of one of the men I look after. I made him a birthday cake and brought it up to work.

I’ve since found out that I’ve been accused of lacing it with alcohol (which reacts negatively with his medication). Apparently she could taste it.

I’m gutted. I’m really worried about my reputation at work. I have no idea what I’ve done to deserve this.

I’ve written a letter to my boss and another staff member wrote a statement saying she ate the cake and it just tasted of cake.

I’ve sent the woman who said this a cease and desist letter, but posted it on Sunday and with the postal strikes I have no idea when she’ll get it.

I love the people I look after and cannot leave.

Going to speak to my boss today and ask for emergency annual leave. If he says no I’ll get a GP’s note.

I’ve been tossing and turning all night. My anxiety is through the roof. I have no idea where to go from here.

What do I do?

Oh no.. sorry...wrong thread!!🙁

So the bully isn't at fault for bullying?

You're at fault for struggling emotionally as a reaction to being bullied?

Yeah - fuck that!

You write so well here so I'm sure you'll a mange to put in writing the meeting today and ask for a sensible outcome.

Hi OP, awful situ, I hope you get it resolved.
Just thinking out loud... do you think the person reporting thiis behaving ilike a twat or could they have taste/smell impairment?

Hi OP,

I am very sorry to hear that you are experiencing such a difficult situation. I haven't read the whole thread so please forgive me if I have missed any details or misunderstood anything.

I am a specialist in Employee Relations and have dealt with numerous grievances during my career. I don't know when you raised the original grievance but, legally, it MUST be investigated and you should have a written and detailed response with the opportunity to appeal. Your employer must speak to you about the grievance you have raised as part of their investigation and you have the right to be accompanied to this meeting by a work colleague. If this hasn't yet happened, you need to raise this as an urgent matter and ask when the matter will be addressed.

I would go back to HR in writing and ask them if they are investigating your previous grievance and ask them when you will receive a response. You legally must receive a response within a 'reasonable' timeframe - what is reasonable will depend on the circumstances and how complicated the investigation is but I would estimate that one month after the grievance is raised is reasonable in this case.

I would also put in writing details of this recent incident and ask that it is treated as a grievance. This could be bundled up into your original grievance as it is all related, particularly as they haven't yet responded with a formal outcome. Detail the manner in which your health is being negatively affected by this allegations.

Do not let this drop. It sounds like you are being unfairly maligned and this is a case of bullying. Your employer has a legal duty to investigate this as a serious matter. Speak to ACAS if you would like further legal advice. A lawyer is expensive at this early stage and may undermine your relationship with your employer if you are seen to be going 'nuclear'. But, depending on their response, you may need to.

This is definitely NOT ok.

Sweetheart, you'll get excellent advice here- do take it.

It's rubbish, but don't despair. You are in a strong position from an employment rights perspective, you just need to survive while the process runs through.

You can get signed off sick, and still look for work elsewhere. You will get it, as a carer.

I know that doesn't help when you'll miss the individuals you work with. You will get over that though- you'll meet other lovely people.

This person is pestering your for money and your prescription medication AND , when you refuse both, telling damaging lies about you to bosses. .

That is harrassment and threat, and you should report it to the police. The fact that this bullying campaign resulted in you being sent home from work is proof of the damage it's doing to you.

You sound very nice and you have a lazy manager who is in all likelihood scared of this woman who accuses you of alcoholism. She probably scares everyone.

Go back to HR. This was not resolved. It has escalated. That too was predictable. They need to address this internally.

I think you need to ramp it up with work. I had something similar once and went straight to management who had been investigating behind my back. I told them I was horrified to hear what had been said, wanted to know exactly what they were planning to do about someone telling lies about me and that once they had updated me I would consider my options including legal action against the person for slander. You are being bullied by someone who has clear motivation to do so and whose previous substance misuse must cast doubt on what she says, especially when it comes to someone who has refused to illegally shared medications with her. Your employer has a duty to protect you and need to let you know what they are planning to do and they need to confirm this in writing. I would also point out that free speech applies to things like political views and what you think about the world - it is not carte blanche to make unfounded accusations against other people.

PS - OP, am presuming they know the full story? If not, they need to.

HR person here also - 100% agree with all of this, also the good advice to document everything with a timeline. I would also be inclined to ask what the basis is for you being sent home and when it is expected that you will return to work? If it’s a compassionate try to make you feel better/ get yourself together your manager is completely inept at not realising the implications - whatever the reason I would want a response in writing, even if it’s a text message that you screenshot - it will only help you take things further.

Separately, please breathe and trust that a union rep will crucify this once you get one, please be assured that they are in the wrong here. Sending hugs OP. 💐

Here’s your original post that you couldn’t find sweetheart

www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/4669732-ive-been-accused-of-coming-into-work-smelling-of-alcohol

for what it’s worth. I work with homeless who are entrenched in addictions and her behaviour is concerning to me. I see this often!!!! Usually what they are accusing you of is something they’re up too as such

i would however as someone posted get checked for diabetics. Just to be on the safe side!

@TheLightSideOfTheMoon

You’ve had some really good advice here, especially from @Kennykenkencat, @bigboo and @BrummiMummi.

I’ve seen bullying a lot in my career - there’s an old adage that says “nurses eat their young” because healthcare workplaces can be dens of bullying!

> Get yourself a notebook/use the computer and save the file to the cloud or email it to yourself, and using your previous thread and this one, write everything down in chronological order, starting with the request for medications and money, including how she knew you were on meds and which ones she asked for.

> Detail what she accused you of, how you found about the allegations and the steps you took after finding out.

> Make sure that you make notes about what the manager/HR said on each occasion and the outcome of any meetings.

> Detail when you saw/spoke to your GP about the allegations but you don’t need to detail the conversations as that is confidential.

> After you’ve done all this, email your HR dept with all the details in chronological order as per your notes and it would be helpful if you could also point out what the policy in your workplace is for bullying and harassment.

> The person bullying you should be on suspension pending further investigations, it’s not for you to manage your feelings or have financial penalties because of these accusations!

> With everything you’ve written here and on your previous thread, I don’t have any confidence whatsoever that your manager is handling these accusations appropriately.

Freedom of speech does not trump deflation of character and does not trump your right to a safe work environment.

You need to to be strong. If you buckle under the stress they will find it easier to let you go. Find your inner warrior if you can. Every day you go into work you are defying her. But you also need a strategy.

1. Phone ACAS and ask for advice.
2. Don't bring food in for now or do anything that cold be used to stab you in the back. I know its not fair, but you need to protect yourself.
3. Keep records.
4. Remember your employer is vicariously responsible for your colleague's actions if they fail to act to protect you from harrassment.
5. Remember that in a case of defamation of character in the workplace, you do not have the responsibility of proving that the statements made against you were false. Rather your employer or the person who made the defamatory statements must prove that they are true. This means your colleague and your employer must prove that (a) you smelled of alcohol and (b) your cake contained alcohol. They will not be able to do this.

Good luck!

And for your own sanity, keep an eye out for other jobs. Sometimes it is the easiest way.

*defamation

Didn't want to read and run. Stay strong OP, don't let them wear you down. There's so much sensible advice here and help with guiding you to the right places to assist you.

Also, I'll be saying a fairly impassioned prayer for you tonight. (Doesn't matter if you don't believe, cos I do.)😁😇

You sound lovely OP. Where are you based, my mum needs a carer? I think you would walk into any caring job.

There's some great advice here, especially @Kennykenkencat suggestion about putting it in an email to your manager.

I have nothing to add to what's been said but it's obvious that you are drowning in this and I just want you to know that it will get better, you have done nothing wrong and everyone here is on your side and wants the best outcome for you.

Your manager is utterly pathetic and I'm sorry that you are having to deal with that on top of the ongoing bullying from the awful woman. Take care. You're stronger than you think.

It just goes to show how easily someone's life can be ruined., especially if if they are vulnerable or have no help.
I hope that nasty bitch gets karma.

That’s fucking disgusting. So did you disclose that she wanted money and your prescription meds before this campaign of slander?

I remember your previous thread

Can I ask how you boss squares telling you not to get upset over someone exercising their freedom of speech when they got so upset over this persons ”Freedom of Speech” They suspended you.

Op you are a carer

you could walk in to another care home tomorrow and they would welcome you with open arms

the industry is on its knees with staff shortages

leave

Yes.

But they didn’t mention this.

I also have a colleague who the bully admitted to that she was ‘aiming’ for me.

None of this was mentioned.

The whole meeting was about how my mental health has deteriorated and I’m not fit to work.

The medical industry is crying out for people clever enough to diagnose MH issues by a few social media posts.

You should apply for a job at your local surgery. I expect they’d appreciate your help.

Ignore the troll OP. I hope you are feeling better this morning.

Take on board the excellent advice given to you by experienced posters: write down that timeline and then draft a letter/email to your boss and HR setting out your position and expectations.