Does anyone remember my thread where I was upset about being accused of smelling of alcohol at work?

[TheLightSideOfTheMoon]

I can’t find it.

I followed everyone’s advice. I documented everything, I raised a grievance where I had a meeting with my manager and HR, I left the meeting feeling hopeful that things might be resolved.

They did nothing. They asked me to name any witnesses which I did. The witnesses haven’t been asked anything (they’d have told me if they had). Nothing has changed. I still feel uncomfortable AF at work.

Last week it was the birthday of one of the men I look after. I made him a birthday cake and brought it up to work.

I’ve since found out that I’ve been accused of lacing it with alcohol (which reacts negatively with his medication). Apparently she could taste it.

I’m gutted. I’m really worried about my reputation at work. I have no idea what I’ve done to deserve this.

I’ve written a letter to my boss and another staff member wrote a statement saying she ate the cake and it just tasted of cake.

I’ve sent the woman who said this a cease and desist letter, but posted it on Sunday and with the postal strikes I have no idea when she’ll get it.

I love the people I look after and cannot leave.

Going to speak to my boss today and ask for emergency annual leave. If he says no I’ll get a GP’s note.

I’ve been tossing and turning all night. My anxiety is through the roof. I have no idea where to go from here.

What do I do?

He’s right about me not being fit to work. I’m not. I’m mid breakdown

and alluding to your break in and social media hacked being linked to this

@ridiculoso82 it is an incredibly normal and common response to react the way the OP does to bullying, harassment and victimisation. A breakdown is very common too. It is incredibly sad that you feel the need to jump on this thread where the OP is in clear distress and carry on the way you are. What is your intent? In what way are you looking to contribute? With empathy? Constructive advice? No? Just kicking someone when they are down? @MNHQ please couls you review @ridiculoso82 and if you see it prudent, perhaps give them a quick reminder of talking guidelines and the spirit of the site?

OP, take no notice. Your reactions are perfectly normal. You will get through this.

My intent is to highlight that I think there is a great deal of enabling from posters on this thread. That includes you @Lndnmummy , which is why you’ve taken offence

No one’s enabling anything.

This thread was my only support. I hope you’re proud that you’ve taken that away.

You said "The whole meeting was about how my mental health has deteriorated and I’m not fit to work."

To be fair that is appropriate.
They need to sort out her issues with her. They need to sort out your issues with you. At the moment, you said yourself, your MH has taken a battering and you aren't coping.

They have procedures to work through to address her behaviour. They have to do them properly or they will get in trouble.

In the meantime you need to recover and keep yourself safe. They have a duty of care to you and to your clients.

That isn't a criticism by the way. I'm not saying you should be better, or should be anything. You've reacted in a completely normal way to an awful situation.

Let the process work through, get yourself a bit recovered.

And your response to a valid concert, perhaps not in yours and some other eyes, results in this kind of disproportionate and highly emotional response.

Baffling to me that how vulnerable the Op is and how perhaps there is a huge amount more to this scenario - isn’t occurring to posters when they post enabling responses. Irresponsible in my view.
don’t worry I will bow out

I am so sorry your boss seems to be throwing you under the bus. Please contact ACAS ASAP.

If they are making you take annual leave while they fail to sort this, rather than continue to pay you, then that is wrong

The fault is with the woman/bully and the manager's failure to deal with her. You should not be penalised.

Did you manage to join the union @TheLightSideOfTheMoon

And do remember that your manager's response, sending you home because he recognises her actions are detrimental to you, is an absolute admission that you are being bullied.

I am hoping there is something in what was said yesterday was missed and that he actually meant to be far more supportive! If wishes were sings, as they say!

Look after yourself and do take some of the excellent advice you have had from those who know their stuff.

There’s some useful advice on the Unison site: www.unison.org.uk/get-help/knowledge/discrimination/bullying-and-harassment/

@TheLightSideOfTheMoon please don't let a few posts stop you accessing the excellent advice here.

I'm so sorry to read your update that's shocking

There have been so many posters advising the OP to leave her employment, and while i can see the point, if she does leave, then this unhinged bully who sounds jealous of OP will move on to her next victim, whether it's another staff member or one of the patients.
It sounds as if the OP has taken advice from posters and done everything she can to help her situation, and how frustrating when the manager is lazy and useless.
I hope this concludes in OP's favour, just how much can one person take?

@NorthernGnashers
If her boss was on her side it would be worth the fight. However he is fairly useless and wants a quiet life.

Op is never going to be happy working beside the Bully. Bully's never change. It's unlikely the Bully will leave or be sacked.

Going through a Grevence process will be very stressful. Why should Op put herself through it?

If their is another victim, maybe then the Boss will realise that the Bully is the issue 2 people saying it, maybe it will be the 3rd person before the Boss wakes up. But really that's not Ops problem.

She needs to look after No1 and get out of there. Before her confidence is destroyed.

It's not on op to martyr herself.

@TheLightSideOfTheMoon I hope you are okay, I keep checking back to see if there are any updates from you, please take care and relax when out of work. I know you love your job but remember it's not all of you. I was in this situation, I left, I'm ok now but don't stay if no-one has your back, I know that's shit but things like this can be very rough mentally.

@TheLightSideOfTheMoon

‘No, there’s no union.’

Join one quickly. You’re legally entitled to be a member of a union and to have them represent you. Even when the employer doesn’t recognise the union.

i dont understand why theyre covering for someone whose onl been there since april
they can terminate her contract without reason under two years-instead theyve told you to take leave and ignore the harrassment and lies

something is not right there

It's rare for the bully at work to be penalised in my experience, they get away with it every-time.

The bully in your case sounds frankly dangerous. They may have a personality disorder - that's never ever going to change.

Although you love the people you work with and the clients, that means you are very able to find those relationships again (you've been in the job 4 years, you did it before you can do it again).

Your future looks like you are going to be managed out and end up with mental health issues and possibly not work for some time if you do not leave your current job.

People just seem to automatically fall into step and accommodate the bully. Partly due to fear they'll be next, partly because it's part of the human psyche to accept "authority" - even the bully's manager may be unconsciously doing this.
You cannot change other people's behaviour. Look for another job and save your sanity.

I agree @softswirlingsnow - when I was being bullied at work, all I got from HR was "You really should stand up for yourself" I had tried. All that changed was that the bullying became more overt and difficult to cope with - so from everybody else going for their coffee break in the early hours of the morning (I had been moved into an established team, shiftwork, considered themselves the "elite") and leaving me alone in a separate part of the suite, unaware that they'd even gone for a cuppa, I started getting "accidentally" hit on the head when people walked past, or "accidentally" tripped up.

I just didn't fit in, they were the most vile and incredibly bitchy lot - very much party animals, while I wasn't (I think they thought I was trying to be better than them, which I wasn't - I just didn't drink or go night-clubbing). There were a couple of nice girls on the team, but they were frightened to rock the boat - didn't want the attention on themselves. It was dreadful.

I know it sounds stupid, but I was very young - never even occurred to me to involve the union. In the end, I just left.

Hoping you are okay @TheLightSideOfTheMoon