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Original poster

Does anyone remember my thread where I was upset about being accused of smelling of alcohol at work?

251 replies

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 12/12/2022 08:39

I can’t find it.

I followed everyone’s advice. I documented everything, I raised a grievance where I had a meeting with my manager and HR, I left the meeting feeling hopeful that things might be resolved.

They did nothing. They asked me to name any witnesses which I did. The witnesses haven’t been asked anything (they’d have told me if they had). Nothing has changed. I still feel uncomfortable AF at work.

Last week it was the birthday of one of the men I look after. I made him a birthday cake and brought it up to work.

I’ve since found out that I’ve been accused of lacing it with alcohol (which reacts negatively with his medication). Apparently she could taste it.

I’m gutted. I’m really worried about my reputation at work. I have no idea what I’ve done to deserve this.

I’ve written a letter to my boss and another staff member wrote a statement saying she ate the cake and it just tasted of cake.

I’ve sent the woman who said this a cease and desist letter, but posted it on Sunday and with the postal strikes I have no idea when she’ll get it.

I love the people I look after and cannot leave.

Going to speak to my boss today and ask for emergency annual leave. If he says no I’ll get a GP’s note.

I’ve been tossing and turning all night. My anxiety is through the roof. I have no idea where to go from here.

What do I do?

OP posts:
Igglepiggleslittletoe · 12/12/2022 08:49

Was there alcohol in the cake? Is there any of the cake left that could be tested?

Xiaoxiong · 12/12/2022 08:49

I remember your previous thread, this woman is completely unhinged. Is your boss going to HR with this latest incident to add to the previous one? Or do you have to do that directly?

Emergency leave isn't going to help resolve this unfortunately, and might make it worse if your boss doesn't understand how you feel. I know how awful it is to be somewhere with a horrible atmosphere but how do you think he'd react if you said "I need you to back me up here, I can't work being accused of all sorts of lies all the time".

Also, check your workplace policy on the grievance procedure - there generally is a timeframe within which they are supposed to resolve the issue.

RewildingAmbridge · 12/12/2022 08:51

Who the hell advisers someone of learning a cake with alcohol! Raise another grievance.

Original poster
TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 12/12/2022 08:53

I found this all out yesterday, wrote the letter yesterday and left it on his desk.

Guessing he’ll read it some time this morning.

I just want to cry. I have to pretend everything is fine at work because I don’t want her to know how much she’s getting to me but I’m honestly not coping.

I’m a mess. I’m anxious, I shake, my hair is falling out, I jump at every loud noise.

I’m at a total loss.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 12/12/2022 08:54

The cake is gone. It got eaten.

OP posts:
dawnc27 · 12/12/2022 08:55

did the birthday person eat any? if so, theres the proof it wasnt laced if alcohol reacts with his meds

poetryandwine · 12/12/2022 09:00

I am so sorry about this, OP.

I think you need to lodge a record of this unfounded accusation with HR. They really need to know about every incident. The accumulation will matter at some point.

If and when they ask to see you it might be worth pointing out that all of this began after the A&E incident.

Stay calm, stay professional. Don’t embellish and let the facts speak for themselves. They are bad enough and maintaining your credibility is crucial. I know how hard it is

Original poster
TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 12/12/2022 09:00

It’s not about the proof. It’s about me being repeatedly targeted and lied about at work.

We have a lot of new staff - it won’t take much for these little seeds of doubt to grow in their minds.

I don’t deserve this treatment.

I need it to stop.

OP posts:
knittingaddict · 12/12/2022 09:03

If I was innocent of this I would kick up the biggest stink imaginable. Go nuclear. Whatever it took.

Maybe you don't want to do that but that's what I would do. I hate unfairness and lies.

DunkingMyDonuts · 12/12/2022 09:03

How how you found out she has said this?

And if she is that concerned surely it is now a safeguarding matter that should ban all food being brought in?

Whatsthestorytomorrow · 12/12/2022 09:05

This is out and out bullying. Awful.
Are you in any kind of union you could seek advice from op?
So sorry you are going through this, I had a bullying manager one time and it really does affect your MH. A stress related absence wouldn’t be surprising in your circumstances and may mean they take action.
look after yourself Flowers

DogInATent · 12/12/2022 09:17

I remember the thread.

"I’ve since found out"/"Apparently she could taste it" - similar to the first thread, do you only ever get to hear these accusations second/third hand?

"The witnesses haven’t been asked anything (they’d have told me if they had)" - unless they'd been told not to discuss it.

Have you followed-up with your manager/HR since the meeting you mentioned as to what they are doing about the matter?

Why have you written a cease and desist letter? - you've raised the broader issue with your manager and HR already, why not just follow this through the channel you have opened.

LadyJaneGreyness · 12/12/2022 09:25

I’ve been accused of coming into work smelling of alcohol. www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/4669732-ive-been-accused-of-coming-into-work-smelling-of-alcohol?msgid=-4669732#-4669732

Whatifthegrassisblue · 12/12/2022 09:25

She sounds nuts, I would get legal advice

Original poster
TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 12/12/2022 09:31

Along with the work stuff I had my garden broken into and trashed.

I’ve had my emails and social media hacked.

I wrote the cease and desist letter because I spoke to HR around three weeks ago and nothing has changed.

OP posts:
Quarique · 12/12/2022 09:31

I remember your thread. I think you need advice firstly from your solicitor and then the police. Her behaviour is libellous.

Brefugee · 12/12/2022 09:35

Along with the work stuff I had my garden broken into and trashed.

go to the police. The Cease and Desist letter - from you or a lawyer?

Report this to your manager, tell them oyu want to know the outcome of any investigation.
Make sure you have no interactions with this woman without witnesses.
Don't bring any food or drink to work. If you usually bake people's cakes? tough. Tell them why.

DogInATent · 12/12/2022 10:11

I wrote the cease and desist letter because I spoke to HR around three weeks ago and nothing has changed.
If you haven't spoken to them in the last three weeks to follow-up then nothing will change.

Regularsizedrudy · 12/12/2022 10:17

I’ve dealt with grievances and we wouldn’t inform you that we have spoken to witnesses until an outcome is reached so they may have. Of course they might not have but just wanted to throw that out there, there is some hope

Dittosaw · 12/12/2022 10:46

Seriously crazy behaviour. I would keep demanding resolution and place a bullying grievance.

If it’s any consolation they are making huge twats of themselves.

DunkingMyDonuts · 12/12/2022 10:48

DunkingMyDonuts · 12/12/2022 09:03

How how you found out she has said this?

And if she is that concerned surely it is now a safeguarding matter that should ban all food being brought in?

Just asking again

Sugargliderwombat · 12/12/2022 10:58

Do you have a union in your job ? This is the next step if you do.

Original poster
TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 12/12/2022 11:03

I don’t know her thought process behind it. If she reports it as a safeguarding matter then food could be prevented from coming in.

I’ve not spoken to my boss yet.

Trying to get hold of my GP. I can’t keep this up.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 12/12/2022 11:03

No, there’s no union.

OP posts:
Cats23 · 12/12/2022 11:06

I'd keep on at your boss and HR, open another grievance.
Id also consider legal action and inform your boss and HR of this, also consider seeking advice from Dr re anxiety and stress as a result and take the proof letter to your boss ect too.
As someone previously said , take this all the way, relentlessly.