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Original poster

How long am I expected to go without food?

538 replies

chappysays · 10/12/2022 12:39

DD (10 months) has been in hospital for 4 days now

I asked to go for a wee on the first night she came in, the nurse I pulled to the side to ask if someone could watch her said 'I'll be honest, no. We are so busy right now, really short staffed'

So I waited another hour and asked again. The nurse who was administering her meds said okay but she only had a few minutes. I did a quick wee and ran back Sad

Second and third night, nobody to watch her whilst I run to get something to eat. Second night there I ate DD's dinner (she isn't eating much at all right now because of her breathing, and didn't want it).

I got a telling off because apparently they need to monitor what DD eats. I said but I can tell you she wouldn't even have a mouthful. The nurse said 'yes and now you've had the lot, I can't tell what she'd had to put in her notes'

It is now the 4th day here and apart from me sneaking bits and bobs, I've had nothing. I am exhausted, haven't slept much and hungry. I need a change of clothes

Nobody to drop anything down to me. It's just awful

How long can I really be expected to go without? DD is presenting as energetic and happy, it's just her breathing but you wouldn't know to look at her. They call it 'happy wheezing'

So it's even more exhausting because she's acting normally and not like an unwell baby. So you have to constantly be on guard as it's a hard cot with bars and she keeps throwing herself backwards whilst trying to stand Envy

OP posts:
WomanhoodIsABirthright · 10/12/2022 13:35

@flowngo 🙌 thank you for what you do, my sister is in and out of addenbrookes transplant ward what's been done for her is truly amazing.

woodhill · 10/12/2022 13:36

I think I would go anyway and get something to eat and if I needed the loo etc

Ragingoverlife · 10/12/2022 13:36

Join a local Facebook page and ask if anyone is coming to the hospital if they would mind dropping anything. X in a and e I was offered egg mayo sandwich for breakfast this week when there with my child.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
SchoolQuestionnaire · 10/12/2022 13:37

Buzzinwithbez · 10/12/2022 13:18

The nurses are there to care for your child not you,

Such a thoughtless comment though possibly fair enough if the nurses weren't needing the mother to ensure constantly be there. The op has made it clear the nurses are delegating anything but medical care to the mother. In which case they need to support the mother. Op I don't know how you're still functioning! I have tried to find national guidelines on this situation but haven't yet found anything as presumably in reality it shouldn't be happening!

Op, I know you're in a room so it may not be possible to speak to anyone but could you flag another parent/visitor down to grab you something?

This.

It’s not unreasonable to expect a bit of support and compassion when they are saying that op cannot leave her dc’s bedside at all and she doesn’t have anyone to help. I’m glad the nurses managed to show a bit kindness to my dh when he was in hospital for a time as a young adult.

SchoolQuestionnaire · 10/12/2022 13:39

chappysays · 10/12/2022 13:33

Thanks all, have phoned PALS. They said it really isn't right and are putting in a call for me to the ward manager

Fingers crossed it'll work

Glad to hear this. It’s shocking how low some people’s expectations of the NHS are nowadays. You deserve so much better op. I hope your dc is on the mend soon.Flowers

Original poster
chappysays · 10/12/2022 13:40

Just to update a lovely mumsnetter has messaged me and bringing me some Tesco bits up Flowers

So I guess this was a sort of begging thread GrinBlush but I was desperate and very thankful someone's coming

OP posts:
DrMadelineMaxwell · 10/12/2022 13:41

Same with our trust - patients are catered for, not parents, even when the patients are too young to need a meal (breastfeeding).

I'm not sure they can tell you you aren't allowed to leave your DC on the ward. It is just convenient for them that parents do mostly stay to care for their DC if they can.

When DD2 was in for days with her breathing, there was a young mum who was told by her family that she needed to look after herself too, and to leave her baby in the care of the hospital apart from over visiting hours. They didn't tell her she couldn't stay.

Unfortunately, however, the level of attention the baby then got was low compared to if a parent stayed, and other parents had to ring for nurses attention repeatedly when the baby was crying or needed changing.

Bemyclementine · 10/12/2022 13:41

That's great @chappysays abd well done lovely mumsnetter!!

GG1986 · 10/12/2022 13:41

I had this when my daughter was admitted for 3 days in 2018, they fed her, but not me, first night they offered me a cup of tea but it never arrived. Luckily I had my partner who could bring me stuff and the nurses also let me take her down to the hospital costa so i could get some breakfast. What are all the other parents doing on the ward? X

flowngo · 10/12/2022 13:42

If you're still IP on Tuesday I can come up to L&D and bring stuff and sit with DC for you for a bit

howdoesatoastermaketoast · 10/12/2022 13:42

Great, thanks for the update. I couldn't come myself but could potentially have started making calls. Glad to hear help was closer at hand.

Original poster
chappysays · 10/12/2022 13:43

flowngo · 10/12/2022 13:42

If you're still IP on Tuesday I can come up to L&D and bring stuff and sit with DC for you for a bit

Thank you so much Flowers

OP posts:
Original poster
chappysays · 10/12/2022 13:43

howdoesatoastermaketoast · 10/12/2022 13:42

Great, thanks for the update. I couldn't come myself but could potentially have started making calls. Glad to hear help was closer at hand.

So thankful, thank you

OP posts:
oceanbleu · 10/12/2022 13:43

Sorry op, that's really not great. When I was in with DS they provided me with food if I asked.. I didn't but after a full day of not eating and getting extremely emotional, the nurse forced me to order something and it's available at any time of the day. I ordered a jacket potato at 2am Blush this was at John Radcliffe. Can you do a Deliveroo order maybe?

Original poster
chappysays · 10/12/2022 13:44

Sorry if I've missed anyone kindly offering help Blush DD keeps whinging at me and causing havoc far greater than is socially expected for a sick child

OP posts:
Holdontowhat · 10/12/2022 13:44

I remember a few years ago my then baby DS was hospitalised for a week. I was the only parent they provided meals for because I was breastfeeding. The poor mums of the other children were really struggling I felt terrible/embarrassed to he given food when they weren't. They needed energy too!

walnutmarzipan · 10/12/2022 13:45

chappysays · 10/12/2022 13:40

Just to update a lovely mumsnetter has messaged me and bringing me some Tesco bits up Flowers

So I guess this was a sort of begging thread GrinBlush but I was desperate and very thankful someone's coming

Aw how lovely 🥰
So awful that NHS is so stretched that it's had to come to this though.

Original poster
chappysays · 10/12/2022 13:45

Holdontowhat · 10/12/2022 13:44

I remember a few years ago my then baby DS was hospitalised for a week. I was the only parent they provided meals for because I was breastfeeding. The poor mums of the other children were really struggling I felt terrible/embarrassed to he given food when they weren't. They needed energy too!

Yep, had that with DS (7). He was breasted until 3.5 and was in hospital for a few nights age 3. I was bloody given food! Because I was breastfeeding. But a mum with a small baby wasn't and was offered nothing

Was horrible

OP posts:
TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 10/12/2022 13:46

karmakameleon · 10/12/2022 13:12

Spent much time in hospital with a sick baby?

Show quote history

Yes - a week. Was able to go to the loo and eat. Your point?

walnutmarzipan · 10/12/2022 13:48

I honestly don't think the OP or anyone else would be expecting that the hospital should provide her with a meal - but the opportunity to pop to the hospital shop and grab some snacks is a different matter.

Izey · 10/12/2022 13:49

chappysays · 10/12/2022 13:40

Just to update a lovely mumsnetter has messaged me and bringing me some Tesco bits up Flowers

So I guess this was a sort of begging thread GrinBlush but I was desperate and very thankful someone's coming

That's good news, how kind of them! An acceptable sort of begging thread I think.

LeopardPrintHo · 10/12/2022 13:49

Ask to speak with the matron / ward manager / nurse in charge and explain you cannot go without food and basic toilet needs to look after your daughter safely. Ask if they can bring you food when they bring it to her without you having to constantly ask. If that doesn't help then speak to PALS

Badger1970 · 10/12/2022 13:50

I think begging is what we'd all be doing in this circumstance OP. What a lovely MNer coming to your rescue Flowers and hope your DD is better soon. It's a good sign that she's causing havoc!

ColinRobinsonsfamiliar · 10/12/2022 13:51

SO many people saying that this happened to them.
Exactly the same experiences.

Zone2NorthLondon · 10/12/2022 13:51

I do not think it’s the hospital responsibility to feed you, you’re an adult with a phone,tablet and you can surely sort something out?
Staff priority on a busy ward is the sick patients ,they rightly expect capable adults to sort out their own hydration and nutrition