How long am I expected to go without food?

[chappysays]

DD (10 months) has been in hospital for 4 days now

I asked to go for a wee on the first night she came in, the nurse I pulled to the side to ask if someone could watch her said 'I'll be honest, no. We are so busy right now, really short staffed'

So I waited another hour and asked again. The nurse who was administering her meds said okay but she only had a few minutes. I did a quick wee and ran back

Second and third night, nobody to watch her whilst I run to get something to eat. Second night there I ate DD's dinner (she isn't eating much at all right now because of her breathing, and didn't want it).

I got a telling off because apparently they need to monitor what DD eats. I said but I can tell you she wouldn't even have a mouthful. The nurse said 'yes and now you've had the lot, I can't tell what she'd had to put in her notes'

It is now the 4th day here and apart from me sneaking bits and bobs, I've had nothing. I am exhausted, haven't slept much and hungry. I need a change of clothes

Nobody to drop anything down to me. It's just awful

How long can I really be expected to go without? DD is presenting as energetic and happy, it's just her breathing but you wouldn't know to look at her. They call it 'happy wheezing'

So it's even more exhausting because she's acting normally and not like an unwell baby. So you have to constantly be on guard as it's a hard cot with bars and she keeps throwing herself backwards whilst trying to stand

Really pleased you're both having a better experience, @chappysays and like others have said, hope it's good news for your little one.

@chappysays a tip for stays in GOSH, there's an Amazon locker (called "sand") downstairs in the main restaurant which is great for getting anything you're short of delivered to you. Amazon might warn you it's "not public" and "inaccessible" but it's not at all. Thinking of you!

One of my kids had an op when he was 3. Another mother and I got on well and as she couldn't stay (another child at home) she asked me to keep an eye on her DD when she had to go home. So morning after their ops my son was asleep, little girl was very upset when she woke up. Two student nurses (studying to be paediatric nurses) were chatting to a doctor, lots of giggling and it didn't seem anything important. I got little one out of her cot and played with her and stopped her crying, they saw this and for all they knew I was a nutter but they ignored.

My child woke up and wanted me so I put little one in her cot and she immediately got very distressed. I walked over and said to the student nurses, "could one of you try to settle X, I need to look after my son now." I got a horrified look and, "What do you want us to do." I said, "Well could you just give her a cuddle, I'm worried about her stitches as she only had the op less than 24 hrs ago." Sigh of relief from nurses who replied, "We are second years, we don't do emotional development until next year."

I think my look told them everything they needed to know and one of them huffed and walked over to the little girl.

Hard to understand how someone who wants to be a paediatric nurse wouldn't want to comfort an 18 month old who was alone, probably in pain from the op and needing some comfort. It did make me wonder how they select students.

What an awful situation you were in. I hope your baby gets well soon - what a tough time.

Reading about the help from ClaireMumsnet and another lady has moved me to tears. How lovely to do that for someone you've never met. I'm sure it meant the world.

It sounds as though Great Ormond's Street are looking after you both very well. Wishing you and your children the very best.

Hey don’t tar us all with the same brush! Some of us actually give a dam about patients and their families. So shut your cake hole!

"We are second years, we don't do emotional development until next year"

WTAF

It was a very odd thing to hear but it was also quite funny as they seemed to think that was a great get out, I mean who could expect them to comfort a scared little girl until they'd been taught how to do it.

@ancientgran yeah right 🙄 not doubting the interaction took place but bet it's embellished. Silly little nurses flirting with the doc pretty sure they didn't say that.

They absolutely did. I'm not a child and don't make up stories but you believe what you want to believe, it isn't going to worry me.

I am so pleased to read your update, and so happy that posters stepped up for you. As it should be 💛

I really hope your baby girl recovers soon x

So pleased to hear your update. Hope your DC makes a speedy recovery soon.

I know people are saying how disgusting it is to not give parents toast and a cup of coffee etc but as a nurse on a children's ward we are not allowed to feed parents. Our ward has 24 beds and the NHS probably doesn't have the funding to feed 24 parents 3x a day.

The facilities GOSH have are brilliant, they are provided by a charity - because it's one of the richest children's hospitals in the world. None of these things are provided by the NHS.

@billybear I think you prove my point.
No one can criticise the NHS as a system because that is interpreted as a criticism of the people who work in it.

It cannot be right that a parent has to spend every waking hour with their child to prevent it coming to harm.

The fact that that seems to be required is not the fault of the presumably too few staff available to carry out that role.

@Vwswimmer1 our local hospital does feed parents (or rather one carer) at two mealtimes a day, you just queue up to get your own child food, and then get your own. I've also been given tea and toast in A and E recently. Parents are also given cups of tea/coffee as the parents drinks facilities were stopped in Covid.

It is not true this is forbidden, it's all about what choices the hospital make, and not facilitating parents to eat, even if they charged for it, is shocking, especially if they are a lone parent as I am. I can't stay 24 hours on a ward, I have another teen at home, so have to leave. I only leave if the ward can fully care for my child (who is often on suicide watch so they absolutely have to pay them attention).

On paeds, they also allow you to store home food in the fridge and it's all labelled! They made me a cup of tea and apologised it was so small (all the mugs were in the dishwasher) so made two. One difference is they have hydration and food HCAs/catering staff to do all food and meal delivery, this is not something involving nurses or HCAs, so those staff ensure everyone has fresh water, food, can eat, food and snacks are delivered many times a day when a patient, and is in a canteen/queue system in paeds so parents can choose for the kids and also feed one carer.

I'm starting to think my perfectly ordinary regional hospital is a paragon of amazing care in the NHS. I have to say the nurses and HCAs are fantastic and always really upbeat, I've been on at least 5 different types of ward over the years and they are brilliant on all of them (not many nurses, place run by very competent HCAs).

I see you have failed to read my post then 🙄

You have just proved my point with your post. Time to bow out.

@chappysays I hope you and your dd are OK. She must be verynpoorlynto have been transferred to Great Ormond Street. I am pleased you are getting better holistic care for both of you now.

Sorry you've been treated so poorly OP. Definitely complain again. Hope your dd is on the mend soon.

I am so glad your dd has been transferred and you’re getting better care and consideration. Hopefully she will be able leave hospital soon.

I'm sorry DD has been transferred to GOSH, as she must be very unwell but I'm pleased the environment is more comfortable for you

Sounds like you have been treated horribly at the hospital… Is there some sort of feedback/ complaint procedure you can use?

I hope you're joking with your last comment.

I've been in the NHS almost all my working life. Whilst there are some wonderful staff, there are also plenty who lack basic caring skills. Where reasonable standards aren't met, it's really important to let the trust know. The complaints process at my most recent trust is robust and each complaint is brought to the attention of senior staff for resolution. 2 weekly meetings are held to look at the progress of ongoing complaints and 'lessons learnt' also have to be reported back.

I'm glad OP is looked after better now. Parents can't care for a poorly child if they can't take care of themselves. That should be the first thing any pediatric nurse should learn.

As for the treatment OP received, I had a similar experience when DS (2) was in hospital with a severe chest infection.
No food or respite provided for the parents ... only a big ephesians on the fact that we need to watch/ take care of our own children. I even helped a mum cleaning her DC'S sick up in the middle of the night as the nurses needed to stay at their station to monitor all the children- yeh right!
I managed because I took turns with DH, to look after DS and DD - 6 at the time.

DS is 13 now, so this has been going on for some time.

I have taken my son to children's ward , twice last week ( under different trust) and stayed there 8 hours per visit in the waiting area.Hospital staff made sure , all the parents were asked hot drinks etc every few hours. It was a nice gesture.

I see you have not read my post before making a comment.