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Original poster

How long am I expected to go without food?

538 replies

chappysays · 10/12/2022 12:39

DD (10 months) has been in hospital for 4 days now

I asked to go for a wee on the first night she came in, the nurse I pulled to the side to ask if someone could watch her said 'I'll be honest, no. We are so busy right now, really short staffed'

So I waited another hour and asked again. The nurse who was administering her meds said okay but she only had a few minutes. I did a quick wee and ran back Sad

Second and third night, nobody to watch her whilst I run to get something to eat. Second night there I ate DD's dinner (she isn't eating much at all right now because of her breathing, and didn't want it).

I got a telling off because apparently they need to monitor what DD eats. I said but I can tell you she wouldn't even have a mouthful. The nurse said 'yes and now you've had the lot, I can't tell what she'd had to put in her notes'

It is now the 4th day here and apart from me sneaking bits and bobs, I've had nothing. I am exhausted, haven't slept much and hungry. I need a change of clothes

Nobody to drop anything down to me. It's just awful

How long can I really be expected to go without? DD is presenting as energetic and happy, it's just her breathing but you wouldn't know to look at her. They call it 'happy wheezing'

So it's even more exhausting because she's acting normally and not like an unwell baby. So you have to constantly be on guard as it's a hard cot with bars and she keeps throwing herself backwards whilst trying to stand Envy

OP posts:
Girliefriendlikespuppies · 10/12/2022 12:51

It is hard when you're looking after a sick child on your own in hospital, I've been there.

I think you just have to leave her, if you had another child at home you wouldn't even be able to stay overnight with her 🤷‍♀️ the nurses will have to look after her.

Choconuttolata · 10/12/2022 12:54

Is your child on oxygen? If not ask if you can take her with you to get something to eat, in between medication rounds. If not then they need to order you a meal like they would for a breastfeeding mother or someone sits with her, you cannot have no proper food for 4 days. It is inhumane and whilst it is not their fault that they are so busy, they need to also have some compassion and care for you as your DD's main caregiver. Family centered care is part of children's nursing. It doesn't help her or them if you become so unwell due to lack of nutrition that you cannot care for her. If they are not prepared to offer solutions then complain. Unfortunately sometimes you have to kick up a fuss to effect change.

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MustardCress · 10/12/2022 12:55

Horrible situation I can empathise Flowers

See if you can find the hospital’s Carers policy. If they have one. I would hope it should cover parents as well as other types of carers.

I had a similar situation and it was awful but it turned out the hospital where supposed to be supporting essential carers as we are helping them to do their job and saving them work. I felt quite awkward to have to show people the policy in order to get the most basic food and cooperation etc but it did do the trick.

Maybe PALS can help too. Hope someone will. Sadly I’m too far away though.

arethereanyleftatall · 10/12/2022 12:55

Is her cot different to her cot at home?

tralallee · 10/12/2022 12:56

Are you at South Wing in Bedford? I'm in Clapham and can drop off supplies.

PastMyBestBeforeDate · 10/12/2022 12:57

You're not near me but I had exactly the same 15 years ago when dd was admitted. I remember realising breakfast was only for her when I asked them about my allergy. And there weren't any nurses to keep an eye on her while I went to the loo.

AlisonDonut · 10/12/2022 12:59

Can you ask them what lone parents usually do to get sleep and food on their ward?

discographical · 10/12/2022 13:00

This is awful. You’ll have to tell the nurses that you HAVE to eat! What do they expect you to do?!

Hintofreality · 10/12/2022 13:01

This reply has been deleted

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Tree543 · 10/12/2022 13:02

You have to eat. I would take her off the Sats monitor and take her to the shop with you.

Simonjt · 10/12/2022 13:02

In NHS hospitals they feed patients, not visitors. I used delivery services, as you’re in Bedford there will be lots of options available, most likely also actual groceries if you wanr a bit of fruit etc.

Mangolist · 10/12/2022 13:03

Are you in Addenbrookes right now?

strawberryandcreams · 10/12/2022 13:03

My friend is a NICU nurse and constantly gets UTIs because she can't leave the babies in her care.
It's frustrating OP but this isn't to unkind to you. The NHS is just under a lot of pressure.

Have you any family around to help?

ElizabethinherGermanGarden · 10/12/2022 13:03

tralallee · 10/12/2022 12:56

Are you at South Wing in Bedford? I'm in Clapham and can drop off supplies.

This is so kind. OP, say yes to this!

Mangolist · 10/12/2022 13:03

Oops, I see not! I would have cycled up for you!

Lemonlady22 · 10/12/2022 13:04

The nurses are there to care for your child not you, they won’t feed you either. A child can be left, she doesn’t need someone with her while you go to the hospital canteen. I know it’s a struggle but if every parent wanted a nurse to stay with their child while they showered or got some food they would never get anything done. They have told you they are short staffed and busy, so what else do you expect. You must have somebody you can call, can’t believe you have no family or friends that you can count on. I’ve been on both sides, the mother with a sick newborn and the nurse on a short staffed ward who parents expect a cup of tea every time they ring the bell. It’s the NHS not a private hospital

MrsSkylerWhite · 10/12/2022 13:05

Hintofreality · Today 13:01
Uber Eats / Deliveroo / Just Eat will deliver groceries and hot food to the ward.There will also be a parent’s room with tea, coffee and biscuits.
Simple, no need to be a victim. Every other parent manages“

do you feel better now?

Ignore, OP, there’s always one. not every parent manages, or indeed spouse. My husband was at death’s door for nearly a month. I lost over a stone because it felt unsafe to leave him, the quality of care just wasn’t good enough and I had to advocate regularly.

(He recovered, thank providence and me, frankly!))

Lemonlady22 · 10/12/2022 13:05

Tree543 · 10/12/2022 13:02

You have to eat. I would take her off the Sats monitor and take her to the shop with you.

Don’t be ridiculous, the says monitor will alarm, it’s there for a purpose!

karmakameleon · 10/12/2022 13:07

Does your hospital have play specialists? They are there to play with the children and help look after them so will usually happily watch them for a bit while you pop out. Often they are volunteers.

Cheeseandhoney · 10/12/2022 13:07

Are the medical staff saying she can’t be left alone at any stage even for a few mins?

TheYearOfSmallThings · 10/12/2022 13:08

I have had this experience at Whipps Cross, and not during the pandemic - if I didn't have people to bring food I would absolutely have been left hungry for days, but strongly discouraged to leave even for one minute.

By contrast, when DS was a baby he was admitted to hospital in Dublin. The place was shabby and overcrowded but not only was the clinical care better, it was also recognised (without me asking) that the child's mother needs to eat and drink.

I work in the NHS and it was a wake-up call that actually, notwithstanding financial restrictions, we could do better.

Winterfires · 10/12/2022 13:08

Have you asked your family, I don’t give a damn if I was a few hours away, I’d come to help

Summersdreaming · 10/12/2022 13:09

Deliveroo or just eat. I ordered takeaway to the hospital many times when dd was in for 3 months. Order from a shop and get a stash of snacks/mini pies/pre pack sandwiches.

Are there other parents on the ward you can tag team with?

GoodnightJude1 · 10/12/2022 13:09

Poor you OP…. 💐

if you were at Addenbrookes I could have got some supplies to you. Hopefully someone else can help.
Addenbrookes is my local hospital and they are truly amazing. My DS was in there for 3 nights when he was a few weeks old and the care they showed him and the rest of us was amazing. It really is a outstanding hospital