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Original poster

How long am I expected to go without food?

538 replies

chappysays · 10/12/2022 12:39

DD (10 months) has been in hospital for 4 days now

I asked to go for a wee on the first night she came in, the nurse I pulled to the side to ask if someone could watch her said 'I'll be honest, no. We are so busy right now, really short staffed'

So I waited another hour and asked again. The nurse who was administering her meds said okay but she only had a few minutes. I did a quick wee and ran back Sad

Second and third night, nobody to watch her whilst I run to get something to eat. Second night there I ate DD's dinner (she isn't eating much at all right now because of her breathing, and didn't want it).

I got a telling off because apparently they need to monitor what DD eats. I said but I can tell you she wouldn't even have a mouthful. The nurse said 'yes and now you've had the lot, I can't tell what she'd had to put in her notes'

It is now the 4th day here and apart from me sneaking bits and bobs, I've had nothing. I am exhausted, haven't slept much and hungry. I need a change of clothes

Nobody to drop anything down to me. It's just awful

How long can I really be expected to go without? DD is presenting as energetic and happy, it's just her breathing but you wouldn't know to look at her. They call it 'happy wheezing'

So it's even more exhausting because she's acting normally and not like an unwell baby. So you have to constantly be on guard as it's a hard cot with bars and she keeps throwing herself backwards whilst trying to stand Envy

OP posts:
jackshitus · 10/12/2022 13:10

Lemonlady22 · 10/12/2022 13:04

The nurses are there to care for your child not you, they won’t feed you either. A child can be left, she doesn’t need someone with her while you go to the hospital canteen. I know it’s a struggle but if every parent wanted a nurse to stay with their child while they showered or got some food they would never get anything done. They have told you they are short staffed and busy, so what else do you expect. You must have somebody you can call, can’t believe you have no family or friends that you can count on. I’ve been on both sides, the mother with a sick newborn and the nurse on a short staffed ward who parents expect a cup of tea every time they ring the bell. It’s the NHS not a private hospital

Why do people find it so hard to believe that some people have no one?

Not everyone has family or even a friend they could call on to help.

Comments disbelieving that make people feel a million times worse.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 10/12/2022 13:11

A child can be left, she doesn’t need someone with her while you go to the hospital canteen.

On the contrary, I was told my DS should NOT be left, because the nurse responsible for his bed can not be watching to see that he is safe.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 10/12/2022 13:11

I’m not sure I understand why you can’t leave her for long enough to pop to the loo. Do you not leave her on her own ever at home, even when she’s in her cot?

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karmakameleon · 10/12/2022 13:12

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 10/12/2022 13:11

I’m not sure I understand why you can’t leave her for long enough to pop to the loo. Do you not leave her on her own ever at home, even when she’s in her cot?

Spent much time in hospital with a sick baby?

walnutmarzipan · 10/12/2022 13:13

I'm sorry I have no advice but just wanted to say the exact same thing happened to me years ago when my son was ill. Was a struggle to even get to the toilet.
Really sad to hear that this sort of thing is still happening.
When I was a child I was admitted to hospital for two weeks and my parents were only allowed in at visiting hours. I'm NOT saying it should go back to that but there has to be a happy medium where parents can at least go to the toilet and grab something to eat.

jackshitus · 10/12/2022 13:13

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 10/12/2022 13:11

I’m not sure I understand why you can’t leave her for long enough to pop to the loo. Do you not leave her on her own ever at home, even when she’s in her cot?

It’s totally different. Not comparable to being at home at all. Any parent who’s had a baby/small child in hospital (me included), will tell you that.

toomuchlaundry · 10/12/2022 13:14

What happens with children whose parents can’t stay?

FrogFairy · 10/12/2022 13:17

This was more than 10 years ago, but when my son was in hospital parents were allowed to buy food from the meal trolley. Obviously the children were fed first, then anything left over that would only otherwise be wasted could be bought for a nominal amount like a pound or two. It makes sense that parents could eat without having to leave their children, less food wasted and a few pounds raised too.

Emmacb82 · 10/12/2022 13:17

Sorry to hear you’re having a rubbish time. On our ward we feed all parents breakfast and give them meals if they are unable to leave their child. I know your child is on a saturation monitor, but if she is not needed oxygen I’m sure they could unplug her for half an hour for you to take her to the shop - that’s what we would do. Unless of course she is on oxygen then there’s not much they can do about that. Is there a play leader on at all that could sit with her whilst you shower and get food? Hope she improves soon so you can get home again x

FiveNineFive · 10/12/2022 13:17

jackshitus · 10/12/2022 13:10

Why do people find it so hard to believe that some people have no one?

Not everyone has family or even a friend they could call on to help.

Comments disbelieving that make people feel a million times worse.

Show quote history

Because even if I had no friends or family that could help there are still people you can ask, neighbours, school mums, religious establishments, womens groups, random Facebook friends. They won't all say no.

Buzzinwithbez · 10/12/2022 13:18

The nurses are there to care for your child not you,

Such a thoughtless comment though possibly fair enough if the nurses weren't needing the mother to ensure constantly be there. The op has made it clear the nurses are delegating anything but medical care to the mother. In which case they need to support the mother. Op I don't know how you're still functioning! I have tried to find national guidelines on this situation but haven't yet found anything as presumably in reality it shouldn't be happening!

Op, I know you're in a room so it may not be possible to speak to anyone but could you flag another parent/visitor down to grab you something?

walnutmarzipan · 10/12/2022 13:19

Lemonlady22 · 10/12/2022 13:04

The nurses are there to care for your child not you, they won’t feed you either. A child can be left, she doesn’t need someone with her while you go to the hospital canteen. I know it’s a struggle but if every parent wanted a nurse to stay with their child while they showered or got some food they would never get anything done. They have told you they are short staffed and busy, so what else do you expect. You must have somebody you can call, can’t believe you have no family or friends that you can count on. I’ve been on both sides, the mother with a sick newborn and the nurse on a short staffed ward who parents expect a cup of tea every time they ring the bell. It’s the NHS not a private hospital

When my child was in hospital the nurses wouldn't allow me to leave him alone.

AnxietyLevelMax · 10/12/2022 13:20

Hey. Bedford or close to it perhaps?

Original poster
chappysays · 10/12/2022 13:20

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Ffs I'm not being a victim, what Sodding use is a parents room if you can't use it!

OP posts:
MrsMontyD · 10/12/2022 13:21

In a similar situation (not the same I had a DH coming in after work with food but I was alone overnight and in the daytime) I had to just make a quick dash to the toilet and to get a drink when there was a member of staff in her room, they had no choice but to stay with her, not ideal but you have to go to the toilet.

I would ask to speak to the ward manager/sister and ask them what they suggest you do because this situation isn't sustainable.

Togoodtobeforgotten · 10/12/2022 13:21

Get on just eat and get something delivered to the ward.

tralallee · 10/12/2022 13:21

tralallee · 10/12/2022 12:56

Are you at South Wing in Bedford? I'm in Clapham and can drop off supplies.

Just reposting this in case you miss it. I'm at home all day so it really won't be an inconvenience.

Original poster
chappysays · 10/12/2022 13:22

Cheeseandhoney · 10/12/2022 13:07

Are the medical staff saying she can’t be left alone at any stage even for a few mins?

Yes because she tries to climb up onto her legs and then falls backwards (hitting her head onto the metal bars)

OP posts:
AnxietyLevelMax · 10/12/2022 13:22

@tralallee great offer. Same here. We can rotate and make sure you have things. Please dont feel bad and use a helping hand

SnoozyLucy7 · 10/12/2022 13:23

Lemonlady22 · 10/12/2022 13:04

The nurses are there to care for your child not you, they won’t feed you either. A child can be left, she doesn’t need someone with her while you go to the hospital canteen. I know it’s a struggle but if every parent wanted a nurse to stay with their child while they showered or got some food they would never get anything done. They have told you they are short staffed and busy, so what else do you expect. You must have somebody you can call, can’t believe you have no family or friends that you can count on. I’ve been on both sides, the mother with a sick newborn and the nurse on a short staffed ward who parents expect a cup of tea every time they ring the bell. It’s the NHS not a private hospital

Blimey, could you not be more unsympathetic?

Some people really don’t have others around to help them out. Good grief

Featheryboa · 10/12/2022 13:23

Sorry to hear this. I remember when dc1 was in hospital, for a few days about 15yrs ago, there was no food for parents, just the patients.

There was one baby (about 10months old) who was on his own as presumably his mum had an older child at home. One of the nights a nurse was with him for some of the time, the next night that nurse wasn't on duty and he was on his own.

howdoesatoastermaketoast · 10/12/2022 13:24

or is it luton and dunstable hospital?

AuntieMaggie · 10/12/2022 13:24

In all honesty the next nurse you see I would just tell them you haven't eaten properly for however long and you're feeling ill because of it and worry about collapsing. Hopefully someone will see sense and try to help you.

Original poster
chappysays · 10/12/2022 13:26

GoodnightJude1 · 10/12/2022 13:09

Poor you OP…. 💐

if you were at Addenbrookes I could have got some supplies to you. Hopefully someone else can help.
Addenbrookes is my local hospital and they are truly amazing. My DS was in there for 3 nights when he was a few weeks old and the care they showed him and the rest of us was amazing. It really is a outstanding hospital

Wholeheartedly agree! Put this hospital to shame

OP posts:
ChateauMargaux · 10/12/2022 13:26

Phone PALS and ask them for help.

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