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Original poster

How long am I expected to go without food?

538 replies

chappysays · 10/12/2022 12:39

DD (10 months) has been in hospital for 4 days now

I asked to go for a wee on the first night she came in, the nurse I pulled to the side to ask if someone could watch her said 'I'll be honest, no. We are so busy right now, really short staffed'

So I waited another hour and asked again. The nurse who was administering her meds said okay but she only had a few minutes. I did a quick wee and ran back Sad

Second and third night, nobody to watch her whilst I run to get something to eat. Second night there I ate DD's dinner (she isn't eating much at all right now because of her breathing, and didn't want it).

I got a telling off because apparently they need to monitor what DD eats. I said but I can tell you she wouldn't even have a mouthful. The nurse said 'yes and now you've had the lot, I can't tell what she'd had to put in her notes'

It is now the 4th day here and apart from me sneaking bits and bobs, I've had nothing. I am exhausted, haven't slept much and hungry. I need a change of clothes

Nobody to drop anything down to me. It's just awful

How long can I really be expected to go without? DD is presenting as energetic and happy, it's just her breathing but you wouldn't know to look at her. They call it 'happy wheezing'

So it's even more exhausting because she's acting normally and not like an unwell baby. So you have to constantly be on guard as it's a hard cot with bars and she keeps throwing herself backwards whilst trying to stand Envy

OP posts:
CovertImage · 10/12/2022 13:51

Do Deliveroo/Just Eat etc deliver to the ward? - it's been mentioned several times. Surely that's the answer - for the food & supplies at least - if it's the case?

LlareggubTripAdviser · 10/12/2022 13:51

Who is caring for your 7 year old son OP ?

ninjafoodienovice · 10/12/2022 13:52

This isn't unusual unfortunately- my friend had her very lively 3 year old admitted for 3 nights and her useless H was far too busy and important to give her a wee/shower/coffee break or bring in any food.
(I brought some in and sat with her son while she had a break) but it totally opened my eyes with how stupidly hard it is for a parent with a mobile child in hospital and no help.
You have my total sympathy OP and I wish I was closer to help.

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Families
FamBae · 10/12/2022 13:53

Oh OP I do feel for you, is she in a cot, can she get out, is she on a ward or in a room alone. I remember many years ago when DS was in hospital and I was on my own, I do remember there was a small kitchenette for mums to make a cuppa and there was always one or two around, if there is maybe one could watch DD for 20 minutes. I remember leaving him to go home and get some clothes as we were rushed in by ambulance, I had to get two trains across London and back and it broke my heart to read on his notes unaccompanied child. We were in for 10 days. OP it is imperative that you look after yourself, you will not help your child if you make yourself ill. Announce to the nursing staff that you are going for food, coffee, to the toilet or to shower, give them a rough idea of how long you will be and then go. Let them scowl all they like they are lucky you are there, if you had more children at home you wouldn't be able to stay. Sending huge hugs OP ..... 30 years later my experience is still so vivid and I remember how surreal it all was and how I felt at the time.

Sprogonthetyne · 10/12/2022 13:54

Glad to see you've got offers of help, but if she falls asleep in the meantime just slip out and do a recky of the parent’s room. When I had to stay over with DD there was some porridge pots in a cupboard (they type you just add boiling water too). If nothing else they'll have tea/coffee, and you'll only be gone a minute.

Zone2NorthLondon · 10/12/2022 13:54

Meals are ordered per patient by their need,there isn’t a provision to feed adult visitors. There may be a parent kitchen stocked with tea,coffee that you can use to reheat food

diddl · 10/12/2022 13:54

If Op is being told that she can't leave her child then I think that it is the responsibility of the hospital to feed her.

24hr care for the price of 3meals?-bargain!

Sunshineandrainbow · 10/12/2022 13:56

Glad you have something sorted op enjoy your food.
I am surprised you have not been offered anything seeing as you can't leave the bedside.
I work in a and E and automatically offer relative tea and biscuits/fruit if I am getting it for the patient.

Zone2NorthLondon · 10/12/2022 13:56

If it is documented as 1:1 observation @chappysays could ask for a student or HCA to be allocated whilst she goes to eat etc

Sancerre2 · 10/12/2022 13:57

As a parent, you don't have to watch your child once they are admitted. The child becomes the responsibility of the staff. I know you'd prefer to be with her, but technically not you're not required to. Most parents in this situation do leave to go get meals and home once a day to shower & change. You're certainly free to go to bathroom as often as you like.

ilovesushi · 10/12/2022 13:58

Can you order something in? When DS was little we had lots of hospital stays. I used to order in pizza and they brought it right up to the floor then called me when they were outside the ward so I could just dash down the corridor and collect. Are there any shops or cafes in the hospital that you can pop down to while your little one sleeps? Or can another parent grab something for you when they get food? You need to eat!

lljkk · 10/12/2022 14:00

Sancerre2 · 10/12/2022 13:57

As a parent, you don't have to watch your child once they are admitted. The child becomes the responsibility of the staff. I know you'd prefer to be with her, but technically not you're not required to. Most parents in this situation do leave to go get meals and home once a day to shower & change. You're certainly free to go to bathroom as often as you like.

yeah, I'm confused. Is NHS now like most African hospitals where family must provide all food for their loved one & do all bodily care, and sleep next to the bed (even they work in shared shifts)? Have I missed something.

MomOfTwoGirls2 · 10/12/2022 14:01

I’m delighted your thread reached somebody who could help.

I hope your little girl makes a speedy recovery and that you don’t need to spend much more time in the hospital.

And wow, the lack of empathy from some people on this thread is just shocking!!

RosesAndHellebores · 10/12/2022 14:01

It isn't the responsibility of the hospital to feed the parent but surely it is in their best interests to do so when the parent is providing the basic care for the child which nurses don't have the time to do.

I'd gently suggest they changed the cot design to make it appropriate for mobile babies if they can't keep an eye for five minutes. There was a thread the other day about funding for mandatory new badges noting pronouns. The NHS needs to sort out its priorities.

I'd have been more robust op and wouldhave pointed out that if my care was required for my child then I needed a basic five minutes here or there for the lavatory to provide it. Actually I might have asked for a bed pan and handed it to them to sort out.

I wouldn’t have phoned PALs I'd have phoned the CEO's office to ask if they, a director or one of their secretaries could spare five minutes so I could go to the lavatory and get myself something to eat and drink after four days because the nurses said I couldn't leave the baby and had refused to help.

We all have to stop being grateful for crap care.

LadyKenya · 10/12/2022 14:02

If the nursing staff wake the baby up during obs, then they have to deal with her. Just go and get provisions when she is asleep. She does not require your presence 24/7.

Halli2020 · 10/12/2022 14:03

Surely you can get deliveroo sent to the hospital and collect when she is sleeping? Or ask the nurse to collect for you when they are a bit quieter. Perhaps if you can't leave at all ring the reception area and tell them the situation I'm sure they would take the delivery for you and get someone to drop it to you in the ward.

LlareggubTripAdviser · 10/12/2022 14:03

You have been given so much advice to get deliveroo or Uber eats to deliver.

A quick look on the app shows about 40 different outlets that will deliver takeaways from McDonald's to Vegan specialties.. along with Sainsbury’s and the CoOp .. all of which can be delivered to your ward /room.

If you had done that in the hour and a half since you started this thread you would have long since of had the problem sorted.. rather than have to get a MNetter to volunteer.

Why didn't you do this ?

CarefreeMe · 10/12/2022 14:04

As a parent, you don't have to watch your child once they are admitted. The child becomes the responsibility of the staff. I know you'd prefer to be with her, but technically not you're not required to. Most parents in this situation do leave to go get meals and home once a day to shower & change. You're certainly free to go to bathroom as often as you like.

This is what I thought would happen.

As a single parent I’ve always had this in the back of my mind to have some change at hand in case my DC is ever admitted and I need to stay there.

I assumed they’d be taken care of though and I’d be ok to go to the canteen or quickly nip home to get a change of clothes.

Zone2NorthLondon · 10/12/2022 14:04

This seems like a self imposed parental 24hour observation if it were documented as 1:1 obs the ward would cover it. Padded cot bumpers etc are available too if required
op simply needs to tell staff she’s leaving the bedside she’s not compelled to remain there hungry & dehydrated. As an adult she needs to sort her own food etc.I don’t think the ward need to feed her meals, some tea,coffee sure. Meals,no

Zone2NorthLondon · 10/12/2022 14:07

diddl · 10/12/2022 13:54

If Op is being told that she can't leave her child then I think that it is the responsibility of the hospital to feed her.

24hr care for the price of 3meals?-bargain!

Who has told her it’s 24 hour observation? If it were the case it’d be documented and planned for eg HCA or student

Fedupofdiets · 10/12/2022 14:09

Lemonlady22 · 10/12/2022 13:04

The nurses are there to care for your child not you, they won’t feed you either. A child can be left, she doesn’t need someone with her while you go to the hospital canteen. I know it’s a struggle but if every parent wanted a nurse to stay with their child while they showered or got some food they would never get anything done. They have told you they are short staffed and busy, so what else do you expect. You must have somebody you can call, can’t believe you have no family or friends that you can count on. I’ve been on both sides, the mother with a sick newborn and the nurse on a short staffed ward who parents expect a cup of tea every time they ring the bell. It’s the NHS not a private hospital

Christ I am Nurse too, I hope I have more empathy than seem to have. Horrible post completely lacking any empathy at all.

deplorabelle · 10/12/2022 14:11

DS2 had a planned admission ten years ago and I was advised then that no food would be provided for any parent except breastfeeding mother. I was BF but correctly guessed I'd not get fed and I wasn't in all the six days he was in. So this is not new but I do think it's awful.

The ridiculous thing was a hospital charity provided all sorts of things for parents. I was practically forced to go off and have an aromatherapy massage at one point, even though the main thing I needed was someone to bring a trolley of food up once a day. I would happily have paid retail price just fucking sell me a sandwich!

TheYearOfSmallThings · 10/12/2022 14:12

I feel like people who have not been in this situation are failing to understand...the ward staff require you to remain with your child. If you need to go to the bathroom you get an impatient face. If you go off the ward to collect food someone is bringing you, you get the full cat's bum face and raised eyebrows at your abandonment of your child.

I also think people are not understanding that you would effectively be leaving your child alone and unsupervised in a large and somewhat chaotic space in which dozens of adults (staff and visitors) are coming and going freely. From my observation there are genuine risks.

diddl · 10/12/2022 14:17

Zone2NorthLondon · 10/12/2022 14:07

Who has told her it’s 24 hour observation? If it were the case it’d be documented and planned for eg HCA or student

Show quote history

My mistake.

Zone2NorthLondon · 10/12/2022 14:17

TheYearOfSmallThings · 10/12/2022 14:12

I feel like people who have not been in this situation are failing to understand...the ward staff require you to remain with your child. If you need to go to the bathroom you get an impatient face. If you go off the ward to collect food someone is bringing you, you get the full cat's bum face and raised eyebrows at your abandonment of your child.

I also think people are not understanding that you would effectively be leaving your child alone and unsupervised in a large and somewhat chaotic space in which dozens of adults (staff and visitors) are coming and going freely. From my observation there are genuine risks.

Wards are controlled access and are not full of random adults milling about. They will have staff and visitors yes. Out of interest what’s the genuine risk?

the clinical responsibility of the child is with the MDT and if a child required 1:1 that’s documented and planned for

I think the op can and should factor in eating and hydration it’s not ward responsibility to feed her

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