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Original poster

How long am I expected to go without food?

538 replies

chappysays · 10/12/2022 12:39

DD (10 months) has been in hospital for 4 days now

I asked to go for a wee on the first night she came in, the nurse I pulled to the side to ask if someone could watch her said 'I'll be honest, no. We are so busy right now, really short staffed'

So I waited another hour and asked again. The nurse who was administering her meds said okay but she only had a few minutes. I did a quick wee and ran back Sad

Second and third night, nobody to watch her whilst I run to get something to eat. Second night there I ate DD's dinner (she isn't eating much at all right now because of her breathing, and didn't want it).

I got a telling off because apparently they need to monitor what DD eats. I said but I can tell you she wouldn't even have a mouthful. The nurse said 'yes and now you've had the lot, I can't tell what she'd had to put in her notes'

It is now the 4th day here and apart from me sneaking bits and bobs, I've had nothing. I am exhausted, haven't slept much and hungry. I need a change of clothes

Nobody to drop anything down to me. It's just awful

How long can I really be expected to go without? DD is presenting as energetic and happy, it's just her breathing but you wouldn't know to look at her. They call it 'happy wheezing'

So it's even more exhausting because she's acting normally and not like an unwell baby. So you have to constantly be on guard as it's a hard cot with bars and she keeps throwing herself backwards whilst trying to stand Envy

OP posts:
MrsMontyD · 10/12/2022 13:27

PALS should be able to help with a volunteer, if you get nowhere with the ward sister I would call them.

Are there any dc with two parents with them who could at least fetch you a drink and a sandwich if they can't watch your dc? They might as least meet a delivery driver at the ward door for you.

A bored looking teenager who's been dragged in for visiting might run to the shop.

arethereanyleftatall · 10/12/2022 13:27

If they've told you you can't leave her when she's awake, you have to go when she's asleep. You have to have food. Even if they come in and disturb her, she'll be safe.

Colourinsidethelines · 10/12/2022 13:27

I’ve had more hospital stays than I can count with my DD, parents rooms went out with covid in all my local hospitals and even before that they were not stocked with tea coffee and biscuits, it was bring your own and label it. We were allowed to take DD down to the canteen with us for half an hour even when she was on monitors. Honestly at this point I would just be walking out and telling them you are going for half an hour to get a meal as you haven’t eaten properly in 4 days.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
SheWoreYellow · 10/12/2022 13:28

I’ve seen before the suggestion to just go and tell the nurses as you leave.

Original poster
chappysays · 10/12/2022 13:28

AnxietyLevelMax · 10/12/2022 13:20

Hey. Bedford or close to it perhaps?

Luton and Dunstable

OP posts:
Otterseatpuffinsdontthey · 10/12/2022 13:28

Started Nursing in 1972 - recently retired. Finding this absolutely shocking.
I never worked in Paediatrics - lots of other ward settings. Never, ever had such a situation. Under those circumstances, you would have been fed, properly, any setting I worked in.
Hope your little girl recovers soon💐

WhatTheHellIsAQuasar · 10/12/2022 13:28

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

No - there’s no need to be a snarky prick either yet here you are

woodhill · 10/12/2022 13:29

It's ridiculous

Don't let them tell you off like that

You need to eat, go to the loo etc

Colourinsidethelines · 10/12/2022 13:29

Also, other parents on the ward might help, I’ve done that before. Sat with a child for 20 minutes or gone for food and brought it back up.

WetLettuce2 · 10/12/2022 13:29

This is awful - please say you’ve ordered food to the ward 💐

AnxietyLevelMax · 10/12/2022 13:29

@chappysays if no one from around there i will be going to Luton on Tuesday and dont mind bringing you some things.

Grimchmas · 10/12/2022 13:30

Try PALS as others have suggested or the Chaplaincy service. Sounds odd, but they tend to want to be able to help if they can. Hopefully you might be able to get the phone number for both on the internet from your phone? X

shard5 · 10/12/2022 13:30

That's shocking treatment really. I wish I was close by and could atleast drop you off some food at the ward.
My dad who is 16 was in for two nights not long ago and the nurses asked if I wanted to order a meal as well off the menu, it's interesting how different hospitals and probably even different wards treat parents.

PermanentTemporary · 10/12/2022 13:31

What an insanely awful situation.

Yes I'd get onto PALS and I'd also talk to the Sister. Tbh could you request a chaplaincy visit? They're for everybody. They might be willing to sit with your dd and they might also talk through support options. If they ask which religion and you don't have any, just ask for whoever first available.

It's horrible to have to spend your energy making a fuss and being 'that mum' but you dont have a choice here. Your dd needs you to survive in decent shape.

AtleastitsnotMonday · 10/12/2022 13:32

Have you asked if there is anyway they can help? In several of our local hospitals a charity provides snack boxes for parents. Crates of cans of drinks, crisps, cereal bars, chocolate, pot noodles, porridge pots, biscuits etc for parents to help themselves. I know this is a local charity but there may be similar.

Bemyclementine · 10/12/2022 13:32

Are you on a ward with others? Do they have people coming and going? Id ask another parents, visitor, if I could transfer them some money to go to the shop/cafe and buy me something.

Bemyclementine · 10/12/2022 13:32

Or post on your local FB page, I would happy do a hospital delivery in this situation..

MrsMontyD · 10/12/2022 13:33

Otterseatpuffinsdontthey · 10/12/2022 13:28

Started Nursing in 1972 - recently retired. Finding this absolutely shocking.
I never worked in Paediatrics - lots of other ward settings. Never, ever had such a situation. Under those circumstances, you would have been fed, properly, any setting I worked in.
Hope your little girl recovers soon💐

No one is taking responsibility that's the problem, they're all rushing around and only seeing part of the picture, maybe assuming someone will watch the baby later when it's quieter which never happens.

I've found this even with elderly relatives who's care isn't being properly coordinated, you have to find someone senior and ensure they listen. The days of having an identified nurse for each patient are well behind us.

Original poster
chappysays · 10/12/2022 13:33

Thanks all, have phoned PALS. They said it really isn't right and are putting in a call for me to the ward manager

Fingers crossed it'll work

OP posts:
greenhousegal · 10/12/2022 13:33

Dreadful situation.

Just wondered what would happen if something happened IYSWIM, surely an alarm would signal. Then the nurses would come running surely. I'm not getting why it is necessary to be there every minute of 24.7 or maybe that's the whole point of the thread, i.e YOU are the alarm system.

What about leaving when they do the regular obs? I'd just go then and say while you're here I need to get something to eat or I'll faint, and I am desperate for the loo. If they tut tut that it is most unreasonable, and I would get it anyway.

Izey · 10/12/2022 13:33

I hope you can get some help, OP. I would if closer. Please take up any offers. It is inhumane to expect you to manage.

ColinRobinsonsfamiliar · 10/12/2022 13:34

Op I sympathise with you too.

Same story at Alder Hey.

4 days I survived on a can of Diet Coke I had in my bag and water from the tap In ds s room.

Couldnt leave him, wasn’t offered anything, miles away from home. (Transferred in an ambulance from our local hospital)
same clothes. No food at all. No sleep.

I asked, they dashed in and dashed out. I was told that there are some shops “downstairs “ in the hospital. Same thing, couldn’t leave my child, couldn’t take him with me.

Day 5, the nurse told me there was a parents kitchen. BUT I would need to provide my own tea or coffee and milk as everything in the kitchen had been brought in by parents.

Don’t get me started on the (lack of) care that my little boy got.
We went home that morning.

Shocking, disappointing.
Op, sympathies. Fingers crossed you will be home soon. X

waterrat · 10/12/2022 13:34

This is disgraceful OP

When my daughter spent a week on a ward I asked the nurse what happened when parents simply couldn't stay - ie. they were single parents or just coulddn't miss work - she said we just make sure we care for the child as much as we can

What is 'nursing' if it means the parent does all the care and nobody cares for the parent?

OP you need to find the most sympathetic member of staff and explain you have to take care of your basic needs - tell them you are going out 3 times a day for food and will not be available with your child

itwas · 10/12/2022 13:34

why are you ignoring the posters who have offered to bring you what you need?

maranella · 10/12/2022 13:35

You poor thing OP! That's really shocking. I remember when I was in hospital with my DS for 12 days and they only fed me (I also needed to stay with him almost all the time), because I was still breastfeeding. I thanked my lucky stars for that, because otherwise I'd have starved. I hope your call to PALS works. I'm afraid I can well believe how arsey and uncaring the nurses are towards you.