How long am I expected to go without food?

[chappysays]

DD (10 months) has been in hospital for 4 days now

I asked to go for a wee on the first night she came in, the nurse I pulled to the side to ask if someone could watch her said 'I'll be honest, no. We are so busy right now, really short staffed'

So I waited another hour and asked again. The nurse who was administering her meds said okay but she only had a few minutes. I did a quick wee and ran back

Second and third night, nobody to watch her whilst I run to get something to eat. Second night there I ate DD's dinner (she isn't eating much at all right now because of her breathing, and didn't want it).

I got a telling off because apparently they need to monitor what DD eats. I said but I can tell you she wouldn't even have a mouthful. The nurse said 'yes and now you've had the lot, I can't tell what she'd had to put in her notes'

It is now the 4th day here and apart from me sneaking bits and bobs, I've had nothing. I am exhausted, haven't slept much and hungry. I need a change of clothes

Nobody to drop anything down to me. It's just awful

How long can I really be expected to go without? DD is presenting as energetic and happy, it's just her breathing but you wouldn't know to look at her. They call it 'happy wheezing'

So it's even more exhausting because she's acting normally and not like an unwell baby. So you have to constantly be on guard as it's a hard cot with bars and she keeps throwing herself backwards whilst trying to stand

It’s horrible isn’t it, I don’t know what they expect from us.

@Justthisonce12 It's nothing new though. I posted upthread this exact same thing happened to me 25 years ago.

Zone2NorthLondon · Yesterday 13:51
I do not think it’s the hospital responsibility to feed you, you’re an adult with a phone,tablet and you can surely sort something out?
Staff priority on a busy ward is the sick patients ,they rightly expect capable adults to sort out their own hydration and nutrition“

have you ever spent weeks in hospital by the bedside of a very, very sick person?

walnutmarzipan · Yesterday 18:10
Cot bumpers in a hospital 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Good one
FFS“

Indeed, they are not recommended for children under 12 months in any setting.

the suggestion by a PP that a “student nurse” sits with OP’s child so she can shower etc. is equally laughable. During our most recent in-patient experience, my husband’s ward was practically run by student nurses and they were at least three HAs down on every single shift for more than a week.

Some posters here clearly have no idea what they are spouting about.

Is there any rinald McDonald houses there? I don't know If they have them there but they are designed for families who have sick kids in hospital so they can be near them. If not, then tell the nurse that you need to see the social worker and tell them you need to go home to get change of clothes for her and yourself and to eat as you have not eaten. You may find they will give you a meal or social worker will tell you to go home for a proper rest. You end to have a rest so whe she is out your able to look after her

That's should have said Ronald McDonald house.

@Jesst87 Luton and Dunstable only have accommodation for parent who's children are in NICU. And Ronald McDonald places are for parents who's children are critically sick. We can't give every parent who's child is in hospital a room at a McDonald house. The criteria is extremely strict.

So sorry you're going through this OP, but glad someone has brought you something (what a lovely person to do that). Its shocking that they can't watch your child long enough for you to go to the loo or grab something to eat. So glad I'm not in the UK any more if that's what its like in hospitals there, not the same where I am - I had to spend 4 days in hospital with DD when she was a toddler and the nurses were very helpful, watching her while I walked to the shop down the road to get food, or to give me a break. One even spent a good half hour settling DD to sleep because she just would not settle for me so the nurse sent me off to the parents room and tried herself. Another time I had to go to the hospital myself late at night, single parent then so DD had to come with me, I was in A&E in a little room next to the nurses office all night, DD wouldn't settle and I was too ill to do much about it so a nurse took her to the children's ward where she stayed for the night so they obviously managed a whole night without a parent there to look after her, and fed her in the morning.

No
there is a criteria to access the McDonald house and op child will be ineligible on clinical grounds
this doesn’t require a SW at all. The op simply needs to approach staff and tell them she’ll be absent to get food, a break etc. she self advocates, it doesn’t require a SW nor will one be allocated to negotiate food breaks for op.

@Zone2NorthLondon would you ever give it a rest with your self advocacy.
Real nurses and medical staff have already commented on this thread that they do not have the capacity to look after children whilst OP goes away, takeaways are apparently banned in some hospitals and even if not would likely only be delivered to the front desk, and OP has advised that her DD will hurt herself on the crib if left unattended, and has already asked about cot bumpers and been told no, before you resurrect that one.

Self advocacy cannot produce staff where there are none.

Ringing PALs - which OP has done and contacting hospital chaplain may help, but your "simples" answer is deplorable in light of actual comments from real nurses that no they can't sit by the bedside of a child likely to hurt themselves.

This is where having a socail.worker ( children with disabilities team) already would be in my favour. If anyone ever threatens me with CP i can laugh and give them the SW phone number. Not much help for the Op. But I do wonder what the nurses can do if you say you've got a migraine so need to rest. Arrest you? Charge you with neglect?

Even if op qualified, it doesn't hel pif you can't leave the ward because no one will watch your kid for 10 minutes. It works more for the rest of the family so DH slept there 5 nights whilst I slept on ward, we didn't use it at all in the day as I was on ward, I slept in it weekend evenings whilst DH slept on the ward.
They are bloody amazing places tho

Tbf the OPs situation is fairly unusual- unable to leave her dd without 1:1 care even briefly, unable to find a member of staff to stay with her for 10 minutes and unable to take her with her to the toilet/cafe. That's a fairly rare combination of circumstances, even given the strains on the NHS.

Just wondering if Luton & Dunstable has come up for the hospital's comms team. I hope the hospital has seen this thread.

Tbf rather than idiots spouting nonsense re student nurses, perhaps some of us just don't realise how bad it's got. 6 years ago I had student nurses who would sit with DS ehiskt I peed or ate. I got sent out for fresh air by the ward sister and a student nurse sat with DS. That was BCH. Birmingham Women's, so 7 years ago, we were sent out every Sat night into town for dinner - our room was next to the nurses station and he was a few months old so couldn't really move under all the wires etc and they kept an ear out. They were doing all his feeds at that point anyway as he was still only tube fed.

You want op to squat over a cup in a tiny cubicle space with the curtains at risk of being opened any second because they don't like them closed in the day?? Bloody hell. Perhaps she can drink it afterwards so she doesn't need to get water from the kitchen

I'm glad you've got some help OP...I really do sympathise (having spent a fair amount of time in hospital recently).
I'm not sure why on earth there are so many disbelievers !!!! What is that all about? Why would OP be exaggerating/lying about her situation? I'm sorry you've had to read through those when your current situation is bad enough as it is.
I'm 100s of miles away so unfortunately cant help practically but if there's anything I can do remotely let me know and I will.
Meanwhile, enjoy your bag of goodies and carry on posting if for the company and support (mostly) if nothing else.
Fingers crossed for dds speedy recovery
X 💐

Its not rare at all, you are ignoring all the mums posting here who have said the same thing.

It’s exactly what happened to me in another hospital with my DD. She was on IV meds so was not allowed to leave the ward. I couldn’t leave her as she was terrified and screamed the place down and tried to climb out the cot whenever I left her side.

Parents were only allowed to eat in the “ parents kitchen “ for “ health and safety reasons” but children were not allowed in this kitchen.

I was only allowed to leave Dd when she was asleep, which was about 10pm at night as the nurses had a kind of tea party at the nurses station in the ward every night from about 9-930pm and they were very noisy.

By the time the event was over and Dd was settled, the hospital canteen was closed, there was only a vending machine which sold chocolate etc.

One night another parent brought in fish and chips and left me some chips on a plate in the “ parents kitchen “ . I rushed to get them but a nurse got there before me and threw them in the bin, as the other mother had “ left then unattended “. I cried as it was the first food I’d had except chocolate for several days ( apart from the occasional mini packet of rice crispier which I managed to steal ).

As I’ve said before, they were not short staffed, there were always more nurses than patients for our whole stay. They could easily have helped, they just CBA.

@EL0ISE I have been in a situation so many times when nurses (and midwives) have not been busy and have been far from helpful. This is always denied vehemently by MNet and all nurses in real life. Even one's who have spent the hour between 2am and 3am giggling and gossiping at the front desk about personal matters and holidays, very loudly. The same nurses then come and tell you off for reading rather than getting any rest when they woke you in the first place.

Haha! Recently we have had 9:1. No joke.

I am glad someone came to help you.

I have seen this in other children's wards too - DH and I were both there so did food runs for other parents who were there on their own. I also kept an eye on sleeping children for others.

I would urge anyone else when on the ward to keep an eye for anyone who needs help. It is shit enough having an ill child without starving yourself.

One thing the NHS does very very poorly is preventive health and post-treatment support. Of course if you have carers who become more stressed, risk UTIs, don't sleep properly, are made to feel unreasonable for showering or stepping away for a moment, not fed properly, they then return home a week or two later less able to be great carers once home again. Carer burnout is now recognised as a massive problem, not saying one short hospital visit can cause this, but if you have repeated visits, or a bad experience when post-natal, then it could cause depression and stress where none need exist. It is not particularly expensive to have coffees and teas and cold drinks available for carers (which can ask for donations), nor is it expensive to have one carer allowed a hot meal twice a day per child, compared with having extra staff. Carer wellbeing has to be taken into account when you care for children because there's no point scuppering parents own wellbeing so they are less responsive or more stressed or depressed when they leave. The way the parents of disabled or sick children are treated in this country is a complete disgrace anyway, and this quibbling over providing basics for one carer for a very limited time, when they have no control over being able to live, just exemplifies this. The solutions are not even that expensive- having a fold down chair/bed rather than a plastic chair beside each paed bed so the parent can sleep alongside is not costing a fortune for the NHS in comparison to their use of bank staff on the paed wards instead of hiring properly. As usual the NHS is focusing on the wrong efficiency savings...

When my dd was in hospital it was actually easier when she was ventilated and unconscious as I could leave her. The ITU nurse told me to make the most of it as once they bought her round I'd be with her 24/7.

They were right.

Can't find the original post but see in a quote that someone has suggested "I'm spouting nonsense" and "don't know what I'm talking about" for suggesting a "student nurse" might have been able to sit with OP's child.

I'm a nurse lecturer/assessor. I'm on hospital wards most days and know exactly what hundreds of student nurses do on a day to day basis, far more than your anecdotal evidence from a single hospital stay. This is just them kind of things that students routinely do, I assure you. So whilst I was trying to help the OP with a practical solution, glad you felt smug with snidey (yet inaccurate) comments

Some people just can’t admit that sadly some nurses are lazy, selfish jobsworths who care nothing about patients. Just the same as some accountants, joiners, retail staff or cleaners.

There are unkind, unpleasant and cruel people in every walk of life. Some people are attracted to certain jobs because it gives them power over others.

But you are only allowed to say this about estate agents, police officers, tax inspectors, benefit agency staff or social workers . We have to pretend that all nurses are saints.