How long am I expected to go without food?

[chappysays]

DD (10 months) has been in hospital for 4 days now

I asked to go for a wee on the first night she came in, the nurse I pulled to the side to ask if someone could watch her said 'I'll be honest, no. We are so busy right now, really short staffed'

So I waited another hour and asked again. The nurse who was administering her meds said okay but she only had a few minutes. I did a quick wee and ran back

Second and third night, nobody to watch her whilst I run to get something to eat. Second night there I ate DD's dinner (she isn't eating much at all right now because of her breathing, and didn't want it).

I got a telling off because apparently they need to monitor what DD eats. I said but I can tell you she wouldn't even have a mouthful. The nurse said 'yes and now you've had the lot, I can't tell what she'd had to put in her notes'

It is now the 4th day here and apart from me sneaking bits and bobs, I've had nothing. I am exhausted, haven't slept much and hungry. I need a change of clothes

Nobody to drop anything down to me. It's just awful

How long can I really be expected to go without? DD is presenting as energetic and happy, it's just her breathing but you wouldn't know to look at her. They call it 'happy wheezing'

So it's even more exhausting because she's acting normally and not like an unwell baby. So you have to constantly be on guard as it's a hard cot with bars and she keeps throwing herself backwards whilst trying to stand

When my baby was admitted to nicu at 7 days old I was admitted as well as mum and tray meals were brought to me 3x p/day.

NICU is very different, it has a 1:1 staffing ratio and parents are expected and planned for. Totally different on a general ward with a 3:1 ratio.

This is totally different than our local hospital (small city). I have been in four times with my teenager, and we get offered cups of tea at the same time as the tea trollies, there's a station for cups and teas for visitors (or there was pre-pandemic, there isn't now but it's coming back), you can have one parent have a full meal at the same time as the child's meal, same for snacks. The whole family is supported, they keep you informed and the idea is the wellbeing of the child depends on the wellbeing of the carers, pretty obvious really. I am amazed at some of the answers on here, but I know our paeds ward is pretty amazing. Even the teens get the play specialist bringing around jigsaws, crafts, chatting. It's just high quality care, even though they are very busy.

When I was in hospital with my DC as a baby I was in a similar predicament. They expected him to be supervised by a parent at all times. Luckily DH and I were able to tag team and we also had an en suite toilet, but had there not been two of us I don't know how I would have eaten.

I am a single parent, no dad (widow) so there's no possibility anyone else is coming, so I've also left my dd in the care of the paeds ward many times, she has to be checked/monitored, no issues with that at all. We are allowed to leave, allowed to go to the cafe, allowed to get drinks, take her out for a short walk, visit other wards, and there's a fold-down bed/chair so you can sleep properly overnight. She is usually in a room by herself, sometimes on the ward with the toddlers/other kids. I had no idea this craziness was going on elsewhere. The stress levels around her admission are usually extraordinarily high and so keeping the parents calm, informed, having them there for consultant rounds, making sure they are ok is a priority. I realise now we have had exceptional care. I've been in several different wards in the same hospital and it's always been great, you don't get a carer's dinner on the other wards though, only the paeds one.

Almost a decade ago, I stayed in two wards with my newborn - one for a fortnight and one for less than a week. In the second, a children's ward, they only fed adults if they were breastfeeding (and it was all beige food but I would honestly have eaten anything); in the first, a neonatal unit, you were shit out of luck and had to fend for yourself. In both places, it was very, very difficult to get food and drink, and very difficult to go to the loo, have a shower or sleep.

Just to clarify though, the reason one parent are given a dinner is precisely so they can stay on the ward with a younger child, so it's no more work for the serving staff, it's probably 10 dinners a day on an average couple of wards as not everyone has one. Drinks used to be self-service before Covid. So keeping parents hydrated and one carer fed is not using nursing resources at all. Donations are accepted for this.

So sorry to read this. There's a wonderful charity called Sophie's Legacy that campaigns to feed parents on children's wards because they realise how draining and stressful it is to be in that position, how important it is for parents to look after themselves so they can support their children and also the financial impact of multiple hospital stays.
Everyone saying just order a takeaway - if you have to miss lots of work / give up work to look after sick children you don't always have the funds for takeaways plus hospital parking etc.

Totally different on a general ward with a 3:1 ratio

3:1? that’s a good day, try 4 or 5:1.

Our paeds wards is a 10 min walk away from the entrance, a delivery driver would absolutely not come to the ward, they would not be able to park and drop off for starters.

Plus daily parking is £££

I don't know about these days, but almost a decade ago I was expected to do feeds, change nappies, bathe and clothe my newborn son and change both of our bedding with very little help and very limited access to food, showers and sleep. The HCA would come in to do temp checks etc., nurses would pop in from time to time and every now and then a doctor would look in and change his treatment but I was alone 80% of it and exhausted to the point of hallucinating.

I had this same experience, waiting in A&e at night in a north west hospital.
There was a vending machine for hot drinks but the nurse offered everyone sandwiches, patients and carers/ parents. We'd all been there for around 6/7 hours by that time.

I was in a few weeks ago with my daughter who had an emergency op for four days and the other mum in the ward whose daughter had had a planned op consistently got offered, tea and toast every morning, coffees throughout the day and was given sandwiches at lunch and offered tea and toast at night time. I was only ever offered breakfast once and nothing else, I'm not sure if it's because my daughter was nil by mouth for a few days. Her kid was about 8 and mine was 13, so luckily I could go get my own stuff from the canteen and shop its an actual joke. Hope the pals complaint also helps.

My husband and I were left sleeping in chairs in a corridor there all night once, having been forgotten about. He had a broken foot.

Nice work, Claire.

OP this is not right. Having a baby in hospital is so stressful without being denied access to basic human needs such as toilet and food. I'm so glad Claire stepped in.

OP you have my sympathies! I’ve had dc hospitalised with similar on a few occasions. On one occasion when ds was little about 7 years ago I remember slurping the last mouthful of his weetabix in desperation! I was only there 2 days and was so hungry and tired. Like you I couldn’t leave him.
different experience with my dd earlier this year though. Think I got lucky because it was summer and so much quieter maybe. Same hospital but We had our own room and they kept offering me toast and cups of tea. And they kept bringing me biscuits, it was amazing. You can’t look afte your dc if you’re sleep deprived and starving, I really feel for you and am so glad Claire from mumsnet came to help you! What a star

My son was in hospital for a week five years ago, he was 17 at the time and on an adult ward. I remember one night he had to be transferred to another hospital so we had to wait hours for an ambulance to transport him and the nurses brought us plates of sandwiches, packets of biscuits and tea while we waited.

My mother was in the same hospital last month and we were regularly brought tea and biscuits, although that may have been due to the fact that we were there long hours as she was having end of life care. The hospital restaurant had changed a lot though in the last five years and was primarily vending machines, the on site baker’s shop was closed at weekends and WH Smiths closed at 6pm so we were restricted when it came to getting anything to eat.

@Lou670 is it totally beyond the wit of a nurse to take a mother's word that her baby hasn't eaten anything. What if the food had been gone and the mother said they baby ate it all. This could only be accurately controlled if nurses were actually feeding the baby. If they were, the op could have gone for a pee.

When I was in with dd over 20 years ago when she had bronchiolitis, despite being fed as I was bf I felt very bullied by a Dr who went on and on and on that I had to tell her how many ounces dd had drunk. I couldn't feeding was established and I had never known how many ounces dd had taken at a feed. This young woman couldn't comprehend that breasts aren't calibrated and would not accept I could not tell her how many ounces of milk dd had taken that day.

I saw her at dd's review appointment and she was shocked when I gently explained that you cannot measure ounces of breat milk and she had upset me. One does wonder what sort of training some of these people get.

3:1? that’s a good day, try 4 or 5:1.

Trust me it's 3:1. It doesn't mean each nurse is literally responsible for 3 patients, because of different grades and duties, but 3:1 is the minimum you can operate a compliant rota with.

I know about ten years ago in Birmingham children’s hospital the nursing staff had the attitude of ‘we will do everything’. So if a parent wanted to stay and bathe/feed/change nappies, fine. If not, the staff would do it. So parents were free to shower, go to the chapel, the canteen, the outside etc. plus there were kitchens for parents with microwave, kettle etc. This experience the OP is having sounds very poor. If you have the energy later on, please make a complaint. Often, it’s the only way things will ever change.

Trust me it's 3:1. It doesn't mean each nurse is literally responsible for 3 patients, because of different grades and duties, but 3:1 is the minimum you can operate a compliant rota with

I’m a nurse. 3:1 is a nice day.

Is Claire still on this thread?what a superstar.your kindness is so wonderful.

Op my relative had deliveroo.they came to the ward door.

I’m so sorry OP 😭

The NHS is broken indeed. If I was near I’d come myself but I am very far.

I did have a relative in a similar situation and they had to hire a babysitter to come into the hospital and sit with the toddler so the mum could wash and find food. Might that be an option? I know you shouldn’t have to.

I hope your child recovers soon xx

Some hospital care is just really really shit.

Claire - thanks, you are a total star.

I empathise OP.
My youngest has had various hospital stays. When it's planned, it's okish as I take in food supplies for me. But the times it's been an emergency and gone onto the ward and he's on various machines it's really hard to go for a wee never mind find food. I naively once asked a nurse if they'd mind if I went to the cafeteria to buy a sandwich (not eaten since the previous morning, had no sleep). Was told "no, I needed to be there for my child, they couldn't 'babysit'".
Felt throughly told off.

Never seen a a tea trolley...

But when we'd ended up in a hospital from another Trust whilst on holiday, the staff would send the parents who stayed over, to get a shower in the morning and then cereal in a kitchenette area.