How long am I expected to go without food?

[chappysays]

DD (10 months) has been in hospital for 4 days now

I asked to go for a wee on the first night she came in, the nurse I pulled to the side to ask if someone could watch her said 'I'll be honest, no. We are so busy right now, really short staffed'

So I waited another hour and asked again. The nurse who was administering her meds said okay but she only had a few minutes. I did a quick wee and ran back

Second and third night, nobody to watch her whilst I run to get something to eat. Second night there I ate DD's dinner (she isn't eating much at all right now because of her breathing, and didn't want it).

I got a telling off because apparently they need to monitor what DD eats. I said but I can tell you she wouldn't even have a mouthful. The nurse said 'yes and now you've had the lot, I can't tell what she'd had to put in her notes'

It is now the 4th day here and apart from me sneaking bits and bobs, I've had nothing. I am exhausted, haven't slept much and hungry. I need a change of clothes

Nobody to drop anything down to me. It's just awful

How long can I really be expected to go without? DD is presenting as energetic and happy, it's just her breathing but you wouldn't know to look at her. They call it 'happy wheezing'

So it's even more exhausting because she's acting normally and not like an unwell baby. So you have to constantly be on guard as it's a hard cot with bars and she keeps throwing herself backwards whilst trying to stand

When I was in with my ten week old I was fed. But I was breastfeeding so still only one patient needing food. I just had to pick my moments to use the loo etc.

Hi OP. This is unfortunately how it is. My Dd has had around 200 hospital admissions so far. You have to be a bit pushy, which is difficult if you've not been in these circumstances before.
I now just say "I need to go to the shop, when would be a good time?" to our nurse that day. They always find a slot. Not to sit with my child necessarily but to be aware they're alone for a bit. When I do go I buy about 3 days worth of stuff in case I don't make it down there again. You can also befriend other parents and do favours for each other. You can in most cases take your child to the shop with you if you want to, there are portable sats monitors and often they'll say your child is fine to be off it for a bit anyway.
Tomorrow ask if the play specialist can come and play with your child for a bit? Sitting outside for a while with a coffee or having a shower is life changing in these circumstances! Hope you can go home soon.

Presume OP is in a single room hence why she can't leave her child.
Why not ask to be moved into a bay where her dc can be better observed unless of course the child needs isolating.

"So it's even more exhausting because she's acting normally and not like an unwell baby. So you have to constantly be on guard as it's a hard cot with bars and she keeps throwing herself backwards whilst trying to stand"

This is the bit of the OP that many people seem to be missing. It would only take a second for the child to get a head injury. So not really safe if a nurse is only able to keep and eye from a distance.

When DS was in hospital for 4 nights I was in with him as breast feeding, but I could leave him briefly as he was only 4 months old. Had he been 10 months old I would have been in exactly the same position as OP if I had nobody to help and the staff wouldn't help either.

I just wanted to update

I went for a shower this morning and had another mumsnetter local to Dunstable bring me some leggings and a top she didn't want anymore, she was unable to sit with DD because she was with her 4!! DC. She was amazing, thank you Sarita! We are now in touch to go for a play date when I leave

DD was transferred to Great Ormond street this afternoon and since I have had -

Accommodation provided for me, with a bed and en suite

Nurses insisting I go and have a sleep, and a bath! In the en suite I've got. They even asked if I needed anything. I said I've got money it's just finding somewhere to spend it for what I need. I was handed a wash pack with more wash bits, and things like instant noodles and cans of drink! A little diary to write down notes about DD. I didn't have anymore clothes and there's a little washing machine with powder and softener to the side (it's like a shared flat type thing)

I simply have to hand the key back at the end of DD's stay.

Thanks to all the amazing people who donate to these places, you're angels. It's because of donations there's accommodation for me

I have since been able to wash properly, go for a walk for fresh air and even pop into Waitrose near the hospital

I am so happy for you that the situation has improved and wish you and your family all the best.

If you have the energy to at some point, it might be worth a formal complaint to the Dunstable hospital and/or involving your MP

When I complained to PALS yesterday, nobody said anything when I asked for a shower this morning and for someone to sit with DD

But, that was that. I was given awful looks, and one nurse who was newly on shift looked at her colleague as if to say 'am I missing something? What's she done?'

Before DD was transferred, the nurse at hand over to the crew said 'bye then, hope we don't see you again!'

It was a really weird tone and definitely meant to be a dig

So glad to hear you are now being looked after OP. I hope you get some rest and your little one recovers soon.

I always say “in the nicest way, I hope we don’t see you again” when leaving hospital with DS. Nobody wants their child or any child to be seriously unwell in hospital. She might of been having a dig, equally she might of been saying bye.

I am glad you are in a better place but I hope your DD is doing well.

I totally believed your description of what was happening in L&D, not that I have experience of that hospital, but I have a child with disabilities and have been on many wards in different hospitals and the culture and care can vary enormously! I’m always amazed by the solipsism of posters incredulous because with their different child, with different symptoms, on a different ward at a different time they were able to at least go the loo/ visit the canteen/ get Uber deliveries….

If you can possibly summon the energy once your DD recovers, so make a formal complaint. Wards can’t magic more staff, but a kind word or expression of regret or apology can be done without pausing in whatever task they are doing in the vicinity. The Trust needs an acceptable and well communicated protocol for what support there is for lone carers in like situations. If their expectation is that they remain 24 hours by the bedside of their child without food or washing for the duration of the stay then it should be in writing.

@chappysays

You poor thing how exhausting. You did well to struggle on for that long. What would have happened if you had become ill? Would that loss of you stretched nursing capacity?

It's unbelievable and an own goal to be so incredibly short sighted and unhelpful.
How dare they critise a starving worried mother.
I've rushed DD twice and neither time was able to take everything with me that I needed. I was lucky my DH brought me food and clothes but if it wasn't for him I would have been stranded. However our nurses were lovely and I'm sure wouldn't have left me without food!

However I'm not as tolerant as you.
I also witnessed staff bullying on the ward and heard shouting.

I really hope she's getting better 💐

Yy light drizzle.

Add in...no loo breaks as well

Thing is, it’s a children’s ward. This happens ALL the time. Staff must see it yet, for me anyway, the reaction re: going to the loo, going to try and get some food was like I was the first human ever to have needed to do either! I felt like I was being a bit precious and irresponsible. I’ve experienced this in other realms of medicine too. I remember post c section before the spinal block wore off asking for help with a maternity pad. The nurse looked at me like I was disgusting for asking for help with such a dirty thing. It was a maternity ward. I also remember asking about incontinence pads for my poor DH who had just received a terminal diagnosis. You’d think I’d just gone in to Tiffany’s and asked to dispose of a soiled tampon.

@Soreztee .
It's not good enough is it.

Glad youve had here from here and now hel pat the new hospital @chappysays . Also hope the transfer doesn't mean things have got too much worse and that you'll be home for Xmas

@Soreztee agree completely

I was told there was no way post birth that they could let me bring in maternity pads from home, they had to be hospital provided and doled out one by one - I would need to wander around and flag someone down in the post natal ward to ask each time. Even though I had stitches and walking wasn't very comfortable.

Another time no one would help me with sterilising my breast pumps and bottles and I had had no sleep so they handed me a leaflet about postnatal depression and told me they were worried about me not coping. I would have coped fine with SOME help!

I hope your dd feels better soon, @chappysays, and I’m glad that GOSH are looking after you too. You’ve had a really rough time of it.

I spent 3,months in Alder Hey with my youngest child so I know exactly what it is like, thank you.

And that was YOUR experience. It’s not difficult to realise that many trusts do things differently especially when they’re short staffed. Telling the OP there’s no need for her to be a victim is unhelpful and not true at all.

So happy you’re in a different hospital and I’m sure you’ll have a much better experience. Hope your DD recovers soon

@MusicstillonMTV yeah. Write to your hopefully tory MP who may well be prompted into pushing the government into doing something about staffing and working conditions on the wards.

This sounds so third world, I'm shocked. But then no one is allowed to criticise the sainted NHS in this country.

I actually remember back in the day when I was in Birmingham Children’s Hospital my uncle wanted to sneak me in a McDonald’s because I’d not been able to eat anything vaguely palatable they had served up in weeks and actually McDonald’s, take aways home-cooked, food etc wasn’t allowed on the ward because it wasn’t deemed to be nutritionally controlled or monitor to the standard They required for the children to eat whilst they were in hospital. Too much salt, for example.

Who knew that was the Golden era?

Thank god you’re getting the help and care you need @chappysays at GOSH and from the other MNer.

I’ve posted before here on this thread but it’s disgusting you weren’t even offered tea and toast at one point! What on earth was that nurse on to make a mean dig at you like that? Really angers me someone could be so unfeeling.

It’s made me want to look into what’s on offer generally. My local hospital is May Day (there’s also King’s College and St George’s nearby but May Day is the nearest). The good thing about all these is they are fairly near to shops (MD’s nearest proper shops are on the London Road). I just think it’s disgusting to leave a mother (or father) who doesn’t have family/friends on hand with no access to food or clean clothes/washing facilities.

@Justthisonce12 - my DM and my DB when younger in various hospitals didn’t want to eat the hospital food and luckily the hospitals allowed the family to make dinners and bring them in. I recall my DM not being happy with the breakfasts and lunches on offer, we tried to bring in what we could there too. Thank god I haven’t been in hospital myself lately.

I agree that staffing levels are an issue but sometimes the issue is mean and uncaring staff and it's ok to complain about that too.

I have seen a nurse ignore a crying baby on the ward to sit and look at a screen. I know some on here will say that must have been urgent paperwork.. but I know she just couldn't be arsed.

Not every nurse is a blameless saint.

I have btw sent in glowing emails about great NHS staff but I won't hold off complaints