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Original poster

How long am I expected to go without food?

538 replies

chappysays · 10/12/2022 12:39

DD (10 months) has been in hospital for 4 days now

I asked to go for a wee on the first night she came in, the nurse I pulled to the side to ask if someone could watch her said 'I'll be honest, no. We are so busy right now, really short staffed'

So I waited another hour and asked again. The nurse who was administering her meds said okay but she only had a few minutes. I did a quick wee and ran back Sad

Second and third night, nobody to watch her whilst I run to get something to eat. Second night there I ate DD's dinner (she isn't eating much at all right now because of her breathing, and didn't want it).

I got a telling off because apparently they need to monitor what DD eats. I said but I can tell you she wouldn't even have a mouthful. The nurse said 'yes and now you've had the lot, I can't tell what she'd had to put in her notes'

It is now the 4th day here and apart from me sneaking bits and bobs, I've had nothing. I am exhausted, haven't slept much and hungry. I need a change of clothes

Nobody to drop anything down to me. It's just awful

How long can I really be expected to go without? DD is presenting as energetic and happy, it's just her breathing but you wouldn't know to look at her. They call it 'happy wheezing'

So it's even more exhausting because she's acting normally and not like an unwell baby. So you have to constantly be on guard as it's a hard cot with bars and she keeps throwing herself backwards whilst trying to stand Envy

OP posts:
goldfishthecracker · 10/12/2022 23:42

I've had a disciplinary meeting about feeding parents before. I was told categorically not to, the patient was dying and I ordered her a meal so her parents could eat. I was given a written warning and told any more and I'd be sacked.. this was Manchester children's hospital

No compassion at all.

I quit. The meals come out of the ward budget and feeding parents would get expensive I get that but it's hard not to feel for them.

Babooshka1991 · 10/12/2022 23:42

Deliveroo? Neighbour or colleague if you've no family or close friends who can help?

tothelefttotheleft · 10/12/2022 23:46

Soreztee · 10/12/2022 14:36

@Firstbornunicorn I was lol at ordering in too! The hospital I was in was rural - no delivery company was going there with or without hospital permission. And if the OP is begrudged a wee, how does she coordinate picking up a pizza delivery? Special request to toss it up to second window along on the third floor? When I was in with my baby I was actually sorry for the staff too- the services were inadequate for them as well.

Also not everyone can afford to order food.

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Families
Lapland123 · 10/12/2022 23:47

I had similar many years ago with my youngest ( not in U.K.). Like I was expected to be a robot who didn’t have any needs. I was going crazy with no rest, no food, drink. When my husband got there ( flew in), and wanted to let me away to shower/ eat/ sleep, they said no, I needed to wait to give accurate info at ward round

we are both doctors and could have managed a handover between us 🤨

what about going on local Facebook page and saying what you need, I would help anyone local in this situation.

PutinSmellsPassItOn · 11/12/2022 00:02

My sister has been a carer for my niece who has disabilities for years, she spends a lot of time in hospital. The food situation is so bad she keeps a bag of food and snacks (( things like cereal bars, pot noodles, tinned spaghetti bol, rice pudding etc )) so she can at least go to the day room when her dd is asleep and get food. If none of us can get up to help she can go all day without food or with just cold, tinned spaghetti bolognaise eaten straight from the tin.

To add insult to injury she has permanent nerve damage from spending weeks sleeping in a chair, she doesn't even get a bed. And no, she can't just go and leave her, and in all honesty the nursing staff can't be trusted to care for her properly......I know the NHS is stretched, but people like the OP and other carers are there to take the strain. They're doing a lot of care and that should be supported. Even if that's just by having the option to buy a meal from the trolley.

animalcrack · 11/12/2022 00:18

@Lapland123 I'm so confused by the fact that the staff wanted your husband and you to wait til handover to swap.. that makes no sense at all! I don't care when parents swap over, I'll give a run down of what the plan is whenever. However I also tell the hcas on my ward to over order on the sandwiches and cold things so we can give them to parents.

I hate the attitude of parents are here to care for the children. I mean yes they are but also the child is unwell and the parents are worried, it's no skin off my nose to send my student or a hca into the room to take over for a bit whilst the parents get a shower, a hot meal or some sleep. 9/10 the child doesn't want to do much other than watch a film.

I have had a couple of kids who were left overnight for weeks by parents now that is hard. One didn't have any family in at all until the ward Manager had a word.

MoreSleepPleasee · 11/12/2022 01:05

When my son had an operation and I stayed in hospital with him they had a fridge and microwave where parents helped themselves to ready made meals. They suplied toast and spreads for our breakfast too aswell as hot drinks and juices. I only found out about it on day 2 that we were there though when I see other parents keep going in to this room and asked a nurse about it. They forgot to tell me/assumed I knew.

ElizabethBest · 11/12/2022 01:36

what’s she SAT-ing at? If she’s maintaining good levels then just tell the nurses you’re taking her down to the shop for a change of scenery, and I plug the sensor lead then carry her down with you. If it’s the kind that’s attached to her toe and then bandaged on, I’d leave the sensor and undo the wire as they’re a PITA to get contact on if you take the sensor itself off her foot.

PyongyangKipperbang · 11/12/2022 01:44

I have ED related hypoglyceamia.......I can cheerfully go without food but my body can't and they would then have two patients to look after. Same for anyone with diabetes, MH issues.....so short sighted. A parent who isnt being looked after cant look after their child!

My eldest is 32 now but when he was 10 he had an op to help his cerebal palsy, I was given a room in their parents wing. It had a folder of info and one of the pages said "You are not sitting with your child every minute of every day at home, you sleep, you eat and sometimes you have a night off. There is a pub over the road that does good food and where you can relax for a couple of hours, your child is safe with us".

I suspect that it was written because they had a childrens Oncology ward, so a lot of the young people there were in for long treatments, but it was nice to know that the parents were thought about too. I dont think for a second that they were saying "GO!! Get bladdered!" but they understood that self care for the parent is just as important as medical care for the child.

Derby Hospital by the way....the pub is The Mallard.

Cakeandcoffee93 · 11/12/2022 02:09

Glad someone looked after you! And screw those insulting you for reaching out. I feel like your me damned if you do and damned if you don’t to a lot of people commenting.
glad baby is on the mend and you are nourished! Nothing worse feeling stranded on a ward- they should look after mums too especially when they are on their own as we are what our babies need to stay strong.

Redsquirrel5 · 11/12/2022 02:35

OP not sure if you have gone home yet but if not ask to speak to the hospital Chaplin. There is often more than one and also should be some volunteers. They should be able to arrange to bring you some food and toiletries.
A lady in our village is one and also a friend in the choir is a volunteer to the Chaplin and goes around several wards to visit people that have no visitors and takes them books etc. They would both be horrified to know this can happen. Not in the same area as I would contact them or bring something for you myself. We are in the north.

It is difficult but they should be letting you go and get a sandwich at least. Is there no Nursery Nurse/ Play Assistant on that could watch her for the short time. I would be blunt with them and say ‘I have had no food for four days.’ As they may not realise that no one on other shifts has let you go either.
I hope your daughter is well enough to go home soon.

ThaliaLuxurySpa · 11/12/2022 02:43

Well done, Claire. Kindness personified. Star

OP, sending strength and well wishes to your daughter, and to you.

MrsThimbles · 11/12/2022 03:26

knock yourselves out tell me I’m a bad un. Pantomime boo when I post

We knew you were attention seeking but someone should have told you years ago that not all attention is good attention.

BarrelOfOtters · 11/12/2022 05:30

I’ve been at Luton and Dunstable with adult v sick step son. Truly dreadful place and compared to addenbrookes, well you can’t compare. Nothing against the staff but poorly run and staff worked off their feet. They don’t look after non patients because they just can’t. I can well believe this.

kateandme · 11/12/2022 05:41

tothelefttotheleft · 10/12/2022 23:46

Also not everyone can afford to order food.

Show quote history

Tbf to this suggestion.lots of delivery come right to the ward door.and delivery is no longer just "pizza" it can be any kind of groceries. At match price sometimes now too.

Creativecake · 11/12/2022 06:23

It’s a sorry state of affairs when the carer of a sick child can’t be fed. I appreciate the budgets are stretched but this is so lacking in compassion.

i experienced this when my DS was in for obs via an emergency admission. They wouldn’t feed me but wouldn’t let me leave his side as I had to wait for consultant. In the end another patient’s parent took pity on me and went to the shops for me.

RambamThankyouMam · 11/12/2022 06:43

Surely if the baby can't be left alone for even 29 minutes, she should be in intensive care not a regular ward.

Londonnight · 11/12/2022 06:53

Glad you got sorted OP. I have been in the same situation a few years ago with my son. I am a single parent, no family nearby, his dad lives 300 miles away [ and as much use as a chocolate tea pot anyway]. Not everyone has someone there to help.
Hospital was 45 miles away from where I was living as it was the one that had the paediatric dept. we needed, which local hospital didn't..
It is really difficult being on a children's ward. There was a parent kitchen which supplied tea and coffee and sometimes fruit. I was lucky in that my son was old enough to be left for a little bit so I could access the hospital cafe to get something to eat and shower. It is also really expensive eating at a hospital and the food often isn't great.

Wishing you and your little one well, I hope you get home soon.

Yerroblemom1923 · 11/12/2022 06:54

@Winterfires this happened to me. I was in hospital with my baby (both of us poorly), I had no idea of hospital protocol so had to wait for husband to visit before I could go to the loo. Wet myself twice. Mortifying. I stopped drinking fluids in the end. Great start to breastfeeding when you daren't even hydrate yourself.

C152 · 11/12/2022 07:13

I feel for you OP. Out of the last 6 weeks, I've spent 4 of them in hospital with my son, at 3 different hospitals. One of them provided lunch and dinner for the parent staying with their child 24/7; the other two (both large, specialist children's hospitals where many kids will be in for long, painful treatments) did not. Nor was there anyone available to care for your child if you needed to step out. And deliveries of any type were not accepted anywhere on hospital grounds. So despite the suggestions of those who mean well, sometimes one is well and truly stuffed!

I'm so very glad someone was able to help you in the end. X

C152 · 11/12/2022 07:16

RambamThankyouMam · 11/12/2022 06:43

Surely if the baby can't be left alone for even 29 minutes, she should be in intensive care not a regular ward.

Only the very sickest (as in on deathbed or just come out of major, life changing/threatening surgery) children get a coveted space in HDU or critical care. There simply isn't space - or staff - to care for all the children who need to be in HDU or critical care.

Anyonebut · 11/12/2022 07:39

Glad you managed to get something and hopefully PALS will sort it out for you.

I m not in the UK but had a similar experience when DD was a toddler because the cot stretchers are not fit for purpose and already once dd plunged out head first and I caught her half an inch from the floor, so I could only leave her at all when DH came for a bit and we swapped kids so I could eat something (my eldest was 3 so technically not allowed to get in the ward, so had we followed the rules to the letter I would have had no food at all).

On the other hand, when dd was admitted and had Covid I was given full meals, same as the patients, because we were not allowed to leave the room, not sure where they thought the previous poster in that situation was going to magic up
food from.

ilikethatname · 11/12/2022 07:45

Dear @chappysays

I hope your baby gets better very soon. I’m so sorry you’ve had to deal with such a useless policy and nurses.

Thank you Claire of mumsnet what a superstar!

Walkaround · 11/12/2022 07:50

goldfishthecracker · 10/12/2022 23:42

I've had a disciplinary meeting about feeding parents before. I was told categorically not to, the patient was dying and I ordered her a meal so her parents could eat. I was given a written warning and told any more and I'd be sacked.. this was Manchester children's hospital

No compassion at all.

I quit. The meals come out of the ward budget and feeding parents would get expensive I get that but it's hard not to feel for them.

If parents are required by the staff to stay at all times with their sick child, then they are being treated as a member of staff, not a parent who is getting in the way of the nurses. Which is cheaper - feeding the parent, or paying for more actual staff so that the hospital can care properly for the sick baby? It’s not like the mother’s presence is being tolerated in this case, it is obligatory, apparently, to safeguard the child, as the hospital is incapable of fulfilling that duty of care by itself.

Justthisonce12 · 11/12/2022 07:58

Walkaround · 11/12/2022 07:50

If parents are required by the staff to stay at all times with their sick child, then they are being treated as a member of staff, not a parent who is getting in the way of the nurses. Which is cheaper - feeding the parent, or paying for more actual staff so that the hospital can care properly for the sick baby? It’s not like the mother’s presence is being tolerated in this case, it is obligatory, apparently, to safeguard the child, as the hospital is incapable of fulfilling that duty of care by itself.

Show quote history

“They” dont care. The NHS is fucked