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Original poster

To feel like a criminal for owning this-what to do ethically?

243 replies

Necklaceowner · 07/12/2022 22:55

Name changed obviously!

My ex gave me a diamond necklace and bracelet set while we were dating. We've been split for roughly five years and it was given to me early on in the relationship so quite a long time ago now.

I found out about my ex's chequered past in a 'drip feed' while dating them.

I have recently learned that this jewelry was obtained via a house burglary.

It's not worth mega but enough, roughly about £800 second hand.

I guess I've absolutely no chance of finding its rightful owner-ex can't even remember which burglary it was nor which town it was in although not many to choose from.

I absolutely love it, I only ever wore it on occasion as It's rather 'blingy'.

A friend has suggested I put it up on various local FB pages explaining how I obtained it and asking if anyone had it stolen but this seems that it still could end up with someone who hadn't ever owned it, and could open a can of worms for me/my abusive ex.

What would you do?

Perhaps sell and give the money to a charity that supports victims of similar crimes?

OP posts:
Stravaig · 08/12/2022 22:59

@Necklaceowner Which is why I wrote 'all the information you can' not 'all the information you have'. As ex-police, you have the experience and connections to follow the obvious and ethical course of action whilst also ensuring your own safety. Which you now seem to have realised. I'm glad we could all help.

Jijithecat · 08/12/2022 23:02

Necklaceowner · 08/12/2022 22:56

And why is it in any way required or related to this post?

Is this meant to be a response to my query regarding the timing of your relationship and your employment?

I'm interested from a vetting perspective.

Greenshake · 08/12/2022 23:04

grapehyacinthisactuallyblue · 08/12/2022 10:42

People are so out of touch with reality

I don't think that's the point. I feel very disappointed to learn that someone who once worked for police has no moral.
It really doesn't matter if the police find the owner or not. The action as a person determines who they are. So knowingly keeping something that doesn't belong to you says a lot about that person.
But reading this thread, it's a reality that there are people who think like you. That's even more depressing.

Having read the latest updates on this post, I could not agree more.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Clothing
Original poster
Necklaceowner · 08/12/2022 23:07

Jijithecat · 08/12/2022 23:02

Is this meant to be a response to my query regarding the timing of your relationship and your employment?

I'm interested from a vetting perspective.

Show quote history

I do not require any 'vetting' from an unknown mn user, thank you. I am no longer in any way associated with any law enforcement agency, I am very loosely in contact with my ex, and a job I used to do is not something I want to disclose here. I have divulged that I was not an officer (nor a cleaner). I have detailed that I dated someone without knowing things about them (not a crime, nor very unusual).

OP posts:
DorotheaDiamond · 08/12/2022 23:10

Could you not just say you found it in the street and hand it in? Not go into the back story?

Greenshake · 08/12/2022 23:14

GreenLunchBox · 08/12/2022 12:32

LOL..Expressing dissatisfaction with the police is 'antipolice agenda'
Ok, Suella 😂

Show quote history

Sorry to disappoint but you are wrong again 🙂

Jijithecat · 08/12/2022 23:14

Very defensive tonight aren't you.

I was merely interested in the timing because any new relationship should be declared to vetting, but then of course you'd know that.

Presuming you're in the UK there's something like 50 forces, each employing thousands of people, some of whom only stay a few months so not particularly outing. This is like when Mumsnetters decline to reveal their DP's hobby as it's too outing and it turns out to be cycling or golf.

grapehyacinthisactuallyblue · 08/12/2022 23:15

Op, your title is the answer. Yes, keeping something you know that was stolen is criminal behaviour, isn't it, so it's right for you to feel so. But what to do is up to what kind of person you are. It's obvious from replies, most people think you should hand it over to police. But there are some who say just keep it/sell it/whatever.
Do what you want, you've got enough answers, you will never get unanimous just keep it comments.

Original poster
Necklaceowner · 08/12/2022 23:18

Jijithecat · 08/12/2022 23:14

Very defensive tonight aren't you.

I was merely interested in the timing because any new relationship should be declared to vetting, but then of course you'd know that.

Presuming you're in the UK there's something like 50 forces, each employing thousands of people, some of whom only stay a few months so not particularly outing. This is like when Mumsnetters decline to reveal their DP's hobby as it's too outing and it turns out to be cycling or golf.

Not at all. It's more in case someone who knows me and recognises other details, rather than thinking someone would pick a random police career and assume It's me, if that makes sense. And yes, I do know that. :)

OP posts:
CatsFreakingMeOut · 08/12/2022 23:27

Of course burglars break into houses that have dogs
Sometimes they steal the dogs, sometimes they lock the dogs in a bedroom, sometimes they even attack the poor dog
All of the above has happened in local burglaries near me in the last few years....

Jijithecat · 08/12/2022 23:30

So on the slim chance that this is genuine, you hand the necklace into the police. You don't have to provide them with any details about yourself. Your part in this is then done.
On the even slimmer chance that your ex were to find out the police were in possession of the necklace you tell him you were burgled.

However if details in this thread are really that outing and you are concerned you should ask Mumsnet for deletion.

Original poster
Necklaceowner · 08/12/2022 23:33

Another one thinking I have so little going on in my life that I decided to make this up! Honestly it fascinates me. Grin. Anyway, I've said what I've done and will act accordingly. Thank you again for people's help :)

OP posts:
Jijithecat · 08/12/2022 23:51

You start a name change thread on an inflammatory subject late at night when there's far less traffic so the thread stands out more, post a few times over an hour or so, then disappear for 24 hours and then wonder why people are suspicious about it.
You could be entirely genuine but you can't blame people for wondering.

Original poster
Necklaceowner · 09/12/2022 00:06

I was asleep and then at work. I do apologise. I also didn't (stupidly, admittedly) realise how inflammatory it would be. I post when I get chance, not when I think others will expect it-if anything I'd have got more traffic had I posted much earlier.

OP posts:
Furries · 09/12/2022 00:31

Bloody hell - if nothing else, I’m impressed that you took the time to tag and reply to so many posts.

Be careful when wearing the jewellery - those clasps can be a bugger for getting caught up in little hairs.

HollyDollyChristmas · 09/12/2022 20:09

GelPens1 · 08/12/2022 11:03

@Necklaceowner you received the necklace over 5 years ago. You’re not sure if it was stolen. If it was stolen then the owner probably had insurance. I would be wary about taking it to the police. You’ve been the owner of it for many years and it’ll look dodgy if you suddenly hand it in. Don’t sell it though, just in case.

If the insurance have paid out the necklace now would legally be theirs so it isn’t the OP’s property.
If the owner didn’t have insurance to claim off, the item isn’t the OP’s property.
Better to look dodgy handing it in than being dodgy keeping something that you know was stolen.

Neea1945 · 10/12/2022 20:07

I can't work out of this is just a really bad joke or fake post....
so you are asking what to do about a beautiful diamond necklace you've been given that came from a burglary?? Any decent person wouldn't hesitate about going into a police station and explaining the situation and handing it over. The fact you are having to ask what to do on mumsnet or even worse contemplating Facebook is beyond me!

cobden28 · 10/12/2022 20:19

Necklaceowner · 07/12/2022 22:55

Name changed obviously!

My ex gave me a diamond necklace and bracelet set while we were dating. We've been split for roughly five years and it was given to me early on in the relationship so quite a long time ago now.

I found out about my ex's chequered past in a 'drip feed' while dating them.

I have recently learned that this jewelry was obtained via a house burglary.

It's not worth mega but enough, roughly about £800 second hand.

I guess I've absolutely no chance of finding its rightful owner-ex can't even remember which burglary it was nor which town it was in although not many to choose from.

I absolutely love it, I only ever wore it on occasion as It's rather 'blingy'.

A friend has suggested I put it up on various local FB pages explaining how I obtained it and asking if anyone had it stolen but this seems that it still could end up with someone who hadn't ever owned it, and could open a can of worms for me/my abusive ex.

What would you do?

Perhaps sell and give the money to a charity that supports victims of similar crimes?

Report it to the police, of course! Explain how the jewelry came to be in your posession - tell the police who gave you the jewelry, so that you don't get charged in connection with the house buglary.. You don't want to get done for receiving stolen goods, do you?

Rainraindontgoaway · 10/12/2022 20:25

Just take it to the nearest police station for ffs, I can’t believe that you needed to ask this from a bunch of strangers. Do you not have morals or integrity?

Pliudev · 10/12/2022 21:07

OP you seem to be getting a lot of comments from people who don't or can't see the difficult situation you are in. From what I understand, you have reason to be afraid for your own safety if your ex. was investigated in connection with the theft of the necklace. I also understand that you no longer want it in your possession. What about gifting it anonymously to a charity shop? I'm thinking post it through a letter box. Charities must try to find the value of donations and if they do, chances are it may be identified as stolen property and will be handed to the police. If not, the charity will profit. Either way your conscience will be clear and you need fear no repercussions.

misssunshine4040 · 10/12/2022 21:38

@cobden28 yes absolutely do this and then face the potential life threatening repercussions from her abusive serious criminal ex!
What a great idea! Why didn't anyone else think of first?

Gemcat1 · 10/12/2022 21:52

The chances are that the jewellery will have been reported as the original owner most certainly have had other pieces and they would have been stolen too. You can't keep them if they are stolen so the correct thing to do is to hand them to the police. The police will do whatever they need to do with the jewellery, that would no longer be down to you.

DonnaB5859 · 10/12/2022 23:27

Give it to the police and let them figure out who owns it. You would never feel right wearing it, I am sure.

LoisLane66 · 11/12/2022 00:33

You're still in contact with your ex, albeit 'loosely' according to your posts. Why keep in touch with a criminal and more to the point, someone whose criminal past has included much more than robbery?

LBFseBrom · 11/12/2022 01:36

DonnaB5859 · Yesterday 23:27
Give it to the police and let them figure out who owns it. You would never feel right wearing it, I am sure.
........
She could wear it indoors when she is alone, looking in the mirror and fantasising about being a gangster's moll, like Helen Mirren in 'The Long Good Friday'.

(Pay no attention to me, I'm old.)