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Original poster

To feel like a criminal for owning this-what to do ethically?

243 replies

Necklaceowner · 07/12/2022 22:55

Name changed obviously!

My ex gave me a diamond necklace and bracelet set while we were dating. We've been split for roughly five years and it was given to me early on in the relationship so quite a long time ago now.

I found out about my ex's chequered past in a 'drip feed' while dating them.

I have recently learned that this jewelry was obtained via a house burglary.

It's not worth mega but enough, roughly about £800 second hand.

I guess I've absolutely no chance of finding its rightful owner-ex can't even remember which burglary it was nor which town it was in although not many to choose from.

I absolutely love it, I only ever wore it on occasion as It's rather 'blingy'.

A friend has suggested I put it up on various local FB pages explaining how I obtained it and asking if anyone had it stolen but this seems that it still could end up with someone who hadn't ever owned it, and could open a can of worms for me/my abusive ex.

What would you do?

Perhaps sell and give the money to a charity that supports victims of similar crimes?

OP posts:
PearlAlice · 08/12/2022 10:17

Hand it in to the police. I wouldn't want to keep anything from an abusive ex, stolen or not, as jewellery is a very meaningful thing, and it would instantly lose all positive meaning and memories once the link with a burgling ex is there. I absolutely loved my engagement ring, it's beautiful, but once I decided my marriage was over I took it off and put it away and haven't looked at it. It's physically beautiful to look at, but I feel sick at the thought of it. Wash your hands of the necklace and you'll be free!!!

OhIdoLike2bBesideTheSeaside · 08/12/2022 10:18

Oioicaptain · 07/12/2022 22:56

You report it to the police of course and hand it over.

This exactly!!!!! It could be someone's treasured item from a loved one - I'm surprised you have to ask

TiAmoTiAmo · 08/12/2022 10:18

Cancelledtwiceover · 08/12/2022 10:16

Donate it anonymously to a charity shop. They will probably have to check it out with police before they can sell.
If it's on a police database it will get returned to rightful owner, if no one claims it the charity gets to keep it.

The charity shop will have CCTV how can she donate it anonymously?

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Clothing
Suffrajitsu · 08/12/2022 10:19

Does your ex at least know the area where he stole it? That would lead you to the police station to whom the theft would have been reported. They may well investigate, not least because they'll be able to get another burglary off their books and boost their clear-up rate with relatively little effort.

lanthanum · 08/12/2022 10:19

Take it to the police. It will have been reported stolen. It might be of great sentimental as well as monetary value to the owner.
Posting on FB could be risky - if those involved in the burglary see it, they're not going to be best pleased at the potential for them being traced.

Cancelledtwiceover · 08/12/2022 10:20

The charity shop will have CCTV how can she donate it anonymous

Shove it through the letter box late at night.

girlmom21 · 08/12/2022 10:21

Cancelledtwiceover · 08/12/2022 10:20

The charity shop will have CCTV how can she donate it anonymous

Shove it through the letter box late at night.

It's still stolen

bandage · 08/12/2022 10:21

saraclara · 08/12/2022 00:50

OP and this guy split five years ago. And he gave it to her in the early days of their relationship.
Anyone thinking that the police, with the pressure they're under and their lack of donuts, will do anything at all regarding this items provenance, maybe ten years after the fact, is kidding themselves. Especially when OP doesn't know which force would be involved.

She wouldn't have posted if she was happy to keep it, ffs, so I don't know why so many people are attacking her as if she was the one who stole it. She's only just found it out that it was stolen!

OP, in your situation I think I'd sell it and give the proceeds to charity. Either one dear to me, or to Victim Support.

This!!

Ignore the posters who are giving you a bashing. Some people on here are SO desperate to always blame the OP it's actually quite sad 😂

You didn't steal it
You didn't know at the time
With the police cuts and the fact they hardly have time to attend a lot of crimes / burglaries (my parents car got stolen, with potential sightings, and all they did was give a crime reference number and told them to get on with their day) they're not going to be arsed about a necklace that was stolen from somewhere random in the U.K. 5 years ago. People are so out of touch with reality 😂

OP it's not your problem. You didn't steal it. I wouldn't poke the bear. Plus if it eventually gets back to the rightful owner (needle in a haystack) they've probably claimed on insurance and would then have to pay that back for a tainted piece of jewellery that got stolen all those years ago.

Ignore the busy twats on this thread.

LuciferRising · 08/12/2022 10:23

Oysterbabe · 08/12/2022 09:56

If you don't hand them to the police then you are no better than your ex.

Don't be daft. You can't compare her to a burglar.

Cancelledtwiceover · 08/12/2022 10:27

It's still stolen

Erm... I know. I can read too.

Jijithecat · 08/12/2022 10:27

RopeyOldBird · 08/12/2022 10:16

Err, so you're former police staff with 12 years experience with an ex who is, or was, part of a criminal network and thieved their stolen goods some of which you're knowingly in possession of now, and have done nothing so far because you've gone all sentimental?

Righto.

My thoughts entirely.

I can't wait to hear what job they did in the force or why they left.

grapehyacinthisactuallyblue · 08/12/2022 10:42

People are so out of touch with reality

I don't think that's the point. I feel very disappointed to learn that someone who once worked for police has no moral.
It really doesn't matter if the police find the owner or not. The action as a person determines who they are. So knowingly keeping something that doesn't belong to you says a lot about that person.
But reading this thread, it's a reality that there are people who think like you. That's even more depressing.

GelPens1 · 08/12/2022 11:03

@Necklaceowner you received the necklace over 5 years ago. You’re not sure if it was stolen. If it was stolen then the owner probably had insurance. I would be wary about taking it to the police. You’ve been the owner of it for many years and it’ll look dodgy if you suddenly hand it in. Don’t sell it though, just in case.

CitizenofMoronia · 08/12/2022 11:06

put it in an envelope and post it to the nearest police station, if anyone ever asks. IT WAS STOLEN

CitizenofMoronia · 08/12/2022 11:07

Jijithecat · 08/12/2022 10:27

My thoughts entirely.

I can't wait to hear what job they did in the force or why they left.

Show quote history

Cleaner.

misssunshine4040 · 08/12/2022 11:21

girlmom21 · 08/12/2022 09:47

@Morestrangethings even if she can't return it to a station anonymously, she can say she was given it by an ex who she is no longer in contact with and only knew him as random made up nickname.

Her responses just read like she wants everyone to say it's ok to keep or sell it. It's not.

Oh dear,,, and then the police trace it back to the original robbery or trace it back to her dangerous ex somehow and then what?
You think the ex isn't going to know she had some involvement?

Is her safety worth the risk?!

And why are people acting like she knew it was stolen and she knew her ex was a criminal? She had no idea of either at the time they dated if you read her comments

misssunshine4040 · 08/12/2022 11:24

grapehyacinthisactuallyblue · 08/12/2022 10:42

People are so out of touch with reality

I don't think that's the point. I feel very disappointed to learn that someone who once worked for police has no moral.
It really doesn't matter if the police find the owner or not. The action as a person determines who they are. So knowingly keeping something that doesn't belong to you says a lot about that person.
But reading this thread, it's a reality that there are people who think like you. That's even more depressing.

That's such a simplistic view though!
Yea of course it would be lovely to hand it over to rightful owner but what if that meant she ended up suffering repercussions?
She has to do the right thing over a cheap diamond necklace and ruin her life in the process?
The posts say her ex was abusive, she owes herself care.
If it was my necklace I certainly wouldn't want to see someone endangered over it

MarshaBradyo · 08/12/2022 11:26

Hand it in

NewToWoo · 08/12/2022 11:26

Hand it in to the police and say what you said here. Say you discovered it was stolen by X - give his name, and see if they can track some of the burglaries and things listed as stolen.

SuperCamp · 08/12/2022 11:27

LuciferRising · 08/12/2022 10:23

Don't be daft. You can't compare her to a burglar.

Show quote history

The principle of handling stolen goods being a crime is surely that keeping known stolen goods is part of the supply chain that supports burglary.

In the same way (but obviously of a different order) that possessing images of child sexual abuse is a crime even though the person who downloads them didn’t produce them.

There is a lot of ‘yeah but’ ing on this thread but in the end stolen is stolen and the law is the law.

SnowlayRoundabout · 08/12/2022 11:29

misssunshine4040 · 08/12/2022 11:24

That's such a simplistic view though!
Yea of course it would be lovely to hand it over to rightful owner but what if that meant she ended up suffering repercussions?
She has to do the right thing over a cheap diamond necklace and ruin her life in the process?
The posts say her ex was abusive, she owes herself care.
If it was my necklace I certainly wouldn't want to see someone endangered over it

Show quote history

Cheap diamond necklace? At £800 or so? And how would handing over goods she has just discovered to be stolen ruin her life? It doesn't sound like ex is that bothered about it, and for all we know he has already had the relevant crime taken into account on sentencing by the courts so the police would leave him alone.

SuperCamp · 08/12/2022 11:29

She has to do the right thing over a cheap diamond necklace and ruin her life in the process?

Worth £800 second hand? Not my definition of cheap. I know diamond necklaces can be £M, but if it had been stolen from me I would regard it as ‘cheap’.

LuciferRising · 08/12/2022 11:31

SuperCamp · 08/12/2022 11:27

The principle of handling stolen goods being a crime is surely that keeping known stolen goods is part of the supply chain that supports burglary.

In the same way (but obviously of a different order) that possessing images of child sexual abuse is a crime even though the person who downloads them didn’t produce them.

There is a lot of ‘yeah but’ ing on this thread but in the end stolen is stolen and the law is the law.

Show quote history

Arh right. Didn't realize the OP knowingly took receipt of stolen goods, and has stored them for 5 years knowing this.

CrappyUsername · 08/12/2022 11:31

TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 08/12/2022 00:09

Oh sure your ex only ever burgled other criminals. Wtf!

And even if the ex did only burgle other criminals they had probably burgled it from someone else!! So it still could have been reported stolen!

Janieread · 08/12/2022 11:36

Keep it. Unless you know exactly which burglary it is from.